Shane waking up to a three am phone call from Ilya, his heart immediately beating out of his chest. Is Ilya okay? Is he hurt? Is he in trouble? He picks up the phone with his heart in his throat, barely able to speak around the lump of it but needing to know. "Baby, are you okay?"
The reply is immediate and loud, "Shaaane," he croons and, oh, okay, Ilya is drunk. Shane takes a moment to try and get his breathing under control. Ilya is not bleeding out in an alley somewhere in Boston, he's just drunk. He's so focused on regulating his breathing that he almost misses Ilya's next words, "I need to see her, cолнышко, I miss her so much." And, okay, what? Is Ilya calling him to talk about some fucking woman? Exactly how drunk is his boyfriend?
"What?" he asks, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to keep his cool even as he struggles to wake up properly.
But Ilya just whines into the phone, "you need to send pictures so that I can see her."
"Ilya, I don't know who the fuck you're talking about," he says, a bit exasperated and more than a little annoyed about being woken up for this conversation, now that the panic has abated.
"Your pretty little hole, моя любовь, I need to see her so bad."
It takes a moment for the words to register and when they do he doesn't know whether to be annoyed about being woken up for this, angry about the personification and apparent feminisation of his asshole, or flattered that this is what Ilya is thinking about in this state. Without much thought the words, "my hole is sleeping right now," tumble from his lips.
"Nooooo," Ilya wails, "I have not seen her for so long, I know she misses me too."
It takes a bit longer for Ilya to convince him but he's not exactly wrong. It's been three weeks since he saw Ilya. Three long weeks since he got fucked. So eventually he lets him talk him around to switching the phone call to a video call and setting his phone up on the pillow, supported by his headboard, so that he can get on all fours and finger himself open for Ilya's viewing pleasure while he has a full on conversation with his hole through the screen, hardly even involving Shane in the conversation at all. Although sometimes he'll throw in phrases like "fuck, Shane, she's so pretty," and "have you been taking care of her for me?" And, yes, his boyfriend is ridiculous but Shane would be lying if he said he didn't love that Ilya's first instinct when coming home, drunk and horny, was to call Shane to watch him finger himself instead of taking the low-effort route of opening up some porn website.
