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@wingedscribe
can’t get meee! 😈 cAnnot get’uh MEEE~! 😝 ,,this thing is EENdestructible dude ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, AAAARGH *inhale* DE WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!!??!??
i searched everywhere for this “vargskelethor joel vinesauce The Wheel tears of the kingdom totk” clip and couldnt find it and it just happened across my dashboard so im SEO'ing that shit for later
people will really come into kink spaces and say you can't forcefem women like there wasn't a feature length movie about an elderly gay man forcefemming a woman as part of scheme to thwart an elaborate assassination attempt before the killer even determined their target
What... What movie is this.
ain't no way in hell this post even breaks 500
i was trying so hard to remember the nonexistent assassination subplot in My Fair Lady
Lord Vetinari is one of the many anonymous authors that make up the Times’s advice column. He goes under the pseudonym Mrs. Venerable and he primarily writes as a hobby but likes the catharsis of being able to help the citizens of Ankh-Morpork with their smaller life problems. The people working for the paper have no idea who the true identity of Mrs. Venerable is. All they know is that in the early mornings, letters regarding questions asked by readers the day before are dropped off in a sealed envelope without name or address. Readers of the Times hold Mrs. Venerable in high regard because her answers are always tactful and even comedic in nature. Questions involving how to deal with a terrible spouse get responses from Mrs. Venerable that usually include the phrase, if you don’t divorce them I will start the proceedings for you.
#vetinari opens up the paper and starts reading some of the questions that he could answer #the paper: i think i have a crush on an important public figure. how do i get over it? #vetinari: nope not touching that one…
@scent-ofbooks brought up a really good point in the tags that if someone suspected Vetinari no one would believe them which got me thinking. William de Worde was absolutely invested in finding out the identity of Mrs. Venerable and tried multiple times to track the mysterious delivery person who dropped off her letters. Sacharissa was dead set against the idea since she felt that William might scare her off from writing and they would lose the growing fanbase she brought in to the advice section of the newspaper. Despite her protests, he still tries his best to solve the mystery of who Mrs. Venerable really is.
I’ve also just got the image of Nobby and the gang coming up with questions for Mrs Venerable, and Vimes walks in on them one day and they’re all huddled around the paper reading the response aloud in Pseudopolis Yard.
It starts out as a joke, but eventually it gets to the stage where Lord Havelock Vetinari, Provost of the Guild of Assassins and Patrician of Ankh-Morpork, is giving Nobby Nobbs anonymous advice on his love life.
They even tried to convince Angua to help them out at the beginning of their informal investigation. Nobby comes up to her during her break holding the envelope William gave to them as evidence in his grubby hands and asks if she could sniff this real quick. She stares down at the envelope for a couple seconds before retorting that she’s not gonna fall for that trick again. Angua could easily figure out who the envelope might belong to but once you fall for Nobby’s “here smell this,” prank you don’t fall for it again. So they were left to their own devices to figure out who in the world Mrs. Venerable could be.
Why does it sound so canonically???
@scent-ofbooks because it’s canonical in our heart.
Vimes had a hard time getting Nobby and the others to get back to work since they were all super invested in this case. He arrived at the patrician’s office more frustrated than usual which Vetinari picked up on immediately. Before he dismissed him, Vetinari asks the Commander what was on his mind and Vimes proceeds to tell him the whole business involving the ongoing investigator to discover the true identity of some Times writer. Vetinari had to sit there and try not to smile as he went on and on about how everyone was making a big deal over finding this “Mrs. Venerable,” who clearly wasn’t making it easy to be found.
Moist Von Lipwig has no idea who ‘Mrs Venerable’ is but he likes her style, and entertains himself by pretending to be her when it suits him. Adora Belle has no interest in the newspaper advice column, which almost never contains technical specifications, but she enjoys Shenanigans and thus backs up Moist’s spurious claims.
Lady Sybil, who’s known Vetinari for most of their lives, has a shrewd suspicion but never tries to confirm it. Dear Havelock deserves a nice hobby he can enjoy in private and she wouldn’t want to spoil it. Now and then she writes in a question, say, about managing a husband who, while a wonderful man, can sometimes be a bit too involved in his work. Vetinari, who knows her handwriting, nearly laughed himself sick writing the response.
Discworld Heritage Post
Vetinari: You see, Mister Lipwig, I am Mrs. Venerable. I write the column for mental fitness and fun.
Moist: Why are you telling me this?
Vetinari: Because no one will ever believe you.
Moist: You sick son of a bitch.
Of all of the random fan-plots, this is probably the one I could most see Sir PTerry actually including in a book.
@annethecatdetective I adore this because a) I’m a Drumknott enjoyer and love adding him to the narrative whenever I can, and b) it fits so well into the storyline I had going in the tags when I originally wrote this post
Because Vetinari would undoubtedly employ a variety of different methods for how and who is delivering his responses to The Times to keep playing his little game of cat and mouse with De Worde.
The thought of Drumknott being among the ones chosen, whether they’re aware of the contents or not, to drop off the envelope has me cackling though. Drumknott is more than capable of doing this without incident. If he wasn’t the patrician wouldn’t have dreamed of sending him out in the first place. But the entire operation hinges on his ability to walk in and out of the room completely undetected. Even a troll would put two and two together if Drumknott were to somehow get caught smuggling something in without a word to anyone because it would be like a flashing neon sign screaming that Mrs. Venerable *is* Havelock Vetinari. Granted, the man carries office supplies wherever he goes, so to the inattentive observer it would not raise suspicions since it looks like any normal drop-off. However, when Williams wants to get to the bottom of something, nothing is going to stop him from looking for clues even in the seemingly mundane. Anyone carrying in letters, envelopes, packages, and other office supplies could be a suspect, thus it’s imperative that Drumknott’s little “heists,” on the occasion he is the one making the delivery, must go extra unnoticed no matter how good he is at doing so.
Therefore, I can picture the first time Vetinari asked him to drop off this seemingly ordinary manila envelope to The Times without alerting anyone to his presence was also the day The Lady smiled upon little Rufus Drumknott because when he showed up he walked smack-dab into a particularly heated argument between William and Sacharissa over whether it was time to leave well enough alone and stop looking into Mrs Venerable. No one noticed this man, who seemed to be doubly silent and swift footed today, wander into the background of this ongoing chaos to place an envelope on an unoccupied desk, then exit without a sound.
#vetinari when someone keeps writing in but wont divorce her spouse and hes on his last nerve: i know an assassin. please just do something. (via @rabb-te)
Vetinari gets so frustrated that he actually considers revealing his identity just so that he can personally grant the divorce himself
I love Sibyl knowing but leaving it because it’s none of her business and she was brought up properly, and of course she might well ask for advice when she needs it.
But please also consider Sibyl writing questions to Mrs. Venerable about what to do when my husband’s boss is giving him too much work and I never get to see him at home? as a subtle reprimand to Havelock
@stupidlynx and i had this comic in pocket for way too long. The time hath come.
Happy glorious 25th!!🪻⚔️
I've been thinking of the "Can Granny Weatherwax beat Bugs Bunny" question and this is my full take for Discworld characters:
Vimes - Cares too much, too easy to piss off. Has the innate chase instinct that makes characters run into walls with realistic tunnels painted on them. Might get to arrest Bugs Bunny but the beast will just slip out of the handcuffs to help him lock them, then walk out of the jail cell to have a union mandated coffee break.
Ridcully - Classic hunting season scenario, but has enough charisma to probably still get a few good shots off before the inevitable.
Rest of the wizards - No survivors, only Bugs.
Carrot - The intense near-magical narrative aura of well meaning innocence should make him immune, Bugs will likely be forced to be the villain of the episode.
Lord Vetinari - Flattened by a comically large anvil in the first few minutes of the episode, unclear if it was all a part of his long term strategy or not.
Moist - Has the 'lovable trickster getting away with it' energy, but nowhere near Bugs level. Already fell for the "old lady who swallowed a fly" scenario with the stamp slugs once, won't fare any better here.
Death - Definitely one of those "character is trying to avoid death" episodes, would go back and forth. Might actually get to end Bugs but his spirit will reappear in Death's domain and ruin his garden.
Nanny Ogg - The ultimate in anti-Bugs technology, a gleefully annoying old lady who doesn't give a fuck and definitely won't be the first to instigate the plot bearing conflict. This is a full sweep, he's the episode antagonist.
Granny Weatherwax - Too win-motivated to not lose. Would have to break the story to have any chance. Might do it.
Magrat - Will have sappy ideas about helping the poor animal which honestly has the 50:50 chance of either getting slapsticked or Bugs ending in a ye olde stroller&pacifier gag.
Colon&Nobby - Designed in a lab to be totaled by Bugs Bunny.
Tiffany Aching - A child that also has a large pan that is the perfect thing to hit someone over the head with and make a BOIOIOINGGG sound, so great odds.
Night Watch is a masterpiece and Hogfather will always be a personal favourite, but to me, to me, Going Postal will always be as close to perfect as a Discworld book can be. It introduces a new protagonist who immediately knocks it out of the park and establishes himself as one of the most iconic and fantastic Discworld protagonists in a pantheon of heavy hitters. He's a weasel. He's touched by divinity. He keeps getting himself into trouble because he has an unshakeable need to escalate. He's killed 2.338 people. He's apparently very attracted to women who smoke.
He's paired off against the perfect villain, his equal and opposite who has learned to cheat and swindle and con behind the language of corporate speak, "we hope and trust that our valued and loyal customers will bear with us over the coming months as we interact synergistically with changed management and our striving for excellence." It's a story about the capital-fuelled enshittification of a technology that can be good and improve the lives of thousands and how monopolies will literally strangle innovation.
It's a story about delivering a message from the dead.
pratchett is such an insanely good writer like it still floors me sometimes how good he was at putting together a book. you read the phrase "you do the job that's in front of you" one million times in night watch and sometimes it's about vimes stepping into his mentor's role in history and sometimes it's about cops who keep their heads down when bad things happen to people and sometimes it's about clearing off your own gravestone every year and sometimes it's just about surviving the barricades and the phrase picks up steam and meaning every single time until you get to the end. the revolution was always going to happen and the lilac was always going to bloom. they did the job they didn't have to do and they died for it🪻🥚
discussing horrible old men with mutual 🫶
The Glorious 25th of May
Truth!
Justice!
Freedom!
Reasonably priced Love!
And a Hard-Boiled Egg!
I haven’t read Night Watch yet
I haven’t read Discworld (yet)
I don’t plan on reading Discworld (why?)
Other?
"John Keel, Billy Wiglet, Horace Nancyball, Dai Dickins, Cecil ‘Snouty’ Clapman, Ned Coates and, technically, Reg Shoe. Probably there were no more than twenty people in the city now who knew all the names, because there were no statues, no monuments, nothing written down anywhere. You had to have been there.
He felt privileged to have been there twice."
For all the many flaws of the tagging system on this hellsite, it is so perfect for Sending Home. A man's not dead while his name is still spoken, and what are the tags but the Overhead of tumblr? They aren't the posts themselves, but they are metacommentary on posts, notes to friends, info to be passed on. The message has been logged and is continuing to be sent on. GNU
If there's more of us, then we're not rebels.
One very friendly watchman
The entire Discworld fandom on the 25th of May.
once again unequivocally lost in the sauce at the implication that younger vimes suspects that john keel!vimes is his dad who left when he was young. my favorite subtext of night watch i love the way it just sits there just out of focus
when sam says here's your hard boiled egg i bet you like your toast cut into soldiers and the yolk still runny. because i do. thats the culmination of 'this strange man looks like me and looks at me like he seems almost afraid of me, took me under his wing over every other person in the watch house and acts protective of me even when he doesn't need to. he just came in from pseudopolis but knows this city too well to be anything but a local. and not from the nice part of town, the roughest of the rough part, where i came from, too. he asked after my mum but blew me off when i told him she wanted to meet him. he asked after my dad and looked distinctly unsurprised to hear he wasn't in the picture. he seems to know what i'll do before i do it. sometimes looking at him is like looking in the mirror. there's a tightly coiled anger in him, i can see it, and it looks like something in me i've felt before. on our first patrol he taught me how to walk. i know him i know him i know him'
We gotta do something about ecoableism, guys, I can't keep seeing people confidently assure everyone that their ideal world is one where disabled people with specific needs don't get to be alive.
The most insidious thing about eugenics is that society is so ableist the majority of people do actually think eugenics would work and disabled people are better off dead, they just tack on an assumption that while yes eugenics works it's still bad because disabled people dying for being disabled is morally wrong. But they never actually think it's scientifically or medically wrong. We're just civilized enough we've decided to politely pretend the science isn't right because social justice.
It's like how a bunch of celebs were big on body positivity and fat liberation...until Ozempic dropped and it turns out no, none of them ever believed any of that! They just pretended to bcs up until now healthy, long term weight loss was impossible so they had no choice but to cope by learning to love themselves no matter how they looked...but now that it's here we can go back to the truth! Being fat is ugly and gross and unhealthy and you should starve yourself and take experimental meds right now so you can be skinny which is what ALL humans are clearly supposed to be!! Yeah that body positivity stuff was fun, but come on. We know you actually just wanna be skinny and think being fat is a fate worse than death.
That's what it feels like to me. Every single time. Honestly in a lot of other areas too, one of the big issues with the left is that they really do seem to think that Republicans are right about how things work and should work but we just pretend otherwise because it's the right thing to do and it reduces suffering. Which seems fine, but you cannot be an effective leftist like this. You do actually have to deconstruct your beliefs and biases and world systems, you can't go around like "well yeah we aren't gonna kill disabled people that's eugenics and it's wrong" when you clearly don't actually think it's wrong. You think eugenics would work but implementing it would be uncivilized, and it shows. You have to actually understand that racism and ableism and all other forms of bigotry are not just cruel, but entirely incorrect.
Idk if this makes sense but yeah. We gotta do something about this.
This is what Into the Woods meant when it said nice is different than good.
This is also how you get people being like "I'm not an ableist! I love disabled people!" after making a joke about Trump wearing diapers or not being able to walk down a ramp. They don't think ableism is wrong, they just think it's right but impolite, so only okay aimed at those who deserve to be insulted.
Absolutely part of why shit sucks so much rn.
Ngl I'm glad I figured out how to word this, bcs trying to articulate it as "you don't actually think bigotry is wrong you just think the target should be someone else" always felt incomplete! I now know what I meant was "you don't think bigotry is wrong you just think it's impolite and that's different" that's what I needed. You just think bigotry is being mean to a marginalized person who, crucially, has done nothing to deserve it. The second they do tho? Anything is fair game.
Yeesh. What a rancid ass way to view the world.
Peer reviewing because yeah.
