1001 Things To Do

Documentation of my life as I complete or try to complete items off of my "1001 Things to Do Before I Die" list. Shelfari: Book reviews on your book blog The Chaperone by Laura Moriarty The Lost City of Z by David Grann Summer at Tiffany by Marjorie Hart

[devilduck]

When you read a great book, you don’t escape from life, you plunge deeper into it.

Julian Barnes  (via devilduck)

[aseaofquotes]

Jacqueline Woodson, From the Notebooks of Melanin Sun

[sparksflywithyou-blog]

Someday, someone is going to look at you like you’re the best thing in the world.

(via realquiet)

[cynical-as-hell-deactivated2015]

Be kind to yourself. Stop telling yourself that whatever you are struggling with “should” be easy. If something is hard for you, it is hard for you. There are probably reasons, though those may just be how you are wired. Acknowledge these things. When you finish something hard, be proud! Celebrate a little. And really, just stop saying “should” to yourself about your thoughts and feelings in any context. You feel how you feel. The things in your head are the things in your head. You can’t change either directly through sheer force of will. You can only change what you do. Stop beating yourself up for who and what you are right now–it isn’t productive. Focus on moving forward.

How to keep moving forward, even when your brain hates you. (via daxsymbiont)

[1001thingstodo]

I am posting this as a motivation for myself, so I can look back on it and feel proud and accomplished for what I have done so far (despite being really lazy these past few months). The picture on the left is of my body pre-April 2012 and the picture on the right is my body in February 2013. 

[1001thingstodo]

April 2, 2013

Yesterday marked the 1 year anniversary of my long and incredibly difficult weight loss journey. 1 year ago, I decided to say "No" to the life I was living to change and start on something that would redefine who I was physically and emotionally. In the beginning, I was so motivated. I ate healthy and worked out consistently. Then I relaxed and slid back into my old habits. Then I got re-motivated but stopped again and have been increasingly lazy for a while now. Am I proud? No. Am I disappointed in myself? Definitely. Does it make me a failure? Not at all. I know what I need to do to get back on the horse. Not only do I need to, I want to. I don't feel healthy. I don't feel as confident as I do when I'm the healthiest person I can be. I want to start running again. Even though I hated every second of it, it really helped me mentally. I want to do a 5k this summer because it's on my bucket list so I have to start back from square one. 

I can do it! I know I can. I did it before and I know I have the power and strength to do it again. 

[1001thingstodo]

One of those nights.

Ugh. I'm having one of those night where I just want to cry about everything going  on in my life. I want to cry about school, about being terrified of not having the money for tuition for the next fall/winter semesters. I want to break down thinking about my jobs and how I wish, with all of my might, that I could have been one of those students who did not have to pay for their own school nor have to work during it so I could have time to focus on getting good grades and doing hobbies and extracurriculars. 

And through all this, I hate myself for not seeing myself as lucky; for not being thankful that I do have two jobs and that I am getting an education. It's just so hard when all I worry about is money and working however many days a week and praying that I'll be able to read my material for classes in time. (And I'm saying all these things while watching The Bible. Lord forgive me.) I am hoping that all of this will pay off one day, that all of this struggle and suffering and worrying will be worth it. But then I compare myself to other people and their suffering and I just want to slap myself for thinking that my life is difficult. How could I possibly complain when other people are going through things so much worse? I saw this post on here this morning and it was a photo essay of this beautiful woman who got breast cancer and each picture showed her slowly deteriorating and I almost broke down because here, women, who deserve nothing but a wonderful and long life, are being cut short of this experience because of cancer and I'm all, "Wah, I have to work and do a paper tomorrow." I just hate myself for that.

Why is it so hard? 

[internetexplorers-deactivated20]

Fun April Fools Prank: show up at my door with a bouquet of roses and kiss me 

[1001thingstodo]

I bought some really cute flats yesterday that I just HAD to share. They are so comfortable and they do not flip off the back of my heel like flats usually do (for me) sometimes! Love, LOVE, LOVE!

[1001thingstodo]

Goals

Classes are nearing their end and I am getting that panicky/anxious feeling about summer. I have a lot of goals this time around; a lot of things that I want to go, places to visit, people to see. I realize that it is going to be hard. I am currently looking for a co-op or an internship, hopefully paid, so I can gain a lot of experience for school as well as make some good money for a few months. So I realize that I might have to wait until mid to late summer to actually GO anywhere, but it will be done.

One of those goals is to travel more. Even if it is 1 or 2 day trips; I want to go somewhere, experience new things, take pictures and get lost while driving (which occurs 99.9% of the time whenever I go anywhere I'm not familiar with...thank God for GPS!). I would love to go to Chicago for 2 days by train. I want to go back to Boston (and thankfully, my friend will still have her apartment so we can go and stay for free). I want to go up north again for a camping trip (despite my somewhat bad experience last time...just have to remind myself not to drink so much). I want to go down to Florida to visit my family, especially my Grandparents because they are not doing well, health wise. I just want to do things. My friends and I do an okay job going on day trips far away from where we live which if fine for the time being but I want to travel hours and hours away. 

So basically, I need to get a co-op or internship. I need to save money. Then I need to go to the places I so desperately want to get away to. 

[1001thingstodo]

Memories

Is it weird that I have a obsession strong need to write down the memories in my life? I've been journaling for many years now and I find myself in a panic sometimes, wondering if I will remember a specific moment in my life in the future.

My parents were looking at pictures from around 2006 and it struck me how many things that we just forget about in our lives (deep conversations with family members or friends, important events, or just monotonous daily activities). Each and every day, we create probably hundreds of thousands of memories and only a "few" get passed on to the next day that we might remember in the future. I mean, just think about what you did a week ago.....can you remember? I guess that is why I love journaling so much. At the end of the day, I can write down some things that I did, quotes that my friends or I said...little bits that I hope when I look back on and read in the future, will jog my memory so I can eventually remember more. When I got my new Iphone, I downloaded an app called Evernote. I am probably using it totally wrong, but every day since I downloaded it, I have taken at least one picture to post on there, along with a blurb of the activities of what I did that day (okay....I might have missed a day or two but I wrote something the next day!).

Example: 2/6/13 [picture of Nancy Drew book] Working at the library all day. [picture of a stack of books] Stopped at the used book shop for an hour and came out with these three for $8.20! Amazing!!

Now when I stop to think about that day, I can remember walking around the book shop for a long time, reading through all of the history and non-fiction books 3 times over, trying to find the perfect books to add to my ever-growing collection...stopping to laugh at the cheesy romance novels and their titles...looking at the classics section and wishing I had the patience to read one....looking for a health book for my mom....signing up and receiving 75% off my books...see....all the memories start flooding back to me with a few pictures and 2 sentences. Now, do you remember what you did 2/6/13?

I guess the point I am getting at is that I want to remember me in 40 years, when my children are grown....I want to still hang on to these memories while creating and documenting new ones. I don't think I could ever stop. 

[1001thingstodo]

So life...

...has been hectic. 

Between my four classes and two jobs, I barely have time to think some days. This past week was my spring break but it was anything but a break. I worked 8 out of the ten days but at least I got to get out and do a bit of shopping one of the days. I'm really excited because I bought a Bare Minerals Get Started Kit from Sephora and I really like it so far! With my rosacea, I have had a really hard time finding foundation that covers and doesn't feel thick on my face and I think I have finally found what I am looking for! So happy. It was a bit of an expense but it needed to be done! I'm on the edge about the powder concealer...I wish the Get Started Kit had the cream kind but I think after I use the powder, I'll just have to buy the cream one and maybe that will give me even more coverage! 

What else? Oh! Today, I emailed the co-op director at school and gave her 3 co-op jobs that I want to apply to for the summer! I am so incredibly excited! I hope I get an interview at at least one because it would be such a great experience. I really want to apply what I've been learning in my classes and stretch my writing muscle to the max. I will keep you updated if I hear anything from the companies!!

WISH ME LUCK!

[1001thingstodo]

Newest additions to my bedroom decor!! I really need my own house to decorate.....

[neonenjoysign-deactivated201610]

It’s taboo to admit that you’re lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven’t left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. Ha ha, funny. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are. A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening. Your mother, your father, your grandparents: they all look at you like you’re some prized jewel and they tell you over and over again just how lucky you are to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. “Getting old ain’t for sissies,” your father tells you wearily. You wish they’d stop saying these things to you because all it does is fill you with guilt and panic. All it does is remind you of how much you’re not taking advantage of your youth. You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later. Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage. Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything. I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it. You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it. Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today? We shall see.

You’re Not Making The Most Of Your 20s by Ryan O’Connell (via hidingfromoursins)

oh god, my heart is broken.

(via feministfeels)

[1001thingstodo]

M.I.A.

Hello! Sorry I have been M.I.A. these past few weeks. Classes have started so I am trying to get used to my new schedule with that and with work. 

I just finished a workout and I am feeling wonderful. By the way, I got new workout attire so I just HAD to show it off....

The sun is shining, one of my classes got cancelled today so I am so incredibly happy right now. I have so much more time now to do things this morning before I go to my advanced creative writing class at 3. First I need to go to work to get my TB test read. It looks normal so I'm positive that it is a negative. Then I'm going to head to the grocery store for some much needed fruit and chicken and veggies and yogurt and almond milk! The list is endless! If only every day were like today.

I hope you all have a as good as or if not better day than I am having. :D

[1001thingstodo]

2012 Journal Entries

I am going to read every single journal entry from 2012. I want to remember everything before ringing in the New Year.

[1001thingstodo]

Goodbye 2012....hello 2013!

2012.

What.A.Year.

I was sitting in my room earlier, thinking about this past year and all of the things I wished I could have done and I began to realize that despite not accomplishing a lot of the things I had hoped to, it was a pretty damn good year. Probably, one of the best that I have had so for in my 21 years of living.

For my own purposes, so I can help myself remember some of the great things that have happened this year, I've put together a little list of accomplishments. Some might not seem like a big deal, but for me, they were amazing and eye-opening!

February 2012- First solo trip to visit my best friend in Boston.

April 2012- Began my healthier lifestyle resulting in 30 lb weight loss!

April 2012- Got accepted to but regrettably did not attend a school out of state.

Summer 2012- Witnessed the most amazing backyard firework show for the 4th of July.

Summer 2012- Met my most favorite author, James Rollins.

Summer 2012- Road trip up north to camp in a tent...and then got really drunk.

September 2012- Began taking classes for my degree.

September 2012- Met a band (Paper Route) that I am 2905049309485309% obsessed with.

October 2012- 21!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

October 2012- Went to my first college party (...I don't party much...).

November 2012- Began a novel (NaNoWriMo) that I WILL finish in 2013!

December 2012- Had one of the best Christmas's in a very long time.

Ahhhh. It's so wonderful to look back on this year and be happy about all of the things I did.

However, I hope that my 2013 list will be 5 times longer but seriously, I am ready to freaking do EVERYTHING!

I'm going to stop wishing and start doing in 2013!