"thou crusty batch of nature"-Shakespeare

My fav thing is Shakespeare insults; no chill for the bard

[madamezooble]

[ampervadasz]

[thickness-protection-program]

Edward Cullen energy

[jultheevirgo]

what does that mean?

[thickness-protection-program]

[dimetrodone]

Imagine being Friend Bear and the embodiment of friendship in Care-a-Lot and some fuck named “Best” Friend Bear suddenly comes into town

[headspace-hotel]

i would turn into fucking Enemy Bear

[hhawkeye]

this post on reddit fucking killed me the other day

[orarewedancy]

So I work at a video game store in a mall and across the hall from us is this really nice suit shop. One day one of the guys came in an asked if they could use our microwave (the store they used to go to closed down) and we bargined for use of their bathroom in return since the mall bathrooms are like a 5 min trek.

So for like three months now we just have these men in really nice suits come in and talk while using our microwave and teach them about nerdy shit? Then I, the goblin king in various shitty tee shirts and paint stained pants, walk into their super expensive store and just get greeted with “Yo dude what’s good?” and talk about the pains of steaming silken dress shirts properly and it’s my favorite business interaction every day

[orarewedancy]

A new jewelry store opened up right next to our store and when I used the bathroom today we were talking about it. I hate it on principle (they flooded our systems closet during building) and immediately both Suit Guys™ working went on mini rants. “Their suits are baggy as hell, I wouldn’t trust them to sell me a $9,000 ring when they can’t get a fitted jacket. They look so unprofessional, ” and “I saw one of the dude’s wearing a teal shirt. It’s fall, and you go with teal? At least get a color to match your store if you’re gonna ignore the seasons like that, Christ, but teal is awful.”

I live for this commentary fam.

[chrispineofficial]

#flower shop/tattoo artist au is out #suit shop/nerd store au is in

[orarewedancy]

I feel the need to add a story to this? My co-worker brought his longboard to work, and one of the suit guys reminisced on how he used to ride pretty often. So Co-Worker and I were like, “Dude, go give it a spin, who cares, this mall is huge.” He was nervous about it because there are mall cops on segways everywhere (with helmets, like bruh, full on Paul Blart) and he was worried he was gonna get caught, and eventually we made a bet that he could ride down to Macy’s and back (it’s like a straight shot). So dead ass, this man hung up his jacket, took a running start, and zipped down the hallway with his tie in the breeze.

He evaded the mall cops and claimed that was, “One of the biggest rushes he’s ever felt.”

[me-choy-me-noy]

LOVING THIS CONTENT

[niedopalek]

i would love to see modern british people try and build stonehenge today. they couldn’t. whatever it took for them to build something like stonehenge has been completely lost over time 

[female-malice]

Not lost over time. Lost to Christian forces eradicating traditional saxon culture.

[niedopalek]

well if you’re gonna be serious on my funny post i have to inform you that stonehenge was built 3600 years before the Saxons first set foot in england

[fallenangelvictorious]

This vibe is like some tried to correct a clown mid show and they pulled off their wig, mask, and funny clothes to reveal an anthropology professor

[poiregourmande]

me: you’ve already used this exact turn of phrase two paragraphs ago, that’s too repetitive

me, an intellectual: if I use it three more times it becomes a motif

[funnytwittertweets]

[smithsonian-official]

i ADORE the anomitinity of tumblr. when i post stupid ass shit from my mush brain on like snapchat or whatever i gotta deal with messages like “are you okay?” and “what does this even mean”. here i can just post 30 pictures of dinosaurs in a row and my followers will be like YEEEEEAAAA BABBY

[smithsonian-official]

the other day i posted something on snapchat saying “if we gave monkeys guns i think deforestation would end” and someone sent me a link to an online therapy site i hate it here

[watcherscrown]

i know this really isn't the point but i'm loving the attempt at spelling anonymity

[freeshavacado]

[fanonical]

katara: so i’m a waterbender

katara: which apparently includes being able to turn water to ice, and also to bend sweat and blood

katara: my question is - can i bend any liquid, or does that liquid have to have a high water component?

toph: so we’re testing which one of us can bend liquid mercury

sokka: and i’m taking bets!

[flameo-hotman]

This feels like a YouTube intro for Sokka’s science based YouTube channel Science with Sokka

[liquidstar]

theres a hole in the wall in my brothers’ room because they were fighting (for fun not anger) in there once and one of them knocked the other into the wall so hard his head made that hole, so they put two small skeletons in there for decoration

[liquidstar]

they tapped up the “décor” sign up because according to them the skeleton is named décor and the one underneath him is his husband. also worth noting that they found 2 dollars in there the other day

[liquidstar]

FVGBH;SXDCFVGNJNFKLEOI45UT6Y

[nasa-is-shaking]

I just love it when Décor the Skeleton finds his way back onto my dash

[powerfulwizard]

[gelledegg]

this is what ancient greek philosophy is like

[neenarchive]

ancient vampire characters who pursue teenagers like.... romantically... you are absolutely swagless. die

[neenarchive]

i don't care if she looks like your dead wife if she's worried about what she'll wear to prom and you personally remember the louisiana purchase what common ground could you possibly have i am going to stake you

[neenarchive]

[seravph]

[ndiecity-deactivated20241101]

alright I reflected on the self. I'm 100% sure the beasts are the issue here

[runby2]

Hell yeah bro. 🤝Time for top surgery

[runby2]

sorry homie. I see now you said beasts. Like, The animal . Not breasts. The word for boobs. Did not mean to threaten you.

[ndiecity-deactivated20241101]

this is so fucking funny

[vnusplanetoflove]

losercore girlcore sitting in her roomcore

[vnusplanetoflove]

obsessed with this tag

[abimee]

I hate the trope of "I refuse to hit women!! [Gets decked]" cause it's boring but I do like the trope of someone in an RPG going "hey I don't wanna hit a kid that's kinda fucked up" and the kid just obliterates them

[abimee]

"i refuse to hit a woman!" = Sexist, overdone, does nothing to actually empower the woman or make the guy seem nice

"I refuse to hit a kid" = valid, even funnier when the kid whips absolutely ass in one go

[inotrope]

Avatar: doing it right yet again