Subtype Trait Structures: sx9
The sexual E9 is very patient when it comes to tasks, things or relationships in which he believes. Of a patience that may seem infinite to others, but that for him is normal. With children and animals, his patience is extreme. This patience testifies to the need to maintain energy homeostasis in oneself and with the environment so that there are no frictions that could put you in contact with needs or choices.
Either black or white. He believes that several "versions of everything" cannot coexist. For example, in interpersonal relationships it is difficult for him to understand that there are parts of a person that he does not like, or that he likes less. Both in relationships and in the manifestation of their tastes, there is a middle way, things are white or black, or all or nothing, or they like everything or they do not like anything.
This vision hides the defense mechanism of denying what can produce negative emotions and, above all, it nourishes the false image of a world that is going well at all costs, for which there is nothing missing.
Tolerant With The Other, Severe With Himself
In others, he tolerates everything and finds justification for any act or behavior. (Although inside he has judged first but, from his desire for kindness, "magnanimously understands and forgives".)
With himself, on the contrary, he is severe, critical and does not go too far. In private life as well as at work, he does not forgive himself for any mistakes. The annihilation experienced in childhood and the devaluation received in primary relationships are completely introjected.
Like the chameleon, it is capable of being in any environment and context without being out of place. You can keep any conversation going by carefully following the other person's train of thought. From early childhood he acquires the ability of entering and leaving situations and environments without being seen. The imperative is to be there but without disturbing.
Either he considers it worthy of respect or he does not recognize it. This aspect is very evident from an early age, when faced with a teacher or parent who has not earned his respect, he does what he considers most fair, does not listen to authority and acts on his own behalf. He makes a judgment and appraisal according to wholly personal criteria of that person's merit and ability to perform that role, and then acts accordingly.
But this force to go against authority does not come from the feeling of entitlement. Rather, it is an action driven by defending another or by one's own survival, an acting out by which the experience of low self-esteem can be skipped.
It is difficult for the sexual E9 to believe in someone because he does not believe in himself. But when she finds someone to believe in , she gives in , she does it blindly and rarely questions. Rather than faith, it would be better to say that it converges with the other.
Not only does he not like to be involved in arguments and conflicts, he does not even tolerate witnessing them. He is stronger than it: when there is an argument, he compulsively triggers the need to placate and fix the situation. He gets in the way without even assessing whether he is in a position to sustain the mediation. The imperative is to quickly regain calm and peace. He doesn't take anyone's side but he manages to assert everyone's reasons and, sometimes without even knowing how he does it, he always manages to achieve his goal.
The sexual E9 empathetically and exaggeratedly feels the pain present in the conflict. The suffering is unbearable for him, he feels the unresolved internal conflicts resonate and so that these do not take priority (understood as the resolution of his internal conflict), he immediately acts on the external world. This terror of conflict often has autobiographical resonances. He is willing to avoid it at all costs because in his childhood the overt conflicts had devastating consequences for him.
If there is one thing that triggers a crisis in the sexual E9 and triggers all the alarms, with the corresponding paranoia, it is change. He does not understand why there is a need to change when things are working so well. Fierce supporter of the saying "the best is the enemy of the good", he applies it as much as he can, and to everything. He needs the usual customs, the usual people, the usual places; in short, let no one disturb his quiet, flat little world for which he has worked so hard.
Accurate In The Development Of Tasks
The word "accurate" may fall short, almost maniacal and especially at work. Whether he performs tasks at the bottom of the organizational pyramid or at the top, the sexual E9 is extremely reliable due to his need to always have everything in its place. If a work program is prepared , it must be fulfilled , and if there are changes it goes into crisis and is not very elastic. It does not support the delays of the others, because they are an “unexpected variable” of the program.
Lover Of Good Food As A Shared Pleasure
The sexual E9 loves good food and good wine, but only if he can enjoy it and share it with the person he loves or with his closest friends. He doesn't usually care much about what he eats, and he doesn't like to cook for himself either. Food and drink are a pleasure if they are shared and prepared for someone. When he is alone, on the contrary, they can become a way to fill the void caused by loneliness or the discomfort of doing things for himself.
He has a very deep sleep because he uses sleep as a defense to not feel.
Difficulty For Physical Contact
The sexual E9 does not like physical contact, he does not like to be touched. When talking about this, his idea is that everyone should be in their space. In reality, he does not have the experience of safe skin contact with her mother who, on the contrary, has often been invasive and not respectful of even physical limits. He has not learned to measure personal space.
Ashamed To Communicate His Feelings
He is ashamed to express his affection because he has not been taught to do so. The few times in his life that he has tried to be explicitly emotional, has been deeply hurt or has received a humiliating indifference, and it is a risk that he prefers not to take again.
Incapable Of Making Decisions
The sexual E9 is not able to decide for himself, because he does not know what he likes and that is why it is impossible for him to know what is better. He lets others decide everything, even the important things. Although he will be angry if the decision does not seem fair to him, he will abide by it without raising the slightest objection.
Bad Relationship With The Body And Sexuality
He has a terrible relationship with his body, he does not accept its forms or its aesthetics. He feels awkward, ugly, and thinks that no one will ever be attracted to him. That is why he forgets that he has a body, and the disconnection of desire from him contributes to his total focus on the pleasure and sexuality of the other.
No matter what happens or what others choose, you will always see the positive side and adjust your needs accordingly. The sexual E9 has learned to adapt to circumstances for fear of being abandoned, excluded, rejected and ignored. And this ability becomes a currency to be loved. In reality, it is a false adaptation, which generates a silent rage that accumulates. This anger , of which he is not aware , ends up expressing himself in a stubborn opposition to the other's proposals, posing impediments that are generally of a practical nature , in a kind of displaced revenge.
The sexual E9 works tirelessly to make himself indispensable to the people around him (relatives, friends, acquaintances). Compulsively, he immediately answers "yes" to any request, even if it has just been outlined, without taking the slightest account of his capacity, his psychophysical availability, the eventual effort to be made or, lastly, his needs. Also in this case it is the price to pay for not being abandoned.
Believes that he always knows with absolute certainty what others need (he does not know what he needs). He is amazed that the others do not have that characteristic to the same extent. When someone does not understand him, he immediately blames himself for that inability that, in reality, is not his. He does not feel loved then, he suffers and is filled with rage. It never crosses his mind that the other might not instinctively possess that empathetic capacity that he considers universal.
Creating a comfortable environment , being open to welcoming the other, being hospitable and affable, using a voice that can be pleasant and friendly, and showing unlimited availability, make the sexual E9 well accepted in his environment. He acts like this because he feels the need to be welcomed by his fellow men and, above all, because he believes that, otherwise , no one would love him. Ultimately, he believes that he is not lovable for himself but for the attention he provides.
The sexual E9 has such a strong sense of responsibility that he often takes on what does not belong to him. The motivation is twofold. On the one hand, he feels that all the obligations of the world fall on his shoulders (it is up to him to ensure that everyone fulfills his duty). On the other hand, he thus prevents himself from experiencing excessive pleasure in situations that might even procure it.
He always expects praise, recognition in almost all the activities he does. If he gets criticized for something he has done, he falls from the clouds with a start and suffers horrors. Indeed, the work that he does with dedication and commitment has value because it is through him that he can be recognized by the external world. His work therefore has a double function of expression and recognition. The sexual Nine believes that he exists only through what he does, and not simply because he is.
Disorganized Or Extremely Organized
He lives a disordered life inside (ordering himself would mean looking and suffering for what he sees) and for this reason his house is also completely untidy. Surprisingly, he also lives the ideal of being highly organized. He knows that he has a great chaos inside him, he would never want to deal with it, but he dreams that, with a blow of the sponge, everything will magically fall into place and nothing will be left out of place.
In environments with many people (parties , groups , congresses , assemblies), the sexual E9 can be very talkative, because he can not stand the discomfort of silence. He therefore feels obliged to relieve others of what he feels as density "breaking the ice" as soon as possible. He does this by walking up to someone and starting to talk. He experiences the sensation of saying things that are irrelevant and uninteresting, of being verbose, but he can't stop. He would love to observe the others and remain silent himself. In fact, if there is a lot of noise, he can be quite quiet, and even not answer if he is addressed.
Breaking the silence obeys a second motivation. If you start talking you will stop feeling outside the group - and therefore an object of attention - and you will be able to dissolve into it. The sexual E9 has difficulty feeling really part of the group, he always thinks that he is not up to the task, or that his characteristics will not be valued, or that there are already subgroups in which it will not be possible to enter and that, in any case, he will not will be accepted.
Makes precise projects and acquires commitments that he later postpones and sometimes forgets. Programs that seem to have the highest priority for a time suddenly and for no apparent reason lose interest and fade, replaced by the birth of other urgencies. The sexual E9 acts this way because it indefinitely postpones the satisfaction of its own pleasure. Although at first he moves, and in good faith he believes that he truly feels desires, then the inner dictation of not giving himself pleasure arises. He believes that there is no room in his life for pleasure, and that he only has a reason to be duty.
Has an opinion that he firmly believes, and sometimes expresses it forcefully even if he hasn't been asked, extemporaneously. He is so convinced that he has carefully and correctly analyzed the problem that he makes absolute certainty about it, even though he is spectacularly wrong. The desire to assert himself is not connected with an integrated construction of his opinion.
The sexual E9 takes little care of his external appearance. She dresses without paying too much attention to the harmony of some garments with others and, if she is a woman, she rarely puts on make - up and seldom goes to the hairdresser's. He doesn't care about her aesthetics.
This carelessness is also manifested in the lack of care for their health, when they delay control visits to their doctor and when they ignore, neglect or forget symptoms that may indicate the appearance of some disease. Plain and simple, he forgets himself so much that he does not take care of himself at all.
Not depending on anyone is an absolute need of the sexual E9, which is in conflict with the need to bond symbiotically. As a child, he could not trust the adults around him and learned very early to fend for himself and to reduce his demands more and more, to appear before the world serene, peaceful and unassuming. The motivation is, once again, to ensure the love of others, because if you are not a burden to anyone, you do not run the risk of being rejected. The price you pay is not realizing the lack of independence deep in your feelings and motivations.
Hyperactive Or Distracted
As we have already seen, the sexual Nine sets in motion an «all or nothing» mechanism, in this case oscillating between periods (weeks or hours) of great industriousness and periods in which he wanders and dazzles himself with hobbies of diverse nature that manage to distract him (television, card games, music, books). In both modes, remaining in a superficial state prevents her from contacting his inner world: she is aware that it would be too dangerous and painful.
