exclusionist

25 / he/him / gay / trans

[colorisbyshe]

Saw on many ppls bios on twt 'lesbian/gay/bisexual aroace' and I'm kinda confused bc I thought aroace meant no romantic+sexual attraction? I'm just asking if you know what it might refer to, if not have a nice day!

You seem nice, so I'm not gonna yell at you for dragging this dead horse into my ask box, but I will say... if anyone else wants to send me asks on the topic, to argue with me OR to agree with me, I want proof of purchase for something off of my wishlist. Otherwise, asks will get deleted. Again, not mad you personally anon, but... to any stragglers, we're not doin this.

There are two reasons why people think you can be gay/straight/bi AND aroace.

One, they think asexuality and aromanticism can be spectrums. So, if you experience "less" romantic and sexual attraction than everyone else, you are aroace-spec. And hten to clarify who that "less" amount of attraction is aimed at, you say you are gay/bi/straight aroace.

This is stupid because no other sexuality is a spectrum. If you are primarily attracted to men as a men but sometimes women do it for ya, you're bisexual, not gay-spec. Also, the notion that you are experiencing "less" attraction than everyone else is ridiculous because there is no codified "average" amount of attraction. Nor is there any complementary identity for people who experience "more" attraction.

Because amount of attraction is frankly irrelevant. Unless the amount is TRULY zero and you understand that not experiencing romantic attraction means not wanting to date and not experiencing sexual attraction means not wanting to fuck.

The second reason, which is also wrong, is thinking that "other" types of attraction exist and are included in gayness, biness, straightness. Like you can not want to date or fuck women as a women but you're an aroace lesbian if you want a woman as a best friend or roommate. Call it a QPR, despite nothing about wanting to live with a woman being queer, and BAM you are an aroace lesbian.

Lifelong commitments to your friends is not queer, is not gay or bi or straight, it has noting to do with orientation at all.

These sorts thinking want to be friends with someone is a form of attraction ("platonic attraction"). These people are very removed from reality.

And, again, I will not be arguing with anyone about this OR platforming people who want to use this as a launching point for their own discourse rants. I'm just answering this because anon seems nice nad genuinely curious.

Anyone else who wants to use my askbox as a soapbox, buy me something first. Chain-gang All-Stars is on sale right now

[a-frog-in-a-bog]

i tend to roll my eyes at sexuality microlabels that mention feeling a less-than-normal/average amount of attraction bc what, exactly, is a normal/average amount of attraction? how is it quantified? what data are being used? is it applicable to every single person on the planet, or just in certain cultures? are different stages of life considered?

as a hormonal teenager i could develop a crush on someone i saw once and most of my daydreams and fantasies were about romance or sex. but now that i'm an adult no longer going through puberty, it takes a lot more for me to develop a crush on someone, and a lot of my celebrity or fictional character crushes are more or less acknowledgement that i find them physically attractive than fantasies. my daydreams are primarily about shit like owning a house and being financially stable.

am i demisexual compared to my teenage self, or is my teenage self hyper-allosexual compared to me now, or has my attraction always been a normal/average amount depending on my age? does it even fucking matter? how should i know (and WHY would i need to know) the amount of attraction my peers experience, or how well they need to know someone before developing feelings for them, or if they fantasize about fucking celebrities? what PURPOSE do microlabels serve other than creating a bunch of pride flags to make money off of?

but you know what HASN'T changed over all this time? my bisexuality. WHO i'm attracted to.

[xiaoguiwang]

People nowadays are so caught up in the idea that the LGBT community is about inclusivity and that all labels are valid that they forget this isn’t what the community is about. Sometimes it’s good to draw lines in the sand. Bi lesbians don’t exist. Like, you’re either bi or a lesbian but both of those things exclude each other (but that doesn’t mean that there can’t be or aren’t overlapping experiences). Pansexual is just another word for bisexual except now you’re being biphobic (and transphobic and homophobic) about it. Gen Z kids having a dozen microlabels does nothing except make this about individualism instead of a community, it negates the fact that everyone has differing experiences but that we can still unite under one banner.

The validity of something isn’t a measurement worth considering when it comes to being LGBT because at this point anyone can be ~valid~ and that’s where the conversation shuts down. If a label is “valid” then any criticism leveraged towards it will be met with a wall of “but x is valid so this doesn’t matter,” no matter how rightful, no matter how well-meant. It isn’t about whether or not x identity is valid or whether y should/should not be included, because that’s not what the community is about. Questions like those only benefit corporations during pride month to start selling more to us using increasingly specific flags, it’s only to divide the community and hyperfocuses on individuality above anything else.

It is part of a bigger problem here, the commodification of identity and the self because of late-stage capitalism goes hand in hand with distancing yourself from others and any similarity & community you could share with them. The complexities of your own experiences with relation to gender and sexuality will always be unique to you. A lesbian who grew up closeted in a deeply homophobic household in London will have different experiences and views than an openly proud lesbian in Hong Kong. This doesn’t mean either of them are any less of a lesbian, nor does it mean that either of them need to label themselves with some hyperspecific microlabel that “better fits” their circumstances and the way they experience attraction etc.

The LGBT community is a community for a reason, it is about how we are connected through our struggles, through our shared marginalization, through our understanding of, solidarity for, each other. Making it out to be about “inclusivity” when that’s more a buzzword along the lines of “diversity” for suit-clad executives to circlejerk over, or about how “valid” any given identity is, is to lose sight of that. It is to derail the conversation about community and sameness to talk about individuality.

[arrowacesoul-deactivated2022070]

When you tell an uneducated allo that someone can be gay and aroace at the same time

[thejsorcerer]

lol this 😂 it's like their neurons don't make synapses up there

[wormy-onions]

“uneducated allos” you guys sound unhinged. what you’re saying is meaningless nonsense to anyone who isn’t a terminally online SAM believer

[terfsarecunts]

POV you try to explain to a normal person IRL how you can be gay while also feeling absolutely no sexual or romantic attraction to anyone or anything because of “sensuality” or “super special bestie friendship feelings”

[pissvortex]

[msposhsabsbxhlq-deactivated2021]

[fairydustskies-deactivated20211]

friendly reminder that if you’re panphobic unfollow me right now. i do not want you anywhere near my blog. unfollow and hard-block me if u don’t think pansexuality is valid.

[thefolxawakens-deactivated20211]

same except the opposite

[venusymbol-deactivated20211019]

Friendly reminder that if you're "panphobic", follow me right now. I want you everywhere near my blog. Follow and interact with me if u don't think "pansexuality" is valid.

[achillescourse]

☕ asexuals complain abt "aphobia" then turn around n shit on aromantic people like. double standard much? "omg!!! sex positive aces are so valid!!! ☺️☺️ wait... ur an aromantic who is only interested in sex?!?? 🤢🤢🤢"

you know what ?? i actually barely see inclus aces talk abt aro ppl to the point where it feels like they don't care unless its useful for a discourse point to be ' mean ' to more groups than just aces

even like? posts like 'we hate exclus,love aces bleh bleh' aro ppl are always included as an afterthought unless its an aro person writing the thing

[cowardly-bisexual]

the idea that “attracted to all genders but doesn’t care about gender” and “attracted to all genders but does care about gender” should constitute separate sexual orientations and communities is so neo-liberal it gives me a headache

in the eyes of society you are the same! your internal feelings don’t make you oppressed in a different way and they don’t make you so different you wouldn’t be able to relate to each other!

imagine the folly of lesbians deciding they need several different labels based on whether they’re into femmes, butches or both and then splitting into separate communities with different flags

it doesn’t make any sense, we need broad coalitions not indulgence in egocentrism and semantics

[cowardly-bisexual]

[muck-raker]

[reply by @elysior: the original desire for a sense of community after lifetimes of feeling lost vs the modern urge to be unique only resulting in being lonely again]

[wormy-onions]

iding as genderqueer is fine but don’t get pissy when people tag it as a slur and be like “MY IDENTITY IS NOT A SLUR” because yes it is. it’s a reclamation of a slur, and I’m assuming you use it as a way of taking power back. but it’s still a slur and is triggering to others. if you think it’s not a slur, you really shouldn’t be iding that way at all.

[fluoresensitivearchived]

It's so terribly sad that white Tumblr q slurs will never have community with older gay people for the simple fact that they refuse to stop calling people slurs and are more attached to microlabels than the larger community. Not me, though! Y'all be safe!

[heterophobicpride]

some rando on the internet: hm since the lgbt community is structured around experiencing homophobia and/or transphobia, and cishets experience neither, i do not think cishets are a part of the lgbt community

other rando on the internet: i will now demonstrate both a lack of reading comprehension and a lack of critical thinking skills

[horrorallo]

If asexuality isn’t about not wanting to have sex then every example of aphobia that centers around sex is invalid

[positivelyaphobe-blog]

Dear aphobes: don’t forget to practice safe sex! An accidental pregnancy or HIV contraction can be devastating! 💚♡♥️️💜

[explanationpoint]

this post makes you look like a violent homophobe.

[thorradical]

this is the most disgusting passive aggressive homophobic mess ive seen im going to throw up what the fuck is wrong with you

[taramaclaywasaterf]

Imagine posting shit like this then still wondering why everyone fucking hates you.

Hint: it has nothing to do with the fact that you don’t want to fuck. It’s because you’re vile, shameless, blatant fucking homophobes.

[87352257]

Oh boy look at these Valid™ people who should totally be a part of the gay rights movement

[fluoresensitivearchived]

I ... Humans are not meant to be isolated and alone, and it's weird that people have made up a whole micro-label for 'i do not form healthy relationships, platonic or otherwise'. Maybe seek help before turning to social media to validate a frankly frightening way of living??

[fluoresensitivearchived]

Anyways, anyways, if you felt attacked by this, might I suggest you try building relationships with the people around you? Might I suggest you make friends with other people with personality disorders because it's really not healthy at all to be like, vehemently anti-human contact and social interaction. Like, as a person who struggles with cues and contact and interactions...Please. Talk to someone.

[conarcoin]

??????????????????

[official-lucifers-child]

lgbnft

[january-warlock]

Well I’m kicking the hornet’s nest again, but the concepts of demisexual, pansexuality, and the split attraction model have not only negatively impacted the lgbt community, but have caused a serious breakdown as to how human attraction works.

You can’t just split your romantic and sexual attraction, it doesn’t work like that. “I’m attracted to personality not gender” literally no one is attracted to someone BECAUSE of gender, everyone chooses a partner based on personality and compatibility. “I base my relationships off connections” literally everyone does that. Like it’s not even just about the community, that’s just how human attraction works and isn’t particularly to any orientation.

[steveyockey]

not all identities are valid especially the stupid fucking dumb ones that got made up so people could avoid coming out as gay or bisexual