[itsagifnotagif]

[agirlandhisplatypus]

[newhologram]

NO “TELEPHONES”. TALK TO EACH OTHER. FACE TO FACE ONLY. WRITE A LETTER. SEND A TELEGRAM TO YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 1860. LIVE.

[vulgareconomics]

NO ‘WRITING’… TALK TO EACH OTHER. THROW A ROCK AT YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 10,000 BCE.  LIVE.

[guavasaur-deactivated20141002]

URGGA. ROU GRAAURH. RUH.

<SMACKS HANDS ON WALL WITH PAINT.>

[flamingomd-deactivated20240122]

NO ‘HIGHER BRAIN FUNCTIONS’ …USE YOUR REPTILIAN BRAIN

EAT YOUR MOM’S CORPSE SHE DIED TO PROVIDE YOU WITH SUSTENANCE

PRETEND YOU HAVE JUST AROSE FROM THE SEA

SURVIVE

[thelegendofkungjew-archived-dea]

NO “MULTICELLULAR TRAITS”….. USE YOUR SYMBIOTIC MITOCHONDRIA

REPRODUCE ASEXUALLY, YOU’RE YOUR OWN PARENT

PRETEND IT’S 2BYA

EVOLVE

[edwardspoonhands]

NO “LIFE.” USE FUNDAMENTAL PHYSICAL FORCES TO FORM SPHERICAL OBJECTS REVOLVING AROUND ONE ANOTHER IN SPACE. 

FUSE HYDROGEN INTO HELIUM USING GRAVITATIONAL PRESSURE TO PRODUCE HEAT AND LIGHT. 

PRETEND IT’S 4.5BYA.

STABILIZE INTO EQUILIBRIA

[coldswarkids]

NO “MATTER”.  EXIST IN THE VOID WITHOUT PURPOSE OR MEANING.

THERE IS NO “YOU”, ONLY THE VAST CONCEPT OF NOTHING.

TIME DOES NOT EXIST.

BE.

[ameriqan]

i don’t think aliens exist

[rnemes-deactivated20130513]

then wtf do u call this

[drovie]

Today at therapy was really hard. I was sitting here crying, and generally being miserable, when I felt a nudge at my knee. I looked down to see that Zeus, my service dog, was doing his job… and brought me a potato. it is very hard to cry with a gift of potato.

[drovie]

Remember this? I’m having a rough time right now. Zeus has a solution.

That would be an empty pill bottle, the *correct* pill bottle, a bottle of embossing powder, and two, TWO potatoes.

[afkland]

You’re worth at least 2 potato to him and that’s pretty special imo.

[drovie]

I would just like to remind you all that *I don’t own any potatoes* and I have no clue where he’s getting them from.

[paper-mario-wiki]

[asillyandrandomname]

I want my husband to have this accent

[imthegirlwhowaited]

alright, that’s fine, that’s pretty con-fucking-venient 

[cungadero]

angsty suggestion blog that sounds like im talking about a guy i’m in a toxic yet artistic relationship with but it’s actually just vagueposts about my chameleon

[cungadero]

you cant hold my hand without scarring my skin

[cungadero]

you’ll eat from my palm but won’t look me in the eye

[triss19]

This is for all y’all who don’t understand how terrifying these suckers are. 

OHMYGOD IT’S ATTACKING THE STATUE OF LIBERTY SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING

[loremerchant]

I know just the man for the job.

[whomthegodswoulddestroy]

This is a good joke. This is such a solid, quality joke.

[prehistoricsilverfish]

@explainingthejoke ?

[explainingthejoke]

The initial image is a size comparison between the statue of liberty and a wind turbine. The wind turbine is over ninety feet (about 28 meters) taller.

A commenter pretended to misinterpret the image as one of a wind turbine attacking the statue of liberty. The next commenter answered with an image of Don Quixote, a literary character who once thought a windmill was a monster and announced his plans to fight it. They are joking that if a wind turbine attacked the statue of liberty, Don Quixote would be willing to fight the wind turbine.

Incidentally, that scene led to the English idiom “tilting at windmills,” meaning a person who has not only disproportionate reactions of anger, but disproportionate reactions of anger to nonexistent challenges.

[jenroses]

So all those people who are fighting to preserve coal jobs and the fossil fuel economy are….

actually…

tilting at windmills.

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

important kitten noises

[baracknobama]

class central

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uber

download uber and get you first ride free! just use my code kellys19310ue (it doesn’t take any extra effort but it gives me a free ride too- as a 4′11″ girl i’d much rather take an uber instead of the train late at night.. )

unidays

get 10% - 30% student discounts to all your favourite major stores! all you have to do is sign up with your student email to receive discounts to stores like asos, apple, spotify, microsoft, urban outfitters, sephora and tons more!

microsoft

get office 365 for free! all you need is your student email to sign up

cash rewards

get paid to shop online! just sign up and purchase your items like you normally would to receive a % back! it works for HUNDREDS of stores, like ebay, woolworths, amazon, emirates, itunes, etsy and heaps more! pair this with unidays (above) to save the most

if you have any other hacks feel free to add them below! 

[unclefather]

humans are so cute, when we say goodbye we put our arms around each other and to show we love someone we bring them flowers. we suck the cum out of peoples dicks like a gogurt. we say hello by holding each other’s hand, and sometimes tiny little dewdrops form in our eyes. for pleasure we listen to arrangements of sounds, press our lips together, smoke dried leaves, get drunk off of old fruit. we’re all just little animals, falling in love and having breakfast beneath billions of stars

[fluffmaster5000]

we suck the what out of what like what now

[errorhasoccurred]

Ed Sheeran - ÷ (Divide) [2017]

[asd123123sadzkmxkclekrmds]

caillou is only 4 years old and he has reached semi realism with crayons

[anneriawings]

OKAY CAN SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME HOW THE FUCK YOU SHIP A PACKAGE OF COOKIES TO A FRIEND WHO LIVES IN NEW JERSEY, ONLY TO HAVE IT NOT GET THERE ON TIME BECAUSE IT SOMEHOW ENDED UP IN GUAM?

I JUST

GUAM?

[phantomrose96]

IM CRYING REAL TEARS MAH DUDES THE COOKIES ARE IN GUAM

KATIE TRIED TO SEND US COOKIES OUTTA THE GOODNESS OF HER HEART AND JUST

“OHHHH THESE COOKIES WERE SUPPOSED TO GO TO NEW JERSEY, PHIL? I THOUGHT YOU SAID

[anneriawings]

12/27, 8:37PM CT

ITS STILL IN FUCKING GUAM

[anneriawings]

12/28, 12:18PM CT

THE COOKIES ARE IN HONOLULU GUYS THEY ***FINALLY LEFT GUAM***

[anneriawings]

12/28, 10:22PM CT

THE COOKIES ARE FINALLY ON THEIR WAY TO NEW JERSEY

GO COOKIES GO

@phantomrose96 @cupcakecreeper​ @homebeccer GET READY

[anneriawings]

lol i was looking through my history to find the tracking number page and

[anneriawings]

12/30, 12:39AM CT

@phantomrose96 @homebeccer @cupcakecreeper

holy fuCK HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS

THE COOKIES ARE ALMOST THERE

[phantomrose96]

The saga of Katie’s Guam cookies is my Anime of the Season

[anneriawings]

THEY’VE ARRIIIIIIIIIIVVEEDDDDD THEY’RE ON THE FRONT DOORSTEP

[anneriawings]

COOKIES ACQUIRED

[homebeccer]

THE THRILLING CONCLUSION

also as a bonus visual here’s a rough approximation of these cookies’ journey

[anneriawings]

how the FUCK did this blow up and get so many notes

[anneriawings]

SO FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES, @homebeccer @phantomrose96 @cupcakecreeper AND I WANTED TO KNOW HOW MUCH IT WOULD ACTUALLY COST THE U.S. GOVERNMENT TO INTENTIONALLY SEND THESE COOKIES FROM TEXAS TO GUAM TO NEW JERSEY AND???????????????

AND 

IT’S

IT’S

IT’S NOT AN OPTION IT’S NOT AN OPTION I CAN’T I-

I COULDN’T EVEN HAVE SENT THESE COOKIES TO GUAM EVEN IF I’D HAVE TRIED 

[phantomrose96]

Cant believe we uncovered the Guam Cookie glitch folks

Its not even an in-game feature

[darlinggod]

why would u eat healthy?????? to live longer ????..??? .all im hearing are two negatives.

[sodomymcscurvylegs]

Let’s bring this mess back. ❤

[poor-old-faggot]

[caratomi]

I wonder why

[weavemama]

summer nights in a nutshell

11 pm:

1 am:

3 am: 

5 am: 

7 am:

[libertarirynn-deactivated202006]

I’m mad about how accurate this is.