those are my speed holes, they help me go fast.

I have returned because books

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

hmmm

[caecilius-est-pater]

[valtsv]

ra ra rasputin is objectively the funniest song ever written it's like "rasputin was an advisor to the romanovs and honestly he was a bit of a power-hungry conman (oof)... but you're not here for a history lesson! you want to know how much he fucked, don't you? well i'll tell you: he fucked. he fucked often and severely."

[valtsv]

and it's a banger

[photos-of-space]

[animedrool-deactivated20190530]

Earth and Moon from Saturn, July 19, 2013

[vaporwavecorp]

3DS found with erosion and barnacles found while diving

[finalgrrrl]

no woman should ever have to explain why she doesnt do something to her body.... 'why don't you wear makeup?' 'why don't you shave?' like. thats what i look like. idk what to tell you

[lowpawly]

people foolishly dismiss desserts and treats as having no nutritional value when they actually are necessary for refilling your sanity stat. to prove my point please observe the emotional stability of the next person you meet who doesnt let themselves ever eat any form of dessert

[parkchanwoohoo]

Every time someone says "ingredients" I say "ingredience" in response and then I realize I just sound like I repeated them because it sounds the fucking same out loud

[love-alheli]

me when i say inch resting

[segamascott]

[maryfitzroy]

Have you seen Gracie? Officials in Texas search for missing giraffe

Gracie the giraffe is described as having rounded ears. She went missing from a ranch in Real County.

im crying dude

[fandomsandfeminism]

Yeehaw yall. Gracie is on the run.

[fandomsandfeminism]

To answer some common questions in the tags:

1. How do you lose a Giraffe? She apparently scaled a cliff that served as part of the enclosure (which the other giraffes in the herd had shown no interest in climbing.)

2. Well it should be easier to find her, she's a whole ass giraffe? Yeah, you'd think, but Texas ranches are fuckin huge. The man has apparently hired a helicopter and several drones to aide the search, but no luck yet. She's been seen on some game cameras on the nearby ranches though. But she's sneaky.

3. Why does a random guy in Texas have a herd of giraffes? Because it's Texas and we have basically no exotic animal regulations. No really. If you have enough land out in the hill country, you can just own stuff. It's fuckin nuts.

[nochd]

What's sending me is the "described as having rounded ears", as if to distinguish her from other stray giraffes that concerned neighbours might encounter.

[acidgirl]

this line delivery has lived in my head for 10 years

[acidgirl]

Just One Guy, Just One Spider-Man… -OR Woman?!? We don’t Know; ….forsure.

[berrytart]

quitting my job to be a full time upstairs neighbor. bowling balls are in the mail as we speak

[thecryptkeeper]

really dig these

[tropiyas]

[parakeet]

little known fact about me i was actually isekai'd into this world from the video game world. i used to be a peggle orb

[somethinginthebasement]

peggle 1 or peggle 2?

[parakeet]

peggle 1... peggle 2... who's to say... it was just 'life' back there... to me... to my fellow orbs.......

[cutecipher]

*walks into your house* *yells "order 100 snack wraps from arbys, confirm order"* *walks out*

[ozempicofficial]

[unashamedly-enthusiastic]

Tried to tip a tumblr blog at 1am and it was such a suspicious transaction it immediately put a full fraud freeze on my account

Fortunately, banks no longer just ask 'did you make that transaction' they want to make sure you weren't scammed into making that transaction and 5mins after their call will give away all your money anyway.

This is an honest to goodness life saving movement and I cannot be happier banks are adopting it

Unfortunately, it meant I had to have the most embarrassing financial call of my life

-

Me: Ah yeah I was just trying to tip a tumblr blog

Cash: right and were you directed there by a Facebook link? An Instagram advert?

Me: no I was just on tumblr...on purpose

-

Caah: and this person asked you for money?

Me: oh no they just had a funny story, which happened to be about money and I thought, "wouldn't it be funny if I tipped them"

-

Me: * covering a reblog by reblog update on the adventures my mutual was having *

Cash: okay I don't think that can actually happen though..

Me: It might not have, but i was happy to tip them just because it was funny

-

Cash: and how well do you think you know this person?

Me: *considers explaining how much I know about a beloved mutual without ever knowing their name or face* ... I have no idea who this person is

I think in the end Cash decided there was no saving me from myself

[dungeon-moss]