Insecurity has always lived within me. Even before I had a name for It.
It manifests as dark tendrils ripping though my chest, and can only mimic sounds and words I've heard in the past. It learned my mom's voice very well, though It never learned how to control that hollow reverb of an accent that a being with no core can help but make.
However, these abilities are just assists to It's greatest power, the ability to silence.
It can silence compliments and reassurance I receive from others. It can silence me from asking if their words were genuine, or just pleasant flattery offered to anyone who isn't currently being offensive. It silences the real love and affection I feel for others.
"What have you really done to deserve this?"
"How long until they get bored with you and move on to something better?"
Now all of this are just self-fulfilling prophecies, that I know. But that silencing effect...
Sometimes It paralyzes me from action and from saying what I need to say.
Other times, It demands I work overtime to keep my place. But don't I ever dare to ask for more than what I am given.
Insecurity imprisons you and feeds on starvation. It wants its victims to dissappear into It. To become small enough to swallow with just one greedy fucking gulp.
I haven't found a real way to defeat It yet. Starvation makes you weaker and easier to take down. Though this hasn't killed my determination to try.
So I turn to the Lord of Frenzy. Praying He grants me the altered concious and the madness I need to take on Insecurity. Make me into something that cannot be silenced or controled.
Like an animal thats been caged and tormented, I want to be the one to rip It apart with my bare hands and teeth and feast on Its blood.
And I'll laugh as It screams. As It begs for the mercy Its never given me.
I will make It feel every heart Its broken. Every love that Its ripped from me. Every missed chance for connection, and safety, and care. I will make It feel all of it and more.
And then, I will never starve again.
