She's not stupid at all, quite the opposite actually. She's incredibly smart and wonderfully attentive. But when I fuck her she's the dumbest little helpless brain dead fuck toy there is.
On this day one year ago, I was fired from Crumbl Cookies because my grandfather suddenly died and I cried when I found out and was on the clock. They make you sign a waiver to not talk about the recipes that lasts one year after your termination. Well guess what babes. That day, is today. RIP Nanu, you’ve been missed. But for anyone who likes the Chocolate Chip Cookies or the Iced Sugar Cookies, check out the recipes in the links. Feel free to ask about other recipes, it’s been a year but some things are just reskinned versions of these lol. Good Luck and Happy Baking.
Crumbl Cookies Actual Chocolate Chip Recipe from a former employee who is no longer bound by their NDA:
to make approximately 35 cookies (or 140 minis!):
ingredients:
2 pounds of SALTED butter
1 pound of white sugar
1.5 pounds of brown sugar
8 whole eggs
4 pounds of flour
*half an ingredient pack* Crumbl has an ingredient packet that goes into their cookies to make sure that no one but corporate officially knows their recipes. however based on what is missing from a standard chocolate chip cookie recipe and what happens to the cookies if you forget the packet I have come up with this solution
5 tablespoons baking soda
5 tablespoons baking powder
2.75 pounds milk chocolate chips *** Crumbl originally used Ghirardelli but switched to their own brand in the summer of 2021.
Instructions:
preheat your oven to 290 degrees F or 143 C
soften your butters in your microwave, this step is crucial. you want them NOT at all melted, but soft enough to mold with your hands easily
put your butters and sugars into a large bowl, it’s easiest if this is a stand mixer, but if not an electric hand mixer is fine. you *may* attempt this by hand but i would recommend you don’t.
if you have levels choose your most medium level and beat your butter and sugar for 10 minutes. seriously. and it’s probably not done. scrape the sides, if there is any resistance it’s not done. the texture you’re going for is like passing your spatula through a cloud. you should feel no resistance, the mixture will be light, fluffy and if you feel it between your fingers it will be silky with *slight* sugary texture. imagine applying it to your face, it’s a daily cleanser not a weekly exfoliant.
when you’re pretty sure you got it to the right texture go for 1 more minute just to be safe.
now that’s over with turn your mixer down to 1, and add half of your eggs. let them mostly incorporate. all yolks should be broken and you should only see slight streaks of yellow. then add your second half of the eggs and look for the same consistency.
scrape the bottom of the bowl to make sure no yolks are hiding down there!
now add your flour all once! yup! mix it on low *just* until you see a dough start to form. There should still be plenty of unincorporated flour!!!
then add your chocolate chips.
mix until you have a smooth and consistent mixture.
crumbl cookies weighs each chocolate chip cookie at 5.5 ounces.
my best approximation is that you’ll be making about 35 cookies so go for that if you don’t have a scale.
the shape of the crumbl cookie can be achieved by making a large ball of dough then tearing off the top to leave a ripped top. those cracks and spikes are part of the signature. so you can skip this step if you just want a good cookie recipe.
*if you want to make the minis like Crumbl does for catering the weight is 1.3 ounces and the bake time is 10 minutes*
place on a parchment lined baking sheet leaving 2 inches between each cookie and the edges of the baking sheet. You can fit 9 on a standard cookie sheet.
bake your cookies for 16 minutes!
*important* i know the temptation to eat the cookies directly out of the oven is great. BUT. the cookies actually are not done baking fresh out of the oven! they bake outside of the oven in their own heat for 5 minutes while they cool! so wait at least 5 minutes or 10 if you have self control!
I fucking hate the “explaining = invalidating” when it comes to apologies. Yes, sometimes a person means to invalidate you by saying this, but sometimes we genuinely just want to fucking explain our side so we can properly communicate.
I do not know what the fuck is wrong until I’m told what I’ve done wrong and feel the need to explain in order for us to see both of our sides
I like getting explanations with apologies because for me it helps lessen the damage that was done or can help clear the negative emotions.
I’ve had multiple people say it’s a sign that I’m a bad person that I don’t apologize right away, or that I’m giving explanations instead of owning up and apologizing (which is fucking hard for me to know if I’m actually in the wrong or not and people doing this shit does NOT fucking help). Apologies aren’t always just a “Sorry” one and done deal thing.
Also when you’re a trauma survivor and/or are neurodivergent, it makes it really fucking hard to differentiate whether you legitimately need to apologize or if you’re being manipulated or unfairly treated. Don’t be an asshole if a trauma survivor has difficulty differentiating your intentions and let us try to communicate. Don’t automatically shut them down as making excuses, most of the time they’re literally just trying to make sense of the situation.
(again this isn’t including the people legitimately trying to gaslight or invalidate you when you want an apology)
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