making the bed.mp3

Type 9 in desperate need of growth. This blog was a spur of the moment creation to hold myself accountable, help me grow, register my actions. I cannot be the only one who feels this alone

[9w1inprogress]

Guiding questions

What do I have to offer?

What am I angry about?

What is it that I need to be doing right now?

What are the long-term consequences of what I'm doing?

Ideas

Share one opinion every day

Maybe also do something like "Today I'm angry about..." thing

Not smile for the entirety of a first meeting. Being agreeable and "charming" is not all I have to offer

Watch the news again. Be ASSAULTED with bad feelings. No escaping

Bucket list

Do something new (scary?) every day, preferably outside and with significant social contact.

Enroll in a boxing or kickboxing class. Something where someone hits me in the face and I maybe try to hit them back or sth

Work on making friends?

Wear make-up and an adult-looking bag with me somewhere. Wear lipstick. Aim for being seen?

Volunteer!! Requires people skills development and is good + focuses on the needs of others in a meaningful way

Share my opinion in class without being prompted (G-d the bar is on the floor)

Travel to another continent. Make the plans, save up, go.

Record a podcast???? Ugh

[girls4losers]

i gotta remember this

[9w1inprogress]

The tragedy is that, deep down, the people pleaser is terribly afraid. Something in their past has proven to them they can never be forgiven for speaking their minds. Their childhood has been a lesson in shapeshifting. Surrounding cruelty means that they had to grow into geniuses at detecting what other people wanted and at serving it up with them with near total fidelity.

— People Pleasers in Relationships

[aleshakills]

At some point in your life, you were taught that being slightly annoying is an unforgivable sin. Maybe it was by your parents or a teacher or a friend or a bully or an older sibling. But someone taught you that being slightly annoying is a crime punishable by death.

You must unlearn this.

You must accept that all people will be annoying at some point or another in their lives, maybe all of their lives, and that this is okay. It is okay for strangers on the bus, it is okay for children in the grocery store, it is okay for people on social media, and it is okay for you.

If you ever want to truly love your fellow humans, if you ever want to truly love yourself, you must have forgiveness for being annoying.

[kalimaxxing]

the idealized version of my tomorrow self will fix this

[kalimaxxing]

not again

[alphacrone]

i know so many of us have been trained since a young age to be so accommodating as to fear ever expressing an opinion, but as we get older we need to understand that being “accommodating” to the point of total indecisiveness is a very uncomfortable way to go through life, for you AND those around you. it’s ok to have an opinion on something. it’s ok to make a decision. your friends won’t hate you if you’re the one to end the “where do you want to eat” “oh anywhere is fine with me” discussion by suggesting a restaurant. you’re not high maintenance if you say, “noon is more convenient for me” when someone asks you what time you want to hang out. make decisions, have opinions, be part of the planning process, understand that you’re not being inconvenient, you’re just contributing. 

[randomslasher]

YES THIS. I hate how many of us have been raised to think having preferences (or heaven forbid, needs) makes us an inconvenience to others. It’s so hard to overcome, but it really is okay to have opinions.  

[saddest-faery-gothmother]

Yeah I’m literally begging my friends constantly to stop putting me in charge by refusing to make decisions. I get why they’re like that but it’s not fair to others and damaging to our friendships when people aren’t working on that shit.

[amygdalae]

I can beat my avoidant tendencies I just have to stay away from any situation in which I might become avoidant. Problem solved

[kermitlesbian]

hm. i think every time i feel an impulse to people please, to be unproblematic and likable and charming and feel the safety that comes with universal adoration, i need to remind myself that i want to be loved like a person, not like a dog.

[stuckinapril]

"do it for the plot" genuinely motivates me to put myself out there even if i'm scared. like if i was a character would my story be interesting?? or would it be bland bc i'm sheltering myself all the time instead of going out of my comfort zone?? these thoughts incentivize me to apply myself to things even at the risk of them not going my way

[allsadnshit]

One of the most profound messages I think you can learn as a people pleaser in recovery is that even if you police yourself every single moment as to not offend anyone and to be generally likable, some people will hate you and want you to be unhappy anyways simply because they can inflict harm and want to so you really might as well voice your opinions and live life loud and proud so you can attract people who will love you and understand you too

[catchymemes]

[funkymbtifiction]

How can a 9(w1) push themselves to Integrate into a 3?

It isn't easy, because they struggle with "sloth" (not doing what needs done because everything can wait a little longer).

But 3s know what they want from life and are driven to get it; they set and reach goals through steadily working toward that end. To strengthen your line to 3 means learning to identify what you want, creating a goal, and then forcing yourself to stay on track and/or do something to get closer to that goal, every day, even when it discomforts you, in the knowledge that what you want lies at the other side of this discomfort. Discomfort is necessary for personal growth -- it means you are actually getting somewhere, so instead of avoiding or pushing away from it, take a breath and lean into it.

One simple practice would be -- do whatever you've been avoiding doing now. Today. First.

[truelovevip-deactivated20190324]

being as i am an idiot, and having been one my whole life, i just wanna say that i find it very easy to do nothing, and go nowhere. i eat chocolate late at night in the dark. i stand in the garden also. and i’m often waiting for something to happen. and i’m stupid.

[wordfather]

i am aware of the problems. however. i would rather be comfy in my bed. good night.

[anaphcra]

what do you mean it’s “”not healthy”” for me to lock myself in my room all day and completely isolate myself from everyone

[darkcomedies]

Enneagram 9 Proberbs (1-9)— Jenny Slate, enneagramer.com, Maurice Merleau-Ponty, Mary Oliver, Jackson Browne, Beatrice Chestnut, Hannah Haifsch, Michael Cunningham , Fiona Apple

[eatpussypraylove]