shane texting ilya after a metros game like: im so fucking tired of carrying this entire team on my back like fuck sure we won tonight but i'd have had a goddamn hat trick if stevens hadn't been off fucking sides like at what point is it easier for me to be the only guy on the fucking ice at least then no one is gonna miss my fucking passes
shane 2 minutes later to the media: oh for sure it's a team effort, we all do our best to contribute 🙂
and what if i said that shane hollander doesn't want a threesome with anyone but two ilya rozanovs. what if i said ilya is very horny about this fact and makes a cast of his dick. what if i said that he makes shane suck the silicone mould of his penis whilst he fucks shane with shane on his hands and knees with the dildo gripped between shane's big hands as shane sobs that the silicone doesn't taste right so then they switch and ilya fucks his mouth whilst dildo!ilya fucks his hole (still controlled by actual ilya, he is bent over shane and fucking his hips forward into shane's mouth as he jacks the dildo in and out). and what if i said then shane starts sobbing with ilya's cock in his mouth bc dildo!ilya doesn't feel right in his ass either and he wants ilya to come in his hole. and what if i said ilya just coos meanly at him the whole time, calling him a silly little slut, stroking his hair in mock sympathy then bullying him for being so cock hungry. and what if i said ilya goes back to fucking shane's hole and makes shane lie with his face smooshed into the mattress, sucking on the silicone dildo like a pacifier, just drooling all over himself, still whining that it isn't right and ilya just laughs at him. what if i said all that?
(please suspend your disbelief for the following post)
Shane hits free agency. There's no news about where he's going, if a team signed him up, or anything. Absolute silence from him and his team. People are either starting to panic thinking he's going to retire (at 30???? Shane Hollander????? Retiring?????), or that no team wants to sign him. It's chaos.
Then Shane's official account retweets a mini-documentary from a small local news station of Ottawa.
It starts with the reporter explaining that by going through their archives, they found out an old documentary from twenty years ago that they made with a class of local elementary students, and they thought it would be fun and nice to do a before/after, what did they become follow-up.
At first it alternates between footage of the first documentary, showing the students, etc, and then they switch to a bunch of adults talking in groups and eating at a buffet. You can easily recognize some of the grown-up children. Some of them not at all.
Then they go for the final question they asked the kids twenty years ago: what do you want to be when you'll be older? They show first the kid's answer, and then the adult they later becomes explains what they do now.
There were, of course, a lot of doctors (turns out med school really wasn't for me!), actresses (my parents tried to put me in a theater group and it was a disaster. never again.), various "a mom" and "a dad" (most of them did become parents), firefighters (I didn't make it but I did end up in a fire once), also a very strong "I'll be Prime Minister of Canada" (I work in politic now. I'll make it one day, just you wait!).
And then we cut to ten years old Shane Hollander. Very serious, very blunt, very sure of himself. "I'll be a hockey player."
There's a small laugh from behind the camera. " A hockey player?"
"Yeah. I'll be the best hockey player in the world and I'll get a lot of Cups and beat a lot of records."
"Would you be playing for Ottawa then?" the reporter asks.
Shane grimaces a bit. "I mean I love them but they're bad." Then he seems to think on it. "But since I'll be the best I can go play for them and make them win Cups too." He grins, now, earnest.
Hard cut to now thirty years old Shane Hollander, leaning back against a table, in jeans and an Ottawa Centaurs hoodie. The 81 on the sleeves reveals it's a Rozanov edition.
"Well I recently got married. We just came back from our honeymoon, actually." Then, he grins. "I'm a professional hockey player."
The reporter — the same one from twenty years ago — laughs. "What about the rest of your prediction?"
"Well, I'm one of the best current active players right now. My husband would say he's the best, stats would probably be mixed about it—" There's more laughter from behind the camera. "And until the end of the current season, I was a Montreal Voyageur."
"Until the end of the season?"
"Well," Shane says with a casual shrug, "our values didn't align anymore. And there was another place I wanted to be. I said it the first time, right? I need to bring some Cups to Ottawa."
Now, it's a gasp from the reporter. "So...?"
"As of two days ago, I'm officially an Ottawa Centaurs." Shane is smiling, and it's simple and fond and so terribly happy. "I'm very excited to play for my hometown, with this team. And, also, with my husband. I think it'll be very fun."
"And to get us some Cups, of course."
Shane grins, again. It's a bit smug, maybe, and there's a sparkle in his eyes. "Of course. I did promise it, didn't I? I respect my promises."
... Anyway that's how Shane officially announces he signed with Ottawa.
shane who gets hard really easily and leaks so much and it’s all so embarrassing so he makes sure to hide his stained underwear from ilya until one day ilya catches shane getting changing his underwear in the middle of the day like???? and shane has to stutter out that because they were making out earlier but it didn’t go anywhere shane was so hard and leaking so much his underwear was ruined and he needed to change. and ilya is instantly the horniest he’s ever been but also Mad bc shane has been hiding his lil perversions from him how dare he???? anyway this leads to shane Not being allowed to change his underwear at All unless he brings them to ilya for Inspection and only sometimes does ilya let him change them 🙂
ilya jerking off into shanes underwear and then pulling them back up so shane has to walk around wet….. when he takes them off for inspection and ilya goes oh baby… ☹️ U came without permission ☹️☹️ and shane gets so embarrassed swearing he didnt but ilya just says why would u lie I can still see the cum in ur panties .
ilya will be holding shane's dick at any given opportunity. not even to get him off, just because he can. watching tv, eating supper, post work out cool down, driving to the grocery store, going pee, brushing their teeth. Ilya voice, It looks so heavy Shane pleeeease let me hold it for you
hollanov have a countdown app on their phones so they always know how long it is until they next see each other and they use this as the basis of their good morning texts
mostly they’re sweetieful (‘25 days until i get to kiss your freckles’ ‘25 days until i get to fall asleep next to you’) and sometimes they’re sexy (‘16 days until i get to use your pretty mouth’ ‘16 days until i get to come on your cock’) and sometimes they’re silly (‘8 days until i get to drink your boring smoothies’ ‘8 days until i get to steal my hoodie back’)
sometimes ilya texts first, sometimes shane, either way they reply every morning and match the vibe of each other’s message
until it’s the day before the first boston vs montreal game of the season and by pure coincidence ilya sends ‘good morning moya lyubov it is 1 day until i get to show you how much i love you ❤️’ at the exact same time as shane sends ‘good morning it’s 1 day until i get to beat your cup losing ass 😈’
I have been really into Ilya wanting to brag about Shane to as many people as possible in a very classic fuckboy type of way but then it backfiring when he realizes it may be making people desire shane which makes him go crazy possessive
ok this was so funnnnnn I hope you enjoy <33
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Instahusband: A Hollanov Fic(let)
rating: e | wc: 2.8k | tags: light d/s dynamics, ilya very proudly owning shane, shane very much walking ilya like a dog when he wants to, very possessive ilya, bi on gay crime 😔 (ilya uses the f slur but not toward shane), cheeky public bathroom blowjob, weaponized daddy kink, married!hollanov
--
“You have to stop with this shit.”
Ilya lifts his head from Shane’s thigh, raising his eyebrows. “Hmm?”
“This shit,” he says, flipping his phone around for Ilya to see his screen.
A smile breaks across Ilya’s face. It’s an Instagram carousel that Ilya posted this morning: a series of photos consisting of them being increasingly domestic, featuring Shane being casually chivalrous. Opening a door for Ilya. Carrying in all the grocery bags. A shot from below of a moment after Shane spotted him on the flat bench, smiling down at Ilya and the camera with his arms crossed and leaning on the bar.
The caption just reads: You fucking wish 😏
“What is wrong with it?”
“It’s like you’re fucking advertising me,” Shane explains, rolling his eyes.
“I am showcasing. Is very different,” he says, poising his lips upward for a kiss, which Shane begrudgingly provides, brushing a hand through his curls. “I want to show off my husband. He is a very good husband. I want everyone to be jealous that I have the best husband.”
“It's tacky.”
“It’s fucking hot,” Ilya refutes, pecking his lips again. “My husband is fucking hot.”
“You’re egging.”
“What is ‘egging’?”
“Baiting people.”
“Oh. Yes,” Ilya states, flashing a broad smile and planting his head back on Shane’s thigh.
Shane huffs a sigh, ruffling a hand through Ilya’s curls. “Just keep it PG, please.”
“PG-13?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
****
Ilya is having far too much fun with his Instagram posts, and it’s showing.
There is an element of the affection and attention that is flattering, but Shane has never been very public with his relationships. Rose was mainly the fault of the paparazzi, and even that was more exposure than he was comfortable with.
It’s true, having somebody so hellbent on appreciating him on a public forum is…refreshing. It’s also fucking terrifying. There are so many parts of Shane that he’s kept hidden for so long. Then came Ilya, who never hid this side of himself from anyone. The whole world knew he slept around as often as he could snag tail.
Shane was the one who he could never release. Nipping at that tail until it was firm between his teeth like a wolf with a severe case of lockjaw, and Shane was wriggling like a lizard attempting to sever it from his own body. Until he realized he loved the feeling of being bitten by him. In fact, the next time he bites, his jaw should lock around his jugular.
And so he did. And now they're inseparable. Ilya removes his teeth, Shane bleeds out.
It’s a conflicting sensation, that overexposure of affection. He hasn’t quite figured out what to do with it yet.
“Shane Hollander.”
His head swivels right at the bar. It’s a tall, broad man. A stranger, or at least someone he doesn’t recognize. A fan. Reasonably handsome and clean-cut. Shane gives a curt nod.
“Thought that was you,” the man says, hopping onto the stool next to where Shane stands, waiting for his drink. “Good game last night. Air was electric.”
“Yeah? You were there?”
“I was,” he says, a sly grin on his lips. “Up in the nosebleeds, but your prowess is pretty visible up on the Jumbotrons.”
Shane blushes slightly as the bartender pops the top on his beer bottle and hands it over to him. Shane takes it and tips the neck toward the fan politely before taking a sip.
“You’re significantly more handsome in person, you know.”
Shane sucks the beer off his lip with a bashful smile. “Uh, thanks.”
Before he’s even fully formed the words, warm hands squeeze at his waist, a familiar breath at his ear. “Hey, baby. You come here often?”
Shane exhales a small laugh, a brief flash of guilt on his face as he smiles at the man next to him, who doesn’t seem surprised at the development at all.
“Figured he was here too,” the man says coolly, sizing up Ilya at Shane’s back.
There’s a kiss to the back of Shane’s head, and then a rumbling voice over the music. “You bet your ass I’m here. Did you think he was going home with you when he could come home with me? Did you think you would win that pissing contest?”
“At least I’m not a whipped fucking Instahusband,” the guy mutters, sipping out of a whiskey tumbler.
Ilya snorts loudly. “Is that supposed to be an insult? The whole male community of Canada would pay for a shot at being Shane Hollander’s trophy husband. Do you think you are special?”
“Ilya,” Shane mutters back at him, shifting uncomfortably. “Stop.”
“What?” Ilya protests, sliding his arms over Shane’s shoulders. “I am proud to be your trophy husband. MLH Cup-winning trophy husband, by the way. In case you didn’t fucking know,” Ilya patronizes toward the man, and perhaps Ilya has had too many to drink already.
“And doesn’t Shane have…three? And you have…one? Is that right?” The man condescends right back.
Ilya’s voice goes cold. “And how many do you fucking have? Hmm? A faggot in the nosebleeds?”
“Ilya!” Shane finally shouts at him, grabbing his wrist and yanking him in the direction of the crowd. “Fucking stop it. I’m going home with you, you fucking dumbass. Your ring is on my fucking finger. Your dick is bigger. Stop picking fights.”
“Fucking right my dick is bigger,” Ilya asserts confidently toward the man sizing him up on his stool as he slings an arm tight around Shane’s waist and kisses the side of his head. He slides a hand down to grope his ass gratuitously and pops his eyebrows up in a final checkmate to the sorry man at the counter.
“You can’t just say shit like that, Ilya,” Shane insists in his ear over the thumping base. “My mother will gut you like a fucking fish if she has to run damage control over that.”
“Over what?” Ilya whines. “I can say faggot. I call faggot when I see faggot.”
“I fucking can’t with you right now, Rozanov,” Shane says, and he feels the bitchiness rising in his chest as the atmosphere rubs off on him. He chucks Ilya’s arm off his shoulder and storms off ahead of him, knowing he’ll follow after.
Shane bursts the bathroom door open and rounds on Ilya. “Who fucking are you right now?”
The look Ilya pins him with is eerily familiar. A silent calm as he advances on Shane with an order in his eyes. An order he only momentarily tries to fight before his feet are carrying him blindly backwards into a stall. Ilya slams the door shut and turns the lock, pushing him up against the graffitied wall with a single hand to his shoulder.
Ilya cocks his head slightly, his tone quiet and austere. “Who fucking am I? Who do you fucking think I am?”
A quiver running through his bones, he musters what strength he can to bolster his voice. “You’re my husband. You already fucking have me, Ilya.”
A firm hand grips his jaw, just enough to actually hurt in a way that has Shane’s cock throbbing. “And no one else can have you.”
“I know that,” Shane breathes out.
“What do you think those posts are about? Hmm?” Ilya asks, moving Shane’s head around lazily in his hold. “Showboating? Nah. No, котик. It is about ownership. People want what I have. And they cannot have it. Yes?”
“Yes,” Shane gasps, his head hitting the wall hard as Ilya’s lips brush cruelly soft against his jaw.
The bathroom door opens, and a couple men enter, chatting as they make their way to the urinals. Ilya poises a finger to his own lips, and Shane acutely nods in understanding.
One hand dips between Shane’s legs and begins to grind over the bulge in his jeans and Ilya’s eyebrows raise, daring Shane to make a sound. He digs his teeth into his lip and stares directly back into Ilya’s eyes, a show of obedience. He risks removing his teeth just to mouth silently at his husband, “Yours.”
Ilya’s eyes go hooded as he drags particularly hard over his crotch and forms his lips around very clearly around the word, “Mine.”
Voices can still be heard as Ilya sinks to his knees and pulls Shane’s cock from his pants, taking Shane into his mouth without preamble. Shane gasps quietly in the stall, fingers falling into his hair as he struggles to maintain silence. Ilya bobs on his cock with practiced dedication, keeping the noises to a minimum, but serving plenty of fancy tongue work to make up for it, entirely unhindered by the reality that they are hooking up in a public bathroom stall.
Shane shoves the meat of his arm into his mouth as Ilya takes him deeper, swallowing him down as the door opens again and the voices disappear. Shane groans past the flesh between his teeth as Ilya starts to articulate the presence of his cock dipping into his throat, gagging slightly as he stares up at Shane with intent.
Shane keens as he feels his climax approaching embarrassingly quick, and he knows Ilya doesn’t need a warning when he spills himself down his throat with a muffled groan. Ilya wipes his messy mouth on the hem of his shirt and places a soft kiss to Shane’s forehead.
“Mine,” he says again, matter-of-factly, before unlocking the stall and washing his hands.
****
Another day, another post from Ilya flaunting Shane’s prominence in his life.
A photo of Shane’s hand reaching back and holding Ilya’s as they walk down the street in Ottawa.
A photo of Shane’s head thrown back in a laugh with a beer in his hand at a bar after the season ended last summer.
A photo of Shane grinning fondly at him across a table on their anniversary, a half-drunk glass of red and a candle on the table between them.
A photo of Shane from the back as he deadlifts in their home gym.
Another simple caption: Your dream, my reality. 🥰
But it feels like the more Ilya posts, the less people leave Shane alone.
And not in the homophobic way Ilya might have anticipated.
Ilya is very accustomed to people wanting him. Men, women, anyone throughout the sexuality spectrum, truly. But not Shane. Sure, he has fans. Women tend to crush on him, fangirl over him, despite him being very much out as gay. But since Ilya ramped up the Instagram posts, now it’s the men. Baristas are flirting heavier. The bars are a fucking nightmare. Worse than that, Shane knows what is happening, and he has no intention of making the consequences of Ilya’s own actions any easier.
Shane has learned to flirt back, and Ilya is starting to lose his fucking mind. They’ve always fucked hard, but Ilya has been fucking him harder. More often. Scarcely letting him breathe before he wants to go again. Marks are popping up all over Shane’s skin, and the team has been very respectful in not pointing it out, especially since Shane seems very content to be seen with them.
Which is, of course, reassuring. As is how Shane sounds for him when Ilya is making an effort to exercise that ownership he has over Shane that nobody else has. Claiming his ass over and over and making Shane tell him who he belongs to. Shane isn’t complaining about that either.
Ilya isn’t scared of Shane leaving him. He’s pissed off that people think they can get so close.
When Shane doesn’t comment on the latest post, Ilya makes another one the next week. After they get back from a brand shoot where one of the cameramen was talking to Shane a little too much between takes, and Ilya doesn’t think the frame was exactly where it should have been for a Reebok commercial. And he didn’t seem to care much at all that Ilya was hovering the entire shoot and kissing him between takes whenever he got the chance.
He arranges another lovely carousel for his followers to engage with.
A photo of Shane flipping him off in their kitchen with a stoic expression.
A photo of Shane playfully licking Ilya’s sweaty cheek lewdly in the car on the way home from practice.
One short video Ilya took of them in bed, Shane shirtless in his glasses and sitting up prattling about the Centaurs’ stats until he realizes he’s being filmed, and immediately shoves his hand toward the camera with a barely hidden smile, “Ilya, I swear to god, if you don’t—” and a cackle from Ilya behind his phone before the video cuts off.
Then one last photo. Their sheets are just barely covering Shane’s waist, a post-orgasm flush over his abdomen and suspiciously opaque droplets along his hip bone next to an already very colorful bruise. Shane’s eyes are closed, very obviously sex-mussed hair smashed against the pillows, while Ilya’s head lays on Shane’s thigh, winking at the camera with his tongue splayed out.
The caption just says: You get the angel. I get the devil. 😈😘😘😜
It’s accrued a few comments.
jjboiziau: A lot going on here bro
hpike3: Really didn’t need to see all that man come on
yunahollander: Hey. My lovely son-in-law. Answer my text please 🙂
→ ilyarozanov81 replying to yunahollander: 😳😳😳 sorry mama yuna 🫣
svetaxvetrova: hot damn 🥵
lucahaasynhl: so everyone saw that last one right
→ bigboody replying to lucahaasynhl: yes haasy. we all saw it.
He shouldn’t be as amused by the comments as he is, but he’s always been a proud shit-stirrer. Sure, maybe Yuna didn’t deserve to see that, but she has accidentally walked in on much worse. She’s a strong woman. The text from her was more about their image than anything else.
And as quietly as Shane’s socked feet pad across their hardwood floor, Ilya’s ears still perk up like a dog where he sits at their kitchen island bar.
Hands drape over Ilya’s shoulders. He expects a kiss, but one doesn’t come.
“Ilya,” Shane says sweetly.
“Yes, baby.”
A light kiss to his cheek. Then, a low, saccharine voice. “Take it down.”
Ilya’s muscles tense. Shane doesn’t get like this super often. Tugging that golden thread of authority he very well knows he holds over Ilya, powered by Ilya’s overwhelming affection for his husband. The single marionette string that, if he tugs hard enough, gets him any goddamn thing he wants. It’s fucking hot. He loves getting tugged. Loves getting pulled. Loves seeing Shane utilize Ilya to get what he wants. Even if Ilya is the one who caused the distress in the first place.
Ilya doesn’t quite bite yet. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“You don’t?” Shane asks condescendingly, his fingers weaving into the hairs at his nape. Ilya’s spine stiffens in anticipation.
“No,” Ilya says.
“Hmm,” Shane hums dismissively, gripping gently at the hair in his hold, and Ilya inhales sharply, a grin pressing at the corners of his mouth. Then, Shane mentions, out of the blue, “You know Miles is in town. You remember Rose’s friend Miles? He’s been wanting to get a drink with me. Keeps liking all those posts you’ve made of me. It's very sweet,” Shane says leadingly.
Ilya’s face quickly goes steely, and he no longer likes this game. “Is not sweet. I will block him.”
“Don’t block him. That might look homophobic.”
Ilya scoffs, finally turning to look at Shane, whose face is very impassive. “Homopho-…I will be fucking a man for the rest of my life. I gave up pussy for you, you know.”
Shane plays with the hairs at the nape of Ilya’s neck teasingly. “And that’s because you prefer to eat my pussy, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” he confirms, uncomplicated and steeped in sudden lust as his husband’s fingers start to explore his skin.
“Do you wanna eat this pussy right now?” He asks in a low voice, hand gripping and sliding over Ilya’s exposed bicep.
Ilya’s breath goes out of him in a single puff. “Yeah.”
Shane’s fingers run along his jaw before cupping it softly, and ever so slightly digging his nails into the flesh of his cheek. He hovers his mouth over Ilya’s and whispers, falsely sweet, “Delete the fucking post, daddy,” before placing a kiss to his lips so eerily chaste that it makes Ilya’s entire body shudder.
“Fuck. Yes sir.”
Shane pats his cheek twice. “Thank you,” he whispers again, kissing him gently once more before turning abruptly and sauntering toward the stairs. Ilya gulps as Shane strips his muscle tee over his head and tosses it onto the couch without looking back. “I’ll be in the bedroom. Your choice if you get any.”
Ilya has never deleted something so fucking fast.
Shane is hoisted over his shoulder before he even reaches the top of the stairs.
Shane's hole is sore after prostate orgasm #3. He still wants Ilya to finish inside him. Just one of those days where he needs to feel full of his man. But his hole is so ouchy... So Ilya enters him with just the tip (he can stand that much as long as Ilya doesn't fuck into him any further) and proceeds to jack off into Shane's hole. It's so weird and hot and Shane's panting "please, please, please, god-fuck PLEASE give it to me baby I need it so bad," and three strokes, four strokes, five— he's shooting forcefully into Shane, doubled over in delirium.
I'm still soso obsessed with mean dom Ilya switching the rules of the game on Shane,,, he texts Shane something like Make sure you're ready for me 😏 just before he's supposed to get back, so of course Shane preps for him, makes his hole perfectly stretched and slick so Ilya can slide right in.
And when Ilya arrives it seems like that's exactly where they're headed. Ilya is being so warm and attentive, kissing Shane so nice and slow, showering Shane with praise, touching and stroking him all over, encouraging him to grind up against his leg and calling Shane baby and sweetheart and darling and my love and Shane is grinning and melted by it all, absolutely glowing with it, so when Ilya bends him over the couch, Shane is so fucking eager, arching his back, legs spread, ready to get the deliciously perfect fucking he deserves.
And then Ilya is pulling down Shane's soft sweats (he didn't wear any underwear obviously) and suddenly going still and silent. And just when Shane is about to look behind him to see what's the hold up, Ilya is grabbing Shane by the back of his neck so hard it makes him yelp with shock, and jerking Shane upright so he can snarl furiously in his ear "Who the FUCK did you let use your hole like this??" And Shane is like "W-what??" his head still spinning from the whiplash, and Ilya's grip goes from his neck to his hair and yanks hard as he says, sneering "You thought I wouldn't notice your hole all sloppy and puffy and stretched out? You think I'm fucking stupid??" And Shane's whimpering No No I'm sorry, and then Ilya is bending Shane over and he's hitting his ass, spanking him so hard it's jerking Shanes body up the couch, until Shane is wailing, and the whole time Ilya is just asking "Who?? Who fucked you? Tell me" over and over and Shane is just saying No one, no one I would never Ilya, never never I love you I only want you and Ilya is laughing down at him because "Never? I don't believe you. I knew I shouldn't have left a slut like you alone, all you think about is how to get cock. That's why you let someone else fuck you, isn't it?" And now Shane is all sore and shuddery and confused so he thinks he knows the new rules of the game, and denial obviously isn't working, so instead he just sobs "Yes yes I'm sorry Ilya, I just missed you so much -" but then Ilya is yanking Shane upright by the hair again and he's making Shane look at him, shaking him by the hair like how you'd scold a disobedient dog by the scruff as he says, his voice gone all soft and dangerous "So you fuck someone else and then you think you can get away with lying to me about it?"
And then Shane is being shoved face down against the leather of the couch again and as he's lying there, trembling and sniffling and dripping, still soso fucking hard, he hears the oh so familiar clink of metal and leather slipping through belt loops and then Ilya's voice saying "I think you need a little reminder of who this hole belongs to, Shane. Hold still."
I don't think Shane considers himself to be someone who likes pain. Does he like being spanked? Yes. The harder the better. Bring a belt out, by all means. Does he like the ache of his rim the day after Ilya gave it to him hard? Yes, of course. In the same way he likes feeling his muscles ache after a hard workout, it means he did something worthwhile, and he likes the reminder of Ilya inside him. Does he like having his hair pulled? Yes, please. Does he like Ilya pressing into a bruise on his side so hard that his vision blacks out? Absolutely. But he doesn't like pain. It's just that none of the things he likes register as pain to him. It's just sensation and, god, it feels so good to feel how far he can push his own body.
Shane, two shots in: like yeah of course sucking a hard dick is fun but sucking a soft dick is an underrated sensual experience. For one it’s a bit smaller so it all fits in nicer, & also it’s easier to move around on your tongue & in your throat. It’s like, remember those water wiggler toys you’d get as a kid? Put one of those in your mouth, that’s what sucking soft cock is like. & the other person is still getting pleasure from you doing it, so they’re still moaning & praising you but there’s no pressure to make them to cum because they aren’t even getting hard.
Harris, who asked Shane what he was thinking about doing after the bar: Oh. Okay.
you will hear zero complaints from me about increasingly explicit gay pornography being incorporated into “mainstream” tv shows but what i will call for is a corresponding increase in explicit lesbian sex. i want dykes crawling around on their hands and knees begging to eat pussy on every tv screen in america. worldwide, even
So anyway, let’s talk about what happens when Shane finds out that Wiebe is bisexual.
Because during The Long Game, Ilya decides not to tell Shane because it’s not his secret to tell, and Shane has to find out eventually, right? Wiebe says something like “I’m sure Ilya has told you that I understand a little bit about your situation.” And Shane is thinking like, what, you definitely don’t, you were a mid player at your absolute best. But eventually Wiebe gets the point across and it goes, I think, one of a couple different ways:
One: Shane HATES this information and tries to memory hole it immediately. Shane has had a complicated psychosexual attachment to every hockey coach he’s ever had, which is fine because hockey coaches are straighter than God. Even though both Shane and Wiebe are in happily married monogamous relationships, finding out that it’s actually hypothetically possible for a coach to experience reciprocal attraction to him is the worst thing that’s ever happened.
Two: Finding out that Wiebe is bisexual pushes Shane over the edge into having a meta-textual breakdown. Shane: “It’s fucking ridiculous. It’s absurd! We’re already the gayest team in the league. The gay married team. And now we have a gay coach?” Ilya: “Lubimiy, he is bisexual, do not make me ask Harris to give another PowerPoint presentation on bisexual erasure.”
Three: Shane pours over stats from Detroit’s 2001 season and figures out who Wiebe’s teammate was in less than 60 minutes.
Another option would seriously fuck Shane up bc it would remind him of how easy it was to fail and how close he and Ilya came to failing and how the system is set up to fail anyone who happens to be in a similar situation and how they still prevailed.
The Cens are in the locker room after a pretty light practice, the season not yet in full swing, and the topic turns to married life, as it often does.
Ilya and Shane mostly stay quiet, giving each other pointed looks when Bood and Wyatt swap stories about their fucking awesome wives. That is until…
“Yeah but like, Roz and Hollzy have the most ideal situation.”
There’s a mix of eyebrow raising and general murmurs of agreement, half of the team unsure if this is Holmberg’s way of coming out.
“What do you mean?” Shane asks, ever one to ignore a social rule.
“You spend all day together kicking ass and being the best at hockey, and then you get to go home together and be and love and shit but also still talk hockey.” Holmberg sighs and stares into his locker a little wistfully. “I wish I was gay so I could have a hockey husband.”
The team is quiet for a minute, some of the younger members nodding in sage agreement. Bood even looks like it’s an intriguing idea.
“Why don’t you date a PWHL player?”
Wyatt says it with it much fuss, shoving his pads into his bag unceremoniously. Holms, however, looks like he’s just been struck by lightning.
“Say that again.”
Wyatt turns to the kid, eyebrows raised like he’s confused by the reaction.
“You know that the PWHL exists, right?”
Holmsberg is too thunderstruck to scoff.
“Yeah. The Charge. They’re…oh my god.”
And thus starts the social media scrolling to figure out which Charge players are 1) single, 2) in Holms age range, and 3) into men
do you think in the hrverse there’s a popular book series about mlm hockey players called crosby and ovechkin that are obviously based on shane and ilya
For once, Shane actually catches onto an internet trend before Ilya - if only because JJ sends it to him and tells him he would pay good money to see Rozanov's reaction to Shane pulling this shit on him.
Ilya's pulled quite a few of these internet pranks on Shane and Harris always loves them so, eager to get one over on his husband, Shane sets up his phone, makes sure the camera is rolling, and sits down at their kitchen island with his morning smoothie. When Ilya makes his way into the room, Shane offers him a sip of his drink, which Ilya happily takes, with a softly spoken "thank you, любовь." Shane knows he doesn't like his smoothies but they've reached an agreement, where Ilya will always taste it and, in return, Shane won't make him drink a full glass.
Shane then carefully wipes off the rim of the glass with a napkin before sipping it himself.
He can see Ilya freeze up in his periphery and Shane can feel every nerve ending tingle as he desperately tries to remain nonchalant, so as to not give the prank away.
"What was that?" Ilya asks, his voice perfectly level, if slightly cold.
"Nothing," Shane tells him, trying not to vibrate out of his skin, trying not to look at the camera.
"Was not nothing," Ilya replies. "What did you do?"
Shane shrugs, "just wiped the glass."
"Why?" Shane makes the mistake of looking directly at Ilya and can feel a thrill shoot up his spine. He's not afraid of his husband but in that moment he can understand why some people are. Ilya looks imposing. His mouth a thinly drawn line, his eyes steely, arms crossed over his bare chest in a way that makes his already impressive biceps and pecs bulge out. Shane's throat suddenly feels dry.
"Hygiene?" It comes out sounding like a question, weak and croaky.
Ilya slowly raises his eyebrows before repeating Shane's answer back to him. "Hygiene," he says. He lets the word sit there between them for a while, as though to give Shane the chance to retract it.
He doesn't.
The footage never gets shared and when JJ asks Shane if he ever went through with the prank, he blushes from the roots of his hair down to his chest. He thinks he says no. He knows it's not believable. JJ doesn't press the matter but the look in his eye makes Shane fear he knows exactly what went down. Although, he can't, can he? How could he?
There's no way he can tell, just by looking at Shane, that Ilya slowly walked over to him and grabbed his glass before tugging at the drawstring of his sweatpants, letting them drop to the floor. He can't know how Ilya took himself in hand and tugged at himself, eyes firmly on Shane who sat at their kitchen island and watched on, frozen, as Ilya brought himself to climax straight into Shane's smoothie. He can't know how he walked over to their cutlery drawer and swirled it into Shane's drink before bringing the glass back over and sitting down, watching Shane expectantly. He can't know how Shane felt like every muscle in his body had locked up as he watched the display, nor how quickly he reacted when Ilya simply said, "drink." There's no way he knows that Shane drained the glass. He doesn't know the intensity of Ilya's gaze as Shane swallowed it down. He doesn't know how he then stood and grasped Shane's face with the same hand he had brought himself off with, hooking his fingers behind Shane's bottom teeth to open his mouth, as though to ensure that he had indeed swallowed it all down, before he spat into his mouth and closed it, tilting his head back to watch Shane's Adam's apple bob as Ilya's saliva slid down the back of his throat. He doesn't know how Ilya patted his cheek before walking out of the room. He doesn't know how long Shane sat there, completely immobile, his cock fully hard and straining against his trousers, before he gained enough awareness to collect his phone and stop the recording.
shane looooovesss shaping ilya’s curls into hearts. the problem is they are curls, so a tiny action could send all his work to waste at once, so both shane and ilya has to be very very still for this whole ordeal. usually shane would find curls that already sort of faces each other and guide them to the desired position, but sometimes the curls beat him and he has to find another one. my point is, one time shane makes a whole head of heart curls (this is an exaggeration, he probably made 5 sporadically) on ilya and he snaps a photo of it. it has ilya’s lovesick eyes looking at him too and so it becomes shane’s homescreen wallpaper (his lockscreen is them hoisting the cup together, thank you very much).
they have a fun interview with harris one day and harris asks to see their lock and home screen photos. it goes semi viral on hockey twt and one of the most popular rt was “roz’s ass down horrendously bad for his husband his hair is proclaiming love lmfao”. that was retweeted by bood, accidentally, after laughing and showing it to cassie.
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