Am I free?
I always believed I would make it to a special point in my life where I'm at peace and I think I did.
I don't care about the problematic books I take a crap on anymore.
Do I still hate them? Yeah, to an extent (problematic topics will always be problematic for a reason) but I don't feel that sense of anger. I just don't care. I see no reason to hold that resentment anymore.
It feels boring now. Like this phase is finally over. What do I gain out of this? Nothing at all. A hater and a fan are two sides of the same coin, I am no better. Whoever is reading this might be no better either. I feel so ashamed that I was hateful. I can understand the anger I had but I hate it. I don't want to be consumed by negativity.
I'm disappointed in myself. But I can always strive to be and do better (as long as I don't engage in stuff I find annoying). I want to be better. I want a new slate; mostly positivity around here. I want to post and be surrounded by the media that I love and the media that makes me happy.
I fear I don't care about any of these characters anymore; the ones I like and dislike. Of course, I still like Nesta, Tamlin, Lucien, Eris, etc but eh. I mean, I'll interact with the things I like but other than that?
Let that shit go and I am in fact letting that shit go. Now, I have the urge to delete nearly all of my posts. Don't remind me of my past posts, I AM REMORSEFUL AND GUILTY. Contemplating if I should act on it or not; I probably will. The popular ones can stay (the ones I deem popular I guess). It sucks that you can't really delete all of it because of reblogs and stuff. BOO, FIX THAT TUMBLR.
Anyways, I CAN FINALLY LEAVE! Martha, I'm coming home sweetie. Will I be back in the building when the next book comes out? Probably but only for the characters I rock with. Someone needs to spoil me on what happens. I never got through acosf so I ain't getting through this. TRUST, MY FAVES WILL GET THEIR HAPPY ENDING.
I'm getting "old" (kinda?), I am not doing this forever. Maturity is making its way slowly but surely.








