if I really wrote a mobster!derek au should he have eli?? would radically change the story imo cuz of course he’s gonna be shadier and more secretive if he’s protecting his son ykwim
I have a dark urge to write a fic where stiles and derek are with other people but cheating with each other ugggggh cheating when it benefits my ships is sooooooo gooooood
stoned rambling under the cut will probably delete ksjghakf
I have a really high weed tolerance and I took a teeny tiny baby T-break of only like 4 days and then huffed for a solid thirty minutes on a hybrid cart (probs 85% thc at least) because I have a TERRIBLE stomacheache and I thought it would help
it did for sure
I’m also the highest I’ve been in y e a r s
I forgot it was like this
to remind myself for later (as a character reference???? who cares??? maybe just for my own future amusement, and that of my wife), my symptoms include:
Finding everything really funny, but also just randomly laughing because something else funny occurred to me
Random (and loud) vocal outbursts in reaction to the show I’m watching - deep apologies to my wife sleeping next to me but I haven’t woken her yet
Stimming in sorta painful ways - I remember I used to do this when I first started smoking because the sensation of pain while high is different and weird - so for example I’m biting really hard on the inside of my mouth and it feels really good idk
Munchies obviously - but again tummyache so I’m willfully resisting the urge to eat the cheezits I know are about six feet away from me rn
Anyway in other news should I quit grad school to be a very underpaid ABD lecturer because teaching is all I really wanna do anyway? byyyyyyyeeeeee
I love a random pregnancy AU so now the question is if I write a short little sterek thing is it trans!Stiles or omegaverse???? just chewing on Stiles not realizing he’s pregnant until about four months in when he starts showing and he’s like what the fuck - and also the guy who knocked him up ran away to chase down the killer responsible for taking his family away
so then derek gets back one day - and stiles is either raising a baby or is heavily pregnant and both of them are freaked because they just had sex a couple times but they didn’t realize this would happen
and idk what else but man I love a trope where dad learns he made a baby and the idea of Derek finding out he has a child (and a child with Stiles) tickles me
MASH is a product of its time for sure but I’m still somehow always shocked by the super misogynistic episodes - probably because the show has some mystic power in my mind of being an anti-xenophobe, anti-war piece of media from before such things were mainstream
I just restarted from the beginning (it’s been a while cuz I normally like to start from BJ’s entrance) and I’d completely forgotten about the bit where none of the men want to fuck an objectively beautiful woman because she’s a little awkward/clumsy and the whole camp draws straws because the other women won’t fuck any man until the awkward girl gets a date
There’s a lot of Stiles being really serious anytime he talks about his mum, but consider, they have the same sense of humour and she’d be proud as hell at any shitty jokes about her. For instance
Derek: did you look a lot like her? It sounds like you take after her a lot
Stiles: well… i don’t have many pictures of her, but I got at least one on my phone. Be nice, okay?
Derek: of course
Stiles shows him his phone. It’s a photo of a fucking urn
Stiles: She’s self conscious, she’s trying a new look
oooo thank you for asking!! okay so the very basic premise is that Derek operates a huge ranch in a rural area of Kansas, which is obviously a fictional town called Beacon. duh. Derek is a rough riding take-no-bullshit cowboy who experienced a teen pregnancy with his girlfriend and is a staple of Beacon - everybody knows him and his teenaged son. when Stiles appears one day, Derek knows he's a tourist/outsider and wants to avoid him, but obviously he becomes friends with Erica.
I don't want to spoil the idea I have for it, but basically cityslicker!Stiles goes to rural Kansas and meets handsomecowboy!Derek and loses his mind about it. they're gonna bone, and then Derek is gonna learn a secret about Stiles, and they're gonna fight about it but then they're gonna kiss kiss fall in love. snippet under the cut!! xoxo
-0-
“Guys,” Erica says, her arm twisted up in the stranger’s, “this is Stiles. He’s a journalist and he’s gonna write about me.”
Great. Not just a tourist—the kind of tourist with a platform to pass judgment. The worst kind.
To his credit, Stiles seems appropriately embarrassed, like he’s well aware that he’s in a strange place among strange people, outside of his own…tribe. As it were. He looks back and forth between Derek and Boyd as if trying to read their neutral expressions, looking for some hint of reassurance. Derek isn’t going to offer it.
“You write about music?” Boyd asks.
“Uh, not exactly,” Stiles says. “I’m working on a piece about tourist destinations and what attracts people to them. I’m sure you guys already know, but Beacon went from a one-horse town to a major Midwest attraction in the last five years, so I’m—you know. Figuring out why everybody wants to come here.” He’s wearing a casual-if-nervous grin, and it grows into something more confident when he looks at Erica. “Talent like your friend Erica might play into the equation. I just got a free concert that I could’ve paid fifty or sixty bucks for back in California.”
“That’s where you’re from, then,” Derek says, not a question.
Stiles blinks at him. “California? Yeah, up north, near Sacramento. You ever been?”
“No,” Derek says shortly.
“If you’re writing about tourism, you should come to Moonlight,” Boyd says.
Derek shoots him a dirty look. He does not fucking want some Californian journalist stomping all over his family land. Peter wouldn’t like it, either. But now the words are out there, and Derek is only going to make things worse for himself—and for Peter—if he bars the kid from coming.
“That’s Derek’s ranch,” Erica helpfully informs Stiles. “We have forty thousand acres set aside for beef cows, another twenty for dairy cows, and a restaurant that gets a lot of visitors. We also have a fully operational horse ranch where we teach people how to ride. A lot of tourists come up there for lessons.”
“I’ve heard of it,” Stiles tells them. “That’s your ranch?”
“You work there?” Stiles asks Erica, gesturing in Derek’s direction. “At the ranch?”
“Most of the people in Beacon do, in one way or another,” Erica says with a shrug. “How many people you got on the payroll, Derek? Two hundred?”
That’s an exaggeration, but in a town of only three hundred people, it does often feel like most of them make their way to Moonlight eventually. Their beef and dairy operation has nearly thirty full-time workers, and the horse ranch has another fifteen full-timers and a dozen or so part-time. The restaurant is the biggest employer, with fifty part-timers spread across seven days of service, open over a hundred hours a week, ranging from customer-facing roles to back-of-house staff. That’s not even including their advertisers, lawyers, and other nitty gritty details.
“Close to a hundred,” Derek says. “She’s being dramatic.”
“So everybody else works where?” Stiles asks. “The downtown is cute but it’s only—what? A dozen storefronts?”
“Most of those weren’t even here when I was growing up,” Erica informs him. “Townies run those with small staffs, usually family. There’s a popular golf course about fifty miles south, and a canning facility a little further east. Pretty much everyone else works at one of those places.”
“People really commute that far?”
“Gotta make a living,” Erica says.
Derek downs the rest of his beer and grabs a couple bills out of his wallet, leaving them on the bartop. He’s about to make an excuse, say goodbye, when the newcomer among them makes a startled sound.
“Do you carry that thing everywhere?” Stiles asks, pointing toward the holster on Derek’s hip, which has been revealed by the way he pushed his jacket out of the way to grab his wallet.
“Such a Californian,” Erica teases, amusement clear in her voice. “Have you ever seen a gun up close?”
“My dad was a cop,” he says; he’s still looking at Derek’s holster, and then lifts his gaze to Derek’s face. “I’ve only ever seen them on law enforcement.”
“Yes, I carry it everywhere,” Derek says. “A lot of people around here do.”
“What for?”
Derek almost wants to laugh at the question. What does he carry a gun for? Is the kid fucking stupid? But he’s not stupid; he’s just not from anywhere like Beacon.
“Sometimes I need it,” Derek says simply. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to get going. Erica, don’t drink too much; Boyd, see you in the morning.” They do a quick handshake, and Derek darts in to kiss Erica’s cheek. He doesn’t actually care about her alcohol consumption, but he doesn’t want her to say something to a fucking journalist that she can’t take back.
“Nice to meet you,” Stiles says, offering a hand in a belated gesture. Derek looks at it briefly and then accepts the handshake; as suspected, the kid’s hand is smooth, unblemished, uncalloused. He’s never done a hard day’s work in his life. “Maybe I could call you about my story some time this week.”
“Maybe,” Derek says; it’s more polite than an outright refusal, and it’s the fastest way to get out of this conversation. “Have a good night.”
for the wip game i just gasped out loud at "van life" WHAT IS VAN LIFE I NEED IT
man I got reaaaaaaally into this idea when I was in a rut/procrastinating on my last longfic - basically the premise is that Derek is a van life guy and content creator, and he has a shtick. (see snippet below hehe) Stiles is a streamer/gamer who watches Derek's content. I got all the way up to writing them meeting randomly and deciding to hang out, and then I sort of lost the plot/couldn't really figure out what was gonna happen next........... other than smut, obviously *shrug*
here's the beginning i wrote a while ago!!! 💕
Derek has a shtick. It’s sort of hokey, he knows, and maybe it’s a little weird, but people have much weirder internet personalities than guy-who-takes-shirt-off-for-charity.
It started mostly on accident. Cora is Derek’s social media manager, the person who edits all of his videos and runs his Instagram and Twitter pages, and she was the one who insisted that he record his scenic workout when he was camping in the Grand Canyon. It wasn’t, at that point, completely unheard of for Derek to post videos of his workouts, but he’d always done it fully clothed, and it was mostly so that he could highlight his progress as he got stronger. Then, on a sunny day in Arizona, he recorded his workout without really thinking about the fact that he was shirtless—and the clip went sort of viral online. Not just viral among the van life people that knew Derek, but viral among a lot of other communities too. It was the most successful video Derek had ever made.
So Derek started using that to his advantage. If the algorithm pushed shirtless videos, and if people wanted to see him shirtless, he would be shirtless for the videos that were most important to him.
Derek travels full time these days. It took him about a year to build out his van the way he wanted it, but now he maintains a PO box in the Midwest and just drives around, wherever suits him. He makes videos everywhere he goes, usually just to show off whatever’s local—small places, off the beaten path, away from the tourist traps. And in a lot of the videos he makes, he talks about local charities and projects that are trying to restore nature or protect and rehabilitate wildlife; nowadays, he makes those videos shirtless, always introduced by a minute or two of him working out. Because they get attention, and that’s how he helps places raise money.
It’s earned him somewhat of a reputation. But it’s also generated a lot of support for causes that Derek cares about, so he’s not really embarrassed about it. Besides, he only has about 700,000 subscribers, and his videos aren’t that popular. Although Cora has sent him a couple interesting fan-made videos that she calls “thirst edits,” which appear to be compilations of his shirtless form set to music.
He honestly doesn’t think about it that much. It’s just what he does. He likes to travel and he likes to make videos and it’s not like he needs a job, so he might as well raise awareness for good causes, even if it means he sometimes pimps himself out on the internet. He’s aware that people talk about his body—that’s sort of the point. He’s not ignorant to that. But he also doesn’t seek it out or try to engage with people about it. It also helps that Derek largely stays away from comments and social media sites, so Cora can block weirdos and help him protect his peace.
Cora doesn’t usually send him those comments. Until his Twitter page is apparently bombarded with hundreds of messages about a streamer who referenced him in a video recently. Cora sends him a clip apparently cut out of a larger stream, and tells him to watch it.
It’s a guy—a guy who looks like a video game streamer, definitely. He’s sitting in the exact kind of setup that Derek would expect, all neon lights and fancy chair; there are a pair of dogs sitting in big beds behind his chair but visible on camera, one German Shepherd and one smaller white mutt, who looks like some kind of terrier. The streamer is in his mid-20s, white, with high cheekbones and a smattering of beauty marks, as well as a charming, almost goofy sort of smile. He’s handsome, Derek thinks, but he plays video games for a living, which means he might be a total piece of shit.
“—my algorithm knows I have a thing for hot, shirtless guys with a heart of gold,” the streamer is saying with a smirk. “Yeah, I’ve seen him. Goddamn Derek On the Road—”
That’s Derek’s online handle.
“—was, like, made in a factory specifically to appeal to me. But he’s gotta be everybody’s type, right? I mean, unless you’re, like, a fascist who hates hot guys? Even lesbians think he’s hot. He’s, like, sexy without being aggressive about it. Like Mr. Darcy.”
Such commentary isn’t entirely new to Derek, but it’s…flattering. Maybe this guy’s not so bad.
He seems to pause while he reads messages in the chat, smiling the whole time. Then he continues, “Yeah, I don’t think the shirtless thing would work well for me. I’d probably blind all of you—and then how would I pay my bills?” His eyes move again and he hums as if deep in thought. “Well, I could probably be convinced to get shirtless for charity. I’ll hit the gym for a solid month. And maybe a tanning salon. And we’ll support some, like, really sick cause.” As if on cue, the German Shepherd yawns with a whining sound, and the streamer laughs. “Okay, yeah, something for dogs. Rowdy said we have to.”
Derek is smiling by the end of the clip, which was probably Cora’s goal. So he sends a thumbs up emoji to signify that he saw the video, and then asks her who the guy is.
>His name is Stiles. He plays a bunch of random games, he has nearly four million followers
Jesus. That’s a fucking lot. Four million people watch him play video games?
>That was from yesterday’s stream and you already have 250 new subs
Huh. Well. Derek doesn’t mind that.
The streamer—Stiles—has a nice voice. Seems like maybe a good sense of humor. Maybe Derek will watch some of his videos.
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