A+

A+ is a space for me to share my story & views as an AIDS survivor, HIV positive person, & advocate/activist in the HIV movement.

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Btw, today is National Youth HIV & AIDS Awareness Day! Every 9 days in the RGV, someone 24 or younger is diagnosed with HIV. Youth, especially queer youth of color, are placed at higher risk for contracting HIV. Please know your status. If you're negative, great, let's keep you negative! If you're positive, that's okay, let's keep you healthy!

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To my abuser. I saw you again after so long. I think the last time we saw each other was just a few days before diagnoses. At least before I last saw you. Because according to the messages from the new number I hadn’t blocked and the Facebook account I forgot about, I “look cute driving” and you “use this account to check up on” me.

You couldn’t look at me. In the flesh. Maybe you were afraid to see that your attempts at destroying me failed. We weren’t even ten feet away from each other. I remember falling flat on my back on concrete when I was younger. It knocked the air out of me. That’s how it felt seeing you. I was shaking with fear and anger.

Even if I wanted to respond, I couldn’t. And I didn’t know how to. All the work I had done seemed to flake away in that instant. I felt bare again. I haven’t slept right and I didn’t know how to or if I should tell my boyfriend I saw you. Even after all this time, he’s helped put back the last of the pieces you chipped away.

I wanted you to look at me. Dead in the eye. I wanted you to see me still here. My eyes aren’t glazed over anymore and even though I cried when I got home there’s fire behind them. I wanted you to see me living and doing well being loved and loving myself.

And I don’t care if it makes me selfish or seem as if I haven’t moved on, maybe I’m going to be mad and hurt at what you did to me for the rest of my life. But I wanted to look back into yours. I wanted to make sure that you’re still miserable. Because you weren’t when I was and I laugh at least once every day now and mean it.

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<3

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If you haven't yet, meet the man of my dreams. Jeffrey is my boyfriend of a little over one year. He has been so patient and supportive since the day we've met. I was lucky enough to find a man who was already educated about HIV, who made me feel valuable and like a king. Jeff is such an important person, not only to me but for those around him. I've seen him recognize and utilize his privilege for good, as I have tried to do as well. He's been by my side and I by his, agreeing to speak out about many things, sexual wellness and HIV prevention being a focal point. Jeff is on PrEP and I am undetectable, we are healthy and in love. My man said it best, HIV should not stand in the way of love. Visit greaterthan.org for more of these campaigns and other great messages.

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I’m sitting here crying. This is why I fight. This is what gives me the power to keep going. I want to, of course, prevent anyone from going through what I went through. But if it happens, I want to make sure they have the support they need. 

No one should face adversity alone. Family should always be the first to rally around their loved one no matter what. Blood, or chosen family.

I have been so endlessly fortunate. I can never thank all of you. My family and friends for everything they’ve done for me. To anyone who has encouraged me and thanked me. 

Thank you to Greater Than AIDS for giving my family and I this platform. To show everyone how important support is to those of us in recovery or continued care. 

Please, hug your loved ones tight. Your brothers, sisters, parents, cousins, friends, anyone. Preventing HIV is a group effort. Join the fight.

Visit family.greaterthan.org to learn more about supporting loved ones with HIV.

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Archie Comics' Gay Teen Finally Dates, Talks HIV — and Goes to TV?

Archie Comic's first out gay character, Kevin Keller, has a new series, where he's older, playing the field, and learning about HIV.

I love comic books. And I like this idea. Check out the article for a preview to life with Kevin! 

Hoping though they’ll bring in another main character who is a person of color?

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It’s June. I’m proud. I’m proud to be queer, brown and I’m not ashamed of being HIV+. But aside from being proud, I’m many other things.

I’m sad for our recent loss. I’m mad at the reactions. I’m confused as to why people can’t understand how we set this up. 

My head hurts because there’s so many things I want to say and I wish I had something profound to say but I can’t think clearly and I don’t know what to say first or how to. 

But this is my space. So I’m going to make a mess out of it and be done with it.

I don’t feel safe anymore. I’m scared again. I was leaving dinner with my boyfriend the other night and we were kissing goodbye in the parking lot. A family was walking by; a father, mother and child. They gave major side eye but said nothing. I thought, “How nice. No one said anything and we didn’t have to defend ourselves. Progress.” Which thinking about it now, what the fuck why is that still my first response being seen being queer. Then three days later I realized that moment was only a fluke. That in all the “progress” made there’s major gaps.

I’m pissed off because some people are using the attack as a pipeline for their xenophobia. Specifically against Muslims and other POC. Immigrants or not. Saying shit like, “This was an attack on HUMANS!” What kind of “all lives matter” bullshit is that? Obvi it was an attack on humanity. But WHOSE humanity? It was “Latin Night” with trans and GNC performers. Don’t fucking forget that.

And now there’s reports that he may have been closeted. So now he’s one of ours right? Really though, whatever his orientation, someone at some point made him feel a certain way about this community. 

Speaking of this community, if ANY good will come from the attack, I’m hoping it will be to unify us. And not profile picture filter unity. Real unity. Where we talk about the blatant racism, misogyny, fat-shaming, transphobia and other ridiculous shit that riddles our community. I want us to remember how to fight for each other as WHOLE people and not just as that one part of the acronym we align ourselves with.

In resurrecting a true sense of community, one hope of mine is that we’ll take on the issue of gun reform. Because how is that America has surpassed everyone else when it comes to mass shootings in the year. How? Why is it so easy for ASNYONE to buy a gun. How does it take less than a day to get a gun but gay, bi, pan, same gender loving men have to pledge celibacy for A WHOLE YEAR before they can donate blood for their dying queer family? Which is another pile of bullshit I hope we can clear up.

And then we have public figures coming forward in fake ass prayers and condolences to family and friends of the lives taken, only to get back to work pouring salt into our wounds a few days after: blocking a bill that would protect us as employees. Fuck the GOP. And fuck all you fake allies on facebook. Keep your prayers.

Listen, if you’ve read this far, thanks for riding out my rambling. I guess the last thought I’ll share is that if anyone who has ever remained complacent or neutral or quiet in the face of hate and ignorance against our community has blood on their hands. Our “allies”, our family, friends, coworkers, local business owners, ANYONE who has never stood up for us, and ANYONE who has stayed quiet through all of this, loaded that fucking gun.

I’m so tired and I feel hopeless. But at the end of the day, I’m not going to stop. I have no choice. Every day that I wake up queer and Latino is another day that I will keep fighting. And I will be gay as fuck for those taken from us. And I will challenge anything that is working to put any of us down. Someone posted on facebook or twitter the other day that Pride is celebrated because when you fall anywhere in our community you’re proud to be alive every day. Despite the hateful shit that happens to us on the regular.

Shout out to queer people. Shout out to trans people. Shout out to trans women. Shout out to GNC people. Shout out to black people. Shout out to Latinx people. Shout out to undocumented people. Shout out to Muslim people. Shout out to unapologetic people. Shout out to same gender loving people. Shout out to any person on the spectrum of Marginalized Orientations, Gender Alignments, or Intersex.

Be proud with me to still be standing.

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For a long period of time I was in a very abusive relationship. It was toxic. I was always saying the wrong things and not putting out enough. He disguised what he did to me with "I love you" and "you're just being crazy". I was too emotional, too outspoken, too curious, too timid. I wasn't aware that abuse comes in many forms. And even the ones I recognized I was allowing to happen because the ones I didn't know about broke me down from the inside out and left me in a daze. Manipulation is probably the most dangerous thing anyone has ever done to me. He made me believe that I was wrong and that it was always my fault. Which allowed him to take the rest of whatever was going on out on me physically. Abuse has many faces. The second you feel like something is even a little off, give yourself the time and space to evaluate why it feels that way. Please don't allow anyone to grip you that way.

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Valley AIDS Council Reports 89% Increase in HIV Cases

The Valley Aids Council, an organization dedicated to the prevention and treatment of HIV, reports alarming numbers in our community.

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Let your inner diva shine by dancing the night away! Diva showcase throughout the night! Two Beyoncé floor tickets will be raffled off at the event to those who purchase entry tickets. $10 AT THE DOOR, enters you to win 2 floor seat tickets to Beyonce's The Formation World Tour. [May 7th, NRG Stadium, Houston, TX] Come through to support local LGBTQ+ groups. Proceeds will benefit HIV awareness in the Rio Grande Valley. By the Community, for the Community!

Get your tickets early!!!

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South Texas Equality Project present:

PRIDE: At the Beach!

$10 at the door which automatically enters you to possibly win TWO floor seat tickets to Beyoncé’s The Formation World Tour in Houston TX!!!

Featuring Trinity K. Bonet from RuPaul’s Drag Race as Beyoncé!

All proceeds benefit HIV awareness and prevention in the rio Grande Valley!

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There's more to me than being positive.

Today is the first time I’ve seen this. I was diagnosed just two days after this interview. 

It’s a little funny now that I see it cause I’ve been saying for a while now how my AIDS diagnoses lit a fire under my ass. And not to be a sap about it, but Trinity is someone I admire and for her to have the same sort of view on the whole *s i t u a t i o n* makes me feel great. Validated almost.

That’s really why I set out to do what I’ve been trying to do. I want other people to know that they’re not alone. Even if they haven’t told a soul. Not a family member or friend. There’s a large community to support and fight for us. And if you can’t/won’t fight for whatever reason, I want to fight for you. 

An organization I work with is hosting a sort of Pride ~alternative~ (which I’m so happy about) and we were able to book Trinity to  perform for the event. All proceeds will be going to benefit HIV awareness and prevention in the Rio Grande Valley and I’m super happy that we have a great role model to represent the cause and meaning of this event. 

I’m so excited the message is going to be present at an event like this. (Flyer coming in a bit!)

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Here are some photos of my event commemorating National Youth HIV & AIDS Awareness Day. I’m so grateful to the wonderful people in my community who I get to fight with and for. This was my first time hosting my own event and I can proudly say it was a success. In large part due to the many people who helped me out.

The night was an overwhelming feeling of joy and hope. I wanted a way to reach my peers without pressuring them too much. Yerberia Cultura is a bar that many of us frequent and has lent us their space on many occassions to hold charitable events or just to create a space we desire.

At one point in the night, I took the mic and spoke breifly about how frustrated I was at the reality of our situation. How oppression is actively working against us and slowly killing us off. When my friends and theirs saw my anger and started cheering, I realized they understood. We reveled in each others fury and together said “enough is enough”.

Shoutout to @Pharrfromheaven for capturing these moments.

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Yoooooooo I’ve been super swamped with work I forgot to update y’all on some fun stuff I’ve been working on!

Recently, and I think I told y’all already, I was selected as an ambassador by Advocates for Youth to lead efforts and raise awareness in my community for National Youth HIV & AIDS Awareness Day.

So I decided to throw a party. April 10th is the actual day but that falls on a Sunday. It’s gonna go down April 9th in order to maximize turn out. Shame On You is a call out of the systems and people at power that have led QPOC to poor health outcomes and increased HIV infections. 

We’re in danger and I’ve decided that no one is going to dig us out of this hole. It’s up to us to talk to each other. To save each other. I’ve been fortunate enough to have so many people eager to help in any capacity. 

All of the organizations involved are made up of the community this event is for. Young, queer, and brown. It’s literally in our hands to make this change.

This is the first event I’m organizing and I’m so excited to see how it turns out.

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Hey Hillz, AIDS didn't kill them all off. Your gal pal Nancy did that on her own. At least she tried. For what? So you can give her credit that should go to people who were literally facing their last days FIGHTING for something to happen? FUCK OUTTA HERE HILLARY CLINTON. Fuck you're privileged ass. Your ignorance is bliss ass. Messy queers started this movement. Messy queers of color started this conversation. You want to associate yourself, a white wealthy women, to something good so bad. You fucked up. You will NEVER even begin to understand what it's like to start a conversation like this.

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I'm kinda really over the "I'm not a slut for being on PrEP!" dialogue. I understand it. I support it. PrEP at the end of the day is a tool for sexual wellness. But I feel like the other side of that whole campaign is trying to separate respectable people from hoe activity?

Like, for me the campaign would be, you know what maybe I AM a slut? And what? Why are we allowing this type of attitude to persist?

I guess we need that base or point rather for bringing PrEP to people's attention as part of a larger thing. But it really bothers me that it has to be, "Oh, don't worry. You're not a bad person for being on it." Because you're also not a bad person for sleeping around? As long as no one is in danger and consent is always present then have at it?

Idk. Maybe I just want the larger idea to be examined before we start slut-shaming for the sake of this intervention.

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PrEP Fails in Gay Man Adhering to Daily Truvada, He Contracts Drug-Resistant HIV

Researchers have for the first time documented an individual contracting multi-drug-resistant HIV while adhering well to Truvada as PrEP.

Okay look. This person was infected by a strain of HIV that is resistant to BOTH kinds of drugs in PrEP (Truvada). So OF COURSE this was always a possibility. Resistant HIV isn’t a new thing. But these slut-shamers of course are gonna act like it is and jump at the first opportunity to tear down the benefits of PrEP. What needs to be reexamined is not whether PrEP is or isn’t good but how PrEP is or isn’t taught to us. And who it is or isn’t taught to. We need to be encouraged to have these conversations with our partners. Providers should be explaining these issues to people on PrEP.