War is about to begin. All villages are gathered with one purpose and one alone.
Kakashi is ready to give up his life for his people.
-Kakashi x reader. 3000+ Angst, Jealousy, love at the brink of death because that's how I like it-
It was a cold night. The wind was blowing hard enough to be heard from inside the room assigned to you.
You looked out the window, contemplating the night, the wind rushing through the rocks.
Inevitably, that moment had arrived. And in your chest weighed a anguish you had never felt before. The uncertainty about a future that threatened to tear everything apart.
So many ninja listening to their leader’s speech, earlier that day, you making them feel excited, giving them strength, encouragement, and the will to face something so atrocious. How many lives would be gone after that day? Which faces would you never see again?
The names of all those with whom you had shared stories and laughter… the faces of all those you had loved…
And his face… his messy white hair, his nearly completely covered face, his beautiful hands always with gloves, his deep voice.
When he said goodbye to you so many years ago, you never imagined you’d see him again, let alone under these circumstances. But for some reason, this time the idea of not seeing him again carried a different kind of pain. A relentless despair. A threat.
Just like many years ago, you felt the presence of his chakra right outside.
You opened the window. “Instead of spying on me, why don't you just come in?” you said. You weren’t sure if you had developed your power enough to sense his chakra, even if he was hiding it, or if he simply hadn’t even tried.
You turned around and rummaged through your suitcase.
He came in through the window and stared at you, with the same cold attitude you remembered, hands in his pockets, like he didn’t care much about what might happen.
“You shouldn’t stay here,” he said.
“The Kazekage asked me to come,” you replied without turning to look at him, preparing your things for bed.
“A war? Dangerous? No shit…”
You took your pajamas out of the small suitcase and began to change. The dim light of the bedside lamp traced the outline of your torso from your stomach up to your chest as you lifted your top over your head.
“YN, what are you doing?”
You sat on the bed, turning your back to him, and removed your pants.
“I’m changing, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”
Kakashi looked away anyway, he'd rather not watch. He had had enough of thinking about you every night before bed, or in fleeting moments during the day, during training, on missions, or any time he let his guard down. He remembered your body with astonishing clarity, thanks to the curse of the Sharingan. And he would be lying if he said he hadn’t used those memories more than once to…
You walked toward the bathroom. As you passed him, he grabbed your arm.
“Many things are at stake, YN.”
Your eyes traveled from his hand on your arm to his face, and you looked at each other.
Something you hadn’t felt in so long…
The firmness of his hands.
Kakashi looked at you pleadingly.
“You shouldn’t stay,” he repeated with the same firmness with which he held you.
You took his hand and removed it from your arm, “I can take care of myself."
Please, YN, please leave!!! I can’t fight if I’m worried about you. Go and get to safety.
“I have to be by the Daimyo's side, so don’t worry, I’ll leave in the morning.”
He closed his eyes. The memory of why he left you so many years ago came back like a knife tearing from his throat to his gut.
You weren’t his. Your place was not with him. Your husband was probably waiting for you, maybe in his bed, to enjoy your smile and the warmth of your skin. The image churned his stomach, burning his insides. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat and walked firmly toward the door, but before he could leave, you rushed across the room to reach him and grabbed him by the hand.
“Please don’t die!” you begged. You squeezed his hand tightly. “Please don’t die, Kakashi, please!” You were doing your best not to break into tears, but your voice still came out choked.
He looked at you. “Please promise me—” You couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. “Promise me you won’t die.” You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to hold back the tears escaping without your permission, you looked away and took a deep breath to calm down. “Please, Kakashi, promise me—”
He squeezed your hand too and turned his body toward you. Unlike you, he was not breathing. He was frightened. He hadn’t felt fear until he saw you enter the meeting room. His entire body trembled with dread, knowing you were there, where death was certain. After so long without seeing you...
He looked at you. You were in front of him. Truly there, pleading for his life. He took a step closer, placing his hand gently on your head and pulled you into his chest.
“Kakashi,” you buried your head against his body to feel him closer. There was no way to control the fear and despair of knowing this would be the last time you’d be in front of him. If you had the authority, you'd take him far away, where no one could harm him or put him at risk ever again, where he could be with you every night and every morning, where the duty of shinobi couldn’t chase him.
If you had the authority, you would put an end to this madness.
He knew you very well. You were considering staying to protect everyone, staying and finding another way. You were thinking of hiding and keeping everyone safe. And Kakashi knew it, which is why he had come to watch over you. To make sure you followed orders. To make sure you left. To make sure you stayed alive.
He slid his fingers through your hair, trying to comfort you—or perhaps to comfort himself- Stroking your hair. “It’s gotten pretty long.”
“Your hair. It looks nice,” he said, staring off into nothingness.
You smiled through your tears.
He couldn’t promise you he wouldn’t die. That was out of his hands. He'd try not to die, but he couldn't make a promise he'd probably break.
You lifted your gaze. His eyes locked onto yours while his fingers played tenderly with your hair.
“Promise me you’ll stay safe,” he asked. “Promise me you won’t do anything that puts you in danger.”
It was an order, but there was something more in it. He took your cheek so you would look him in the eyes. The warmth of his body felt so good. You had missed him so much… He wiped one of your tears with his thumb while looking at you, unsure of what to do or say. He had missed you so much too. And he wanted you close, he was dying to hold you, to feel your skin, your lips, your waist, your legs…
“Your husband must be worried,” he said, releasing your cheek and turning his back. He had to leave, had to distance himself from you…
“Kakashi—” you wanted to tell him, but the words got caught in your tears. What sense did it make to tell him the truth now? Now that everything was about to get worse, now that there was no turning back? Whatever happened, you wouldn’t have a chance to be together. Maybe it was better to let him go. Why tell him that you belonged to no one but him, and that he could take you right now if he wanted?
You sat on the bed and stared at your hands. With these hands, you could have built empires if you wanted, you could have controlled the world, done as you pleased, maybe at least tried to stop this war, save all your loved ones, the children, your friends… Or at least that's what you liked to believe. That you could if you wanted, so why wouldn't you?
Because it wasn’t true. Because it wasn’t up to you. Because you had seen that this war would forge peace between nations, and it wasn’t your place to intervene. Once again, a wave of rage and helplessness overtook you completely. Once again, you realized your existence was absurd and contradictory. A power inherited from the gods, limited by your own humanity. For what? For what!!?? FOR WHAT??!!!
Kakashi sat down beside you. He couldn’t bear to see you cry. He took your head, brought it closer, and leaned over you in a tender embrace. One word from you would have been enough for him to decide to eliminate the Daimyo. If you had asked him, if you had told him you were unhappy or hurt, he would have run at that very instant to destroy him. You were all on the brink of war anyway, and in wars, there is always collateral damage. His gaze drifted again into nothingness, picturing the scene, freeing you. Holding you in his arms and running away somewhere you both could be happy, live peacefully, be together. For a fraction of a second, the idea didn’t seem so crazy, and his heart filled with hope.
But they had trained him well. Again, the anguish of what was about to happen seized him, and this time he focused only on your scent.
Something like honey and bacon… maybe onions.
A small smile formed at the corner of his mouth, remembering the description Pakkun had given of you so many years ago.
You moved closer to him. You placed your hand on his leg, and his other hand intertwined fingers with yours. Minutes passed, and neither of you wanted to break the moment or say anything. Your lives didn’t feel like your own, nor did your wills. Your actions weren’t where the heart was, but where duty demanded. His thumb stroked the back of your hand, your hand caressed his leg. His other hand stroked your hair, and your other hand felt the heartbeat in his chest.
Slowly and without realizing, you both fell onto the bed, holding each other in your arms. The caresses of your hair gradually moved down to your neck and then to your back. Your lips, near his neck, pressed discreet kisses, longing to be more. Your bodies drew closer, and the caresses became hungrier.
He shifted his body over yours, you spread your legs to feel him close, so close, to picture him inside you. Your hands roamed across his back, desperately tracing every curve, every muscle, before the world took him away. He found your lips amidst gasps, and after hesitating for a moment, he pulled down the mask and kissed you. It wasn’t a gentle kiss—it was loaded with rage, with years of repressed pain; it was a hungry, aggressive kiss, as your hips moved against him, grinding, demanding from him the absence of all those years.
"Let me feel you," you spurted out. Kakashi stared into your eyes, those eyes he loved so much now burning with a wild, unrestrained desire. It wasn’t a human gaze, and yet he recognized it perfectly. Beads of sweat slid down his forehead, his breath coming in ragged gasps, and in his eyes, you could see he felt exactly as you did. There were no lies, no need to hide anything. He wanted you as much as you wanted him; he had missed you as much as you had missed him. He slid his hand along your side down to your leg, pressing your knee toward your chest to make room, and moved with a tense, eager rhythm.
"What, princess?" and calling you that made him smile. You were a princess, you were someone else's princess, but he was the one between your legs, making you beg.
He smiled again, "Your wish is my command."
He unzipped his vest and took off his shirt, ruffling his already messy hair in the process. Your eyes wandered over his now half-naked body, leaving you breathless. He was beautiful.
The look of lust on your face erased every doubt he had about taking you. Social formalities, names, titles—none of it mattered. Your heart belonged to him, and he knew it, and if this were the last night you two had, he'd claim all of you. He took off his gloves and grabbed your hands, pressing them on the bed above your head, locking you. His lips traced your neck to your chest, drawing lines with his tongue between your moles. One of his hands traveled to your butt to pull you tighter against him. With your free hand, you untied the strap of his pants, but his hand stopped you.
You stared at each other again. You didn’t want to spend a single second thinking about anything that wasn't him, yet you could see the doubt still lingering in his eyes. You captured his lips with yours before he had any more time to think.
He slipped out of his pants, threw them onto the floor, took off your clothes, and softly caught your nipples between his teeth. You let out a deep, loud moan. He covered your mouth with his hand but gave you a pleased smile. He grabbed your thighs to spread your legs wide, then threw your panties to the floor and kissed from your knees to your groin. His tongue slid between your legs over that spot that yearned for him so.
Even when he remembered you so precisely, no memory compared to the experience of drinking directly from you, of touching you, of kissing you, of smelling you. He was hungry, thirsty, and eager.
You were trying to hold back the moans but your breathing was turning heavier and your desire louder. He slid one of his fingers inside you and then another one.
"I want you inside of me please!!"
"I am inside you," he said as he slid his fingers in and out faster.
Kakashi had never heard anyone whisper at the top of their lungs before, but he appreciated your effort not to wake the entire hallway, though by this point, it wouldn’t have bothered him if everyone heard that before belonging to the king, you were his—and even now, you still were.
"As you wish, hime-sama," He finished undressing in one graceful motion and pressed his bare chest to your body.
He slid inside of you softly, savoring every inch. "You're soaking wet." He muttered.
"I missed you," you whispered, pulling him toward you. You wanted to feel him inside you. As deep as it could get. And he could get deep, very deep. He fastened the pace. Your moans grew louder and heavier. He shut your mouth with his hand instinctively, but you licked it, making him roll his eyes in pleasure and speed the pace even more, putting his fingers in your mouth. You started sucking just the tips, going further each time until you could feel them reach your throat again and again.
Kakashi started groaning. He pulled his fingers out of your mouth and whispered in your ear, "If you keep doing that, I'mma cum"
"I want you to cum inside of me."
When he heard you say that, he could not think of anything else. He didn't care about anything else. His pace rushed andhis breaths became more and more ragged. He thrust hard in you once, twice, thrice and a fourth final time before you felt his member pulse inside you making you climax too. You hugged his torso with your legs while you both came. His lips tangled with yours, and your fingers threaded through his hair. He let his full weight fall onto you in one final exhale. He had forgotten how good it felt to have you run your hands through his hair. Of all the things he remembered with perfect clarity, he had forgotten how your fingers felt against his scalp.
Kakashi inhaled your scent deeply, and for the first time in years, he felt at home. He wasn’t going to let you go again. He wasn’t going to let you go again.
He imagined mornings together, having breakfast at your place, walking hand in hand, you laughing with his friends. He imagined a baby girl with your hair and your laugh. He imagined you walking down the aisle as a bride… but at the end, he wasn’t there. His heart burned as his imagination pictured that moment when the king took you as his wife.
He would have wanted… Kakashi would have wanted… Maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe you could still escape. Leave everything behind.
No. He wasn’t that kind of man. He would never abandon his friends. He would fight with them till the very end, even if it cost him his life. Hopefully, it would cost him his life. That way, he wouldn’t have to deal with your absence. And maybe… if the gods were kind, maybe after today, after now, he would leave a part of himself with you forever. He brushed his hand over your belly. It was such a subtle gesture that you didn’t even notice.
As long as they didn’t have white hair, it wouldn’t be a problem—you’d have to give the king children soon. No one would have to know.
No. He had to stop thinking like that. None of that was a solution; none of that would change anything. Kakashi turned to the edge of the bed, distancing himself as much as possible, and sat down with his back to you.
Silence fell. You wanted to scream at him to cut the crap. Both of you wanted each other; there wouldn’t be another chance. Social ranks, duty, the future—fuck all that. This was it.
“I wanted everything with you. I would have wanted to give you everything.”
You reached toward him and looked into his eyes. A dark, tender onyx one, and a red dreadful one that would remember perfectly every curve of your body until the moment he dies, stared back at you broken and sorry. You cupped his face in your hands.
“I’ve missed you so much,” you said, breathing him in. “I’ve missed you so much.”
He took your wrists in his hands. “Does it make you happy?”
You looked at him, confused. “Being married… does it make you happy?”
You paused before answering. For some reason, it was hard to say the truth.
“I’m not married, Kakashi.” Now he was the one looking completely confused, “I managed to convince them that the marriage wasn’t necessary.”
Then what reason was there for not being together?
“Why?—” He didn’t finish the sentence because he didn’t know what he wanted to ask.
Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you marry? Why aren’t we together?…
“Because I didn’t want to marry like that. You know it.”
He was speechless. He felt a storm of emotions revolting in his stomach. And beneath, a spark of hope.
But none of that really mattered. There was no future beyond the hours that awaited you before dawn. After that… if there even was an after…
Then he wouldn’t die. He would fight until the very end of his strength, until the end of his life and he would find a way back. Back to you, back to this.
