What being drunk is like, for fic writers who have never been drunk before
Nothing wrong with never being drunk (in fact, it’s probs a good thing) but it can be hard to write convincingly about alcohol if you’re not familiar with it, and I’ve read enough fics where 5 secs into reading I’m already cringing sooooo
1. It takes more than 1 beer to get drunk
Personally, it takes me (a small female occasional-drinker) either around 3 shots of any spirit, 2 large glasses of wine or 2.5 beer-like drinks within a short space of time to get over tipsy into drunk territory, and to be really drunk-drunk, a bottle of wine (3 or 4 glasses), or 5 shots should do it. BUT IT VARIES FROM PERSON TO PERSON
2. Lime and salt is literally only for tequila
and I know like less than 3 people who actually enjoy the taste of any alcohol
3. Your vision isn’t “blurry” or “foggy”
Alcohol affects your balance not your eyes, so the room defo can seem like it’s spinning but you’ll still have your 20/20. Sometimes it’s hard to focus, but it’s not constant - just every so often your eyes miss their mark.
4. Speech is less “slurred”, more in the wrong order
A great thread on writing drunk dialogue here: https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-write-dialogue-for-a-drunk-character
5. Not everyone gets hyper-sexual when drunk
It’s less a state of horniness and more a state of lowered inhibitions and social pressure
6. Coffee doesn’t sober you up like magic
Alcohol dissipates from the body at a rate of about .015% of BAC per hour, and drinking coffee doesn’t alter that rate
7. Alcohol rarely sends you into a deep and heavy sleep
You’re more likely to sleep fitfully and keep waking (sometimes to be sick, more likely to piss/drink water - sometimes just bcos being drunk is uncomfortable), unless you’re an alcoholic who depends on drink for sleep
8. You don’t *hic* in the middle of every sentence!!
If the drink is carbonated, then maybe, but you’re way more likely to have a problem with bloating etc with alcohol
9. You don’t go straight to black-out, speech-slurring drunk
It takes a lot of units and likely a couple of hours to work up to this stage - for different kinds of drunk this webpage is good: http://krisnoel.com/post/40871345058/my-character-is-drunk
10. Having drunk sex is difficult, awkward and rarely sexy
And you’re more likely to make-out with your friends than any strangers at a club, just because
11. Hangovers are rarely pounding, light-aversion torture
The younger/more tolerant you are, the better. Generally, for a night of heavy but not black-out drinking, you’ll be thirsty, probs nauseous and tired. The room may still be spinning but in an annoying, not painful way, and this’ll go away after a couple of hours and eating something, getting fresh air or having a shower (whatever works for you)
12. People talk nonsense when drunk
You are less likely to get a love confession and more likely to hear about all the rules for a complicated game they just invented, right that second
13. Everyone is different
Don’t make all your characters hyper, or depressive, or angry. For most of the night they won’t get to that stage anyway. Also, remember this whole list is based on my experiences, so feel free to ignore it all and do your own thing.
Happy drunk writing!
