d e v i a n t

Still I don't know--don't know what it means to be human

[aluminumheart]

@riftmeanewverse​ continued from [x]

     There was still a lot for Connor to learn, especially when it came to things such as emotions. Everyone felt them differently, and it wasn’t uncommon for people to become uncomfortable--especially when things came out that they preferred to keep hidden. If Connor had realized that he might have handled the situation differently, but unfortunately he defaulted to old habits, his concern rising the moment he noticed the shift in Sorren’s demeanor.

     “If that’s the case then we should head back early. This cold weather is hardly going to help matters. Although...” He paused, watching Sorren suspiciously. “You don’t actually sound sick.”

[aluminumheart]

fierceathlete‌:

Continued // @aluminumheart​

     The ginger fell silent for a moment, letting her mind wander as her gaze left Connor. It was as if she was trying to figure out the answer herself. For a moment, it seemed as if Meg might never respond at all. The silence dragged on before she finally opened her mouth, “Would it be bad if I said no? I wouldn’t care one way or the other, in all honesty. I’m here for a good time not a long one.”

     It’d been a year now since her mother had passed and while the athlete had finally moved on from it, there wasn’t really much she’d done with her life since then. Everything simply felt stagnant. Meg was drifting along in life just like a jellyfish caught in the current of the ocean. No real control of just where she was going, simply moving from one place to the next in hopes of finding a place she could call home. Even if she did have a perfectly good roof to live under, it felt cold and empty without her mother there.

     She wasn’t really even sure how she’d ended up having this conversation in the first place.

     “For something that’s not supposed to feel anything, I’ve met quite a few androids that’ve seemed more emotional than some people I used to associate with,” she paused for a moment, blue eyes flickering over to look at him, “Androids are certainly alive though. You’re moving and speaking, aren’t you? It’s not as if you’re a wall or something. And anything that’s alive can die one day.”

    “It’s human nature to fear death; a basic, animal instinct. You really wouldn’t be afraid, even in the slightest, if you were about to die?”

     Most of the humans he had encountered held some idea of an afterlife, a thought that, in some small way, alleviated their concerns. The thought of life after death made the inevitable a little less frightening, but even then they still had qualms dealing with their fragile mortality. Even those who had given up, those whose lives had fallen apart, left them broken, bitter and lost, felt fear on some level. Connor didn’t believe it possible that the woman in front of him could have overcome such feelings. 

     Since his activation, Connor had learned a great deal. Deviants truly did seem to feel emotions, even physical discomfort and pain--at least on some level. The errors in their software overwhelmed them, drove them to irrational behavior, and although he could not say he had experienced the same it felt as though he had...adapted. It felt as though bit by bit, line by line, he was changing, becoming more malleable as a result of the heightened emotions around him. But still, he could not say he felt fear. He wasn’t alive.

     “Androids are machines built to perform a function; we are not organic lifeforms. True, we look and sound human, but that’s how we were designed. The ability to move and speak is no longer exclusive to human beings, and therefore doesn’t equate life. If it’s easier for you think of me as a highly advanced computer. When your computer inevitably breaks, you might say it died, but you don’t count it as loss of life, correct? It was never alive, so it could not have truly died. Androids are the same way. I can’t be afraid to die when I was never given life to begin with.”

[aluminumheart]

bitterbadge‌:

      He watched as that little, ever present light flickered. Processing Hank’s words even as the man tried to salvage the taste buds in his mouth. Deep lungfuls of cold air were pushed and pulled from his mouth as he expelled as much steam as possible, cup forgotten on the snow covered low wall for the moment. But Hank never let his eyes stray too long from the android.

      “ It’s fine, Connor, ” he began quietly, a tired huff of laughter falling from his lips as he propped himself up against stone work. Amusement shone clear in his eyes even as the exhaustion of the day began to creep up. It was going to be a ‘stay on the couch and pass out until morning’ nights, he could tell. Consequences for his back be damned. 

      “ See? Already better. Doesn’t sound like some Shakespearean tragedy anymore. Gotta loosen up your vocabulary a bit. Some col…colocal… things. You know what I mean, ” he trailed off with a wave of his hand, arms crossed loosely over his chest, “ But we’ll work on it. It’s a start. ” 

      A pause as his eyes trailed over to the parking lot as their coworkers began to trickle out home for the evening. “ Got any plans for tonight? Look into any hobby groups for androids or something? ”

     “I know what you’re trying to say--the word you’re searching for is: colloquial,” he corrected, the words slipping out of him before he could stop himself. Hank’s point struck home, however; Connor knew he was still a bit more stiff than he would like to be, but at this point he thought it was just part of his personality. As much as he had eased up he still found himself retaining his former speech pattern, unable to fully relax. He did, at least, learn quite a lot of interesting things from listening to Hank--things he had filed away to use when the proper time presented itself.

     Even after Connor had become deviant he found his days filled with little but work. The truth was he was afraid to travel too far on his own, even if he could easily handle himself and find his way around the city. Though he suspected it wasn’t a real fear but something more akin to anxiety: he didn’t know what exactly to do with himself and it frustrated him. So far he had failed to cultivate many interests on his own, preferring to put his time toward his work and spending time with Hank. Being independent was a work in progress.

    “No...I can’t say I’ve made any plans. Or friends, for that matter. I’m not exactly what you’d call popular.” Maybe if he tried he could find himself in the company of like-minded people, but Connor wasn’t sure he was ready to face the people he had tried to stop. Markus might have forgiven him, but how many others would?

    “What about you? Do you have any plans that extend past the comfort of your own couch? Or is this another ‘stay at home’ sort of night?”

[aluminumheart]

“Don’t let anybody tell you who you are.”

D:BH SENTENCE STARTERS – accepting

     The words sounded simple at first blush–nothing so profound as to spark revolutions, but to Connor they spoke volumes. After the battle for Detroit, their shared struggles and experiences, Connor had begun to look to Hank as a sort of mentor. A guiding light upon a foggy ocean, leading him to shore. Although their relationship had started off poorly, Connor had quickly realized there was more depth to the man than most people–himself included–could see. A depth that held years of anguish, years of pain and sadness that clouded his better features. There was a good man beneath the gruff exterior; a man who believed in Connor, who treated him like a person well before Connor understood his own emotions.

    Hank Anderson was his family, plain and simple, and Connor held him in the highest regard possible. Believed in his words, took them to heart–even if the emotions they triggered were difficult to process.

     “–You’re right. I can’t allow myself to be molded by anyone else, not anymore. I’m not anyone’s property, not just a machine or a toy to be used and discarded. I’m…I’m my own person, I’m alive–and I have my own feelings and my own thoughts.” Even if some of those thoughts were constant, an ever present fear that CyberLife would regain control of him once again. It at least lessened his anxiety just to know that Hank was by his side, supporting him every step of the way. 

     “Thank you, Hank.” A pause, eyes flickering upward to catch Hank’s gaze, lips curving into the faintest of smiles. ”That really does help. More than you probably even realize.”

[aluminumheart]

“Are you afraid to die?”

D:BH SENTENCE STARTERS – accepting

     A small tilt of the head, too stilted to be considered natural, fluid–human. For several moments it was all the indication he gave that he had even heard the question, the golden light spiraling at his temple flickering erratically, parsing information. It wasn’t only humans he heard speak about death; many of the deviants he had encountered seemed to have the same word on their tongue, the same worry of mortality. As regrettable as it would be to shut down, Connor was adamant that he could not die, nor was he afraid to. Even when the small, creeping tendrils of doubt began to wrap themselves around him, he remained steadfast in his beliefs. In his programming.

    “I’m not alive, and therefore cannot die. Androids don’t feel fear; they don’t feel emotions at all. Fatal errors can, however, simulate emotions and cause overwhelming distress for deviants, but even then androids can’t actually die. So to answer your question–no. I’m not afraid.”

    He paused then, the faintest shadow of concern flickering over his features. As quickly as it had come it passed, dark eyes focused keenly on the woman in front of him.

    “Let me ask you the same question; are you afraid to die?”

[goodnightmemes]

DETROIT: BECOME HUMAN SENTENCE STARTERS

“My name is ____. I’m the android sent by CyberLife.”

“You can’t kill me. I’m not alive.”

“I was lucky to find you at the fifth bar.”

“For your information, I’m worth a small fortune.”

“Wonders of technology, they can even program assholes these days.”

“Don’t put any more evidence in your mouth, you got it?”

“All ideas are viruses that spread like epidemics.”

“Is the desire to be free a contagious disease?”

“I know it hasn’t always been easy, but I want you to know that I really appreciated working with you.”

“I really mean that. At least, I think I do.”

“Painting is not about replicating the world, it’s about interpreting and improving on it, showing something you see.“

“Well he can kiss my ass, I’m old enough to choose my own medications.”

“Humans are fragile machines.”

“Don’t leave, okay? Please don’t go! Don’t leave.”

“Don’t let anybody tell you who you are.”

“An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”

“A war is coming, you’ll have to choose your side.”

“What could be worse than having to choose between two evils?”

“Deciding who you are can be the hardest thing.”

“You know where you can stick your instructions?”

“Adapting to human unpredictability is one of my features.”

“I was connected to it’s memory when it fired. I felt it die, like I was dying. I was scared.”

“I was scared.”

“You look human, you sound human, but what are you really?”

“I’m whatever you want me to be.’

“Hang on, hang on! We’re gonna save you, hang on!”

“You died in my arms and now you’re back here as if nothing happened. Fuck you!”

“One of you is my partner, the other is a sack of shit. Question is, who is who?”

“I’d give anything for us to be able to roll back the clock.”

“I don’t know what to do anymore. All of my options are bad ones. No matter what I decide, I know there will be blood.”

“I hope you make it out safely. You deserve some happiness.”

“When the world falls into darkness, some men have the courage to lead it out. You are one of those men.”

“Why do you never do what I say?”

“I was just a machine taking orders. It wasn’t really me.”

“You’ll have to protect yourself, and make your choices. Decide who you are, and wanna become“

“Your heart is troubled. A part of shadow and a part of light. Which will prevail?”

“You’re lost. You’re looking for something. You’re looking for yourself.”

“Forgetting who you are, to become what someone needs you to be, maybe that’s what it means to be alive.”

“Are you afraid to die?”

[aluminumheart]

romance headcanons.

name: Connor mk. I, RK800 # 313 248 317 - 51

nickname:  Con is pretty much the only affectionate one

gender: Created male, identifies male once deviant

romantic orientation: Demisexual

preferred pet names: He doesn’t have any because he doesn’t exactly understand them yet :II

relationship status: Single

favorite canon / fandom ship: I always thought Markus/Connor was an interesting ship, but I’ve never gone that far into ships so I’m open to most!

favorite crossover ship: I didn’t have one until @kegstandking​ happened and I’m furious

opinion on true love: Connor didn’t believe in love for androids at all until he became deviant, but now that he feels so many emotions he can’t deny that it’s a possibility. He just hasn’t felt it yet

opinion on love at first sight: Logically he doesn’t believe it’s possible, but everything is still new to him, soooo...

how ‘romantic’ are they?: He would be a disaster at romantic interactions, honestly. The more he learned the better he would be, but things would definitely be awkward. Badly executed romance tropes he picked up from his own observations, failed attempts at cooking, all that jazz

ideal physical traits: Physical traits aren’t important to him; he prefers personality over anything else. He wants a connection, something real and deep. If he finds someone he feels like he belongs with, someone who gives meaning to the word ‘home’ then that’s all he needs

ideal personality traits: He likes people who stand up for what they believe in, who walk their path without wavering. People who have a caring side, who are loyal and brave

unattractive physical traits: Again, physical traits aren’t important

unattractive personality traits: Basically Gavin Reed lmao, anyone who’s an asshole for the sake of it, people who harm others because they can, people who abuse their status, who break the rules/law for the wrong reasons

ideal date: Connor would be happy doing anything the other person wanted, honestly. There’s a lot he wants to experience, so technically anything ‘stereotypical’ when it comes to dating would interest and amuse him

do they have a type?: Not particularly. Anyone who is able to make a deep connection with him is his type, more or less

average relationship length: Long-term is really all he would be looking for; he’s definitely not interested in anything casual

preferred non-sexual intimacy: Connor would love to hold hands and just be close to someone. Cuddling with them, sitting with his head on their shoulder/their head on his. He’d love all that kind of fluffy shit once he got comfortable enough

commitment level: 1000000/10. Connor is the most loyal android you’re gonna find

opinion of public affection: He’s heard that public affection is typically frowned upon and would keep that in mind. When he’s not at home/somewhere private he’s practically in ‘professional’ mode

past relationships?:  None??? This boy a fresh deviant, he’s like 3 months old lmao

tagged by: @bitterbadge​ 

tagging: @kegstandking because i wanna fuckin see billy’s

[aluminumheart]

-casually raises his hand, skin fading backward as he lets his thumb brazenly brush over connor's mouth- " . . . you need to learn when to shut up, doe eyes. you really do. "

     A pause, brief and calculating, LED spiraling from calm blue to amber–and for the briefest moment crimson. No more than a second passed before Connor jolted into action, reaching up and snatching Billy’s hand away with one fluid motion, fingers tightening in an almost threatening grip. This deviant was of no real consequence, he could abandon him or put a stop to him and it would be but a drop in the ocean, barely even a ripple in the grand scheme of things. And yet he was troublesome, quickly becoming a thorn in his side and necessitating action.     

     “You can threaten me as much as you like, but in the end you’re nothing but another deviant standing in the way of completing my mission. If you continue to resist I’ll have no other choice than to neutralize you here and now. I will not be stopped.”

[guettaes]

Connor and sumo

[aluminumheart]

@bitterbadge​ continued from [x]

    The shift in the atmosphere was nearly palpable, the LED still embedded at his temple whirling gold. For a few moments Connor wondered if he had said the wrong thing again--just as he had done countless times during the course of their relationship. Despite everything he knew and everything he had learned it seemed as though his true talent was either angering the lieutenant or upsetting him somehow. But before Connor could bring himself to rectify his mistake, he saw the corners of Hank’s mouth twist upward, an action that only compounded his apparent confusion. 

     Maybe he hadn’t said the wrong thing after all.

     The relief that coursed through him was short-lived; his worry returned twofold, the expression etched clearly into soft features as Hank struggled with the hot drink. Had he forgotten just how hot it was? Or had he been so caught up in Connor’s words that the temperature had failed to register at all? If that were the case then shouldn’t he be feeling guilty?

     Emotions were still very new to Connor, even if he had been working through them for several weeks. Sometimes he found several of them overwhelmed him at once, and it was during those times that he found himself feeling more lost than ever--and more grateful for Hank’s kindness toward him. Without Hank Connor would have been on his own in a world that wasn’t completely ready to accept him, stuck between two sides, unwelcome. It was only natural for him to express his gratitude, to show the man who taught him what family really meant that he was more than just a machine.

    “I’m sorry, Lieutenant--Hank.” They weren’t technically on duty at the moment, and although Connor was comfortable using the man’s first name at home, he often defaulted to his more professional demeanor when they were out and about. It was something else he knew he needed to work on, to become more comfortable and less ‘uptight’. 

    “I didn’t mean to sound so...” A pause, eyes drifting upward as though in search of the perfect word. “Fatalistic. Now that you’ve brought it up I can see how it sounds a little more dramatic than I’d intended.”

    Another pause--and then a smile, warm and pure.

    “I’m with you ‘til the end of the day; then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

[thedragonkween]

↳ Hank and Connor, father and son, moodboard for anon 

©thedragonkween.tumblr.com