Zee Bitch

Dat bitch from 718

[greyhyms-deactivated20220506]

not that i’d actually wanna live in a different time period, thanks very much, but also lately im vibing the idea of being born hundreds years ago when an army trudges through my city and kills all my loved ones and i must assume a male disguise in order to seek revenge in this male-dominated society so i cut my hair short and slick it back and join the army and learn how to use a big heavy broadsword and i soon have a reputation as a great swordsman which is only overpowered by my reputation as a great lover despite the fact i never take all my clothes off but i still manage to get all the women and the other guys in my regiment can’t figure out how i’m so good with them but i just gotta shrug and play up the ladies man thing until one day i meet a princess of the blood and im charged with protecting her on a journey out of the capital but we get separated from the rest of the regiment and i start developing feelings for her because she’s spunky but i know It Can Never Be for a number of reasons and then one night she catches me bathing in the moonlight and i instinctively draw my sword because No One Can Know My Womanly Secret but also she’s the princess and also also now i’m in love with her so i simply hand the sword over but she throws it aside with a clatter and throws herself at me and we make love by the lakeside and the next day i put on my soldiers gear and we keep moving wondering what the future will hold when the enemy horde comes upon us and i defend her but am outnumbered when suddenly our separated guards catch up and we fight the invaders and i kill the man who slaughtered my family because he is conveniently part of this regiment and we’re all happy for our victory but i still look sadly at the princess because It Can Still Never Be and i must take her to the capital to meet her betrothed and we kiss and make love sadly in a tent one last time but then we finally reach the city it turns out her fiance is a huge Gay too and has a huge entourage of gays following him around and brushing lint out of his fur coats and he hires me to be the queen’s bodyguard wink wink nudge nudge and i meet her nightly using a secret passageway under the castle and also i get a really cool new sword and history doesnt remember me as anything more than a friend to the queen until centuries later when a bunch of love letters are found in a secret compartment under the castle by a lesbian librarian who was researching the local history and she falls in love with the lady castle tour guide as they bond over an interest in our love story the end 

[imperatorsapphiosa]

OP you just wrote a whole ass novel get that published

[imperatorsapphiosa]

Why would you hide this gem in the tags

[mallosoar]

You’re right. It’s true and I should say it

[noodle555]

OP POST THAT MOTHERFUCKING NOVEL

[greyhyms-deactivated20220506]

not that i’d actually wanna live in a different time period, thanks very much, but also lately im vibing the idea of being born hundreds years ago when an army trudges through my city and kills all my loved ones and i must assume a male disguise in order to seek revenge in this male-dominated society so i cut my hair short and slick it back and join the army and learn how to use a big heavy broadsword and i soon have a reputation as a great swordsman which is only overpowered by my reputation as a great lover despite the fact i never take all my clothes off but i still manage to get all the women and the other guys in my regiment can’t figure out how i’m so good with them but i just gotta shrug and play up the ladies man thing until one day i meet a princess of the blood and im charged with protecting her on a journey out of the capital but we get separated from the rest of the regiment and i start developing feelings for her because she’s spunky but i know It Can Never Be for a number of reasons and then one night she catches me bathing in the moonlight and i instinctively draw my sword because No One Can Know My Womanly Secret but also she’s the princess and also also now i’m in love with her so i simply hand the sword over but she throws it aside with a clatter and throws herself at me and we make love by the lakeside and the next day i put on my soldiers gear and we keep moving wondering what the future will hold when the enemy horde comes upon us and i defend her but am outnumbered when suddenly our separated guards catch up and we fight the invaders and i kill the man who slaughtered my family because he is conveniently part of this regiment and we’re all happy for our victory but i still look sadly at the princess because It Can Still Never Be and i must take her to the capital to meet her betrothed and we kiss and make love sadly in a tent one last time but then we finally reach the city it turns out her fiance is a huge Gay too and has a huge entourage of gays following him around and brushing lint out of his fur coats and he hires me to be the queen’s bodyguard wink wink nudge nudge and i meet her nightly using a secret passageway under the castle and also i get a really cool new sword and history doesnt remember me as anything more than a friend to the queen until centuries later when a bunch of love letters are found in a secret compartment under the castle by a lesbian librarian who was researching the local history and she falls in love with the lady castle tour guide as they bond over an interest in our love story the end 

[imperatorsapphiosa]

OP you just wrote a whole ass novel get that published

[imperatorsapphiosa]

Why would you hide this gem in the tags

[mallosoar]

You’re right. It’s true and I should say it

[noodle555]

OP POST THAT MOTHERFUCKING NOVEL

[somecutething]

Orange ball!! ORANGE BALL!!

[lost-and-wandering-alone]

What even are cats

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[getfawked120-deactivated2023053]

u good lookin ppl need 2 stop appropriating ugly culture text posts yall dont know the struggle shut up

[renxiaoyao]

no 1 ever has a crush on me cause i got an abrasive personality and am a lil ugly but that’s ok cause those are my best qualities

[unpretty]

i turned on the light in the dining room but Tubby had been sleeping in a chair and it woke her up and she was Not Pleased

[unpretty]

[unpretty]

yes

however we recently got her a new ceramic fountain that better suits her aesthetic

and her own fainting couch

but she still prefers a good lap whenever possible

[flawlessglamazon]

[burning-mind]

@unpretty what is Ms. Tubby’s full name if it is not Tubby?

[unpretty]

Tubbitha

[determined-mind-deactivated2025]

[girlwhorpsalot]

I needed this.

[mentalmentalhealth]

Thank you to all the people who posted this so I ended up seeing it. I really needed this right now. Thank you!

[aro-ace-christian]

Yeah… Not gonna lie… I cried…

[muslimintp-1999-girl]

We need more people like this

[armillary-spheres-lover]

Goddamn it stop making me feel human

[dreamsrainandwitchythings]

The therapist I wanna be.

[positivelyqueerace]

Text in the image:

“I’m a therapist and keep this poster in my waiting room, apparently it’s saved a few lives.”

I don’t like the phrase “a cry for help.” I just don’t like how it sounds. When somebody says to me, “I’m thinking about suicide. I have a plan: I just need a reason not to do it,” the last thing I see is helplessness.

I think your depression has been beating you up for years. It’s called you ugly, and stupid, and pathetic, and a failure, for so long that you’ve forgotten that it’s wrong. You don’t see any good in yourself, and you don’t have any hope.

But still here you are: you’ve come over to me, banged on my door and said, “HEY! Staying alive is REALLY HARD right now! Just give me something to fight with! I don’t care if it’s a stick! Give me a stick and I can stay alive!”

How is that helpless? I think that’s incredible. You’re like a marine: trapped for years behind enemy lines. Your gun has been taken away, you’re out of ammo, you’re malnourished, and you’ve probably caught some kind of jungle virus that’s making you hallucinate giant spiders.

And you’re still just going, “GIVE ME A STICK. I’M NOT DYING OUT HERE.” “A cry for help” makes it sound like I’m supposed to take pity on you, but you don’t need my pity. This isn’t pathetic. This is the will to survive. This is how humans lived long enough to become the dominant species.

With NO hope, running on NOTHING, you’re ready to cut through a hundred miles of hostile jungle with nothing but a stick, if that’s what it takes to get to safety.

All I’m doing is handing out sticks.

You’re the one saying alive.

[ultimate-science-nerd]

I legit cried at this. I’ve needed to hear it put this way. Bless this post.

[tea-rabbits]

Every time I see this post I stop to read the whole image. It always helps — even on the good days.

Because it wasn’t weakness. It wasn’t shameful to seek help. It wasn’t pathetic to “cry for help”. I was looking for a stick, be that from myself or from someone else. I was trying to find a way out. I was trying to heal myself.

[aurora-nerin]

this is fuckin incredible. 

[irondad-not-ironsad]

I’m sorry if I repost to many of these, but if it could be someone’s “stick” then it’s worth it

[thepaisleyelf]

have I talked about how my two cats love each other so much and they literally do everything together and they’re always piled all over each other like

even when they’re not sleeping they’re just hanging out 

[snoop-dork]

shut the fuck up and look at these fucking cats holy fucking hell shitfuck holy fuck

[tiktoks-we-like]

[grafai-ai]

Man sees crab for the first time.

[marshthemehllow]

does he...

Live in the

Sea?!

[asingularcanadian]

Some fucking

mollusk

pulls up

[writing-and-nutmeg]

[blujayonthewing]

yeah just leave it on the table for me I’ll get some in a minute

[the-real-numbers-deactivated202]

Thinking about that guy that created a cleanroom in his local makerspace and built an entire gene therapy from scratch, making a virus that supposedly delivered the ability to digest lactose and then SWALLOWED IT LIKE A MAD SCIENTIST AND CURED HIMSELF OF LACTOSE INTOLERANCE, EATING TWO CHEESE PIZZAS TO PROVE IT

[the-real-numbers-deactivated202]

The balls on this guy

[the-real-numbers-deactivated202]

Anyway we need more of these people

[the-real-numbers-deactivated202]

[the-real-numbers-deactivated202]

To reiterate, this guy created a virus FROM SCRATCH to change all of the cells of his stomach lining. And then he SWALLOWED it!!. And it worked!!! Amsmzkdkejshdmxidkdhdjwjdodjfh I could never

[cerothenull]

The craving for Cheese unhindered is a powerful thing

[oriax]

[kelssiel]

this guy: if i had lactose intolerance i would simply cure it

this guy, eating a block of cheese: rip to y’all but i’m different

[moisemorancy-deactivated2022061]

[skootdawg]

Sperm whale mimics a spinning diver.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Humans: *encounters Earth’s Largest Carnivore, who would could swallow them whole, probably*

Human: … Spin?

Earth’s largest carnivore, with a brain that weighs almost as much as this naked beach ape*: SPIN!

[regaldragonempress]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN SPERM WHALES ARE CARNIVORES

I THOUGHT THEY ATE KRILL AND STUFF LIKE OTHER WHALES

[gallusrostromegalus]

Nope! Sperm whales eat extremely large deep-sea squids, like the Giant and Colossal Squids. They have also been known to opportunistically eat dead whales, sharks, and seals, but not actively hunt them. They got real big teeth for it too:

However, they only have teeth on thier bottom jaw!  they have corresponding holes in their top jaw for the teeth to lock into, which makes hanging onto a slippery, boneless squid:

It should be noted that the human here isn’t in particular danger of being eaten on purpose, but an accidental swing of it’s multi-ton head, a clip from the teeth, or being directly in the line of it’s sonar could seriously injure or kill them- Divers that have been in the direct line of echolocation for a sperm whale calf have described being hit with the soundwave like “being kicked by a horse” and some have suffered internal organ damage.  Sperm whales, like other large whales, aren’t particularly aggressive towards humans, but they are still very large wild animals who behave in unpredictable ways.

I know that in US waters, it’s illegal to intentionally come within 300 yards of any whale or dolphin, and if one appears closer you should turn off your engine or stop paddling to avoid accidental injury to you or it.  This human is doing something dangerous and ill-advised, but it’s still hopeful that we can love something like a 130,000 lb deep-diving, squid-eating Oceanic former ungulate.

[extremelyloudgamerkeyboard]

Im.sorry I’ve lived my entire life not realizing that echolocation could possibly be felt and I have to come to terms with the fact that whales have sonic attacks

[omghotmemes]

10/10 would visit again

[communistbussy]

[homo-sex-shoe-whale]

We all have that one class that triggers our fight or flight response

[homo-sex-shoe-whale]

If you’re gay it’s probably PE

[defending-harmony]

If you’re trans, it’s probably also PE

[homo-sex-shoe-whale]

[chuckling-chemist]

allow me to make a refined version

(initially it said “hating PE but I rectified it to be more fitting)

[shoyowo]

Hey remember when US and Russia was all like “We’re the best!!! We’ve won the space race!!!!” But India sent a kick-ass space probe to Mars and the whole mission was fuel efficient, costed less and a roaring success in the first try and then they were like “…..wait no that can’t be true” and still have the audacity to call us “underdeveloped” or only view us as a ‘third world country’? :)

For anyone who needs more info, the probe was called Mangalyaan (which literally means space probe vehicle) or Mars Orbiter Mission (MOM) and you can also get more information here and here

[shoyowo]

Remember when NYT mocked India for this very thing and an TOI (a major indian newspaper) responded with this? :)

They were being racist asf and we were till respectful literally fuck you if you think ‘third world counties’ can’t be better than you

[shoyowo]

white people can and should reblog this