decay

She/Her, mid-20s, bilingual blog, some stuff I write. hit me up w/ any mistakes or if you just want to talk

[wordsbydecay]

I don't think she realises the impact she made How my life will forever be intertwined with what she created

What a funny way to name that Now my whole family refuses to use another word Before I even introduced you

You changed them

[wordsbydecay]

Je te'aimerais plus qué tout ca

I like to think about myself as the protector.

I'm not good with comforting words, never knowing what to say.

A hug or a touch? Is that too much?

But I will shield you from the oncoming wind and prying eyes

Hide your face in me and I will be your shelter

Will getting my knuckles bloody make you feel better?

I will lay down my life when you're not looking

[wordsbydecay]

Korona i berło

Miałam kiedyś przepiękne królestwo

Rządziłam nim z równymi sobie

Lecz czas powoli okrywał je mgłą

Brama rdzewiała i coraz trudniej było ją otworzyć

Bluszczu nie mogłam już rwać rękami

Więc mijam tą bramę

Tylko patrząc z daleka

Koronę umieściłam w gablocie

By nie z żalem, lecz z czułością

Wspominać złoty wiek

Wtedy pokazałeś nowe wrota

Otwarte przede mną na oścież

Do królestwa równie pięknego

Z okrągłym stołem

I hucznymi biesiadami

Wypełnił się brak

O którym zapomniałam

Znów byłam młoda

Ubrana w złotą zbroję

Z ostrym mieczem u boku

Ale brama została zatrzaśnięta

A klucz już nie pasował

Wyszczerbiłam miecz na stalowych prętach

I wyrzuciłam go

Niech rdzewieje zapomnianym kącie

Więc nakryłam przejście cieniem

I sama zasadziłam krzewy

Już nie będzie że mnie drwić ten raj utracony

Wkrótce ta rana się zagoi

I nie odróżni się jej od linii lasu

[wordsbydecay]

If only...

You said I was intriguing

Well, who could blame you

You asked

And I said yes

That's how it works

You took my hand

And I froze

But I kept walking

That's how it's supposed to work

You bought chocolates

And I could taste them

When you kissed me

I smiled "it's okay"

Why doesn't it work?

I hated myself more

With each passing day

Trying to jumpstart my feelings

It wasn't fair for both of us

It would've made things so much easier

If only I liked you

[wordsbydecay]

You sit on your bed. I look into your watery eyes and see your wet hair.

"Do you need a hug?" I ask tentatively, knowing touch is not something you usually seek.

"Yes..." I'm not sure I heard it right.

"Yes. Before I change my mind." You repeat louder.

I quickly close the distance between us, going down on my knees before you. And you cling onto me like you're drowning and grasping for breath. I can feel you crushing my body as sobs shake you to the core. I stay silent holding you as tight as I can, stroking your head. I hope that by the time our heartbeats and breaths align you know. Whatever happens I'm here, by your side, whenever you need me.

Your arms around me loosen and you let me go. We carry on.

[wordsbydecay]

You ask me what I think of Christmas season?

I'm not a kid anymore,

Back then it was a restless anticipation,

Magic,

And it faded as the years went by

Till last year

She came and brought it with her

Along with the Christmas songs, red pajamas

Reindeer sweaters and scented candles

You ask me what I think of Christmas season?

I adore it

-December, 2020

[wordsbydecay]

I don't like pretending

But that's just what I do

Rather than disappointing

Each and every one of you

So I just pretend

Everything is fine

If I could reach and touch your heart

I wouldn't dare to break it apart

Behind my eyes

But I'm just tired

And I just smile

And I pretend

Everything is fine

If you got closer you'd see the cracks

Falling apart

- found in some notebook, sometime in 2020 i guess

[wordsbydecay]

Wszystko inne

Wjechałam w noc ciemną W pola gdzie dróg już kres

Stałyśmy objęte pod moją kurtką Lato chłodniejsze niż to poprzednie

Nad horyzontem widoczna była łuna dnia minionego I tego, który jeszcze nadejdzie

W oddali błyskawica rozświetliła burzową chmurę Przyćmiła oglądane gwiazdy

Świat powoli bladł wokół twojej sylwetki Gdy trzymałam cię ramionach

Wszystko inne przestało mieć znaczenie -Lipiec, 2020

[wordsbydecay]

Nothing else

I drove into the black of night Onto the field where the roads end We stood embraced under my jacket Summer colder than it used to be

Over the horizon we could see the glow of the day passed And the one yet to come In the distance lightning illuminated the stormy clouds Dimmed the stars we were watching

The world slowly faded around your silhouette As I held you warm in my arms

Nothing else mattered -July, 2020

[wordsbydecay]

Translation to previous poem "Nie przekroczyć"

[wordsbydecay]

[wordsbydecay]

"You're playing with fire, honey. Be careful or you're gonna get burned."

"I'm too smart for that" - I said hiding blisters on my heart - "Don't worry".

[wordsbydecay]

Poem made after hearing about Christchurch. Might translate later.

[wordsbydecay]

-wordsbydecay

February, 2019

[wordsbydecay]

-wordsbydecay

January, 2019

[wordsbydecay]

-wordsbydecay

[wordsbydecay]

Sometimes

I still think about you, even though we're in different places now

I still hold dear the time we spent

Thinking back I don't know why we drifted away

But now it's done and lost

Sometimes I still think about you and I keep asking myself why

I wasn't love, not at all

Just two people who took the time to understand each other

Who shared secrets and unspoken truths

Sometimes I still think about you but I won't reach out

Because I'm afraid it will never be the same

Past is all we got