One for Sorrow

Welcome. This is where I post about my thoughts and musings. I have schizoaffective disorder and anxiety, and eating issues too.

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I have an accommodation at work for my schizoaffective disorder. I take a late lunch so that I can have my ziprasidone at that time because it makes me sleepy so I'm at least not sleepy the whole afternoon. I also take frequent small breaks, which really helps me to keep going and be productive.

I am so very grateful to have this accommodation, but my job is just a term job. I really hope my next job, which is hopefully permanent, will accommodate me the way I need.

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I recently started transitioning from risperidone to ziprasidone (geodon) and I think it is helping quite a bit. I'm showering on my own (my partner usually needs to remind me), sometimes I brush my teeth. My days just feel brighter lately.

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I haven't lost weight in like a week. I think I've hit a plateau. I'm gonna have to do more exercise, or eat less, or both. Hopefully that helps me break this stupid plateau.

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Is it possible to have PTSD from a scary delusion you were experiencing on and off or for a long time?

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I live a scary existence.

Luckily the meds keep me safe.

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You ever hear music inside of other noises? I don't know if it's a hallucination or a trick of my mind.

Does anyone know what I mean by this?

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I'm moving in with my boyfriend at the end of this month! Plus we're moving to his home city. I'm excited to live together, but also feel that he will be a good accountability partner for my weight loss. I won't be able to cheat on my diet and hide things that I eat.

I'll definitely lose weight this way!

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I am looking forward to October so much this year. There's Thanksgiving (I'm in Canada), my birthday, Halloween, and I'm moving in with my boyfriend in a different city! I'm so excited!

This October will be the best one yet!

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My boyfriend says weight loss is not about a number but about being comfortable and satisfied with my size.

However, I know I won't be comfortable or satisfied until I'm at a low weight, like 110lbs or even 98lbs (I'm 5'4" for reference). So for me, the number is a guide.

My boyfriend will tell me if he thinks I'm getting too skinny because he cares about my health, and while I may not agree with him at the time, I'm grateful he cares as much as he does.

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My coworker told me I look pale when I got into work today. I was feeling a bit lightheaded. I never should have told her though, since she asked if I'd eaten or drank anything. I said no, only water, so she gave me a granola bar.

I'm glad she cares but I wasn't planning on eating until lunch. Oh well. At least she cares, right?

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I'm more determined now than ever to lose weight. Told my boyfriend not to be surprised if I obsess a bit over it, and he was all encouraging.

I have the best boyfriend ❤

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So I went camping recently and took a break from my keto diet to make things easier. But I went overboard with eating carbs and gained 10 pounds. Some (most) of that is water weight, because carbs make you retain water, but it still stresses me out.

There are over 70 days until my birthday as of writing this, so I have to lose 0.4lbs per day on average to fit into my birthday outfit.

I can and will do this!

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Me at 120lbs, 5'4"

I will get back to this and surpass it!

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My sister needs to back off

My relationship with my boyfriend is a wonderful thing. It is the best thing I have in my life right now. I've found my life partner. We aren't living together yet, so we see each other on weekends.

My sister has been on my case about spending too much time with him. She says I'm ignoring the family and treating everyone like shit. But I asked my parents, and they don't feel that way. I know my sister just misses me but yelling at me is not the way to go about it.

Plus, I don't know how to tell her that her negative attitude is bad for my mental health. She's a really negative person so I've been avoiding hanging out with her.

She told our mom that she's gonna give me space. I'm gonna ignore her for a few months and then ask for an apology for yelling at me constantly. She's been on my back since November. It's now July.

If I don't get an apology, I'm prepared to end our relationship over this. She's gone too far and I deserve an apology. I'm tired of sweeping shit under the rug like it didn't happen. This fucking happened.

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I've been doing the keto diet to help me lose weight, and so far I've lost 21 pounds! In combination with intermittent fasting, I find it working for me and I'm relieved.

Of course I want it to go faster, but it is working which is the main thing.

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I've been having impulse control issues with Abilify, in that it makes me shop and eat uncontrollably. I had a psychiatrist appointment today and he listened to my concerns and suggested we reduce my Abilify by one step to see if that helps. I think it will help me. I really need it to help.

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I want skinny more than junk food

I want skinny more than junk food

I want skinny more than junk food