help

My only personality trait is the found family trope

[howlpendraig]

The assassin you sent after me is part of my found family now

[eye-co]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the GRINCH X TONY THE TIGER Fanfic is live on ao3! hope this causes you all tremendous distress 😘

monthly subscribers can skip ahead to the next chapter

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

actual real things about this fic:

the Grinch is nonbinary & uses they/them pronouns

the Grinch is autistic

it takes place in the Jim Carrey movie universe, so the Grinch has two lesbian moms

(side note, in the movie it was implied the grinch was conceived at a swinger’s holiday party, but we don’t have to talk about that)

tony was a professional athlete who had a lucrative career appearing on cereal boxes

tony the tiger is divorced w/ kids

the Grinch is in therapy

[wereallcurioushere12]

I am sending this to all my friends gaud.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

there are over 300 comments on the fic so far, and i’m reading all of them, and i have to say my favorite comments on the ones where people are sharing this with family and friends. sometimes out of spite, sometimes earnestly. 

thank you for spreading me around like the invasive fungus i so truly am

[media-sickos-international]

I submitted it to my english teacher (our assignment was to find a well written work to share on the internet)

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

…I am absolutely frothing at the mouth to know your teacher’s response please

[media-sickos-international]

this is it

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

this was beyond my wildest dreams actually much thanks

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

UPDATE:

i am having the BEST month

[tooweirdfortheworld]

I’m dying I was not prepared for this

[media-sickos-international]

hey I just wanted to mention the fact that this was a catholic school. just in case this wasn’t wild enough already. the disciplinary officer was a fucking nun

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i am now feral. i have gone feral. i am leaning a little pile of stick again a tree, soon i will nap beneath them, they will collapse on me during the next rainstorm

[eh-fandomtrash]

I’m sorry.  Getting a nun to read THE Tony the Tiger x Grinch Fanfic is the best thing ever.  This person wins at life.  Game over.  We have all lost to the person who got a nun to read that fic.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

A NUN WAS FORCED TO READ MY CRACK FIC I AM A BROKEN BEING

[headmistressbandita]

I wish anything could provide me with as much joy as gaud experiences upon discovering that a nun read their crack fic. 

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

joy? JOY you say???? ma'am, this is HYSTERIA

[fantasy-to-survive-reality]

Okay so I have grandparents that are like, Greek Christians which makes them very, very, conservative. Like every time I go over to their house with my parents I have to pretend I’m straight, (they know I’m a lesbian they just want me to pretend I’m not when I’m in their house) I can’t wear anything above my knee because it makes me look like a “slut” and I have to be super polite and not talk about anything controversial or anything. 

So I was at their house last week with my parents and they were having a go at my mum because she isn’t talking to my aunt, and just being really horrible. Anyway they asked me what I was reading on my phone, and I don’t remember what I was doing, but I said I was reading a fanfic, which is a novel written online by writers-in-training, and would you like me to read it to you? And they said, oh sure, dear, so I read them the whole first chapter of the grinch x tony fic, and when they I was finished I looked up at them both and they were just staring at me like I was crazy. It was the best.  and they said to my mum ‘‘what is god’s name was are you letting your daughter read?!” And my mum said, 

“oh, I don’t know, but the more you tell her not to get mixed up with things the more she’ll want to do it. Maybe you should calm down a bit.”

So they just awkwardly offered us some lunch and I pretended like everything was fine, and we went back to their house yesterday and they were actually a lot more opened and understanding and it’s all because of your freaking crack fic. Your freaking grinch x tony tiger fic has made my grandparents more accepting and open. 

[greatmountainfloofsquatch]

This whole thread was a ride.

[hoonkus-deactivated20230701]

How is the world getting better and worse at the same time

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[supertrashblog]

I’m offering a magic item to my D&D group to anyone that reads this and writes me a 1pg book report on it.

[witchcraftxandxlineart]

Beautiful. This is beautiful

[coffeeinthelibrary]

This post is a fucking rollercoaster that only goes up

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

oh but I am SO looking forward to it crashing back to Earth

[mystikade]

good god this post aged so well

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Andrew Lloyd Webber is such a force of chaos and I love that for him

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Losing my mind over this comment. the randomness, the fanciful imagery, the lack of meaningful context. 10/10 great job tumblr

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

andrew lloyd webber aka the creator of Phantom of the opera and Cats, but more importantly the man responsible for the Sexy Thomas the Tank Engine musical adaption

[zerozara1807]

The sexy?? Thomas the tank engine?? musical adaptation?? WHAT??

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

tumblr writers I am begging you to write a story featuring a character named William Robert Banks

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

he is introduced to the reader as Billy Bob, and his full name is not revealed until the penultimate chapter. he is the group leader and yes it's a heist caper.

[raisuke06]

... So his name is Will Rob Banks

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

that is correct!

[lady-of-the-spirit]

When character A admits that they’re in love with someone and the character B doesn’t realize that they’re talking about them

When character B doesn’t realize they’re talking about them because the person character A is describing sounds so wonderful and amazing that it just can’t be them

[zerozara1807]

STOP WHY WOULD YOU BRING BOKUAKA INTO THIS 😭😭

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

that was my emotional support global trade blockage...

[im-a-disgrace-to-humanity]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

younger me, trying to figure out if I'm trans: that would be so expensive though

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

#gender identity? in THIS economy?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

daily reminder that FLESHY COIN PURSE exists :)

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*smooches it gently on the lips*

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

mmm block my canal daddy 😘

[squid-pizza]

Dammit now people are going to start shipping the damn boat and the damn canal I hate you

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I'll leave it to someone else to check, but I will bet you anything there's already fanfic on ao3

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

CALLED IT

[lanluluto]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

END OF AN ERA

it's been a real honor serving with you, boys *21 gun salute but with wazoo noises (mournful)*

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[heliocentricego]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

END OF AN ERA

it's been a real honor serving with you, boys *21 gun salute but with wazoo noises (mournful)*

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[that-one-dude]

I put it back

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

this actually lowered my heart rate, my breathing is slowing

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

motherfuckers actually did it

ok poll time! I have 2 story ideas

Angst version: gothic horror story, 2nd person pov of a restless water spirit haunting the container shi

Humor version: ancient egyptian, grecian & mesopotamian water gods having a huge argument over whose job it is to Unstick The Ship. Everyone is incredibly unhelpful, especially Poseidon and various Nile River Gods.

I’ve already started on the Angst one, but would like to gauge interest in the Humor version

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

ok I am halfway through the angst fic, and will do my very best to post it tomorrow!

due to overwhelming interest, there is a new ko-fi goal!

p.s. tumblr STOP requesting omegaverse dynamics

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

EXCERPTS!

“Am I telling you Osiris engineered Brexit? I’m not telling you Osiris didn’t engineer Brexit.”

“We seriously couldn’t get anyone from the Norse pantheon?” “The Ragnarök deadline got pushed forward again, they’re working ungodly amounts of overtime.”

“Christ!”

“Ok wait, the ship entered the canal from the Red Sea, right? Whose jurisdiction is the Red Sea under?” There was a silence thick enough to smother all the firstborns in Egypt.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Cast so far includes

Inanna, Sumerian goddess, oldest dieity still known to humans, who due to seniority has the dubious pleasure of chairing these very productive meetings

Sobek, cheerful Nile god with a crocodile head and a REALLY big smile

Tefnut, wrathful lion-headed water goddess who’s really just here in case Sobek bites something (not to help or anything she just enjoys the show)

Hapi (they/them), androgynous god of flooding who is (huge surprise) in favor of flooding the canal. they are not allowed to do that

Poseidon, who has been unbearably smug ever since the rise of neo-hellenism

Charybdis, whirpool sea monster who is just happy to be included!

mentioned: Osiris, Isis, Zeus (bc Suez spelled backwards), Njörðr, and a bunch of lousy gods of the wind who probably caused this whole mess in the first place

[a-treatise-on-velociraptors]

your ship may be problematic but is it blocking the suez canal