Postscript in Crooked Lines

writings by Max L. Wisdom

[writermaxlwisdom]

Editing for "A Plague of Prayers" is back in full force. I'm halfway through my final edit and hunting down a proofreader to polish it up before release. Originally, "A Plague of Prayers" was set to release in December of 2020, but working for my state government during Covid-19 is exhausting and led me to push that date back to December 2021. While work is still hard, I have the time and mental fortitude to get back to my passion. I am still shooting for a December 2021 release, but notice there is a lot more work after finishing my final edit that may cause it to be delayed a few more months. I want an awesome cover, I want a barcode to make it look professional, and I want to be present on social media to launch this book as far as I can. That being said, I'm working as fast as I can to write the best fantasy epic possible, and I can't wait for you all to read "A Plague of Prayers". Thank you to anyone who has checked in in the past year, looking forward to my novel, followed my antics on Twitter, or waited oh so patiently. It'll be out before you know it, I promise.

[writermaxlwisdom]

Playback Track

stop the noise

silence the music

i’m not listening anymore

/

my feet hurt

they’re bleeding

it’s all become too much

/

i’m sick of this dance

the exchanging of hands

my ankles are bound by rope

/

my lips move

speech falls dead

their ears are closed

/

stay your tongue

remove your teeth

lies straight through the filter

/

suck out the venom

lick my eyes

i no longer want to watch

/

spark up the fire

put your main hand in

pull it out and notice the difference

/

start up the noise

shake up the music

redundancy is the last thing we want

- Max L. Wisdom

[writermaxlwisdom]

‘What You Think You Are’

Hi, WELCOME It’s been a minute, hasn’t it? since we’ve done some self-reflection? You’re angry, I get it. I’m sorry, But not really. We don’t deserve the right to argue. False accusations aren’t fair, they never are. But how many are truly false? ‘We’re scared!’ I get it. I really, really do. Actually, no, I don’t, because you’re angry at the wrong things. You should be mad because the reason you’re afraid to walk up to that beautiful woman at the bar is because enough women have actually come forward, told their truths, their suffering, and to her the possibility you are a prick is far more probable than what you think you are.   You think, ‘it’s all her fault.’ It’s not. It’s the guy who grabbed her, and pushed her up against the wall. Who drained her trust, in who you think you are. So take that extra step to make her feel comfortable, before you even walk into that bar. Because, it is your duty to be a better man even if you’re ‘good,’ because the rest of us are bad. So be mad at him, and him and him and him and him. Not her. Even if she covers her drink with her hand, tells you she’s a lesbian, surrounds herself with friends, acts a little bitchy, shuts you down, and calls you filthy. Maybe it’s not your fault. Maybe you are innocent. Maybe. But to her; Maybe you’re a rapist. Maybe you’ll beat her. Maybe you’re a killer. So maybe you’ll kill her! It’s time to take the phrase ‘Be the better man.’ And stand for her rights, her ability to wear tights. Change her opinion by giving her one. Because right now, We’re giving them nothing. It’s time to change what they know we are. -Max L. Wisdom 

[writermaxlwisdom]

Her.

The thing is,

The thing is...

I want to be hated

I want to be miserable

I want to purposefully put my hand into the fire

Let the skin burn and melt

Have just the bones remain

And suck out the marrow

I want to be lonely

Grasping for the depression that is solitude

Gasping in a world that is so thin

Killing the plagues in my lungs

I miss Her.

And no I don’t mean her, her, or her

I mean Her.

The one who lingered so long

Who stayed the

Who made me.

That when she left

She took the pieces of me with her

The ones that’ll never return

Parts that can’t and won’t be replaced

I’m not the same as I was

And forever, never, will be

- Max L. Wisdom

[writermaxlwisdom]

Ravings of a Four O'Clock Mindset (pt. II)

Now comes the hard part Where words can no longer be my prescription Where writing can't begin to dull the pain Where loud music won't drown out the noise And I'm too afraid of the medication I'm getting sick of all the fighting back inside my head Tired from denying that I'd rather kill my self than waste away a little longer I'd half debate getting to a doctor If I didn't think I'd purposefully crash the car before I got there How many people would be sad if I were gone? I know the answer is quite a lot But the point of suicide is to be selfish The point is; I'm the one who's hurting And I, the only thing to stop it. Don't tell me it will end For it will, but it always comes back Suicide notes are not goodbyes They are our peaceful explanation Trust me, I wish I wouldn't have to do this to myself But I've waited long enough for something else to kill me I'm sick, I know I am But I'm allergic to happiness and penicillin It has strings on me Twitch the finger and my body moves Contorted and illy manifested Know my actions are not my own There are things worth living for But how permanent is that which draws me back? How long will these things tug at the back of my shirt? All the best things end in tragedy Or at least that is what's been proven to me So lay in waiting For that pivotal moment in the silence Where I can feel the subtle shift in the wind When the things that make me smile grow into emptiness For the knife in my chest to drag downward

- Max L. Wisdom

[writermaxlwisdom]

Behind Closed Doors

Open the door See that withered thing? How it struggles to breath I'm only looking in the mirror Tear me apart Piece by piece Start with the chest Rib by rib Feel free to sink your hands into my organs I might try but I have always ever only failed Where is my hint of hope in these shades of black? This heart of mine more machine now than man What nightmare is this I've been born into? I will fall to ruin in the eyes of my peers How many more cigarettes must I smoke Before I crumble to a mound of ash To be a whisper in the wind Just an echo from the past Where I become the shadows All to dance upon my grave None can love a frail creature So be still my rapid beating heart For I am not afraid to die at all But of what I know comes after - Max L. Wisdom

[writermaxlwisdom]

I’m Okay(?)

I’m alright (I’m alright?) I was alright But the bite under the skin; Something I can’t fight. Oh it was wrong (Was I wrong?) It was all wrong The way I crutched away to die today and keep my spine straight  I am my own one track mind Mumbling to emptiness Incoherent babbles. Five – Six – Eight Try to keep my head strait A step too late to habilitate Puncture wounds to my disconnection  All hell looks at me now! A pitiful picture of what I once was Oh well, stair at the ground Focus on something Let this take me somewhere else I’m drifting on Make the wind take me dancing But do stop the music Good god, look where I am? Black shores and a dead sky, “Something take me in!” Ah, the cracks unknown, let me slip between them. The inconsistencies of the ripples leave my mind subtle and at ease, yet still bitching and screaming about life’s petty misdemeanors. Yes. I’m already something they dream of after a blood-soaked horizon. I was shunned. Slit open a thousand times, but I’m coming back, and I had hoped you were alone. (Something in me still bleeds) They don’t really care about the insecurities I just want you to feel the way I feel The pain beneath the words and disabilities You don’t, so the wounds sink in even deeper Screaming This incurable insanity The way this dieses keeps rotting out my mind … oh and the heart.  That too. -Max L. Wisdom

[writermaxlwisdom]

Through the Eyes

Your cold hands wrapped around my neck I see your eyes, white and staring at me Breath escapes and leaves my soul behind They’ll find my body beneath the riverbed My chest torn open Insides all exposed The heart ripped out Collapsing my lungs Nothing left to save I’m drifting with a gentle wind The nothingness pulling me away Where you left me a hollow man My innocence the first thing gone My Arms swing as I dance But the spring in my step has been gone since the day that you killed me My lips move in silence But the words that you used to carve out my insides have grown sharper I bite the flesh from my cheek The bitterness drowns the loneliness Chills spread from the bottom of my spine My life support fails my willingness Left abandoned and frightened, alone Oh the abuse. -Max L. Wisdom

[writermaxlwisdom]

Sewn Shut

You could blame it on yourself But that wouldn’t help, would it? Instead we sing sentimental songs Hoping for melody to bring us back We’re all too lost Let the wind take us nowhere How far from home? Not even the foxes could lead us there Poor of heart got us not so we take it Faking the romance to death Oh so slow one is to know how to sow Fabric falling from the feeling The claws locked in Seconds before we let the monsters create it Salvage their hands For they’re the only thing known better than loneliness -Max L. Wisdom

[writermaxlwisdom]

Fake Savior

The same sound over and over Is it not painfully obvious? A lie to lover oh love her Do the insides begin to rot? Words fake like a porcelain doll Eyes painted shut Buried ten feet beneath them Lost in the head Passion gutted from an art The insincere left in the photo Ones who feel faded from view False saints left with instruments Sing save to sell Only one face remembered Prey on the young Pockets deep as their father’s Once not this way Raw was the honesty Touched by passion Artists bled out their music Rehashed notes on replay Just a different voice sings along Scared to show true faces Those who want it stuck in basements Picking wine over water The leads with missing hearts No wonder they’re all dead Cold skin wrapped around flesh Falling forever in the pit in their own chests What happened to everything they stood for? -Max L. Wisdom

[writermaxlwisdom]

Leave the Skulls

I’ve been so hollowed out Up late ‘till the dark thoughts fade away Thinking of everyone haunting me I’ll leave my trail behind This time face to face with an enemy The bells ring as they scream I’m not so sure what I’ve done is wrong Feeling whole and more alive than before Something’s still off in the depths of me Might it be the trembling in my hands

Cut down so many times I can’t believe I’m here Refuse to see my memory In fear of what’s blocked out My ghost in the dark I can feel you stare at me in my sleep My sins holding on The yank at the back of my neck Put my secrets in a bottle Hope to god they don’t wash ashore I’m not who I thought I was The lullabies that die with me Burn the bodies but leave the skulls -Max L. Wisdom

[writermaxlwisdom]

Vickling

It turns around again Its shallow face a reminder Of the cold chills down my spine And the fingers cling around my limbs

Yank me left and pull me right The subtle drift in the wind can’t stop it And the pain of a knife inside my chest Won’t leave these bloodless wounds

Take a crooked dance with the shadow Let it linger for just a little while Hang it over head but beneath the soul Try to get it to leave before the rain stops

But even when it all dries up Don’t show a hesitating moment For the night won’t wait for the end Not when the heart can’t halt it

This body littered with scars Leaves the insides ugly A fake face is all that’s left Lay beneath is the hollow

Then again, that’s the last thing it takes… - Max L Wisdom

[writermaxlwisdom]

Mind if I do?

Will you slip around the corner Haunt the kids And kill the father?

Come on now,

Take your needles Break their fingers Tie ‘em up and dry 'em out

There’s a place inside the head Where you can put them all to bed “But I don’t care!” They all will yell Just threaten them and they won’t tell

Take your pick at murder weapons Knifes are pretty don’t cha think? Guns are quick but could be messy (Are you kidding? Use the sink!)

Just a couple ways to kill the voices in my head

- Max L. Wisdom

[writermaxlwisdom]

Listen Closely...

Spark the panic Now the demons start to sing Take a picture So I can see where I fade out

Bring in the tide Let the waves crash over me Starved and too self-loathed I drift on out to sea

From the depths come the hands As they graze and dare to touch How I sink but never drown My weight forever pulling down

To where the light won’t reach the skin And the pressure closes in Can you hear their hollowed song? Oh how I knew it all along

Turn the painting strait to black Wake up huddled in the dirt While my clothes are cold as ice And the wind outside is dead

I tried to fight with reason Let the mind connect the dots But they turn to rancid thoughts So now the demons start to scream -Max L. Wisdom

[writermaxlwisdom]

Eldest Friend

Welcome back, my dear old friend! I’ll admit I can’t deny your face, But let’s get it done and over with. Here’s my skin for all your rusty hooks.

Oh, don’t you play the victim here! You know I care so much and more, But I won’t deny my midnight snack Of playing games inside your head.

Well then please, do come in. I’ve been happy for some time now, So I’m sure you must be starving. What will it be, my pride or waning joy?

Oh no, my dearest boy! Why expect so little of me? I’ll take them both to gnaw on, Leaving only bones for suffering!

You mustn’t be so greedy, Why not leave a little of me? I’m thin and scared as is, Don’t make me plead and argue.

We’ll make a trade, I swear! Take your pick; a gun, a knife, or rope? I apologize, but take just one. Either way they’ll get it done.

I’m sorry, but I can’t. Oh god, I know you want to. No, no, I really shouldn’t. Don’t Lie and say you wouldn’t!

I’m sorry, No, I wouldn’t… -Max L. Wisdom

[writermaxlwisdom]

De(Inside)ad.

I'm feeling so damaged Why is all of this my fault? Don't want to keep breathing Need to die of not sleeping I can feel it beneath me Crawling inside my body All my organs to grind Creeping into my mind My heart can't stop racing From my 2am pacing And all the self blaming Why won't it stop raining? All I have is these fingers That shake with no purpose Why is all this so different?  All the words that you half-meant  I space out the days And black out the nights Digging claws into my skin Thinking of all the fights I don't sleep anymore Haven't quit cigarettes Losing my will to eat Or even get out of my bed I have friends who will listen  But I don't want to talk This life is so alien Where the hell did I go? -Max L. Wisdom

[writermaxlwisdom]

Kill/Prey/Scavenge

i like the coldness of the rain i like the fires burning out i like the summer growing dull i like the colors fading in

but most of all, i love the way you left without as kiss just like the day we never should have met

I’m tired.

i’ll pick the scraps up as i run retrace the path of steps i wish i never took i think you should have grabbed my neck and poked your nails into my throat

i only found you pretty ‘cause i met your ghost before your soul you only came to hate me ‘cause it was the only way around-

The guilt.

press my lips into the dirt and lose my name within the wind the crows will gather to a murder in my shadow open that dusty old book and tell the story loud and clear i’ll change the names so they hurt me instead of you

i hate the color of her dress i hate the light inside my eyes i hate the truth behind the veil i hate the way you haunt me still

but least of all, i hate the only time you loved me was when i gave everything and my own flesh

so to you i gave my bones for you to gnaw on after dinner and i cut open my eyes to prove they never strayed from you

so to you i gave my heart to lock away and hide the key but oh look you grabbed a knife and took your anger out on me

what’s left is out to dry within the heat of tattered lands i’ve lost my will to live and so-

The vultures find their food and eat. -Max L. Wisdom