long story short, i write

                                 

[wordsslikewine]

As I suck in a deep breath I realise that yes it’s been a year since the first you ever told me you loved me…..

It seems like yesterday the reminisce narrators the way you were stammering with fright when you spilled the 3 magic words and started to apologise. I giggled and said it was alright and yet you continued to apologise. The year was a roller coaster with its highs and lows wouldn’t disagree with that.

But it wasn’t late soon I kissed your forehead and said I love you the smile you gave swelled my heart with joy. We kissed a spirit in me kindled.

We danced romantically until it had to end

[wordsslikewine]

04.06.22

It’s been a year! Wow time really flies by when you are in oblivion and thinking that the one your with is he one. Would never deny the fact that I wasn’t truly happy.

But how can happiness exist when your not free or when you are in love with a person with unsolved demons inside?

It’s been a year, officially since the first time you ever said I was beautiful and I thought you were kind. Later you started calling me beautiful more times and then it led us to be together. But now not anymore.

Yes! I chose this path and yes the path was beautiful, lovely, warm, sweet, kind and amazing. But it did get bumpy. It was time to leave that path and I did. It was tough leaving you.

Yes there were days my heart would bleed on hearing your name. My pillow would be wet looking at our pictures.

But I think my heart doesn’t ache anymore.

My heart smiles at those memories that were created. The first time we held our hands. The first time we hugged. Our long hours of talks under the moonlight. Our hugs. Our hormones. How I could be a child before you. And the way you hold me when I cry.

Our lows. Our highs. How we were together.

Our love. Our kisses. Our hugs. Our warmth. Our fire. Us.

To great memories that’ll always make my heart smile.

[wordsslikewine]

I miss the way I used to be

As a kid around you

I miss wearing your navy hoodie

That smells like you

Which makes me feel warm

I miss our morning hugs

I miss your pushed back hair

I miss the way you loved me

I miss the way you kissed me

I miss the way you used to be

Around for me every time

Listening to all my chatter

[wordsslikewine]

his honey eyes,

his tilted caramel face 

ruffled hair 

my happiest smile 

his happiest smile 

underneath the lavender hues of 

this sky 

shielding the countryside 

with you by my side 

this universe is mine 

[wordsslikewine]

I don’t know whether a part 

Of me wants to let go 

As I see this room 

Room I call it?

My chest is heavy

Waiting for a cry yet to come 

I stand before these unknown emotions

Missing my once upon a times

Though it was yesterday 

I miss you

                ~ unsolaced thoughts

[wordsslikewine]

A Few More

I have,

A few more words to write

A few more cuisines to try

A few more stories to read

A few more clothes to buy

A few more songs to sing

A few more canvases to paint

And many miles to go,

An adventure calls me,

A voyage beckons me.

[wordsslikewine]

Lovers

They were in seclusion 

Knew of nothing 

But the calm fire 

Of love between them

As she put her head on his shoulder

She realized she was home 

With the starry night as her roof 

They walked into oblivion 

Knowing of nothing but love 

That was intoxicating them

[wordsslikewine]

“Esmeray....” Rhysand tilted his head and whispered. “Come closer. And closer” his voice trailed. Scarlet blood gushed from the solar plexus of her wedding dress as he stabbed her.

“Here lies Esmeray Thornheart” the cobblestone read. The scarred pale hands of Esmeray were translucent, that’s when she realized she was a ghost. Eulogies were read the last rites were performed but the cause for her death remained unknown.

“I shall get my vengeance” in fury Esmeray declared and ignited a tree on fire. Shattered in anguish and pain she swept her way towards the castle. 

The wind was whistling slowly through the French Windows.  Consumed in the wine of seclusion and perplexity was Benedict Rhysand Embersword. Thornheart glided into the room and pulled out her infernal sabre.

She heard a creaking sound. “Thud” the trapdoor opened and she fell onto the floor gracefully. Lit by fire lamps she entered into a magnificent citadel. Large tapestries were depicting the prophecy.

                                  Blue fire & Scarlet stone

                                   Fate has been marked

                            Heavens door had been knocked

                                  Betrothed and Betrayed 

                                  Dive into the blue flame 

                                     To perish the game.

March 23rd, 1983 in the rain midst of the moors the blue fire danced in the cauldron. The star crossed couple dived into the fire to put an end to the infernal pattern.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

February 11th, 2048. 57th floor Manhattan .“Name is Jasper” said the amber eyed boy. “I’m Esmeray” she said. Jaspers mind whirled in circles as he said “Esmeray....”

[wordsslikewine]

Mind chatter consumes me

Throws me down the deepest pothole

As I cling on to the little ray of hope I have

I’m still pushed down

I put in every ounce of strength I have

Yet I‘m slipping down

And then...

It’s anxiety that consumes me

Gobbles me up as a whole

My body is shaking

I’m breathless

Will I survive?

[wordsslikewine]

Letter to my Mind

Dear mind, 

Please don’t wander round useless things,

I need to sleep in the night.

Please don’t fall in love,

I can’t break my heart again.

Please stop overthinking,

I already have so many things to worry bout.

Please stop trusting that person,

I can’t afford to be fooled twice.

Please stop swooning over past failures & regrets,

I have victories too.

Please stop giving me negative self talk,

I’m a work of art & a work in progress.

Please stop lazing around,

I have to run an extra mile.

Please stop scrolling down the phone,

I have to read few more books.

Please stop holding me back,

When I aim to reach the stars!

[wordsslikewine]

The silver bead of sweat runs down his temples

               & along the arc of his neck.

                       Irises dilated

         Thumping heart & sweaty palms

        Yet he holds his sword with valor

 He who stands in the first row of the phalanx

           Waiting to kill or to be killed

        He sees across the sand dunes

       The opponents humungous army

 As he starts to march along with his troupe

              because he is a warrior.

[wordsslikewine]

I’m drowning in my pool of sorrow,

I’m solving my complexities,

I’m stuck in my minds labyrinth,

I’m falling down the the abyss.

[wordsslikewine]

Oh please humanity!

I beg, I pray, I cry. 

To not to throw a word in spite.

Whose depth of wound,

Unbeknownst to you,

Whose rain of tears,

 Will never shower on you, 

Whose sorrow wont cross your threshold.

[wordsslikewine]

Beep. Beep. Beep. Was the first sound I heard after I gained my consciousness. I opened my eyes, my body felt numb. The room was white- snow white except for the curtains, couch and blanket which were blue. It was pouring outside as if the clouds were crying in grief. There was a knock at the door and my dad stepped in “how are you feeling?”, he asked. “The competition?”, I inquired. The look on his face explained everything my dreams were shattered.

Ever since I was a kid I always dreamed to be a model & worked my fingers to the bone. I ate healthy and worked out intensively and increased my knowledge in the field.

One day I received a flyer in the newspaper announcing a modelling competition. I sent in my photographs and got selected. On the day of the competition the ramp was immaculate, the spotlights were dimmed right enough. My confidence beamed.

A few minutes before the competition I went to my car for a last minute touch-up. When I was in the middle of the road I heard a car honking, I turned my head. The next thing I knew was that I was lying on the road with a soaring pain in my knee and everything went black.

When I woke up the doctors said I wouldn’t be able to walk for six months and would have to use a wheelchair. That was my story from heels to wheels. I tried to put myself together, hoped for the best and drifted off to sleep as the CPR machine went, Beep. Beep. Beep.

[wordsslikewine]

‘twas august,

she was born,

who?

my love, surreal beauty,

whose embrace is my haven 

great gifts from 

heaven indeed, I possess

when I’m with you ma.