I spent the afternoon arranging our books by size and color (and it’s so satisfying and looks amazing) and my partner came home and stared in shock at the bookcase and then said “i’m a librarian, you can’t do this.”
it has occurred me during this process that apparently not everyone thinks about books by what color they are? like, literally when i’m looking for a book, i picture it in my mind. i have a very…tactile experience with the books i read and idk! i thought everyone did that lol.
my partner was like “how will i find [this book] for instance” and i replied “easy, it’s purple” and he looked at me like i was a witch.
This actually is interesting in terms of information-seeking behavior, which is a thing librarians think about a lot and often actually study (some library jobs require you to publish, and academic librarians, for instance, will often use the students at the college they work at to study how they search for information in order to figure out how to best provide them services).
When you go for an MLS (Master’s of Library Science, which is a thing, and which is usually required for “professional-level” library work [which is also a weird and contentious concept that I won’t go into here]), one of the things you study is the organization of information. This deals with how to determine what a book or other material is “about"—a concept we tongue-in-cheek call “aboutness"—and how to convey that to a potential user of the item and make it easy for them to find. Things like keywords and subject headings, do I put this book about how often wild birds attack aerial drones in with books about birds or with books about technology, if its a fictional novel do I put fantasy in it’s own section or mix it in with all of the other fiction, so on and so on.
OP is organizing books by how they would look for them. OP’s partner is thinking in terms of aboutness. This is a system that works for OP because it’s their personal library: they know basically what books they own and they only own books that are relevant to them, and if they know what the book looks like, that can be a quick way to find it.
In a library that assumes the public (or people who do not own that particular collection of books) are using the collection, that doesn’t work. Books are often re-issued in multiple covers, or re-bound in new covers when they get worn out, and if the user doesn’t know what the book looks like or is expecting a different cover, they’re lost. That’s why non-personal libraries used standardized cataloging systems like the Dewey Decimal System or Library of Congress System to organize a book by what it’s “about”, and then put books about the same or similar topics together, marked with labels and signage so a person unfamiliar with the book or collection can find their way to it.
Basically, OP’s system works for their own personal library, because it’s best suited to how the primary user—OP themselves—looks for books. OP’s librarian partner is coming from a background of thinking in terms of a public-facing collection, where aboutness is the key criteria and communicating it to a user unfamiliar with the collection is the priority.
The first time, she says "To me," and the mirror dutifully shows her her reflection. And she is pleased.
The second time, she says "To the King," and she is pleased to see herself once more.
The third time, she says "To the Royal Advisor," and is once more satisfied to see herself.
The fourth time, she says "To the scribe who takes the King's letters." She is shown the man's wife. And she seethes, but quiets herself, for it is only right that a man loves his wife.
The fifth time, she says "To the Court Wizard," and is shown the man's departed mother as he remembers her from his youth, radiant and smiling and warm and larger than life.
The tenth time, she says "To the Stable Master," and is shown the fastest horse in the stable, majestic and free as the wind even in captivity
"To the baker," she is shown the man's daughter, young and adorable and full of joy and laughter.
"To the artist who did my portrait," she is shown a painting of a woman done by the man's teacher, who he still looks up to now that he is well established himself.
"To the Royal Knight," she is surprised but not displeased to see the castle's entire guard force in the middle of doing drills.
The one hundredth time she asks the mirror, and it asks her "to whom?" she once again says, "To me." And she does the same the one hundred and second, and again and again and again.
It is a different person each time, and they are all beautiful.
90% of age gaps don’t matter when you’re a grown adult as long as you don’t have a repeated pattern of dating people barely legal. I would date someone 30 years older than me if I liked them who gaf
This entire conversation is somehow 90% people infantilizing themselves and 10% actually people talking about the issue of men who never grow out of dating 18/19 year olds. No it is not a big deal when a 25 year old dates a 35 year old please get a grip
Chimes with a thought I've had for a while, actually; sleep deprivation might mean I explain this badly, but:
What a red flag actually means: something here is an indicator of a potential problem (but might be fine with a reasonable explanation)
What people have now decided it means: abuse
I've lost count of the number of times I've now had to read variants of "My partner takes all my money and gives me back an allowance because he says it's a man's job to control finances, but he's racking up gambling debts" being met with "Wow this man is a walking red flag" no Becky that is abuse. That is not an indicator. He is an abuser. Call the police. We have lost the concept of a proxy: a thing that indicates a more important thing. And it's relevant to this conversation because I'm actually going to go out on a limb here:
With the obvious exception of paedophilia, age gaps themselves aren't a problem at all - they are a proxy for the actual harmful phenomenon. Hea me out, let me explain
The reason we don't like age gaps is because of the implied power dynamic. If one partner, usually male, is older than other - particularly if the other is still quite young - the risk is that what we're seeing is a worldly wise predator who is exploiting the lack of life experience of a young beautiful woman by mentally abusing her until she's no longer young and pretty enough to satisfy, at which point he'll move on to the next. There have been enough examples of this in human history. It's unfortunately not an uncommon pattern. Genders can also be diverse in this scenario
We can't necessarily see that dynamic from the outside. But we CAN see an inherent element of it: the ages of the people involved. So age becomes a proxy for the abuse. And, hey, it's often correct.
But here's the thing: the ages themselves are not causing harm.
The power dynamic is. The abuse is.
Plenty of age gap relationships are loving, healthy and steadfast. Two people met and genuinely fell in love regardless of the outer packaging, and have a relationship with all the highs and lows and challenges and rewards as any more traditional pairing. This happens all the time
Is the age gap a red flag? Sure! It indicates a potential issue.
Is it inherently abusive? Absolutely fucking not.
OP is right - we need to stop focusing just on the numbers and twisting the facts to fit by infantilising the younger partners, and start focusing on the actual harms. The DiCaprio Pattern of only dating under 24s repeatedly is itself a proxy, too, actually - but a much stronger one than the simple presence of an age gap.
(Even so, in DiCaprio's case, until any of his former partners come forward and describe him as abusive, actually, even that is up in the air - my personal interpretation, given how strong a pattern it is, is that he's a loser who views women as trophies (consciously or not). If any have come forward and I don't know about it, of course, fair enough. But those women were adults capable of making their own decisions, even if they might later come to regret it. And regretting poor decisions is part of life! That's how it goes, particularly with relationships. As long as they weren't abused, there's no biggie. And just as he was looking for young-and-beautiful, there's no way they weren't, on some level, looking for rich-and-famous; it goes both ways.)
Also, another element of this: I think a lot of modern extreme puritan discourse on this is actually ironically down to the age of those taking part. Up until your late 20s, ten years is actually a huge span of time to you, because in your own life you were in a completely different developmental phase ten years ago (teenager), and a completely different phase again ten years before that (child). That skews your sense of what a ten-year gap means. Whereas once you're in your 30s and beyond, ten years is like. Yeah I was an adult ten years ago, and I still am now. That's two adults. Who cares.
(Anyway I am hoping and praying I explained that well enough, and also that Tumblr's famous reading comprehension skills are solid enough to follow)
i shall... attempt to translate, but i don't understand CN, so this was done in google translate with me trying to soften the phrasing
Read below:
This is the fate of all Miemeng birds.
They are tricked into the (outside) world by some pitiful human with a tragic fate. They would then willingly give their bone staffs and lives to buy those people a chance to change their fate. In the end, only he remains on the vast mountain.
Yanping has never descended the mountain.
He is no different from the other Miemengs; they look through the entire land, then resolutely descend the mountain, understanding their fate while collecting the remains of their kin. Yanping once thought he would be the exception, that he wouldn't linger, mistakenly believing he was only briefly passing through this scene.
Note: so they would descend the mountain to collect the bone remains of their kin, then go back to their home. Yanping thought he would just do that: collect the bones, then get out. He wouldn't linger, because lingering would mean getting involved in human business.
He was wrong.
The first time he descended the mountain, he heard the vibrations of his kin's calling in his own bones. This hum, as subtle as snow melting in a furnace, instantly conveyed the message of his kin's death in a spiritual way. Now, there was no one else on the mountain to collect the bones, so Yanping flapped his wings, leaving the locust tree where he had long perched alone, and headed in the direction it pointed.
He thought he would only collect the bones, but when he flew to the palace on the high mountain, he saw the sorrowful, living faces of his people, transformed into human form. The sorrow was so immense that it obscured everything; he thought he would see bones, but for the first time, he saw their skin (physical appearance?) instead of their bones.
Question: Does this mean that after giving up their immortality, they would completely become human-looking?
“Yanping.”
His clansman called to him without opening their eyes. The one called did not answer. After a long while, Yanping only uttered the word: “Why?”
Why? To exchange your life for another's, why? He failed, was it worth it?
He only asked the question, then flapped his wings and flew away. He flew so forcefully that he startled the guards; but he didn't care. He needed to escape this tomb called Yong'an Palace as quickly as possible; inside were buried living people, his former clansmen.
On his second descent down the mountain, he did not heard his bones resonate. He only knew that he would descend, and then exchange the locust wood for the remains (of his kin's bones). He did all this with practiced ease, because he had rehearsed it beforehand, and because he knew there would be no more exchanges after this (because he is now the last Miemeng alive).
He carefully wrapped the remains in a cloth, and watched the magnificent procession carried the locust wood (casket, I think) floating away. After a long time, Yanping softly spoke:
“Was it worth it?”
The bones hummed softly, before falling silent.
"(Someday) you will understang, Yanping."
Note: In a way, his story is similar to 6, a struggle against fate. A Miemeng's fate is predetermined, but Yanping did not want that. He did not want to exchange his immortality to alter a human's fate, but all of his clansmen did. Why? He didn't understand.
Notes:
燕平 finally i get the correct CN characters with certainty...! (don't laugh, i really can't read CN) 😂 The meaning is indeed "Swallow of Peace"
The tree where Getian lived is a locust tree 槐树. Other names: Styphnolobium japonicum, the Japanese pagoda tree, the Chinese scholar tree
Allies in the Suitcase
The Miemeng bird is said to be able to read people by their bones, able to see the texture and shape of a person's bones through their eyes. They believe a person's bone structure is connected to their destiny, and that it can reveal their past and present lives. Legend has it that the Miemeng bird can forgo immortality to alter the fate of others.
Udimo
A near extinct bird species. Extremely rare. Large in size, with sharp claws, and very low aggression. Its wingspan is approximately seven meters. Its feathers are soft and easily shed, especially when frightened, but its call is melodious.
Observations suggest that it is strongly attracted to flashes of lights and bone-like objects when no one else is present.
is this written by Name Day? lol
Historical record: Currency established by the Getian clan
A traveling merchant from the foot of the mountain, citing classical texts, held up several copper coins engraved with reliefs of black birds and earnestly described how the Getian clan used them. Getian found this amusing and traded them for baskets woven from willow and cattail reeds.
From the Manuscript
After setting the story in Pei City, we realized that "accidentally entering Peach Blossom Spring (Notes on Shuori)" needed an introducer. Otherwise, if the protagonists from the foreign land (Miss Bessmert and Yenisei) were to directly went to the heart of the story (entering Pei City directly without meeting Getian first), it would become "invading Peach Blossom Spring" instead of "accidentally entering," losing the charm of a "chance discovery" in a supernatural tale and becoming somewhat nonsensical. Therefore, Getian became this introductory character.
In Getian, we attempted to convey the concept of "going up and down the mountain," or "leaving and entering the world," a question that has remained unanswered for a long time. Another topic is mentioned more frequently in various works: what would it be like to observe all living beings from the perspective of an "immortal"? Perhaps the answer is often to bridge differences and integrate into the community.
We hope to give Getian a choice, a path still to be explored, rather than a predetermined answer. Only after he descends the mountain, traversing the vastness of the world and knowing its limitations, can he find the freedom that truly belongs to him.
To distinguish him from the typical mysterious elder, besides designing his image as a bird-like half-human, we also used Getian and Jiu Niangzi as contrasting figures. Getian is someone who lives in seclusion but whose heart yearns for the fire (excitement?) below the mountains, while Jiu Niangzi is a someone who lives in the city but whose heart is in the seclusion.
On the mountain, he had witnessed countless partings, and only on this day, hundreds of years later, did he truly understand the meaning of reunion. Just as his character's storyline, "The Wind Rises in the World," says, it is "the wings that flap after countless partings." He can fly, and he is no longer lazy in flapping his wings.
Left:
Over 600 years old
Very sensitive and is easily frightened/startled when someone visited
I always think of the description I saw years ago: Self-imposed deadlines don't help me, because I know the person who set them, and they're full of shit.
idk if this is an usamerican thing or not but it always blows my mind as a small european country resident that yall have many names and types of apples???? what do you mean its not just red yellow or green??? why is it so complicated??? who is granny smith????
areudirty
gracieabrams
prguitarman
2087
turnnoffyourmind
tangentwithtanner
pixelskylines
romaincrisis
