Symptoms that rely on other people's perception or are worded as anything along the lines of "abnormal" are utterly useless.
I do not socialize with anyone outside of my family. I keep to myself even then. My family members will not comment on any "odd" behavior I may display (to my face, at least).
"Do others describe you as (X)?" "Do others say you're (Y)?" I don't know. How am I supposed to know? No, no one has said those things to me, but I don't know if they're thinking it, or if they've mentioned it to someone else. And because no one has said anything, then I must be fine. Because if I was really "strange", then people would tell me.
"Would you say you're (X)?" "Do you experience (Y)?" I don't know. How am I supposed to know? These kinds of questions are always worded so vaguely. Would I say that I'm paranoid? I don't know. Maybe it's just anxiety. Maybe it's my OCD. Does it interfere with my life? How am I supposed to know? This is how it's always been, as far as I'm concerned. I am being reasonable, as far as I'm concerned. The opinions of others are irrelevant to me when they think I wash my hands excessively because I wash my hands a lot when I am cooking. Isn't it normal? I touched a container, that was in a grocery store, that has been in contact with god only knows what. Why is it strange to wash my hands after touching something like that when I will be directly touching the food I am preparing afterwards? If you touched something and got physical, visible dirt on your hands, would you not clean them before touching your food?
Do I experience auditory hallucinations? I don't know. How would I even know that? People exist around me. There's a whole environment around me. How would I know if what I'm hearing is real or not. What counts as a hallucination, other than hearing someone talking to you when no one is there, or seeing someone standing in your house? What counts as a delusion? An illusion? Disorganized thoughts and speech? Ideas of reference? It's all too vague. I don't know.
It's like having an allergy, I think. Imagine being allergic to a certain food. This food isn't supposed to be spicy, but it's spicy to you. It's always been spicy to you. There's no reason to ask someone "Hey, is this supposed to be spicy?" Because it's always been spicy to you. That's normal. Food is spicy sometimes. So you accept it. Maybe some day you'll say "Oh, I like this food, but it makes my mouth burn so I can't eat too much of it." And you'll laugh it off. Maybe someone will look at you and say "Hey, that's not normal. This is supposed to be sweet, not spicy."
But if they didn't say anything, then you could go through your whole life thinking it's supposed to be like that. It's supposed to be like that, because that's how it's always been, and if you were allergic, then you would know. You don't have a common allergy, so you don't know about it. You've never met anyone with this allergy. It didn't even cross your mind that someone could be allergic to this too. Maybe you think others are weird for liking this food. It's spicy, it makes your mouth burn and itch. Well, some people enjoy that. You don't. But it's normal to you, so you just move on. It's how it's always been so just ignore it.
How am I supposed to know if something is actually wrong with me? I've had this mind my entire life. Its always been like this, and if it hasn't, I don't remember anything different. I don't know how others experience the world. I don't know what they see or hear or think or feel. Maybe they're exactly like me, and what I think is strange is actually normal. So no one talks about it, because it's normal. It's a normal human experience, everyone feels like this. Everyone feels like this sometimes. It's normal. So who cares. Does it make a difference? I don't know.
It doesn't matter anyway.
dailybridgerton
ellievsbear
areudirty
