Bruce: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me
Tim: Okay, but in my defense, Steph bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink that shampoo
Bruce: That’s not what I wanted to-you drank SHAMPOO?!
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Bruce: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me
Tim: Okay, but in my defense, Steph bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink that shampoo
Bruce: That’s not what I wanted to-you drank SHAMPOO?!
Tim, waiting in a slightly longer lunch line than normal: This is the worst moment of my life.
Steph: You’re an orphan.
Tim: And?
Tim: If I have a kid, I’m naming him LeBron.
Steph: Well what if it’s a girl?
Tim: LeBronette.
Steph: Maybe they’re nonbinary.
Tim: Theybron.
Bruce: Hrng
Tim: *shrieking, ready to attack someone*
Bruce: What’s wrong?
Tim, heavily breathing: I thought a minecraft villager had broken in!
You know who’s killed off in Marvel? Peter Parker’s father figures.
You know who’s killed off in DC? Bruce Wayne’s child figures.
So really, the only way a Peter Parker in Gotham fic can end is death for the both of them.
WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME
im secretly lex luthor in a wig
This is Conner Kent btw, not Jon
”why does lex hate superman so much???” because he’s upset his baby-trapping didnt work obviously. smh yall call yourself fans
Tim’s first time visiting Kent Farm
Ma: Well do you know what this plant is?
Tim: Uh no.
Ma: They’re soybeans. Kon, tell him about soybeans.
Kon: Soybeans…are your friends.
Ma: *gives him a look*
Kon: Well I don’t know anything about soybeans either!
Tim: Alright, raise your hand if you thought I was dating Conner.
Tim:
Tim: Conner, put your hand down
Tim: With all the kids Bruce has, it’s strange none of us are biologically related to him
Jason: DONT SAY THAT! You’ll jinx us
Tim, walking over to the front door: Come on, it’s not like if I just open this door they’ll be some bio kid of his outside.
Jason: Don’t say I didn’t warn you
Tim, opening the door: See? Absolutely noth-OW FUCK!
——————————
Tim, later: And that’s how I met Damian!
Kon: Your family is so fucking weird
Jason has a fake ID that was only ever used once. This is that time
—————————————————
Robin Tim, dangling a man off a roof (like father like son): Tell me the identity of the Red Hood
Goon: I aint saying nothing
Robin: Double negative, you’re saying something
Goon: thought i was done with grammar nazis when i stopped working with the riddler… fine! the Red Hood is named…Bruce Wayne!
Robin: WHAT?! *accidentally drops him off the roof*
Goon:*frantic screaming*
Red Hood, watching from the roof across the street: *laughing his ass off*
Im not sorry
Jason: Tim I need you to be straight with me
Tim: Wow Jason I never thought you were homophobic
Jason:
Tim: *finger guns*
Bruce: Duke, can you call your siblings down for dinner?
Duke, using his powers: Don’t you mean…dimmer? *puts on sunglasses*
Bruce: How long have you been carrying those around?
Duke: …three months
Tim: When I first met Damian he tried to stab me!
Dick: That’s just his way of saying knife to meet you.
Tim: …
Dick: Hey my sword play isn’t that bad
Tim: just leave
Actually so grateful none of the batkids went to college because they would reveal their secret identities immediately at any job
Jason: English teacher
Student: mr todd im trying to write a book about the afterlife do you know-
Jason: listen kid the afterlife is boring, now it’s when you come back that everything starts to pick up
Student, internally: when?!
Dick: Physical therapist
Doctor: This patient broke all the bones in her hand.
Dick: Yeah that hurts a lot, but it gets easier the more it happens.
Doctor: ???
Tim: Astronomer
Astronomer: Wow you discovered a planet! What do you want to name it?
Tim, whispering: Batplanet
Tim within his first minute of talking with Dick for the first time (not counting when he saw the Flying Grayson’s perform): *does a flip, fights a guy, and solves a murder*
Dick, already texting Alfred: how do you feel about leotards?
*on a double date*
Jon: Damian and I are apartment hunting!
Kon: Oh I think there’s an empty apartment in my building, y’all could move in!
Damian: We dont want to live near you
Jon: He means that in a nice way
Tim: No he doesn’t
Damian: No I don’t
Bruce: This is my boyfriend, Kal.
Babs: This is my girlfriend, Kara.
Tim: This is my boyfriend, Kon.
Damian: This is my boyfriend-
Tim, cutting him off: Kjon
tim drake is so cool omfg
when he was 13, he broke into dick’s safe in titans tower that not even most of the titans knew about and stole a picture (the one of him on dick’s lap).
this was pre-robin training y’all