Samwell University Campus Security (SUCS)

Documenting Wellie the Well's ongoing run from authorities. Account run by SUCS representative @gayhockeyhellhole

[whereswellie]

Where’s Wellie, our Wellie-inspired merch line, is now out! Check out the Samwell Bookstore for some new school swag!

https://whereswellie.wixsite.com/samwellbookstore

[whereswellie]

hey guys its wellie who wants to howl at the moon w me

[whereswellie]

feeling submissive and breedable rn

[parseisflat]

nursey: i saw y/n wearing the same @whereswellie merch as me and i knew they were the one :’)

for @nurseyweek2021 day 7: free space

[omgdexnursey]

Hi! I saw your post about Samwell RP blogs. Could you link them, please? I can't find them, but they sound great :)

i don’t know all of them that well but i can tag one and the rest of you please either reblog or tag yourselves so this gets passed around!

@the-samwell-swallow

[samwellstudentcouncil]

in collaboration with the SUCS and @whereswellie

Editor’s Note: The SUSC would like to clarify that SU is on great working terms with the kingdom of Genovia and is in no way “beefing” as internet users have suggested. Wellie is a beloved mascot with an often endearingly inscrutable sense of humor, and the declaration that Wellie intends to “warp pipe over there and eat that shiny himbo Chris Pine” is defamation of mascot and will be met with a cease and desist should it continue. Please, I need this position on my resume.

[whereswellie]

Wow! Great info from the SUSC! Samwell University Campus Security (SUCS) is adapting this procedure come the next Welliemergency. Stay tuned for more Wellie updates!

[issmhinthelibrary]

Sta92SUq2

@whereswellie COME GETYEOR UYOUR JMASCOST SFHE IS HEREE HELP

[whereswellie]

Oops! Sounds a bit late for that, besides, we're actually incapable of deterring Wellie. Good luck! Go Wellies!

[whereswellie]

Wellie Update:

Wellie has left an unsavory surprise in the student kitchens, which will be closed from 4PM- 6PM today for sanitization. The mystery food, an unidentified brown mass left in a glass dish and covered by tinfoil, was labelled “Lemonade Steak”. We do not know what “Lemonade Steak” is supposed to be, but the anonymous Samwell student who found the dish claims, “it smelled like death”. We do not know how Wellie managed to use the kitchens in secret.

Send your tips and questions here!

[whereswellie]

Good news! The brown mass was (luckily) not human remains! It has now been identified as severely rotten horse thigh! Guess Wellie had a hankering for horsies!

Students are now welcome to use the student kitchens!

[whereswellie]

Wellie Update:

Wellie has left an unsavory surprise in the student kitchens, which will be closed from 4PM- 6PM today for sanitization. The mystery food, an unidentified brown mass left in a glass dish and covered by tinfoil, was labelled “Lemonade Steak”. We do not know what “Lemonade Steak” is supposed to be, but the anonymous Samwell student who found the dish claims, “it smelled like death”. We do not know how Wellie managed to use the kitchens in secret.

Send your tips and questions here!

[samwell-international-students]

Hey International and Multilingual Wellies!

Please stop telling Eric Bittle "how to say I love you" in different languages! He told Jack Zimmermann that "You have the world's fattest ass and I hope Wellie kills you for it in your sleep tonight" in Quebecois and now I think I might sacrifice myself to Wellie in order to avoid the second hand embarrassment it gave me.

[samwell-international-students]

@whereswellie can you drop her current location?

[whereswellie]

Horrible, awful idea, but Wellie was last seen taking a nap in the dumpsters behind Jerry's! We're thinking that it missed Lax Bro Mark! (Jerry's patrons should be safe, Wellie is a heavy sleeper and can nap for days at a time).

[samwell-lax-bros]

Just spotted Tangredi talking to Wellie?! I was sprinting away but he sounded like he was asking Wellie questions. I could’ve sworn I heard answers too... @whereswellie can Wellie speak?!

[whereswellie]

Wellie can do anything Wellie wants!

[whereswellie]

Wellie Update:

Wellie has been spotted on frat row. It appears to be grumpy, but has yet to maim any Samwell Students. Assuming that Wellie's disposition doesn't change, SUCS will conduct an immediate evacuation from the area. (Please refrain from telling the Men's Hockey Team. We want to see what happens).

[the-samwell-swallow]

I SAW WELLIE READING THE LEAST KISSABLE LIST

Hello dear Insider,

OH NO!!!!! Poor Wellie, I hope it didn’t get its feelings hurt by not being listed. For the record, Wellie ranked at a contentious 8.5 on our Most Kissable list for reasons we will look into now:

As always, we rely on insiders like yourself to keep us well informed. Hear anything juicy? See a good story? Let us know! We cannot pay freelance journalists at this time.

[whereswellie]

The SUCS is begging students not to attempt to kiss Wellie! We've lost three already- is this really the way you want to go?

[the-samwell-swallow]

Oh??? Do expand on this

[whereswellie]

There's nothing like being held in the rough, stony arms of a lover.

[the-samwell-swallow]

what do you say to just letting cryptid will from smh and wellie with their creepy eyes duke it out, winner gets to keep vibing with their whole glow-y thing

Hello dear Persephonerights,

What an intriguing idea!! I have Thoughts:

The best case scenario is mutually assured destruction and personally, I can live with that! @whereswellie care to weigh in?

As always, we rely on insiders like yourself to keep us well informed. Hear anything juicy? See a good story? Let us know! We cannot pay freelance journalists at this time.

[whereswellie]

Nice post! Here at SUCS we'd have to project a win for Wellie. This is in part due to the fact that Wellie appears to be able to shrink and expand at will. (The physics behind this are unknown, it should technically be impossible). If this was utilized in a duel, Dex would likely end up as a bite sized, crunchy morsel of goodness for Wellie's snacking pleasure!

[whereswellie]

did wellie effectively utilize girl power when she went on a rampage throughout campus

Technically, Wellie doesn't subscribe to (or understand) the human notion of gender, so no. However, because Wellie is likely the most immensely powerful being in our reality, sure! Love the enthusiasm!

[samwell-international-students]

you know of all the things i feared when i decided to study in the usa (guns, the government, the giant supervolcano at yellowstone), i was not expecting a flesh eating well to be my biggest concern

[samwell-meme-page]

[whereswellie]

Nice meme!

[the-samwell-swallow]

I SAW WELLIE READING THE LEAST KISSABLE LIST

Hello dear Insider,

OH NO!!!!! Poor Wellie, I hope it didn’t get its feelings hurt by not being listed. For the record, Wellie ranked at a contentious 8.5 on our Most Kissable list for reasons we will look into now:

As always, we rely on insiders like yourself to keep us well informed. Hear anything juicy? See a good story? Let us know! We cannot pay freelance journalists at this time.

[whereswellie]

The SUCS is begging students not to attempt to kiss Wellie! We've lost three already- is this really the way you want to go?