THIS ACCOUNT IS ADULTS ONLY-!!21+!! ABSOLUTELY NO MINORS ALLOWED. THERE IS VIOLENT AND SEXUAL CONTENT HERE (STILL NOT A PORN BLOG). VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. I BLOCK LIBERALLY. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I TALK ABOUT PLEASE BLOCK ME.
THE SUBJECT MATTER ON THIS BLOG WILL CONTAIN:
‼️DISCUSSIONS OF SELF HARM, SUICIDAL IDEATION, MENTAL ILLNESS, GENDER DYSPHORIA, BODY DYSMORPHIA, AND GENERAL MENTALLY ILL THINGS
‼️ARTWORK MADE BY ME
‼️FIXATIONS OVER FICTIONAL CHARACTERS
FAQ LINKS AND INTRODUCTION BELOW 🔻
PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL
ASK TO DM | ASKS OPEN
BEWARE OF DREW
~LINKS~
COMMISSIONS
What I Desire In An Owner(s)
My Pet Adoption Form
My Punishment Regime
Wishlist
Fandoms
Now that the warning is out of the way HELLO. I am a 25 old person and I do not want to see my 30th birthday, I want to be dead before 30 or by 30 should there be further delays. I have had suicidal ideation for a while now (by a while I mean most of my life). I came to the realization that I simply do not wish to exist in this world for every long.
I am somewhat self aware that there is something "wrong" with me (at least according to what's considered normal) however I don't care, I don't really see my abnormalities as a big problem. I'm formally diagnosed with persistent depressive Disorder and Generalized anxiety disorder. I also suspect I've been suffering with OCD my entire life as well but I am NOT diagnosed and I probably never will be. Possibly schizoid too. There could be more going on with me mentally but I don't know, I don't think about it much.
Why do I want to die? Personally I don't think the why matters much, I have every right to die on my own terms.
No I don't want to talk, don't try to be some savior. Do not ask me to talk to you, YOU WILL NOT CHANGE MY MIND. NO amount of talking, resources, or "help" can or will change the fact how I feel or make me suddenly not suicidal. It's a waste of time and I no longer want to waste time. I also find that people who show concern for me seem superficial, that they're only doing it because suicide is considered a bad thing- not saying someone is but it really all does feel like a pre programmed script from an npc. You also cannot "save" me. Any attempts at "saving me" or trying to make me not suicidal will just be blocked and ignored. I will kill myself someday and there's absolutely nothing anyone can do about it- dead before 30.
I am not religious, do not preach or pray for me. This is an immediate block.
I have a desire to be a human pet. I mean this in the most literal sense. The way a person would treat their pet cat is how I wish to be treated, spoiled, pampered, free food, free healthcare, and unconditional, pure love. You will hear me mention this a lot. I think if I was a pet and had all the essential pet care that a house cat receives...that's possibly the only thing that would make me live a little longer... maybe. This thought formed in my head I think about 5 or so years ago now and I've been saying I wanted to be adopted for a while now. I'm still up for adoption lol - granted this is all fantasy, I do not believe there's a person who would indulge me on this.
I am not a sexual being, I reject sex and sexuality, I am null. This intertwines with my gender dysphoria. I believe I'm some sort of alien/not human. I want my body to reflect that. I DESIRE to be sterilized, I DESIRE chastity, I DESIRE TOP SURGERY...then at some point NULLIFICATION SURGERY if it's still a possibility for me. Also yes I do experience arousal however I lack the need/don't see the point to sex. I'd be glad to no longer feel arousal. I also think I would like to be punished for sexual thoughts and things but I reckon that's going to far lol. I do still have sexual thoughts but I DO NOT WANT SEX, I DO NOT WANT TO BE SEXUAL. I'm tired of people not understanding that or thinking they can convince me. Yes I am aroace, yes I have sexual fantasies, but that doesn't mean I want them to be real.
Am I a masochist? Yeah probably. I didn't realize non sexual masochists were a thing but that describes me tbh.
Am I a sadist? I don't think so, maybe like only 5% of the time but even then it's a rare feeling.
I hate people but I also dream of being saved by one- it's quite the conundrum. I hate people, I hate being around people (especially if it's too many), I avoid people, I seek solitude and isolation from people to the point I call myself a schizoid. However thoughts of still finding a person who's a shining diamond in the rough still persists. I find that both thoughts existing inside of me to be odd...it confuses me. This is most likely some kind of psychological dilemma I don't understand and will never understand cuz I ain't got healthcare LOL.
Why make this account? No real reason tbh just yapping and shit.
I FUCKING HATE MY FAMILY‼️
[FAQ will be updated periodically. If anything was not answered her feel free to ask for clarifications. I will explain to the best of my ability.]
It both disturbs me that I am liked and it disturbs me when I am disliked. I simply want freedom from anyone's thoughts about me and to never hear anyone ever again.
I'm gonna say it, I do think that even the laziest person imaginable should have a roof over their head, food in their stomach, and access to healthcare
Just imagine them forcing you to sit in their lap then they pull out their laptop and puts on some random gore video. They just act like they're showing you something shocking at first then it gets downright uncomfortable when they force their hand down your pants. That's what they want though, they want you to be uncomfortable, it's hotter that way.
You can't escape their hold either, they're too strong and beyond that you know what happens when you make them angry so you simply endure as they progressively show you worse and worse videos while jacking you off at the same time. They even start to hump you, getting more turned on as they watch you unravel...
