Pretending.

. im amber

[taproot-bread]

Weighted blanket is not enough I need someone to do this to me

[funnytwittertweets]

[weloveshortvideos]

When you’re happy without a care in the world and then life interrupts your happiness

[piscesqueeen]

LMFAOOOO

[bloodphoenix]

That death stare gave me chills

[basic-banshee]

I keep using my girlfriend with unusual work hours to get out of coworker interactions and happy hours and hanging out.

But now the company holiday party is upon us.

And I’ve been lying about the girlfriend.

I suddenly really empathise with the characters in Hallmark Christmas movies.

[basic-banshee]

I like that people have two reactions to this post.

Reasonable: “just say she couldn’t make it!”

Chaotic: FAKE DATING AU

Well, which one is it going to be?

[basic-banshee]

And so it begins

having the DMV area Craigslist bookmarked has never come in handy before but now

[basic-banshee]

Update, Craigslist has flagged my post as inappropriate.

[basic-banshee]

Apparently you can’t solicit a date as a “gig”

I now see my mistake

[basic-banshee]

Update: a date has been acquired. This is true lesbian solidarity in action.

[justluckyiguess]

My wife has now read this and wonders how baby gays are even meeting and mating

[basic-banshee]

Can confirm I am meeting and mating just fine 😂

[basic-banshee]

By the way I’m in a relationship with this woman now

[cooliopumpkin]

[basic-banshee]

This is the feedback I’ve been looking for

[charlesoberonn]

[memewhore]

[marvellegends]

[iwatchforher]

[bob-belcher]

[hearthome-deactivated20210601]

i kno this is a #hot take but there is nothing wrong with having acne actually, and having imperfect skin in general is a normal thing that says nothing about your personal hygiene.

[hearthome-deactivated20210601]

every person on this post giving out unprompted skincare advice owes me $300 and an essay on why it’s rude

[bering-strait-deactivated202005]

FUCK holding hands for romantic purposes. hold my hand while walking on an icy sidewalk so if one of us slips we both eat shit

[alisonzai]

[dankmemesreasonforliving]

[perezhilton]

[stupendousmelody]

When you are one with the music

[thirstym8nd]

Luvs it

[rae-redacted]

WHO IS SHE

[guyofyear]

ALONDRA DE LA PARRA

[theunimpairedcondition]

[counterpunches]

#a warning to anyone out there attracted to women#she looks great in a tux

[missmarionmac]

Have some more photos of her in action, because I love her:

And my all-time favorite:

[houseofgriffons]

She looks like she’s casting spells

[marvellouslymadmim]

I'mma add some more, because her intensity and passion make her absolutely fascinating to watch.

And also: Aliens.

[sapphoschld]

okay w o w here’s a ring and my heart have fun with it

[smartassjen]

Wow. So this is what love at first sight feels like. Cool.

[outforhealth]

Music appreciate post. 

[writing-prompt-s]

You’re teleported to 44 BCE Rome in your everyday street clothes. You’re brought before Caesar and he believes you might be from the future, hoping to bring him fortune. One day he questions you, asking “How Do I Die?”

[calamitouserebus]

“Surrounded by friends”

[gardenoffish]

Ceasers as he’s getting stabbed and remembers:

[themodernmaccabee]

My fame begins its annual rise

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

Well time to start monetizing my onceler memes

[humor-is-coping]

[sedlex]

[campcrow]

Netflix is a coward for canceling this masterpiece