Zoë Hart

Inside the life of Zoë Hart.

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I personally believe that Hannah Horvath is the most relate-able character of all time.

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On days like today I just think, at least I didn't shit myself.

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My song for the week: ‘Circles’ by Greta Svabo Bech. 

Because it has got me through a week of hard work.

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January

Hello January!

What bright new journey do you have to hold for me?

January, the month we all expect to bring change as if it is some kind of miracle destined for us.  But just a week later we’ll be deflated and wondering what went wrong.  The sad realisation that there is no divine being wishing for us to change and nobody really cares but ourselves. 

The upside to this? 7 billion other people across the world are feeling just as worthless, imperfect and demotivated as you.  What is sorrow if we cannot revel in it as one? Maybe world peace is the joint realisation of man’s imperfection.  The collective realisation of stagnation and procrastination.

And what was my news resolution? What have I already failed at?

Maybe to be less cynical? Or even to use less question marks?

Until next week, Zoë x

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My song for the week: 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' by Bonnie Tyler. 

Because it's just a fantastic power ballad. 

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What a mountain break!

Hi! How has your week been?

I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while. I’ll be honest with you, I was having a terrible time. I didn’t even feel like I wanted to be where I was anymore. I’m okay now. And that’s why I’m writing.

I took a week off and I went to Denver, CO. One of my favourite places in the world. I cannot even explain my mood now to how it was before. I met my Mum and Brother in London and flew over to Denver where I instantly had a fight with the due to the fact that I could not stand to be with any persons. Then my Dad arrived and I let loose. I told my Mum and Dad how I felt and I couldn’t keep it in. They promised to make a special effort to be nice to me and make me feel good.

So went the week on. We skied every day and ate and drank all night. We played games together and we laughed together. I felt so happy but most of all, I felt myself again. I hate the way I get changed by my university town. I become cynical, radical and isolated. When I’m at university I feel trapped by political ideologies and the perceived knowledge path. But when I’m with my family, I feel free, happy and my thoughts and dreams have no boundaries.

When it came time to leave, I felt a deep, indescribable sadness. I had to say goodbye to my Mum and Dad in a city, a country, whom neither of us live and I cried. But I still felt good. I still feel like I’m me.

My brother and I went off home. We waited at the gate in Dallas, TX, when they asked for people to give up seats. $1000 dollars per person. We accepted. Only they didn’t need us to in the end and as a thanks for volunteering, they upgraded us to business class. I can safely say I now know the meaning of the phase; ‘laughing all the way home’. Boy, did we laugh all the way home. Good food, conversation and fun. I’m just inexplicably happy.

I’m dreading the move back to uni. Especially as I have to see my housemate who I was having a thing with. But it’ll be okay. I’ll make it okay because life is what you make of it. If you can dream it, you can make it happen.

Until next time, Zoë, X

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My song for the week: 'Finally Moving' by Pretty Lights

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“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

Bob Marley

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Toska:

No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague restlessness, mental throes, yearning. In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody of something specific, nostalgia, love-sickness. At the lowest level it grades into ennui, boredom.

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My song for the week: ‘Square One’ by Coldplay.

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In light of the new Foals album, 'Holy Fire', coming out this week, I feel I had to pick a song off it and it was an easy choice. This song makes me feel so much; all in the five minutes it's on. My song for the week: 'Late Night' by The Foals.

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I was going to speak about this is next weeks blog but I found this interview with Noam Chomsky who, obviously, can better articulate my point. 

However, I want to highlight some points which really stand out most to me:

‘The first major successful resistance to US hegemony was in 1949. That's when an event took place, which, interestingly, is called "the loss of China". It's a very interesting phrase, never challenged. There was a lot of discussion about who is responsible for the loss of China. It became a huge domestic issue. But it's a very interesting phrase. You can only lose something if you own it. It was just taken for granted: we possess China - and if they move toward independence, we've lost China.’

 ‘If you don't have everything, it's a disaster.’

 ‘[The “purpose of American Politics” is] a deeply entrenched religious belief. It's so deep that it's going to be hard to disentangle it. And if anyone questions that, it leads to near hysteria and often to charges of anti-Americanism or "hating America" - interesting concepts that don't exist in democratic societies, only in totalitarian societies and here, where they're just taken for granted.’ 

Until next time,

Zoë, X

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My song for the week: 'Hanging on' by Ellie Goulding (Sound Remedy Remix).

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Who am I?

Hi!  How has your week been?

  My week started out pretty bad. I felt a large amount of paranoia towards the people around me and it made me contemplate myself and my identity.

 Christopher Tilley said: 'Identity is transient, a reflection on where you are now, a fleeting moment in biography of the self, only partially connected to where you might have come from, and where you might be going.'

There is no point in perturbing our minds trying to capture our identity because that still frame lasts for a second before it changes again. I see myself as a greatly adaptable person and sometimes I wonder what my true identity is because of its sheer fluidity. But I now feel comforted by the ideas that we all have a set of core, enduring, key traits that no matter what historical or social situation we are in, they will continue to strive and survive.

Until next week,

Zoë, X

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People are awesome.

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Dear?... Me?

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My song for this week: 'Let You Sleep Tonight' by Young Empires.