Who, me? I'm just tired.

Hello, follow my daily blog-esque account for a daily dose of boring & stress! My name is E. Rose and I'll be sharing a small part of my life here. Feel free to interact <3

[yeshdaily]

Hello, everyone! I've revamped this old studyblr into a journal account where I'll be sharing my day 🐥

This has been in my repeats every day now, I am obsessed!

[herosuggestion]

acts of bravery that go underappreciated: - taking medication/seeing a professional - bringing up something that makes you anxious and talking through it - admitting you made a mistake - sending a message first - apologizing - standing up for yourself

feel free to add on!

[galaxies-of-apple-trees]

Eating a meal

Opening up

Leaving a place that makes you uncomfortable

Setting boundaries, even teeny-tiny ones

[poetryofmuses]

I am, as the poet says, an overthinker

[2103lovexx]

People don't realize how much strength it takes to pull your own self out of a dark place mentally. So, if you've done that today or any day, I'm proud of you.

[slightlyaggressiveaffirmations]

IT’S ACTUALLY ALRIGHT TO BE AFRAID OF CHANGE, FRIEND!!!

CHANGE IS TOTES FUCKING SCARY!!! YOU ARE WIRED TO HAVE FEAR OF UNKNOWN SITUATIONS - THAT’S AN EVOLUTIONARY RESPONSE TO KEEP YOU SAFE!!! GOOD WORK, BODY!!! BUT YOU CAN PUT THAT RESPONSE ASIDE AND SAY “IT’S OK - THIS IS AN UNKNOWN SITUATION THAT I WELCOME, DESPITE THE FEAR” IF YOU WANT TO!!!

[inspirinquotes]

[indi-element]

What's wrong?

everything bitch don’t act stupid

[ryanlewisandclark]

Tim’s liver is falling.

Fuck.

Fuck

fuck

[ryanlewisandclark]

Please, Tim needs $225 for the meds that are supposed to stabilize his liver and keep him from going septic. I’m trying to help him process all of this and be present for him and I’m just utterly under-fucking-qualified and I can’t cover this.

His doc is saying he might make it to Christmas. On the outside. Might.

I don’t know how to process this. I don’t know how to help. I don’t know what to do.

Please help.

Image Description: A white flyer with black text and a photo of Tim Nash, a man in a white shirt with very short hair and beard wearing sunglasses atop his head smiling into the camera and making a peace sign with his left hand. Text reads: Call to action - Tim Nash - linktr.ee/timnash Our formerly incarcerated friend Tim has been diagnosed with Leiomyosarcoma - which is a rare form of cancer. He needs our help raising funds to pay for rent, for continuing treatment, and paying for medication & groceries. Please Boost!

CashApp: $Bonez0523

Venmo: @Bonez2420

PayPal: @Bonez412

[studentlifeproblems]

[aireina]

would you prefer to learn French or Italian before you die?

the threatening aura of this message reads like it was sent by the duolingo owl

[regularlesbian]

fun fact: any policy on drugs that isn’t harm reduction is going to cause addicts to suffer and die

[uncanney]

fun fact: Drug addiction is a public health issue, and approaching it as if it were a law enforcement issue is prejudicial to addicts and will result in their suffering and death

[jumpingjacktrash]

if you just assume addiction is a method of self-medicating, you’ll pretty much never be wrong.

now, not everything people self-medicate for actually has a proper treatment. i’m pretty sure the reason my uncle made sure to be slightly drunk at all times ‘to round the sharp corners off of things’ was sensory processing disorder. i have that too, and i just kind of accept that i’m going to randomly get my brain sandpapered from time to time. there is no medication for that. all you can do is dull your senses. i’ve chosen not to, but i can’t blame him for his decisions. when a ringing phone feels like getting hit upside the head with a frying pan, liver damage sounds like a fair price to pay.

anyway, it seems really self-evident to me that people don’t enjoy living the life of an addict, they do it because the alternative looks worse. people don’t get addicted to substances just for funsies. they start making a habit of taking something because of insomnia, or grief, or headaches, or depression, or seething undirected rage and terror they can’t put a name to – something that they can’t ignore or shrug off. and for whatever reason – lack of access, lack of knowlege, lack of money, or it just plain doesn’t exist – they aren’t able to apply the Approved Correct Remedy. they use what they can get.

addicts aren’t some weird otherfolk who inexplicably just Do Drugs because they’re Bad. addicts are you with a problem you can’t solve.

[mikkeneko]

these facts aren’t fun but they are pretty important

[leddzephyr]

if you’ve never heard of an experiment called Rat Park, there’s a good comic about it here.

Rat Park drug experiment comic about addiction – Stuart McMillen comics

Comic about a classic experiment into drug addiction science: Rat Park. Would rats choose to take drugs if given a stimulating environment a

tl;dr version: most studies of addiction use rats locked in socially isolated cages, and Dr. Bruce Alexander thought “if i were locked in a box i would probably do drugs too” so he gathered a team and they put a bunch of rats in cages and then took another set of rats and built them the dopest little rat paradise filled with everything their little rodent hearts could ever want, and then gave both groups morphine laced water. the rats in cages got addicted to the detriment of the health every time, but the ones in Rat Park avoided it. if regular water was available, they would drink that instead of the morphine laced one, and if they were only given morphine laced water, as soon as regular water was reintroduced, they switched back.

the point is that while the DEA and the War on Drugs would have you believe that drugs themselves are unbelievably evil and their mere presence turns good people bad, Rat Park shows that more than anything really addiction is a social, societal, and environmental disease.

but it’s easier for the government to demonize addicts and make money off of them by throwing them in for profit prisons where they die or get exposed to worse drugs or forced them into prison like rehab centers that treat it like a moral and individual failing, so of course they relapse when they leave, because all that is easier and more profitable than changing society to care for it’s members and provide ALL of us with the means to prosper regardless of whether or not we are deemed worthy enough.

[leddzephyr]

i know i just posted this but i want to add that if you take this model of addiction a lot of things that people largely dismiss as fake addictions become really clear.

if someone’s self esteem is so incredibly low that the only time they feel loved or wanted is by having sex, it’s much easier to see how that can become pathological and addictive to the point of neglecting other things; the same with binge eating: if the only way you can get dopamine is through eating then it seems really reasonable that that could become a disorder.

people rag on how marijuana isn’t addictive and people who go to rehab for it are stupid and weak because the brain scans and biochemistry is not nearly as horrible as something like heroin or meth, but that misconstrues addiction again as something 100% biological and it isn’t. if you need to “round out the edges” as someone above said, or you need to just feel a little happiness, or calm some anxiety, or just sleep even, then of course taking marijuana (in any form) can become pathological and addictive.

addictions are maladaptive coping mechanisms because healthy ones were unavailable or outright denied. a purely biochemical understanding of addiction misses the crux of the problem, is dehumanizing, lacks empathy, and literally kills people. just because the addictive substance or act won’t kill you the same was as an opioid overdose doesn’t mean it isn’t harmful, both immediately and long term, or even lethal.

[awed-frog]

Here is the link! What an amazing idea ❤️

[academiquewilde-deactivated2021]

You made it to the end of this year and I am proud of you. Don't be so hard on yourself, please.

[yeshdaily]

Laziness is trying to kick my ass and I've have not been progressing much in my lessons. Hopefully I get better at overcoming this stuff! Stay safe and well ♡

12.06.2020

[archae-heart-deactivated2021012]

Norway

[inkskinned]

oh, i am finally old enough to know why my parents took so long to grab their coats. why they would ask us to get ready to go only to sit down for another round of coffee. what would i tell myself, at 10 years old? it’s okay. sit down with them too. take in the extra hour with your friend and her family. when you get home, write down every moment in your diary. one day you will be older and you will be waving goodbye to your best friend, and you will turn the key to start your beat up little car engine, and you will look back over your shoulder. her hair will be blowing in the wind and she will be beautiful and you will be, for a moment, struck by all of it. what you will feel is so wide and nameless that it will engulf you. and you will think of being 14 and kicking her under the table in math every time you wanted to whisper something behind the teacher’s back. you will think about how long the days felt, and how you could hold her hand whenever you wished, but you didn’t. and you will think about all of the people you could have lingered with. and you will wish, more than you have ever felt a wish, that the universe just gave you that - more time to linger. more time to say - i love you. i know i need to leave, but i don’t want to leave you. and when i go, i am leaving a piece of my heart that lingers too. 

one more round of coffee. the days are so short, and you are so lovely.

[bakwaaas]

“The number of hours we have together is actually not so large. Please linger near the door uncomfortably instead of just leaving. Please forget your scarf in my life and come back later for it.” (mikko harvey)

[fangirlinginleatherboots]

some things that horror movie culture has taught you are scary…. are just ableist

[artishroom]

….clarify?

[fangirlinginleatherboots]

okay sure. psychosis? scarier to have than to know someone who has it. DID? im more a threat to myself than people around me. wheelchairs and psych meds? are tools that help people live more functional and flexible lives and are not judgments of the persons character and for sure are not scary things. and for real, intellectually disabled people are not threats, but movies love to make them villains because they act different and understand the world differently. and people with notable physical differences? people who’s bodies look different? people with scars, growths, amputations, etc? are literally just people. and seeing themselves painted like monsters on the big screen is absolutely sickening and damaging to how society will see them.

its not only bad writing but its extremely harmful to people who actually live with conditions that are misrepresented in media. when i found out i had DID, my mom freaked out because her only point of reference was Sybil. when i was younger and first went on psych meds, i thought it meant i was set on a track to be a bad person, because in so many movies and video games you find out the bad guy has medication in his bed side table for some sort of psych disorder. the worst thing a hallucination has ever made me do was wake my mom up at 3 AM to check my bathroom to see if the bugs i saw everywhere were real and the worst thing an “episode” of any sort has made me do is hurt myself. my ptsd doesnt make me kill people, my alters dont kidnap people, my autism doesnt make me so morally unaware that ill murder for senselessly, my ocd doesnt make me hurt people etc etc etc

literally the only “horror” is the ableism. and the only way you can write good horror about disability and mental illness is if the focus is on how society and the medical field treat us rather than focusing on how we are apparently so scary, threatening, and bad.

[quiet-reassurance]

Horror is and has historically been an incredibly ableist genre, and it is still largely unrecognized as such. This has genuine severe and real-life consequences for disabled and neurodivergent people in real life. Please keep this in mind if you are abled and/or neurotypical.