Emily🐒 @x-emmerz - Tumblr Blog

keithrichrdsmoved

1974 will be my year

michellepsychologist

💛🧡💚

I love this so much

💚🧡💛

zeonxox

ALL OF THIS ugh my heart

imagineleonkennedy

Some positivity for your day

anxietyproblem

theonion

Knife Condemned To Week Inside Saran-Wrapped Brownie Pan

jennilah

went to see if my late package maybe showed up without being scanned

jennilah

but the post man yesterday said it would be here at ooooooooooone

jennilah

is 9…………. post office closing time……. no pkg……………………………………………………… >:C

jennilah

well at least i can skip my post office visit tomorrow

jennilah

i mean what did i expect really

a package?

too unrealistic

jennilah

amazon sent me a replacement for my lost package and it “arrived” today

jennilah

omg she recognized me immediately and got nervous with me while checking the system using my name

she was just as distraught as me when it turned up “arriving tomorrow” again but then she had another idea

cursedwitchazel

mail is dumb

skodasforge

The mail lady saying “NO. I REFUSE to say it again” was more climactic than the Braveheart speech.

tiktoks-we-like

dankmemeuniversity

x-emmerz

Sexy Chegg hahah

#I didn't know what it was lmao

careens

he was a tater tot, she said see ya later thot

careens

she ran a hater blog, he said he was pepe frog

c3rvida3

I’m going to save up for a new motorcycle by running a scam where I bet straight dudes at bars twenty bucks that I can get a girl’s number in under five minutes and then politely walk up her and say, “I just bet that asshole twenty bucks that I could get your number. I’ll split it with you if you pretend to laugh like I just said a good pick up line and then write a fake number on my hand.”

Like, I never understood those kind of bets in those shitty teen movies. Everybody loves being part of a scheme, man. Use your head.

drivablecar

If anyone ever does this to me I’ll call them out on being a con artist.

c3rvida3

Joke’s on you, buddy. That’ll only have consequences the first, what, couple dozen times? I can take a punch.

But then eventually, I’ll have money for the bike, and whenever I get called out, I’ll just speed off, and, sure, maybe I crash and die in a gutter and the police can’t figure out why I have hundreds of fake phone numbers stuffed in my jacket and it launches a huge investigation that becomes sort of a local legend, but you know whose problem that is? Not fucking mine.

Because I’m a slutty motorcycle ghost, and who’s gonna’ stop me then? The ghost cops? Nice try. Everybody knows cops can’t become ghosts because they just go straight to hell. It’s basic math.

drivablecar

Moral of the story, don’t be a con artist or you will die in a horrible accident and become a lonely ghost.

c3rvida3

First of all, don’t you ever accuse me of having morals, narrative or otherwise, ever again.

And second, where did I say I’d be lonely? I’d be a ghost on a motorcycle. That’s the sexiest thing that there is. You look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn’t bone Ghostrider. Look me in the goddamn eyes.