All The Fictional Hockey Bros @alll-the-pies - Tumblr Blog

LETS TALK ABOTU THIS

Dex: *just got out of practice, looks sweaty and exhausted, is currently attempting to shove 5 hot pockets in his mouth at the same time*

Nursey: Hey go on a date with me.

Dex: *choking* Emfsh mshfmwuh?

—

Dex: *stumbles into Nursey’s room at 2 in the afternoon, hungover and dead-eyed, the lyrics to “No Scrubs” scrawled on the side of his face with Sharpie*

Nursey: Hey I love you.

Dex: What the actual fuck, Derek.

—

Dex: *currently trying to wrestle Jack and Bitty’s toddler into a diaper, covered in pee and 12 seconds away from crying out of sheer frustration*

Nursey: Hey you wanna get married?

Dex: Are you fucking serious. No really, are you GODDAMN KIDDING ME??? RIGHT NOW? I mean yes, I will, obviously, BUT ARE YOU SERIOUSLY CHOOSING TO DO THIS NOW?

chekplease

☀️ my favorite couple ☀️

thunderhel

whoacanada

Zimbits Fic - ‘Little Aurora’ -Update

Summary: Five years after dropping out of college, Eric Bittle is traveling across the country looking for content, and, more importantly, the part of himself that’s been missing since he left Samwell University. When a storm strands him in a small Alaska town, Eric stumbles into a relationship with a camera-shy hockey coach hiding more than a few secrets about his past — the kind of secrets Eric can’t always edit his videos around. Now, with a scandal brewing and the media ready to descend on their tiny winter hamlet, Eric has to figure out how undo the damage he’s caused and protect his new boyfriend, Laurent, who might just be long-lost hockey royalty.

a/n: I know it’s been an eternity but I come bearing an update!

Part IV - Discovery:

Face squished against his pillow, one eye blearily tracking his notifications, Eric swipes each away slowly with his thumb, refusing to give into sleep just yet. Down the hall, Eric can hear his parents getting ready for bed; having been courteous enough to wait for him to get home.

For the first time in months, Eric’s back in his own bed, and he absolutely hates it.

‘Made it back safe’, Eric texts Laurent carefully, not willing to adjust his position to accommodate the action, accepting the inevitable typos. ‘Wishing I was still in the wilderness with a certain handsome man, tho’.

Eric smiles when Laurent doesn’t send an emoji heart, going so far as to type out a less-than-three that doesn’t auto correct. Eric’s in love. Messy, sticky, highly-problematic love, but love all the same. As he’s drafting a response, a banner notification from Twitter drops at the top of his screen, and a blue check mark winks up at him. He barely has time to click it before another banner has kicked down the first. Another blue check.

Jump to Part IV on Ao3 Start from the Beginning!

novva

got so emotional after the 4.20 update (blaze it) that I blacked out and woke up with Captain Bittle™ 🤧 I’m SO PROUD of my son!!!

zimmerhomme

i miss them

pecanplease

I firmly believe that William Poindexter has the weirdest, most obscure taste in music and it makes Nursey angry because Dex is so hipster and he isn’t even trying

esthershapiro

It’s infuriating because not only does he listen to obscure stuff, but it’s also really good and suddenly Nursey’s taste is all stuff Dex introduced him to

everwitch-magiks

of neighbourly attachments (part 4)

It takes Bitty seven attempts before he deems his maple-glazed apple pie passable.

It is, after all, an important pie. Partly, it is an apology pie, or at the very least an I’m so sorry I’m an awkward idiot pie. Yet it’s also a welcoming pie, or perhaps a thank you for welcoming me pie. Which, well.

Bitty isn’t entirely sure that Jack will be quite as welcoming, this time.

Ever since his realization at the garden party, Bitty has nervously tried to recall all his previous conversations with his neighbour Jack – also known as hockey superstar Jack Zimmermann, except Bitty unfortunately didn’t realize that before. On an even more unfortunate note, the memory of several of his interactions with Jack makes Bitty want to crawl into a deep hole and never come back out. If only he’d recognized those piercing blue eyes the first time he saw them, perhaps he wouldn’t have made such a complete fool of himself, repeatedly.

Bitty’s friends are never going to let him live this down.

Pie in hand, Bitty leaves his apartment and crosses the hallway. A moment passes. Then another.

Finally, his hands shaking, he manages to make himself ring the bell.

Steps are heard from behind the door, and then it’s quiet for a brief moment before Jack opens.

Bitty tries his best to smile politely.

“Hello there! I come bearing baked goods, as promised.”

“Eric,” Jack says, his tone warmer than Bitty had expected. He steps aside, quickly. Almost eagerly. “Come in.”

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everwitch-magiks

of neighbourly attachments (part 3)

It is, Bitty thinks, a somewhat extraordinary garden party.

There’s plenty of food and drinks, not to mention desserts – Bitty had been worried for a moment that his peach crumble would end up being entirely redundant, but fortunately Eliana’s parents had thanked him warmly for it and put it out on the buffet with everything else. (Currently about half of it is still left, but Bitty holds out hope that the tin will be empty before long.) The garden itself is something of a miracle, with gorgeous flowerbeds, multiple fountains and an actual waterfall cascading down from an artistic-looking rock sculpture into a large pond. Bitty is fairly certain that he saw a koi fish flapping its fins down there, earlier.

Clearly, Eliana’s folks do not suffer from any kind of financial trouble.

“This is quite a turnout,” Bitty tells Eliana presently, nodding towards the crowd of middle aged people milling about on the lawn. “It’s awfully nice of your folks to host such a lovely party for all their friends.”

“It’s awfully nice of their friends to humour them, is more like it,” Eliana says, her smile somewhat fond. “My mother likes to play hostess so much, it’s not even healthy. She’s always making extravagant plans for her next big shindig.”

“All the same, I’m sure it’s much appreciated,” Bitty says politely. “Thank you again for inviting me.”

“Thank you for coming.” Eliana smiles kindly towards Bitty. “I’ve told you before, there’s not a lot of people our age in this neighbourhood. Before you moved in, there was basically just me and Jack, and I can’t say I know him too well.”

“Celebrity Jack?” Bitty double-checks, and Eliana nods. “Oh, so he’s around our age, then. I didn’t know that.”

“So you haven’t met him, yet?” Eliana asks, her smile widening slightly. “I would’ve thought, since it’s been over a week… But no matter. You’ll meet him today, most likely.”

“Is he coming to the party, then?”

“Apparently.” For some reason, Eliana rolls her eyes. “Mom hasn’t stopped talking about it since he RSVP’d. Of course, she’s invited Jack many times – he is one of our immediate neighbours, like yourself. But this will be the first time that he actually shows up for anything.”

Bitty is just about to ask Eliana to tell him more about this Jack (like what he’s actually famous for, for starters) when Eliana looks over towards the buffet.

“Oh, excuse me one second, mom’s waving at me.” Eliana quickly downs her champagne flute, then sets it down on a nearby table. “Don’t wander too far, though – I’m definitely going to need you on my team for croquet.”

“Just so you know, I may be rubbish at croquet!” Bitty calls after her, a little helplessly. “So, don’t expect too much of me.”

“Ah, I’m sure you’ll do fine,” a familiar voice says from behind Bitty.

Bitty turns around.

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everwitch-magiks

of neighbourly attachments (part 2)

“Oh my – goodness gracious, I’m so sorry! Are you quite all right? Clearly, I should have watched where I’m going instead of being all caught up in… Well. Are you sure you’re all right?”

The blue-eyed stranger is brushing off his coat. He isn’t smiling, which makes Bitty consider launching into another attempt at a proper apology.

“It’s fine.”

Two words, and not a syllable more. Oh, dear. This is not how Bitty has imagined his first conversation with his next door neighbour.

Because, of course, Bitty has imagined it.

Quite extensively.

The plan was simple – Bitty was going to bake a pie. This might have proven unusually tricky, since Bitty has yet to properly acquaint himself with his two new ovens, but he’s sure he could have managed it somehow. Bitty was going to step out of his own apartment, pie in hand, cross the hallway to the opposite door, ring then bell, and then… Instantly become best friends with whoever appeared on the other side? Or, at the very least, find himself making a perfectly polite acquaintance? Or, at worst, make an absolutely terrible impression and be forced to carefully time all of his errands outside his apartment in order to avoid running into his nemesis neighbour at all costs?

Perhaps, Bitty thinks miserably, moving to Providence all on his own is about to turn out to be a most dreadful mistake.

“I really am so very sorry.” Bitty wrings his hands, feeling quite awful about his entire existence. “You fell down on the floor, didn’t you? Tumbled like a leaf! All because of my clumsiness! Oh, dear me.”

For some reason, that makes his neighbour smile slightly. And suddenly, unexpectedly, Bitty thinks he looks somewhat familiar.

Perhaps it’s just one of those faces?

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everwitch-magiks

Bitty takes a deep, steadying breath.

He’s not sure what he’s supposed to feel like in this moment. It’s like something out of a dream, or more like something he’s never quite dared to dream.

The countertops are dark grey and made of quartz, making them completely nonabsorbent and maintenance free. There’s more than enough cupboards and shelves to hold all of Bitty’s cooking and baking supplies, not to mention that the small door in the corner leads to an actual walk-in pantry. Everything from the fridge to the stove is state of the art, there’s two ovens – two! – and he’s already somewhat obsessed with the lovely dark green color of the cupboards, and how so much light seems to flow in through those beautifully tall windows, and just… Just about all of it, really.

It’s official. Bitty is in love.

“This apartment is available from next week, if you want to go ahead and sign a lease.”

Bitty blinks, then turns around slowly. He’s almost forgotten that he isn’t alone.

The real estate agent is smiling, somewhat knowingly.

“That would be great.” Bitty clears his throat lightly, and tries his best to recall all the questions he’s supposed to be asking. “Would it be possible to get a contract for at least a year?”

“Definitely. We can also include the possibility of an extension, if you’d like?”

“That sounds perfect.” Bitty allows himself one more glance around the world’s most beautiful kitchen. “Should we go ahead with that now, or…?”

The agent – Eliana, Bitty recalls – looks very pleased.

“Let’s walk back to my office and sort out all the paperwork.” Eliana closes her folder and smiles kindly towards Bitty. “It’s nice to see young people moving into this area. I’ve been thinking it would be perfect for young families looking to settle somewhere quiet, but everyone in line at the supermarket always looks about my grandmother’s age.”

“You live in this area, then?”

“I do. My apartment is right above my office.”

“That sounds incredibly convenient.”

“It is.” Eliana tilts her head curiously. “Will you be commuting to work, or…?”

Bitty clears his throat, desperately trying to think of a reasonable way to describe his immensely popular, occasionally award winning and actually profitable baking vlog. Usually when he starts babbling about it, he ends up sounding like a lunatic one way or another. “I, uh… I work from home? Mostly.”

“Then your commute is actually shorter than mine,” Eliana jokes, and even though she still looks a bit curious, she let’s the matter drop.

Bitty decides that he likes her.

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novva

a bunch of zimbits sketches I had saved for this week in honor of @omgcheckplease ending! :’) bye, yall! 🥧🏒💖

(if you wanna hear me yell about the end of check please then check out my omgcp blog @jackzimmermans!)

asterlark

we dont talk about the year 2 zimbits era enough… the flirting without realizing it’s flirting (””””chirping””””)…. the pining…. becoming best friends….. hair tousling & roughhousing….. coffee at annie’s… checking practice… taking a wgss/history food class together…. bitty knowing he’s falling in love, thinking jack is straight, falling anyway….. jack not investigating his feelings enough to know he has feelings for bitty but still being a huge dork in love…. jumping over a snowbank to ask him for coffee… showing bitty all his photography…… buying him a fucking oven…… them going out on the reading room to talk when they can’t sleep….. bro i’m fucking misting up

#this is where the #the photography class/teacher knew first #comes from

forabeatofadrum

Zimbits March Update: Law

Notes: this is so stupid oh God

—

“Mothers and fuckers of the jury-”

Bitty groans, but Shitty continues his monologue. It is incredibly awkward to be sitting on the green couch with barely any clothes on. Shitty didn’t even give him the time to grab a pillow, so now Bitty is in direct contact with the couch.

Jack is sitting next to him with a stoic face. He at least managed to grab a shirt before Shitty dragged him downstairs. Not that Bitty would’ve minded the alternative. It’s just kind of embarrassing to be sitting in front of the frogs, the tadpoles and the waffles like this.

“We are here -against our wishes- to give a final verdict about the lack of responsibility that you two have shown. Tango did not have to see you two getting it on in Bittle’s room.”

“Or Tango could’ve just knocked,” Bitty says under his breath. He looks over to Tango, who does seem traumatised. The frogs are torn between being worried and laughing out loud.

“Luckily for Tony Tangredi, Lards and I had just driven down from Boston, and with the power of law, I have now started this case. This is my courtroom now, bitches.”

Lardo nods. She’s transcribing the whole thing on her phone.

“Can’t I just pay the bail in advance?” Jack asks. He’s remarkably calm, but he’s used to Shitty’s shenanigans.

Shitty shushes him. “Eric Bittle, Captain of the hockey team, do you have anything to say for yourself.”

“I hope y’all burn in hell,” Bitty says and Lardo snorts.

Shitty ignores him and he turns to Jack. “Jack Zimmermann, NHL player and alum, do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“I want a lawyer.”

Shitty slams the coffee table with a Gatorade bottle, since he doesn’t have a gavel. “This is America, brah! Our justice system is heavily skewed, so there will be no lawyer for you. Now, the jury will discuss before giving us the final verdict.”

Without any discussion, Nursey yells: “Guilty!”

Before Shitty can slam his Gatorade bottle again, Bitty looks over to the “jury” and he takes his time so that he can look everyone straight in the eyes. “No pies till my graduation.”

Nursey’s eyes widen in shock and Dex’s jaw drops.

“Not guilty!” Chowder immediately yells.

“The jury says not guilty!” Ford also says and the waffles all nod in sync.

Shitty twirls his mustache before saying: “Alright, not guilty, but can you at least compensate Tango for the emotional damage that you have caused him.”

“… knock next time,” Bitty sighs and he gets up. This is not what he expected when Jack arrived at the Haus earlier.

foryouandbits

I’m probably late in realizing this, but I was thinking about this panel:

Jack’s sweaty reaction could be a lot of things, but Suzanne is the one who says yet. And that yet can be very telling in a comic where words are selected carefully.

We know from the year four tweets that Jack asked Suzanne before he proposed to Bitty, but we don’t know when that conversation actually occurred. So what if that conversation’s already happened at this point, and Jack is freaking out because he’s thinking Suzanne’s going to let the cat out of the bag.

“Hahaha married yet? What? Bits, your mother and I definitely haven’t had a conversation about this exact topic and I definitely haven’t asked her for permission to marry you, haha. Haha. Oh God.”

sexydexynurse

I firmly believe that dex can sing and just doesn’t do it in front of people Nursey has probably caught Dex doing it (under his breath while he works, in the shower when he thinks no ones home)

oh yes. I definitely agree. I headcanon him with a very deep singing voice. Bass.

And I feel like canon very much supports a reading of Dex where he avoids showing interests or skills in things that are important to him around people because he doesn’t want to get mocked for it. (Which kind of indicates a lot of mocking by someone in the past, perhaps the older brother who would never believe in hockey players baking?).

Like, there are chirps that are all in good fun and there are chirps that hurt, and his freshman year especially, when he still expected SMH to be like every other hockey team in North America, he wasn’t sure he could trust them to not cross that line. Hence him asking Bitty to make sure he didn’t get chirped while fixing Betsy - at which point, Bitty offered to kill Nursey.

So, maybe as time goes on singing is something he’s more willing to share with the team. Or maybe it something that he’s been hurt by enough that he keeps it super close to his chest and he really only ever gets comfortable enough to share it with Nursey and Chowder.

But no matter what, I refuse to believe that Dex doesn’t know how to sing. He has a beautiful angelic bass singing voice that makes Nursey’s knees week.

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