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@adhd-rmd
ive been doing fuck all for the last few hours so instead of staying at home i think im gonna head out to try and get a library card and maybe even do a little work at the library if im lucky!
made it to the library but forgot to bring a pice of mail to establish my address, so im jsut trying to bang out like 3 min of work before i go ask the librarians what i need to get a card anyway. also, this library is closed on sundays and mondays, which is rly weird to me tbh
ive been doing fuck all for the last few hours so instead of staying at home i think im gonna head out to try and get a library card and maybe even do a little work at the library if im lucky!
‘am i Having A Brain Problem or Being a Shithead’: a short procrastination checklist
aka why tf am i procrastinating on The Thing (more like a flowchart, actually)
lots of people who have executive function difficulties worry about whether they’re procrastinating on a task out of laziness/simply wanting to be a jerk or mental struggles. this checklist might help you figure out which it is at any given time! (hint: it’s almost never laziness or being a jerk.) (obligatory disclaimer: this is just what works for me! something different might work better for you.)
1) do I honestly intend to start the task despite my lack of success?
yes: it’s a Brain Problem. next question
no: it’s shitty to say one thing & do another. better be honest with myself & anyone expecting me to do the task.
2) am I fed, watered, well-rested, medicated properly, etc?
yes: next question
no: guess what? this is the real next task
3) does the idea of starting the task make me feel scared or anxious?
yes: Anxiety Brain. identify what’s scaring me first.
no: next question
4) do I know how to start the task?
yes: next question
no: ADHD Brain. time to make an order of operations list.
5) do I have everything I need to start the task?
yes: next question
no: ADHD Brain lying to me about the steps again, dangit. first task is ‘gather the materials’.
6) why am i having a hard time switching from my current task to this new task?
i’m having fun doing what i’m doing: it’s okay to have fun doing a thing! if task is time-sensitive, go to next question.
i have to finish doing what i’m doing: might be ADHD brain. can I actually finish the current task or will I get trapped in a cycle? does this task really need to be finished?
the next task will be boring/boring-er than the current task: ADHD brain. re-think the next task. what would make it exciting? what am I looking forward to?
I might not have enough time to complete the task: ADHD brain wants to finish everything it starts. (if task is time-sensitive, go to next question)
i just want to make the person who asked me to do it angry: sounds like anxiety brain trying to punish itself, because I know I’ll be miserable if someone is angry at me. why do i think I deserve punishment?
no, I seriously want to piss them off: okay, i’m being a shithead
7) have I already procrastinated so badly that I now cannot finish the task in time?
yes: ADHD brain is probably caught in a guilt-perfection cycle. since I can’t have the task done on time, i don’t even want to start.
reality check: having part of a thing done is almost always better than none of a thing done. if I can get an extension, having part of it done will help me keep from stalling out until the extension deadline. i’ll feel better if I at least try to finish it.
no, there’s still a chance to finish on time: ADHD brain thinks that I have all the time in the world, but the truth is I don’t.
reality check: if i’m having fun doing what I’m doing, I can keep doing it, but I should probably set a timer & ask someone to check on me to make sure I start doing the task later today.
8) I’ve completed the checklist and still don’t know what’s wrong!
probably wasn’t honest enough with myself. take one more look.
if I’m still mystified, ask a friend to help me talk it out.
hope this helps some of you! YOU’RE DOING GREAT SWEETIE DON’T GIVE UP ON YOU
This is…entirely too real lol
#i do. have trouble figuring out the first step.#like idk if i’m really intending to get it done or lying to myself (via @lightspren )
you’re not the only person who’s expressed trouble with the first step, so I’m gonna elaborate just a little on the concept of intent.
‘Intending to act’ can be rephrased as ‘expecting yourself to do the thing’.
It’s the difference between your teacher giving you homework (your teacher expects you to do the homework) and you deciding to do the homework (you expect yourself to do the homework).
I don’t think you can lie to yourself about whether or not you intend to do something. even as a person who often doesn’t have a real concept of how much I can actually get done*, I can always tell when I don’t really expect myself to do a thing vs when I do expect myself to do it but I’m struggling to start.
below is a list of things that might help you tell if you really intend to do a thing. if even ONE of these is true, I believe you honestly intend to do the task you’re struggling to start.
do you want to do it? or alternatively: do you want the benefits from doing it enough to do it?
even if you don’t want to do it, do you expect yourself to do it?
can you imagine yourself starting the thing? (even if you don’t have a plan for how to get there.)
do you have even a nebulous plan for doing the thing? (my ‘plans’ often start out: ‘1. go to wherever I have to be to do the thing 2. do the thing 3. ???? 4. profit’, which isn’t much of a plan but at least there’s a sense of starting and ending.)
are you trying to force yourself to do the thing by not allowing yourself to start any other things first (and thus continuously scrolling through twitter/tumblr, or staring at your ceiling, or whatever)?
are you trying to make yourself do the thing by offering yourself rewards for doing the thing?
again:
if even ONE of these is true, I believe you honestly intend to do the task you’re struggling to start.
and this isn’t an exhaustive list of ways to tell you’re planning to do it! you know yourself best, and you can develop ways to tell the difference between your good intent and your wishful thinking.
procrastination is a hell of a monster, especially if you don’t have normal executive function. be nice to yourself! you are a decent person and want to do good things.
*the real problem ADHD people seem to have (or at least, the problem I, an adhd person, often have) is intending to do too much. my to-do list for any given day usually overestimates both how much time I have & how much energy I have. as a result, I can honestly intend to clean my room, do the dishes, and do my budget in one day, but I’ll probably only end up doing 2 out 3 things b/c I’ll run out of time or energy before I get to the last one.
this isn’t a problem of lying to oneself about your intentions: this is a problem of lacking time-awareness & self-awareness, and it demands better scheduling. this list can’t really help with that, unfortunately. :(
Saving this for later
Okay I’m currently furious that migraines are often so blindly easy to treat and I had to find this out myself at the age of 26 when I’ve been to a neurologist since I was 11 lol so I’m about to teach you two neat and fast little tricks to deal with pain!
The first is the sternocleidomastoid muscle, or the SCM muscle.
This big red section is responsible for pain around the eye, cheekbone, and jaw, as well as some temple pain. Literally all you have to do is angle your head down a little, angle it away from the side that hurts, and then you can gently pinch and rub that muscle. I find it best to start at the bottom and travel upwards. The relief is so immediate! You can increase pressure as you feel comfortable doing so.
Here is a short and easy video showing this in action
The second is a fast and easy stretch that soothes your vagus nerve, which is the nerve responsible for calming you down. The vagus nerve, for those unfamiliar, is stimulated by deep breathing such as yawning, sighing, singing, or taking a deep breath to calm your anger in a tense situation.
You can stretch this out by sitting up as straight as possible (this does not have to be perfect to work) and interlacing your fingers. Put your hands on the back of your head with your thumbs going down the sides of your neck and, while keeping your face forward, look all the way to one side with just your eyes. Hold that until you feel the urge to breathe deeply or yawn, or until you can tell there’s a change. Then do the same thing on the other side. When you put your arms down, you should clearly be able to turn your head farther in both directions. If the first session doesn’t get rid of your migraine, rest and repeat as many times as necessary. I even get a little fancy with it and roll my eyes up and down along the outer edge sometimes to stretch as much as I can.
If you need a visual here’s a good video on it. I know some of the language they use seems questionable but this is real and simple science and should not be discarded because it’s been adopted by the trendy wellness crowd!
I seriously cannot believe I didn’t hear a word of this from any doctor in my life. Additionally, if you get frequent recurring migraines, you may want to see a dietician. Migraines can be caused by foods containing histamines, lectin, etc. and can also be caused by high blood pressure in specific situations such as exercise, stress, and even sex.
If any of this information helps you I’d love to hear it btw! It’s so so fast and easy to do. Good luck!
*currently suffering from a horrible migraine. Tries this*
Are you fucking shitting me it works!?
What. The fuck.
@thebibliosphere here might be the cause of some of your migraines!
It is, actually! My sternocleidomastoid was one of the muscles that tore badly after my chiropractic injury. Rehab is slow going.
Thank you so much for this @thebibliosphere
Thank the op! And also just because some people are being a bit unkind in the notes and telling people that if this works for you, you don’t have migraines you have tension headaches:
Cervicogenic headaches are a thing and are just as debilitating and are not just simple tension headaches and are often sometimes lumped under the umbrella of migraine disorder.
They are caused by muscle dysfunction and damage to the nerves in the neck/base of the skull and they often represent as typical migraines in terms of pain intensity, pain pathways and also the longevity of the attacks. They can also cause nausea, vomiting and a whole host of other symptoms that are typically treated with migraines targeted drugs.
They can also become chronic or episodic depending on the cause and also result in the development of other chronic pain and neurological disorders such as occipital neuralgia which can also feel like a migraine and often trigger the brain into experiencing the exact same symptoms due to following the occipital pathway which is the most common representation and cause of migraine pain and other symptoms.
You’re migraines might not be caused by muscle dysfunction, but for a lot of people it is a contributing factor or even a symptom of migraine itself as migraines can cause the muscles in the neck to tense up in response to the misfires going on in the brain during an attack, leading to other problems like the above mentioned.
My occipital neuralgia was likely caused by many facets of my neck injury, but my neurologist and pain specialist both agree my migraines going from episodic to chronic was also a part in it because of how my body tenses up during migraines. The migraine aggravates my neck injury, which then causes the muscles around my skull to crunch the occipital nerve, leading to occipital neuralgia which now causes me to have daily migraines if I can’t get my neck to give up the death grip it has on my skull.
Sometimes I can do this with stretches and massage which can lessen the pain. Other times I’m in the ER getting shot full of IV anti-seizure meds because it’s the only thing that calms down the migraine which in turn stops the muscle spasms.
Migraines are a complex neurological disorder that represents differently across the spectrum of sufferers. Hell, some people don’t experience pain at all with their migraines. It’s a weird fucking disease.
I understand the desire to emphasize how much worse migraines are than normal headaches that respond to hydration and pain killers. Believe me. I’m one more “have you tried drinking water?” away from going on a justified murder spree. But we also don’t get to look at stuff like the above and say “well that’s not a migraine” when yeah, actually, it can be.
There’s a reason neurologists will often try sending patients to physical therapy for severe migraines. And it’s because the sternocleidomastoid is a cunt and that cunt being fucked up can make migraines worse.
Yeah, maybe some of the people in notes just have tension headaches. Or maybe some of them have got fucked up neck muscles from their migraines and learning how the neck is involved in migraine management might be helpful for some. Is it going to help everyone? No. Does that mean it’s not a relevant thing to discuss in context of migraine disease? Also no.
adhd is fun bc everything I got taught is backwards
a good day makes good sleep
starting with a lil treat gets the work done
More things to do is less overwhelming
don’t make a plan just get in there
you’ll never take good care of what you don’t like so throw it out (this one is my favorite bc it’s easy to see what you don’t like)
Incredible addition
don’t put the thing on the shelf put the shelf under the thing
there is no work there is only fun there is no good it is only done
weird little brain tweak/reframing that helped me out. i Often find that advice that seemingly helps Everyone Else doesn’t make any sense to me, in ways that are hard to describe, and it can be really frustrating. but when i find a way to explain it to myself that finally seems to break through and make it click, it feels really good
Dealing With Executive Dysfunction - A Masterpost
The “getting it done in an unconventional way” method.
The “it’s not cheating to do it the easy way” method.
The “fuck what you’re supposed to do” method.
The “get stuff done while you wait” method.
The “you don’t have to do everything at once” method.
The “it doesn’t have to be permanent to be helpful” method.
The “break the task into smaller steps” method.
The “treat yourself like a pet” method.
The “it doesn’t have to be all or nothing” method.
The “put on a persona” method.
The “act like you’re filming a tutorial” method.
The “you don’t have to do it perfectly” method.
The “wait for a trigger” method.
The “do it for your future self” method.
The “might as well” method.
The “when self discipline doesn’t cut it” method.
The “taking care of yourself to take care of your pet” method.
The “make it easy” method.
The “junebugging” method.
The “just show up” method.
The “accept when you need help” method.
The “make it into a game” method.
The “everything worth doing is worth doing poorly” method.
The “trick yourself” method.
The “break it into even smaller steps” method.
The “let go of should” method.
The “your body is an animal you have to take care of” method.
The “fork theory” method.
The “effectivity over aesthetics” method.
This is the sacred texts, this is the holy grail.
This a GOOD STUFF, people. Read and try, it may work for you 🤞
GRAVITY FALLS THISISNOTAWEBSITEDOTCOM SPOILERS - PASSWORD MASTERLIST
a friend and I have been going over every password that works on the site, and I thought I'd post all of the ones I've found so fair. if you want to figure out the website on your own, please don't read further!!
So today I had a hard day with adhd- as such here’s tips and tricks for being kind to yourself when you are struggling with adhd:
(Disclaimer: I am sick rn which renders my meds basically useless, so that’s the struthis applies to)
How to be kind to yourself
Write it down- literally, write that you are trying to be kind
Try to catch unkind thoughts and course correct (ex: ugh why can’t I do this math!? -> I am trying my best, it’s gonna be what it is and I will treat myself well no matter what)
If you can’t catch the thoughts, correct after, that works too!
Take breaks from the frustrating activities, and remind yourself that you need the breaks
Keep correcting thoughts
Try yoga/meditation/mindfulness techniques to keep going and reframing
It’s hard
Like all of it is super hard and was hard all day
But you got this
And every time you do it it gets a tiny bit easier
I believe in all of us, and we can do it!!
Please lmk if you have cracked the code tho, and good luck!
studying with ADHD: in school
this is the first part of an upcoming series of posts about studying with ADHD
disclaimer: as a student who has primarily inattentive type ADHD, these are some things that help me. i know that ADHD affects different people in different ways, and what works for me might be counterproductive for others.
if you can, talk to your teachers about the fact that you have ADHD
if you don’t want to / can’t tell them you have ADHD, you can just say that you have trouble focusing
a lot of my teachers have been willing to let me work in the hallway when it’s too loud inside for me to focus, for example
i know a lot of kids who will just raise their hand to take a break / get water, the teacher will nod at them, and they can step outside the classroom for a minute without it being a big deal
remember, it’s in your teacher’s best interests to let you do what you need to learn as well as possible
in class
sitting in the front row can help force you to keep focused and alert
if you have something quiet like silly putty to play with under your desk, or you have gum to chew, things like that are good ways to fidget that won’t distract other people
if you need to bounce your leg, do it in such a way that it isn’t hitting the desk, and if you tap your fingers on your leg or something it’s a lot quieter than tapping them on the desk
if your teachers let you snack in class, baby carrots are crunchy and satisying and a fun thing to do with your mouth
lunch and free periods are your best friends
this is a good time to do work, since it can be hard to focus at home sometimes
if your school has a quiet study area in the library or something similar, use it!! those places are a godsend
lunch is also a really good time to get out your excess energy. taking a walk around the block, goofing off with your friends, whatever you need to do before you get back into focus mode
EMAILS TO MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER
Hello friends and enemies,
I have decided to do a masters degree for some fucking reason. Due to these godforsaken circumstances, I am going to be a student again.
Now, based on my experience being an undergrad with my Brain and Misc Issues, I knew that my hubris in pursuing YET MORE EDUCATION would result in having to write a lot of stressful emails, while dealing with a stressful situation.
So, to help myself cope in advance, I’ve decided to write drafts of these emails in advance, so that it’s less agonisingly painful to deal with this shit when it comes up.
And you can use them too!
under the cut, I have some draft emails for when you need to tell your lecturers:
I’m going to miss a lecture.
I have missed a lecture
I will be turning in an assignment late
I have missed a deadline
I have had a personal crisis which impacts my studies.
SEND AT START OF SEMESTER: explaining that you fidget/stim without using the word stim.
Keep reading
hello! i saw that you sometimes give adhd tips. for me, summer is one of the worst time for adhd because i just do nothing all day, even when there's cool stuff i want to do, and then i feel bad for wasting time. any tips for helping manage this? any help is appreciated :)
Ohhh boy I can do what I can but I'll point out my ADHD-managing skills are FAR from perfect lol.
I didn't want this to be super long, so this is the summarized version of some stuff that works for me. If anyone wants more detail just ask!
1) Don't bother with the regular work cycle of wake-early sleep-early. If you, like me, work best from midnight to 4am, work from midnight to 4am.
2) SLEEP. Yeah I just said to work at weird late times if you work well at weird times but that doesn't mean stop sleeping. Rearrange your sleep schedule for when you want to be working. EG In the best case, I sleep twice during the day - once from 5am to 11am, and once from 8pm to 11pm, because my brain Does Not Like doing anything resembling thinking at these times lol so that's when I try to sleep.
3) Stop frEAKING planning stuff as if you're a neurotypical!!!! For real. You have ADHD, it's not going away, so plan stuff around that. Pick 2 or 3 things per day and stick to them (EG: 2 study subjects and 1 type of clothing for laundry.). I used to plan stuff like "oh I'll do a bajillion hours of studying followed by a run and then I'll clean my whoooole house" and then it would inevitably fail and I'd feel bad.
4) BIG WATER + FLAVOURED WATER. Forgetting to drink water is a big issue but also it affects everything from Awakeness^TM to mood to everything. Buying a big bottle of flavoured water every day can remind you to drink it. Big = harder to misplace/forget, Flavour = brain go :) instead of >:( I have @enby-life to thank for their post on flavoured water that inspired me to buy strawberry water and I am one high drayted human now lmao. I always buy the same 1.5l bottle of strawberry water and it helps a lot.
5) GO TO THERAPY. Yes it's scary yes it can be expensive yes it's WORTH IT WHEN YOU FIND THE RIGHT THERAPIST. (u can find a therapist in your country and specific area here: LINK)
6) Don't plan time for work. Plan stuff. Planning to do Xhrs on This subject and Yhrs on That subject never worked for me. Instead I'll plan something specific to do over the course of the day, and something that I can easily measure. EG: Not "do 2hrs of work on Magnetism, do laundry", but "make notes on 20 of the released Magnetism slides, wash dark t-shirts". Specific and easily-measured things on a plan make them easier to tick off and therefore better for making your brain go :).
When are we going to talk about how utterly over the top and ridiculous neurotypical advice for ADHD and sleep is?? It’s straight up fucking bonkers.
Someone with ADHD: I really really struggle to fall asleep at “regualr times”, no matter how tired I am I just can’t seem to fall asleep at 10 pm!!! But I almost instantly fall asleep any time after 2 am. What should I do?
NT sleep advice: You, someone who cannot conceptualize time in any way whatsoever, need to identify TWO HOURS in advance when you want to sleep and, with your executive dysfunction that makes making decisions at will almost straight up impossible, make the decision to stop whatever you’re involuntarily hyperfixating on. Then, you, with a focus disorder that makes it so that you have to be doing something at all times, sit and do nothing for 2 hours. You cannot read. You cannot be on your phone. Do not move. Do not talk to people. Just sit and do nothing. If you can’t fall asleep it’s because you Did Something and it’s your fault. Bluelight 24 hours before you want to sleep is the reason. Never look at a TV, Phone, computer, OR let one of these objects be within a 24,000 mile radius of you. Never ever go NEAR your bed unless you’re already asleep. If you are AWAKE in your bedroom ever you will not be able to sleep.
ADHD Sleep Advice: Get a job that starts at 2 pm or later and go to sleep at 4 am and wake up at noon.
Half my life right here lol
All my life I have had intense insomnia and all the sleep advice I’ve gotten has been like the NT bullshit. Everyone told me it was my fault and I wasn’t trying hard enough. I finally went to a sleep doc and she just laughed and gave me the ADHD version of sleep advice. She told me more often than anything else she prescribes people permission to go to sleep late.
Non-snarky question: does anyone have good ADHD sleep advice for someone who is not able to get a job that starts in the middle of the day? My sister teaches high school and is a single parent to an elementary aged kid. “Sleep till noon” is not an option, but there’s got to be something better than “so you’re just screwed, I guess!” or the aforementioned impossible nonsense. Brilliant ADHD folks, any ideas?
actually yes! For most of my life I have had horrible sleep habits, because not only do I have the classic ADHD delayed sleep phase pattern, but my goddamn hamster wheel of a brain would often keep spinning well into the early morning hours. Lots of nights spent tossing and turning, unplanned all-nighters in college, etc.
What helped was 1) anxiety meds and 2) melatonin. I have multiple timers on my phone to ensure that I take both of these before 10 PM every night, and if I’m consistent about it I can reliably fall asleep around midnight and wake up at 7 even without a morning alarm. (I still HAVE a morning alarm, obviously. not gonna tempt fate over here.) Waking up before 7 and being any kind of functional is still a challenge, but if I had to I could probably make it work.
Also, I have emergency backup Xanax (in a tiny baby dosage) for nights when my usual routine fails to silence the hamster wheel. I go through a 30-pill refill of that in six months or so, normally. Although 2020 has been, uh, a lot more anxiety-inducing than average.
(my last doctor’s appointment was at the very beginning of March, and at the time I asked to refill my emergency Xanax for upcoming election reasons. really glad i did that, y’all.)
A) PERFECTIONISM WILL FUCK YOU
So y’all know the ADHD perfectionist thing, right, the “if I can’t do it right i might as well not do it at all?” thing? Your brain tells you the same thing about sleep. “Oh well, didn’t make it to bed by 1230, guess I’ll stay up till 1; oh well, didn’t make it to bed by 345, might as well stay up till 4.”
Please learn that that is bullshit because sometimes just consciously being aware that what you’re doing is an ADHD thing is enough to remind you that you’ve got coping mechanisms for this and can shock you out of your dysfunctional pattern.
Also your ADHD brain is a shithead and will sometimes say “well I couldn’t get to sleep on time, might as well just stay up all night.” And FUCK YOUR ADHD BRAIN, any sleep is better than no sleep, Mythbusters did a thing about that, even just going to bed and closing your eyes for 20 minutes is better than not getting into bed at all and sometimes that’s ALSO enough to trick your brain into going to fucking sleep.
B) DON’T LAY IN BED AND TORTURE YOURSELF
If you’ve been in bed and unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep for more than an hour just get up (or even if you don’t physically get up just pick up your book or your phone or whatever). This isn’t “Fine I’ll Just Stay Up All Night” this is “my cycling thoughts aren’t going to let me sleep so I’m gonna distract my brain by focusing on something else for a bit.”
If you try to force yourself to fall asleep you just get stuck in a “I should be asleep, why am I still awake, what the fuck is wrong with me just go to fucking sleep” thought pattern and keep yourself awake. Just. Play some tetris for a bit. You’ll probably get sleepy pretty soon.
C) BRING YOUR HYPERFIXATION TO BED. YES EVEN IF IT’S BLUE LIGHT.
Okay so I quit smoking about a year ago and that’s the thing that’s made the single biggest difference in my sleep schedule because when I was still smoking I’d sit in the garage next to the ashtray and read/write/draw/whatever and have a cigarette every once in a while. And then I’d get sleepy but I wouldn’t be able to motivate myself to stand up and go to bed until I was more awake at which point I got more engaged in whatever it was that I was doing.
When I quit smoking I started hanging out in bed and drawing or reading fanfic or whatever and the magical thing is that when I’m tired I can just put my phone or my notebook down and go to sleep. I even keep my meds and my phone charger and a bottle of water on my headboard so I don’t have to stand up and take my pills I just put my stuff down and go to sleep. This has taken me from an average bedtime of 4-5am to an average bedtime of 1-3am and sometimes I can even go to sleep at midnight if I’m tired enough. THIS IS MAGICAL AND HAS LITERALLY NEVER HAPPENED FOR ME BEFORE. I still have “whoops, got into this book and stayed awake until 5 am” nights once every couple of months but it is so much better than when that used to happen two or three times a week.
(that is, of course, with a work start time of 9am; left to my own devices or working a schedule I choose I’m more likely to be in bed by 7am and getting up at 2pm.)
D) Hey you know how they tell you to stop drinking caffeine at like, 5pm or some ridiculous bullshit? That made everything immeasurably worse for me. Honestly see if having a cup of coffee around bedtime helps.
E) TAKE FUCKING NAPS
Because here’s the deal, if you can’t get around the terrible and cruel dayperson’s schedule requirements then you’re going to just have to get used to dealing with less sleep and that is *terrible* for you but you can make it slightly less terrible by taking an afternoon or a just-off-work nap. And sometimes the nap will hit you really hard and you’ll sleep for like ten hours and then you’ll probably be awake too early but what, you probably didn’t even have enough of a sleep schedule to be worried about ruining it.
F) If you’ve got the hamster wheel going try to think about things that require your focus but that are kind of boring. I tend to either multiply by 3s until I can’t keep track and then start over OR I focus on feeling the pulse in every part of my body from my toes to my scalp and back down until I’m asleep.
GOOD LUCK.
ALSO YOU ARE NOT A LOSER OR LAZY OR A SHITTY PERSON IF YOU CAN’T SLEEP AT “NORMAL” TIMES.
And I’m sorry because you’ve probably heard that and heard “well you could do it if you really wanted to” and that fucking blows and I wish nobody had been such a fucking asshole to you.
Not everybody sleeps on the same schedule and it’s not your fault if your brain is wired to a schedule that society thinks is wrong BUT you probably do need to recognize that society is going to do its very best to fuck you over and if you can start planning now for the kind of work that lets you set your own schedule you might want to do so. That is the kind of benefit that is on par with health insurance and 401K matching. If one business is letting you sleep at your normal schedule and another business needs you in at 8AM but pays 10K more I’ve gotta tell you that the sleep schedule that makes you feel best and not getting yelled at by your boss over lateness because you overslept AGAIN is probably worth ten thousand dollars.
And if you’re a teenager and dealing with this that is so, so, so, shitty buds. You may want to see if you can get assistance through your school’s disability accommodation team.
Okay but these tips are not even helping the slightest for people with ADHD that asks for tips on how to go to bed around normal time because life requires them to, and people are like “just get a job that fits your sleep schedule” or “just take naps” as if that’s helpful. I hate to be that person, but not using your phone 1 hour before sleep works, also reading books works really good too. The biggest issue is the executive dysfunction and to deal with that, start your going to be routine one hour earlier than what you actually planned. That way the body gets used to going to bed one hour earlier too. Also, stay consistent with that. The biggest issue is when we stay up to four am and the problem there is that we get jet lagged and sometimes it takes days to recover from one.
A tip from my psychiatrist when you have fucked your sleeping schedule: take half a melatonin pill if you have that around 5 pm and then your normal amount 30 min before bed. Then it will help you get back on normal sleeping schedule again.
“The biggest problem is executive dysfunction and to fix that you need to have a functional understanding of time.”
I’m gonna stop you right there, chief. I don’t “plan” to “go to bed” I get distracted inking and suddenly it’s 2am and I need to eat dinner.
Also no, my biggest problem is a delayed sleep phase, which is what a lot of people in this thread are talking about and which may be a problem for a significant percentage of people with ADHD.
Hi I’m a person with ADHD and I fall asleep in bed with my phone in my hand and a cup of coffee on my nightstand hours earlier than I used to be able to because I broke the perfectionist anxiety cycle and learned to hang out places where it would be easy to fall asleep.
For 9 years I’ve also worked a job with a 9-5 schedule that is nearly as brutal on me as my 7-4 high school schedule was and I desperately miss my coffee shop job that paid a quarter as much because I was actually able to sleep on my natural sleep cycle for once in my life.
I’m glad you found something that works for you but if “remembering to take a pill at the same time every day” or “having a set schedule” or “hearing alarms” is part of your plan for sleep management it is not a workable plan for me.
What works for me is getting around 5-6 hours of sleep a night and napping occasionally.
I’m not saying “UwU go get a different job” I’m saying “if you have the ability to plan on looking for work that allows you to set your own schedule you should understand that a benefit like that can be literally life saving if you’ve got major delayed sleep issues”
If you have a sleep phase delay and you think you’re going to be able to successfully bully yourself into getting up at 645 every day to be a kindergarten teacher I’ve got to say that you are probably underestimating how much this kind of thing can impact your life and health and if you’re in the beginning stages of your life journey I’d recommend maybe exploring other career options.
But after getting treated for insomnia and told to do light therapy and mediation techniques for 20 years I can tell you that what works for me is stable caffeine consumption, being able to just set stuff down and go to sleep when I’m tired, remembering that a little sleep is better than no sleep, and occasional naps.
You ever been to the delayed sleep phase subreddit? That, my friends, is a depressing place.
But, as depressing as it is, it’s also liberating.
I’m really, really happy that avoiding your phone after dark works for you but this was a problem for me before cell phones and home PCs were a thing I had in my life. Avoiding blue light and keeping distractions out of my room isn’t going to work for me. Been there, done that, tried the melatonin.
You say “reading is any option” to calm you down for sleep as though a) I haven’t just said that one of my remaining sleep issues is staying up because I got sucked into a book and b) sleep professionals don’t tell you not to read at bedtime. They fucking do. I’ve heard them. “You should be relaxing and settling your mind, not looking for distractions or simulation.”
I’m not going to tell people to take melatonin or wear sleep masks or stop exercising 3 hours before bedtime because there seems to be some confusion about chronic vs. episodic sleep conditions and how they are treated.
I’m describing pallative care for an incurable issue that I’ve had professionally treated since Bill Clinton was president. You are describing a sleep schedule that can apparently be resolved by half a dose of melatonin.
So maybe this is less “tips on how to go to bed at a normal person time” and more “tips on how to survive when you don’t sleep like a normal person because of a condition that is fundamentally inseparable from you as a person”
When your sleep is as fucked as mine your choices are to limit harm by getting what sleep you can or improving the sleep you get OR finding a job that lets you be your full nocturnal self.
By managing to roll my sleep schedule back more than 2 hours I’m actually doing *incredibly* well. That is above and beyond what sleep experts expect to achieve for patients with DSPD. A 10pm bedtime is impossible for me and disappointing and disheartening to try to achieve. A 2am bedtime is a vast improvement to my quality of life and has excited and pleased my doctors to the point that my psychiatrist asked me if I had any advice i could share with his other ADHD patients.
AND I DID IT BY LETTING MYSELF FALL ASLEEP WITH MY PHONE IN MY HAND.
Or: how i leaned to stop worrying and love the blue glow.
HAVE A NICE NIGHT. I HOPE EVERYONE READING THIS SLEEPS WELL.
@ms-demeanor if I may ask, what do you do about the
I don’t “plan” to “go to bed” I get distracted […] and suddenly it’s 2am and I need to eat dinner.
thing? I mean, I don’t hang out in bed the whole day, so at some point I’d need to make the switch and that some point is usually like 3:43 am (also my work can’t really be done in bed so)
and that’s still prior to idling on my phone for at least an hour welp
A) If you can manage to have some variety of mostly diurnal pet that nonetheless sleeps a lot that will probably help. My dog makes sure I know when it’s time to shift things from my office or the kitchen to the room where sleep happens
B) I make the switch when momentum allows it. Take advantage of being between tasks or interrupting hyperfocus. Sometimes I only get to bed at anything resembling a reasonable hour because I had to stop what I was doing and go to the bathroom. So try to be aware of the world around you when you get up to get something to eat or use the restroom or things like that. Get into the habit of checking in with your body about whether you’re hungry or stiff or need to pee and use that as the focus break you need to walk away from your task and start thinking about messing around on your phone in bed.
And sometimes I’m so focused on The Thing that I’ll ignore physical cues for a long time and it takes either falling asleep where I’m sitting or another human intervening or sunrise to make me go to bed.
It’s not a perfect system but if it works a little it’s better than nothing.
Fuck Goals, Fuck Vision Boards
Task Management for Planning Averse
AKA Even People with Zero Direction in Life Deserve Nice Things
So if you don’t already follow Dana K. White on YouTube, you should. She’s the author of the blog A Slob Comes Clean and several books. What I’m going to talk about below is heavily inspired by her work which is why I wanted to cite her upfront but also seriously go check her videos out if you’re trying to declutter and get organized.
Right now I’m mostly using her videos and it’s genuinely the only decluttering method that has ever worked for me. And one of the reasons it works for me where others haven’t is that it is a system that doesn’t rely on feelings or valuation.
I realized that as I’ve gotten better at task management in my life - though lord knows the move has made that more complicated - I realized that not using feelings or judgement based questions is what really helped me. I also realized that I had 100% completely given up on goals. I had neglected to set goals for a couple years now and weirdly I got more productive, not less. What gives?
Step 0: Give Up on Goals and the Fantasy Self
What I realized is that goals were really just a product of what a lot of decluttering folks call my “fantasy self”. My fantasy self woke up at 5am and did little work out videos but trying to leap to become that fantasy self fucking sucked. It was not enjoyable once the novelty wore off and it largely didn’t present enough benefit to justify doing it.
Which meant I would stop and then I would feel bad about myself and I’d pick up bad habits to cope with the feeling and then I was worse off than before.
So when I stopped setting goals, I stopped declining at least because there wasn’t that rebound effect where I self soothed using way too much ice cream and binge watching whatever I could find. I hit a baseline that wasn’t amazing but the stability was helpful. Only when I gave up on the fantasy life did my actual life get better.
Capitalism loves the fantasy self. People spend so much money to try to become their fantasy self and often don’t even benefit that much from it. Then the guilt of seeing that stuff around can lead folks to by more stuff to cope with the guilt. The only people winning are the companies who you buy from.
Also, folks with executive dysfunction have a very hard time picturing what done looks like. So trying to picture your “ideal day” is low key a nightmare experience for someone like me. Mission Statements can be real intimidating when you’re not totally sure what those words will mean for the decisions you make. Vision boards…I’m sorry I know some folks love them but I really do not enjoy them. They’re a sensory overload of an experience to me from the crafting to taking them in. I’ve never made a vision board that really did much for me.
I’ve also recently learned about The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin and I am definitely a Rebel. So too much pressure internal or external and I will find the quickest exit possible. Rebels are a small but sizeable portion of folks according to the authors research. Which means there are likely other people out there who also find goals to be way too much fucking pressure.
This is all to say - fuck goals. But you’ve still got a life to live so how do you move the needle in the positive direction?
Step 1: Initial Brain Dump
People would always tell me to brain dump but never really explained how. They were like “Yeah just get all this stuff in your head out on paper” and I’m like…I don’t even know what’s in my head unless I go looking for it.
So I offer you two questions and two methods of gathering answers.
When trying to brain dump, ask yourself:
What do I spend a lot of time thinking about?
What are the specific tasks associated with these subjects?
If you can’t think of next specific tasks associated with those subjects, it does necessarily mean you need to strike it off you list, it’ll just be a little tougher to know where it fits.
Sometimes I’m able to sit down and answer these questions all in one go. And sometimes it’s much easier to keep a running list in my phone and when I realize I’ve been thinking a lot about something I add it to the list. Then later I can sit down and come up with specific tasks or process it in step 2.
Step 2: Task Punnett
In step 2 I look at my list and ask myself two questions:
Do I already spend time doing this?
Will I face a negative result if I don’t do this?
This gives four categories a list item can be sorted into.
Yes/Yes
The goal here is to prevent burnout so you don’t stop spending time doing these. Common ones are cooking, cleaning, or seeing friends. So it’s important to look at each of these and make sure they’re as easy and enjoyable as possible.
It also helps to know what your minimum is for each so that if you’re burning out you can scale back to your minimum effective dose is that allows you to avoid the material harm but give you a break - like getting take out or having freezer meals on hand, knowing what the most important cleaning tasks are and only doing those, and at least sending texts or voice memos to friends to connect.
Yes/No
The goal here is to protect this time as much as possible. It’s what tends to go when Yes/Yes and No/Yes tasks start to get out of hand. That will look different for different people but it almost always involves capping Yes/Yes and No/Yes time and not allowing yourself to go over. As you might have guess most hobbies go here.
Some people will need other people to help encourage them to keep doing it. Some people will need flexibility so it feels like they’re truly choosing it. Some people will need to refresh their memory that these kinds of activities are just as necessary as other types of tasks.
Guilt and shame is a big one that keeps people from having many things going in this box but it can also be a lack of self knowledge too. We’re not exactly encouraged to explore what we truly deeply love. Mental illness can also make this box tricky as anhedonia can make everything feel bleh.
In all of these cases, I really suggest making some sort of reflective practice something you try to keep in this box so you can notice what triggers guilt, what sparks joy, and what just isn’t working after a while. Doesn’t have to be journaling in the traditional sense. I used to turn on my computer cam and just talk but now that I need more audio privacy, this has been really helping me.
No/Yes
I fucking hate this box in all honesty. It’s the one that drains me and makes me feel like shit to look at this list but also I feel the most badass when I actually complete something off of it.
The goal with this box is to figure out what’s blocking you from this being a Yes/Yes. Basically finish the sentence “I don’t really want to do this because…” and you’re on your way. Most barriers can be dealt with. I used to not believe this but I promise it’s true.
This is where having a therapist, good friend, or community where you can bounce ideas off of can really make all the difference. A reflection practice can also really help get a different perspective too. Sometimes the barriers loom so large in our mind that adaptation seems ridiculous or impossible. Take advantage of different perspectives.
Automation, delegation, and congregation (body double or a group) are incredibly useful tools here. Don’t do more here than you need to.
What’s key in the second question for this section is that this is something you have the power to impact the outcome of. If you don’t have the power to change the outcome or you’ve done all you can, then the task is bracing, mitigating, and accepting, not dealing with the topic/task head on.
No/No
There are 2 main things I find in this category - shit I agreed to because I felt obligated and someday maybe projects. For shit I agreed to, the only remedy is to just get out of it, to bail in the most graceful way possible. I also try to prevent stuff from winding up here to begin with (no more event planning for me for a while).
For someday maybe projects, I like to keep a space - usually Notion - where I can collect my thoughts on it, projects, and pain a picture of what it would take to make it a Yes/No task someday in the future - always keeping in mind what I could do with the materials and time I have available right now. I’ve picked a quite a few of my No/No tasks this way and made them things I do regularly because I left myself those breadcrumbs for later.
Step 3: Prioritizing without Feelings
So now you have your tasks organized into these buckets and know what to keep in mind with each. So…what do you do with them?
A lot of people will tell you to prioritize and do the hardest first while your willpower is strong but I say fuck that my willpower is never strong so we’re going to do easiest first to build up some confidence.
No/No - For obligations that no longer serve me, I bail. For someday maybe projects, I write up some quick notes in my little system in Notion.
Yes/No - gather and prep materials, block out time, ask someone to do it with you or find a group if needed
Yes/Yes - gather and prep materials, if burning out, switch to minimum viable
No/Yes - figure out the barriers, automate, delegate, congregate, list next steps
Stuck Tasks - Too much to go into here but this video is helpful.
Sometimes I bounce around a bit - dealing with a Yes/Yes task will suddenly give me the guts to deal with a stuck task, getting out of a No/No obligation will make a No/Yes task look easier. So I don’t limit myself to this. But when I’m having trouble I go back to the list and just trust.
If I have avoided doing a No/Yes task for anywhere from several days to several weeks - it’s official a stuck task and I bounce it there while I work through other No/Yes tasks to deal with later.
Sometimes time pressures will dictate that things need to be handled before others - that’s fine. But usually a crunch will either show you that you will not in fact face a negative consequence after all or give you a motivation boost to carry you through some of the difficult tasks.
Step 4: Doing it again
So when do you do it again?
I do my brain dumps on Sundays and sort them into area of life lists so I can work on them by theme or focus but honestly whenever. When I was really in the throws of some bad mood shit I’d only do it every few weeks or so. Any amount of doing this generally had lead to a better life though.
What about stuff I’m not thinking a lot about?
That usually means either you’ve got such a good system for it that it’s running on autopilot so why mess with success, the possible reward is not appealing enough, or the possible consequences don’t freak you out enough.
This isn’t really a system I use for creating like…a good life by a neurotypical standard. It’s what I use to manage the stress, concern, and daydreams I’m having right now, to get things off of my plate and grow my confidence.
So will this mean everything gets managed? No. But it does mean the stuff most likely to keep you up at night does. Which is a huge fucking boon.
Conclusion
There’s some more intricacies in this too like moving No/No projects to Yes/No and No/Yes projects to Yes/Yes - it’s not the same strategies in my experience - but this is already running long.
Hope this helps someone else out too!
Recently accidentally discovered the best executive dysfunction hack I’ve ever found
Ok so we’ve all heard of tips involving lists, make a list of everything you need to do, cross it out when you’re done, etc.
Well recently next to each item on my list, I wrote down how to start that task. This can be as simple as “get out my notebook and the assignment” or a little more detailed like “open chemistry textbook to page 235 and review the section on gibbs free energy”
Basically, you do all the executive functioning all at once before you start your tasks! Now when you get to the task, your brain doesn’t need to access that executive functioning to figure out how to start, you’ve already done it. Even stupid stuff like “take the assignment out of your backpack” helps a weird amount when it’s written down. Like it helps more than you think it should. I was rolling my eyes up until the point where it worked
As someone recently diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, one thing that’s been helping me grapple with the intense shame I have over all my “wasted potential” is accepting that potential doesn’t exist and never did.
This sounds so harsh, but please bare with me.
I procrastinated a lot growing up. I still procrastinate today, but less so. And yet, I got good grades. I could write an A+ paper that “knocked [my professor]’s socks off” in the hour before class and print it with sweat running down my face.
I was so used to hearing from teachers and family that if I just didn’t procrastinate and worked all the time, I could do anything! I had all this potential I wasn’t living up to!
And that’s true, as far as it goes, but that’s like saying if Usain Bolt just kept going he could be the fastest marathon runner in the world. Why does he stop at the end of the race??
If ANYONE could make their top speed/most productive setting the one they used all the time, anyone could do anything. But you can’t. Your top speed is not a speed you’re able to sustain.
Now, I’ve found that I do need to work on not procrastinating. Not because the product is better, even, but because it’s better for my mental health and physical health to not have a full, sweating, panicked breakdown over every task even if the task itself turns out excellently. It’s a shitty way to live! You feel bad ALL the time! And I don’t deserve to live like that anymore.
So all of this to say, I’m not wasting a ton of potential. I don’t have an ocean of productivity and accomplishments inside of me that I could easily, effortlessly access if I just sat down 8 hours a day and worked. There’s no fucking way. That’s not real. It’s an illusion. It’s fine not to live up to an illusion.
And if you have ADHD, I mean this from the bottom of my heart: you do not have limitless potential confounded by your laziness. You have the good potential of a good person, and you can access it with practice and work, but do not accept the story that you are choosing not to be all that you are or can be. You are just a human person.
ADHD
2016
Zhou Wendou
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