a ticket to nowhere

[wordsindisguise]

Sometimes I imagine I'm bearing all this pain because I've drawn the short stick on which parallel universe I am in.

Is this the one where nothing works out? The one where I will always be alone? The one without a happy ending?

Maybe one of us has to bear all the bad things, for the other to get all the good things.

It gives me a sense of purpose and relief to know that each day I suffer, is one more day of happiness for her.

Let her have everything I never had. Let her have everything I will never get.

I'll take all the hits.

Please, let at least one of us be happy.

[wordsindisguise]

I hope I never see you again.

Because standing in front of you will remind me of everything I didn't have. Everything I didn't get. Everything I didn't become.

I hope I never see you again.

To stop me from grieving for the person I was when I last stood in front of you.

[wordsindisguise]

"There's no light in the trees for me"

I have been walking through these dark woods my whole life, with branches hitting my face, endlessly searching for the light in the trees.

But there's no light in the trees for me.

Then I hoped, for one fleeting moment, that you'd find me in this darkness, holding a lamp you'd say, "there you are, now let's get out of here".

But you never came.

There's no light in the trees for me.

[wordsindisguise]

I'm really sad.

I can't find more words to express this feeling.

I'm just really sad.

[wordsindisguise]

This time next year, please let me be dead.

[wordsindisguise]

15 years.

15 years.

15 years.

It's been 15 long years.

How much longer do I wait?

[wordsindisguise]

I search for your eyes wherever I go.

[wordsindisguise]

I feel so utterly alone.

[wordsindisguise]

I'll walk through this darkness if it brings me closer to you. I'll walk through it all to get to you.

My light is coming.

[wordsindisguise]

Every wish I get in this world from here on out, shall I wish for you?

Shall I wish for us to find each other early in our next lives?

Wish that we get to grow up together, go to school together, chase our dreams together, grow old together.

Can I wish for it all? Can we have it all next time? Please.

I wish

I wish

I wish

[wordsindisguise]

What happens after you reach the light at the end of the tunnel?

Do you keep walking?

Some people may search for beginnings but I am searching for an end.

Whether the tunnel ends in light or darkness is irrelevant to me.

I just want it to end.

[wordsindisguise]

You were fire and I was fire

Together we burned eachother

Until we could no longer bear the pain

[wordsindisguise]

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

...why me?

[wordsindisguise]

Will I make peace with the incompleteness of my life before it's over?

All the unchecked boxes that I leave behind will no longer be my burden to bear, right?

Imagine how light that will feel.

[wordsindisguise]

I want to forgive myself for everything I could not have and for everything I will not be.

I changed my phone background to a photo of myself when I was younger and smiling. I apologise to her everytime I see her.

I hope she forgives me someday.

[wordsindisguise]

This meaningless life of mine.

I watch as the people I grew up with live their lives in this world. I watch them find jobs, move out, buy a place to live, get married, have children. I stay here watching it all.

They think I'm crying because I don't have what they have.

How do I explain that I'm crying because I don't want what they have? And that that feels far worse?

[wordsindisguise]

Brandolini's law

Bullshit. Bullshit everywhere.