I'm hiding! In the cookie jar!

Katie. Aww yiss. 46. Queer, whatever.

[tarragonthedragon]

i just got the "see where your blood has gone!" email from giving blood but it glitched and just showed me my current location. which. theyre not wrong. that is where most of my blood is

[jordanbolton]

To The Person Who Was Sitting Near Me On The Train - Jordan Bolton

My first book ‘Blue Sky Through the Window of a Moving Car’ is out Nov 7th and is available to pre-order here - https://smarturl.it/BlueSky

[shetheyslain]

Trying to sleep during a heatwave is a great reminder that all oil executives need to die painful painful deaths

[isuggestrevolution]

good suggestion

[black-lodge-gatekeeper]

Bestie English - best friend Bestie Czech - beast, brute, monster

[bnq]

synonyms

[damnednyx]

Bestie

[creatures-in-posts]

Confirmed creature post

[that-house]

partially-managed mental illness is so fucking funny i'll be sitting around doing my job and suddenly think "wow i hate myself" and immediately get confused because, like, that's not TRUE! i love myself so much. who are you to talk to me like that

[kumkaniudaku]

And then you can’t even say shit about bc people start trying to put you in a jacket and shit. Like omg it’s so strict???

[dogpuppy]

[nineteenyearoldmeblog]

im fucking crying

[shirecorn]

Fascinating categorization is happening here

[mingpicket]

kink: deleting someone’s pointless comment by reblogging the post from the same person they did

[yzghuldar]

I mean, that’s censorship but okay.

[nutsacktorturer]

ksvskwbidbwkdbskbsjw

[king-of-the-freeway]

[maja-paja]

[depsidase]

[regainingparadise]

When #myshane retires, he doesn’t go into coaching or podcasting or whatever.

He becomes a consultant who shitty teams trying to not suck, good teams who want to last further into the playoffs, great teams who want to finally win the cup, call to Fix Them.

He is paid absolutely bonkers amounts of money to watch a team play for five minutes and immediately diagnose what’s wrong with them. He is always right.

Ok 5 minutes is probably an exaggeration. The coaches send him a bunch of tape to review in advance. They probably focus on their best players or the ones they think need the most improvement, but half the time Shane requests more, focusing on players they hadn’t paid much attention to before. Then one day at practice, the players look up into the stands and are filled with awe, terror, and wonder, because Shane Hollander is sitting there staring directly at them with a scarily thoughtful look on his face.

He meets with the coaches and gm and reports his conclusions. Who to trade and for who , how to get better results from certain players, how to run power plays and penalty kills, changes in line makeups.

Some lucky players get to meet with him. He takes about five minutes to list off or demonstrate everything they need to do to stop sucking. He has no time for chit chat or hero worship. Focus, listen, learn, and do exactly what he says and you will be good. Fail to do what he says and you will shame your entire bloodline.

I think that, if he’s not the one actually playing, this would be a dream job. It involves Knowing Things About Hockey, Judging Shitty Hockey Players, Getting Recognized As The Best at Hockey, Being Correct, and Making Hockey Better. He should get to do all these things

[splend-42]

If I were a murderer, and I'd meticulously planned a murder, and then I turned up at the place to do the murder and found that world-famous-murder-solver Hercule Poirot was also there, I would simply not do the murder.

[ilyapasta]

Anyway scrimmages are enrichment for post-rivalry married on the Cens hollanov. Don’t talk to Shane right now Luca, he’s thinking about slamming Ilya into the boards and saying “Too slow, eh Rozanov?” Before expertly stealing the puck and scoring with reckless aggression on their poor backup goalie. He’s going to suck on Ilya’s bruise later. Wiebe is wondering if this is at all productive but like. Hollander and Rozanov did take a slight pay-cut.

[ilyapasta]

Ilya in a huddle with Bood and Troy and the d-men like “don’t fuck this up for me we have to take him down” and Troy is smirking like “don’t you mean them?” And Ilya is like “NO. Hollander. We take him down like a hoard of ants. Why are you laughing Barrett? This is not funny. This is not haha. He sees through you and knows all your fears. He is relentless. When he can’t play hockey he reads about it. What was the last book you read, Dykstra?”

[lavenderprose]

Shane also needs to interact with other gay men just to understand how truly lucky he is. He needs to hear someone go off about going on Grindr to find a top for the night and then finding out that all of the guys who have the 'Hung' tag on their profile are packing like five and a half inches at MOST and then Shane has to be like "Oh that. Yeah that sounds rough." Meanwhile he lost his anal virginity to a knockout with model looks who works out for a living and started their relationship by jerking his enormous hog at him in a communal shower which has always been one of Shane's top five fantasies. And he's literally never had to be on The Apps because he's the bottom of all time actually and the DomTop with the enormous dick imprinted on him like a fucking duckling the first time Shane came untouched under him which was, I cannot stress this enough, when he LOST HIS VIRGINITY.

Like shut the fuck up Shane Hollander how does it feel to be the chosen one. He has to confront all of this because he needs to know that he has, once again, won at life in every meaningful way. And then he can sit there like :] while that sad bottom over there bemoans the Grindr biome.

[persimmony-snicket]

these tags by @mybloodstream-caffeine are everything 2 me

[gurlsrool]

have we considered the possibility of Shane and Ilya being at a fundraising event put on by the Centaurs and there are retired players there. One was their star center when Shane was a kid and Shane gets SO flustered talking to him. Ilya’s just standing there, watching his husband blush over a tall, brash hockey player with curly hair and he’s like …you’re kidding me

the guy walks away and Shane tells Ilya that he had all the guy’s posters as a kid and he was soooo obsessed with him. Ilya’s like “uh huh. yeah. I’m sure”, simultaneously offended and so turned on by the confirmation that he’s the epitome of his husband’s type

[hr-rep]

Shane getting criticized for not using pride tape and he’s caught on a mic later that week saying I didn’t realize it wasn’t the sucking dick that made me gay but the rainbow . Which is how he comes out.

[hr-rep]

@persimmony-snicket EXACTLYYYY

[notgaybuckybarnes]

JAMES NORTON House of the Dragon 3.04 "Tumbleton"