So I've for a while thought I was asexual because I don't really have any sexual attraction other than a fictional characters because I am fictorose
And for clarification that is Fictosexual and Fictoromantic combined.
Now I've noticed that I don't know if there is a term for this and I probably will do some research but I would also like an opinion from other asexuals
Is this specifically when I read or watch hazbin hotel animations specifically ones where sexual abuse is mentioned or shown or there is 1 character doing something such as vox
And you have our lovely little radio dear being the other character who is visibly or notably uncomfortable by the actions of that the other character is doing and I always get this weird feeling in my my gut I don't know and I don't know if it's me getting hard Whatever that means or if it makes me uncomfortable
And yeah I'll admit sometimes when I read specific AO3 yeah I get a little hard but like guys What the fuck do you expect
And obviously I took in multiple quizzes I know that I am a sexual and I have absolute no interest in sexual activity and it just just interest me and I have no Thought or craving for it
And I'm on the fence about being a romantic as well I know I'm a sexual but I'm on the fence about whether I have no romantic feelings for anyone anymore or it's just because I haven't found the right person yet
And this is because of my ex that I don't really have any feelings because I tried to love a man 1 of my friends who I used to date Maddy I can't tell I've been feelings for her or it's just me having a familial or friend love
Like I can't tell what's going on if I'm just happy to see her something I don't know what's going on
And what's been puzzling me is this feeling I get when I read or watch certain things is that I can't tell if it's a joy or excitement or if I'm just uncomfortable at the visual Imaginative thought or the visual scene of Somebody being Disgusted by something such as sexual Things as like you know touching grabbing of the chin touching of the waist et cetera et cetera
And I'm also questioning at the moment whether it is Because I just like the character and I don't want them to have to go through that bullshit or if it's genuinely I'm being uncomfortable because they are uncomfortable
And like cause it's this weird feeling had I don't really know how to describe it but it's just like kind of like somebody's like The inside of my stomach or just like and it's like really weird
Like I really don't know how to describe ITIT's just really awkward and it just feels like somebody squeezing me and I don't really understand it
And again I don't know if it's me actually feeling that way or it's just because you know I can the character for example Alastor
Because he's my favorite character I can him I gotta understand his point of view probably more than I should I kind of understand this and I'm like way too hooked into his lore and just like he's kind of taken over my feed both on here and on other websites so I've kind of done extensive research on him for no fucking reason whatsoever
Because he's a character I kin
I understand him and you know again I do extensive research on him for some fuck ass reason
And probably because I'm fucking delusional or some shit
And I just need something to do to commemorate my feelings and to feel better about myself and relate to the character who has so many fucking mental issues and somehow that makes me feel better about myself fun fact it doesn't it just makes me kind of OK as these this youtuber proceeds to show up on my ' like a lot the youtuber being is TwoDream
They tend to show up on my page a lot Also please excuse the autistic ass words and fucking symbols my speech to text is high or something
They recently made a video About being that the silly little deer is a great asexual representation and I agree with everything they said in that video
1 of the things that they mentioned is that during the whole sexual abuse When When he willingly gave himself up to vox For his own reasons and to get out of a deal that I don't know why he wanted to get out of other than I guess you know having his soul to himself and not owned by Rosie
I really don't understand his reasoning behind that why he just does this now instead of all like so many years ago considering he's been in hell for about like for over 50 years
And he's had his soul owned by Rosie since the day before he died And up until season 2 finale His soul was owned by her
Butch back to the sexual abuse stage I somewhat understand vox's reasoning behind the way he acted considering I think it's very obvious that he is obsessed and very clearly had feelings for Alastor
It's very obvious that he had feelings romantic feelings Because who the fuck like why the fuck if he didn't have feelings Why the fuck would he go as far as to Tying him down with share and like quote on quote taking him on a date I'm pretty sure what half the phantom considers and you know just doing absurd shit
I kind of see being how vox is that his obsession is It leans towards the yandere type because you know he's dead over fuck ass head over heels obsessed
He probably wants to fuck And kind of I feel like and this is a way I wanna take it in 1 of my AUS because I like writing about this stuff is taking a story in a direction where vox has that yandere type mentality of I want him to be all my nobody else gets him he's mine and only always forever mine
Like the toxic till death do us part kind of vibe
Those kind of concepts is something that interests me and I like reading stuff because yeah I like reading vox being a little shit as he usually is but I do love me some sweet fluff as well
And now I'm gonna wrap this up here saying that seeing how the 2 interact for me when I watched it the 1st time I will admit I was very like kind of disgusted but also intrigued by the actions that vox was doing what he was doing to it's just the way that he was acting It intrigued me but it also disgusted me
And it's funny that actually Alastor is the reason...
That I actually took the time took quizzes did research because I have a feeling that I was asexual before like previously back in middle school I had the assumption that I was somewhere in that range because I was airways back in 8th grade And at the start of high school
But he is the reason that I actually did extend the research and found out that I am currently at the moment just asexual And I am he's also the reason why I'm now on the fence about maybe being a romantic as well
As and also I noted in the 2 dream video that they have said that a lot of people feel seen by the asexual representation in hazbin hotel
And I too it is not that I feel seen by him it is that I feel understanding and I understand what I am now but I am now currently confused by this feeling I get whenever I see him uncomfortable or clearly disgusted by something
Wrapping this up I just wanna know is that normal for asexual people to feel that way or am I labeled as something different in the asexual/A. romantic spectrum?
