@allie-glace - Tumblr Blog

I don’t think it’s right for you to be asexual and married. It just doesn’t seem fair to your husband. He didn’t sign up to be in a sexless marriage? How do you make sure his needs are still met?

i trapped him in a jar like he’s a little bug and i throw some non-sexual intimacy in every once and a while so he has enrichment in his enclosure

icaruspendragon

actually you know what, i have more to say about this.

i’ve identified as bisexual for a really long time. like it was one of the first things i told jp (my husband) when we started dating long time. jp has never had a problem with my queerness. but when we started dating in january of 2018, i didn’t have all of the orientation pieces. and so despite my previous unexciting experiences, i had sex. and i had sex because i thought that’s what i was supposed to do. because that’s what you do in. relationship, right? sex is “supposed” to be a big part of a relationship. and i cannot stress enough how consensual all of the sex was. but it didn’t feel fantastic like i was told it would. i didn’t think about it as much as i was supposed to. there was no bliss. my toes didn’t curl and my eyes didn’t roll to the back of my head. i just didn’t enjoy it. it was boring. i was too aware of the mechanics of what was happening. so i never once thought “oooh this is nice,” my thoughts most of the time were “it’s kinda weird there’s something in me right now.” and “is it almost over i’m getting bored” and “am i faking well enough?”

and i thought not enjoying it meant there was something wrong with me. and since it was a me thing, and not anyone’s fault, i had sex. i just pretended that i liked it the way that society told me i should.

so me and my husband had sex when we started dating because it was something he wanted and i didn’t mind doing, even though it was boring.

but this past year i realized and came to terms with the fact my disinterest in sex wasn’t a nerve problem like my gynecologist said or trauma based like an old therapist said or any other explanation offered to me by anyone from friends to medical professionals. my disinterest in sex was because i don’t experience that kind of attraction.

and when i finally figured it out i was kinda devastated. because i was faced with either a) continuing to pretend to enjoy it, or b) coming out to jp. i knew he wouldn’t take it badly because i love and trust him, but i can know something is true and still not believe it. so i was scared but decided to come out even though the thought literally made me sick. i cried and apologized and told him how horrible i felt that i “lied” to him for years and how terrified i was that he was going to think i wasn’t attracted to him anymore or that i wasn’t ever attracted to him in the first place. i had to tell a man that i’d been having sex with for years that i didn’t really want to anymore. that for me it was boring and i didn’t enjoy it and i could never get out of my head long enough to experience the closeness and intimacy sex can bring. i hold to tell him that i’d never enjoyed it. and i’d realized that i didn’t know if i’d ever truly want to have sex, but i didn’t mind it. he would just have to let me know when it was something he wanted.

and do you all want to know what his response was?

he asked if he’d ever hurt me. and then he asked what my boundaries are. and then he thanked me for telling him. and then he said he married me because he loved me, not because i’d fuck him.

so me and my husband used to have sex. and now we don’t because six years into our relationship i realized i was aspec. and we haven’t had sex since i came out to him, and we hadn’t for months prior to me coming out. and he hasn’t even tried or asked for anything sexual, despite me telling him that i didn’t mind having sex, just that he would have to be the one to bring it up because i don’t ever think about it. but he hasn’t brought it up. not once. because he knows it’s about like going to the pharmacy for me.

so my husband doesn’t have sex with me because he loves me. because he cares about me. because he wants me to be happy. because when he asked me to go on that very first date it was because he thought i was smart and enthusiastic and funny and “lovely.” because he knew he was in it for the long haul when he watched me shotgun a red bull in a harbor freight parking lot at 7:30 pm on a thursday.

that’s kind of what marriage is about. the whole loving and wanting to take care of and cherishing your significant other thing. sex has never been a big part of the equation.

jp stayed with me the first six months of my sobriety. for the past seven years of my sobriety, actually. he stayed even though one time i had three tequila shots too many and yarffed all over him. and then again in his floorboards. he stayed when my grief made me shut down and shut out for over a year. he stayed with me when that grief made me so depressed i’d spend days at a time just staring at a wall. or hours and hours reading fanfic so the only thoughts i had in my head belonged to someone else. he stayed even though i don’t remember most of 2023. he’s stayed through every good thing and bad thing and in between thing and literally every single thing for the past nearly seven years.

so i highly doubt not “putting out” is gonna be the thing that makes him leave.

ineffectualdemon

Also Anon double fuck you

There have been long (I'm talking years long) stretches of my marriage where sex is a rare if ever thing. I am probably allosexual? (Idk it's weird and for me it is a trauma thing) But I am also physically disabled and have severe mental illness

There have been long stretches where sex is just not an option for me because I am in too much pain or I it is too distressing for me to enjoy

Or my libido just dies!

My husband is understanding. He'd like sex but as long as we make time to have non sexual physical intimacy he is fine.

As he told me once when I was crying and feeling guilty about it "I have a hand"

We have been married over 20 years and are still going strong.

Do you think my husband should leave me because I am physically disabled and mentally ill?

Because fuck you.

(hey OP I'm glad you got a good husband)

boobieteriat

"Hellen Keller is not real" is a right wing propaganda. It's literally something that was pushed by eugenistic tiktokers two years ago at least because they don't believe disabled people like Hellen Keller can do anything for themselves.

filenesdebasement

someone tagged this 'no she was not a fraud and there have been other cases of deafblind people communicating'

There are entire established DeafBlind communities! There is a DeafBlind language, Protactile. There are DeafBlind people on the internet around you.

Here is a video I really liked about Protactile.

The essay "Against Access" by John Lee Clark, who is DeafBlind, goes around tumblr sometimes.

I don't want anyone to think Helen Keller is like, some mystical rare outlier, either!!!

bisexuanal

You can really tell who’s never experienced poverty and food insecurity when it comes to discussions around food costs and how unhealthy food is cheaper. Some fucker always comes in with the price of like… lettuce or… apples. And it’s like yeah bitch but can you work an 11 hour shift after eating some salad and an apple!?! Find me something cheaper, and more filling than the broke ass staples of boxed mac and cheese, hot dogs, noodles, bread, beans, and rice. I’ll wait.

It also ignores the mental toll that poverty takes like maybe your home made veggie filled recipe isn’t crazy expensive but it also involves prep time and cooking time and organization in terms of fresh food that a lotta poor people can’t manage.

Not to mention if you can only afford to get to the store once every couple weeks via bus or cab then you can’t keep fresh veg on deck.

But ya know.. poor people are just dumb and lazy.

thesanityclause

Over 10 years ago I drew this mother naga with her kid and a bowl of gulab jamun, and I was blown away to see people still reblogging it and saying kind things here. I decided to draw a sequel, the PTA (People That are Anacondas) meeting is over, and she finally gets to have some gulab jamun. c: I really hope this cheers you up some.

animatedamerican

My first reaction: she finally gets to have some!!

My second reaction: oh gosh they're holding tails in the second picture okay I need to reblog this.

artmagine

The beautiful art of Thomas Blackshear II

kingfucko

i went to his website and saw even more great art! sharing some more which i particularly appreciated

mousidy

"sex is real" is a very funny thing to say to a group of people who very famously change their sex on purpose

mousidy

in abandoning discussion of the nuances of sex in trans discourse, we've ironically let bioessentialist, binaristic thinking fester and rot out our communities

we've stopped actually challenging the binary, we just slapped "amab" and "afab" over "male" and "female," and we treat transition itself like a mere act of dressup. we let blatant transphobia run rampant all the time as long as people call each other "amab" and "afab" instead of misgendering them directly

"afab bodies," "amab energy," "afab only housing," "amab behavior" THIS IS TRANSPHOBIA. YOU ARE MAKING ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT PEOPLE'S BEHAVIORS AND BODIES BASED ON THEIR ASSIGNED SEX. THE WORD FOR THAT IS TRANSPHOBIA

sex does not determine your behaviors. sex is not a binary. sex can be changed, and IS changed by medical transition, INCLUDING hrt

is it even a "trans" community if we don't hold these things to be true? how can a community of trans people who bind each other to their agabs like the rest of the world does be called a trans community? come the fuck on

mousidy

"sex is real" is a very funny thing to say to a group of people who very famously change their sex on purpose

mousidy

in abandoning discussion of the nuances of sex in trans discourse, we've ironically let bioessentialist, binaristic thinking fester and rot out our communities

we've stopped actually challenging the binary, we just slapped "amab" and "afab" over "male" and "female," and we treat transition itself like a mere act of dressup. we let blatant transphobia run rampant all the time as long as people call each other "amab" and "afab" instead of misgendering them directly

"afab bodies," "amab energy," "afab only housing," "amab behavior" THIS IS TRANSPHOBIA. YOU ARE MAKING ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT PEOPLE'S BEHAVIORS AND BODIES BASED ON THEIR ASSIGNED SEX. THE WORD FOR THAT IS TRANSPHOBIA

sex does not determine your behaviors. sex is not a binary. sex can be changed, and IS changed by medical transition, INCLUDING hrt

is it even a "trans" community if we don't hold these things to be true? how can a community of trans people who bind each other to their agabs like the rest of the world does be called a trans community? come the fuck on

mousidy

"sex is real" is a very funny thing to say to a group of people who very famously change their sex on purpose

mousidy

in abandoning discussion of the nuances of sex in trans discourse, we've ironically let bioessentialist, binaristic thinking fester and rot out our communities

we've stopped actually challenging the binary, we just slapped "amab" and "afab" over "male" and "female," and we treat transition itself like a mere act of dressup. we let blatant transphobia run rampant all the time as long as people call each other "amab" and "afab" instead of misgendering them directly

"afab bodies," "amab energy," "afab only housing," "amab behavior" THIS IS TRANSPHOBIA. YOU ARE MAKING ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT PEOPLE'S BEHAVIORS AND BODIES BASED ON THEIR ASSIGNED SEX. THE WORD FOR THAT IS TRANSPHOBIA

sex does not determine your behaviors. sex is not a binary. sex can be changed, and IS changed by medical transition, INCLUDING hrt

is it even a "trans" community if we don't hold these things to be true? how can a community of trans people who bind each other to their agabs like the rest of the world does be called a trans community? come the fuck on

aboonoor-deactivated20180121

If you’re a Non-Muslim and you see a Muslim praying in public, could you please not pass in front of them?

Go behind them, but not in front. 👍

marquesadesantos-deactivated201

Oh, signal boost! I didn’t know this.

omnistruck

Okay, but also: if you see a Muslim praying in public and they have something in front of them, like a purse or a bag or something like that, you can pass in front of them, but pass in front of that object.

it’s called a sutrah, and it’s meant to act as a physical barrier between the person praying and someone who might happen to pass in front.

ramentic

Also, if you did this and didn’t know, please don’t beat yourself up over it. Now you know! Muslims aren’t supposed to pass in front of Muslims praying, either, because prayer is communication with God and you don’t want to break that connection.

zeaux-indigeaux-deactivated2018

Spread culture, respect customs, be good people. Simple as that.

ghdos-blog

Didn’t know this.

aymygod

Reblogging again

frienddotsparkle

THE AMOUNTS OF REBLOGS THIS HAS JUST MAKES ME SO HAPPY

hayloft-a-creakin-deactivated20

S I G N A L B O O S T

princessmoonblogs

Reblog forever !

lazarusemma

Similarly, if a Jew is saying the Shemonah Esrei prayer (whispered, moving only the mouth, standing facing east with legs together) don’t go in front unless there’s a barrier.

synchodai

Female Power Romantasy novels can be indulgent as they like with giving the MC all the powers and hottest love interests and overcomplicated backstories, and I will cheer that on. Yes, there is a place for this! I see your vision, girl!

But the moment it starts talking about blood purity, her divine right to rule, and how ubermensch her babies will be with the man with the equally super special bloodline? You're doing girlboss eugenics at that point.

synchodai

This blew up, so let me explain.

"Specialina has rare squirrel blood passed down from the time a secret ancestor married a squirrel god. This gives her super powers to climb trees and find nuts!" 👍👍👍 Inheritable traits are a thing after all.

"Because Specialina has rare squirrel blood, she is entitled to rule over the rodent kingdom, and if she is kept from her rightful throne bestowed by her ancestry, the vile rat people will continue to corrupt the land." ⚠️⚠️⚠️ Oops, no one is entitled to rule over others, especially through genetics. And think about why a certain group of people is your designated "evil" race.

"Specialina's love interest is McBroody, a man with rare rabbit powers. With both squirrel blood who have domain over the skies and rabbit blood who have domain over the land, their children will have domain over everything and become the most powerful beings on earth who will bring the kingdom eternal balance, thus the evil rat people do everything to keep these two apart." 🛑🛑🛑 STOP. DO NOT PASS GO. THINK ABOUT WHY THE HAPPY ENDING OF YOUR FEMALE POWER FANTASY IS HAVING GENETICALLY SUPERIOR BABIES.

doctorvtumbls

NGL, kinda want this story but from the POV of the "vile rat people". They're basically just cockblocking these two to keep the animal antichrist from being born. They're the heroes.

jay-rayart

FLY is a story about a boy who gets a second chance. Help his story take flight June 9th 11am EST on Kickstarter. Thank you for being the wind beneath my wings I hope this story lifts the world to a brighter place.

A coming of age story about Black kids who finally have power to fight back against systems designed against them.

violetkoala

Trans flag quilt that I made recently for my partner 🏳️‍⚧️💖

animentality

queerasfact

Happy Pride! Here's some examples of trans men and transmasculinity to learn about this month!

Check out podcasts on each of these here: Albanian sworn virgins, Njinga of Ndongo, Ewan Forbes, Michael Dillon

lakemojave

Happy Pride Month everyone! Remember 4 months ago when the CEO of this platform harassed and chased a trans woman off this website just for posting her transition timeline, then chased her to other social media platforms to continue harassing her, and threatened to call the FBI if she continued disputing the multiple dubious terminations of her blogs that did not violate tumblr's terms of service in any way? And despite tumblr staff insisting that the CEO was acting against their interests, the broad transmisogyny evident in the site's culture and moderation policy has still not been adequately addressed?

lakemojave

Remember that staff is continuing to nuke the blogs of trans women even after all of this. Remember this post when they call this site the queerest place on the internet again this month

lakemojave

It's 2 years later. It's gotten worse. Happy pride month.

five-rivers

Sometimes I like to scroll low-stakes (for me) internet drama on youtube and something I've discovered recently is that:

A whole lot of people really disliked Disney's Wish movie.

A nonzero number of people think it could've been fixed via the addition of what's basically fanon Danny Phantom (but more yellow).

five-rivers

Trio of dead* white haired anime boys from western animation:

Danny Phantom (killed by an interdimendional portal)

Jack Frost (died drowning in a frozen lake)

The Star (technically didn't die in his media but was 'killed' by the Disney corporate overlords, apparently)

five-rivers

Actually considering that these guys are green, blue, and yellow themed respectively, there's got to be a red themed one out there somewhere. To complete the set.