"What kind of universe so you want?" God asked.
"One where the book of life was never stolen," Aziraphale answered, stepping forward. "Where everything that once existed will continue to exist."
"Except," Crowley intervened, "for Armageddon."
"We want no Heaven or Hell. We want the angels and the demons to find themselves suddenly, inexplicably human. No more miracles. No more Holy war. Just... people."
"And we want it not to end," Aziraphale told her. "We'd like you to keep it running until... until life has extinguished entirely!"
God studied them for a long, excruciating second.
"You are asking quite a lot," she said. Crowley scoffed.
"You're God! You can handle it."
"As you wish," she conceded. Secretly, she smiled to herself. They really found a way to save everyone and themselves. Clever boys.
And then, the world existed, like it always had. Heaven did not. Hell did not. The young Christ found himself back at the card table; Crowley in his Bentley; Aziraphale in his bookshop. All now incapable of miracles.
Beelzebub and Gabriel found themselves beekeeping in Maine. Michael was the dean of a university. Uriel was a professor. They all stepped easily into their roles, and into the histories they were provided.
God loved her children; more than that, she was the author of fate, and a sucker for a happy ending. She wanted nothing more than a satisfying beginning to their epilogue.
Being incapable of materializing money from thin air, Aziraphale had to actually start selling books. This pained him. And yet... All the people he met! The stories they shared! He managed to take some pleasure in it.
Crowley was thrilled to learn that it took a lot less to get him drunk than before. He was less thrilled to hear Aziraphale's complaints about liver failure. Rather, he became an astrophysicist. Somehow, he already had a degree in the subject (thanks, God!), and spent his time dictating novels and chatting with Neil deGrasse Tyson. He competed on Jeopardy! and lost. He hosted SNL. He made out sloppy with Bill Nye.
Aziraphale and Crowley married. It was a very strange event. Aziraphale insisted on inviting Gabriel, Beelzebub, and Muriel. Crowley wanted Shax there specifically so he could tell her to suck it. They listened almost exclusively to Mozart and Queen, with the exception of one Buddy Holly song that Gabriel paid the DJ to play. Nina and Maggie were there, of course, together, as were most of the shopkeepers, and Aziraphale's regulars. Crowley invited Neil and Bill and Ken Jennings for some reason. Benedict Cumberbatch showed up.
