an1ki3gai

I do feel - just in another way

[an1ki3gai]

Things I got done this weekend: (Just because I feel like sharing)

– Visited the Buch & Comic Fair in Leipzig – Celebrated a birthday (and yes, the cake was worth it) – Deep-cleaned my entire room, including the windows – Finally organized my backpack – Did two loads of laundry – Packed my suitcase – Took an actual proper shower (rare win) – Sorted all my school stuff for finals – Went through the chaos of the last two years of school – Read 237 pages and finished A Dark and Drowning Tide – Spent time with a friend – Ordered outfits for my school’s theme week – Wrote two letters – Fixed a major mistake I made

Not gonna lie—this weekend was productive.

[an1ki3gai]

Fresh Air

happy to say i get to leave, even happier—my eyes at ease, free from the sight of them, their voices, low and blurred, years fading softer than they seemed, lighter than they were. no turning back, no second view— just open air, and something new.

[vintage-tigre]

[an1ki3gai]

“I get bored so fast it’s almost a personality trait.”

- an1ki3gai

[an1ki3gai]

How to Waste 80 Minutes Professionally - School version

So today was supposed to be a quick info session about the Abitur.

Keyword: supposed to be.

Timetable said 40 minutes. Reality? 80. Eighty. Whole. Minutes.

For what exactly?

We got one info sheet. That’s it. No groundbreaking insights, no “this will save your future” moment—just paper. And two forms to fill out… which, by the way, we don’t even have to hand in until two days later. Efficient. Truly.

Also - as if it wasn't enough yet - there were not enough chairs. So where was I? Sitting on the floor in the very back.

Which—let’s be honest—was the best possible outcome.

Because from there? Zero supervision. People in front of me, a friend next to me, and suddenly the whole thing turned into a survival game:

– sleeping – playing My Rusty Submarine on itch.io – scrolling TikTok – talking about literally anything else

No one noticed not like anyone cared though --

And here’s the thing: I get bored fast. Like, dangerously fast. So this? This wasn’t just mildly annoying—it was mental endurance training.

In conclusion: 80 minutes lost, 0 new information gained, and a strong reminder that school has a very unique talent for stretching nothing into something that feels endless.

But hey—I'm home now. Eating sweet potato fries. So I guess we survived.

Barely.

[an1ki3gai]

"We teach people how to remember, we never teach them how to grow."

[disc90s]

ah i’d sit beside it forever... quietly loving it, gently watering it, and making sure it never felt alone 🥺

[an1ki3gai]

The purest kind of love

[an1ki3gai]

School sports

Let’s talk about school sports — also known as PE. I have never understood why this subject is graded in the first place. If the goal is supposedly our health, then maybe start by giving us less homework so we’re not constantly stressed and exhausted??

Instead, we get things like being forced to run — and I mean actual running, not that strategic fast-walking survival technique — for 30 minutes. Thirty whole minutes of my life. For context: the only time I usually run is when my brother is chasing me through the house.

And we run in circles. Technically they’re not perfect circles, but honestly, is that the important detail right now? No. It is not.

The real highlight, though, is the teachers who drive to the gym in their cars, then stand there watching while explaining to me how I should move my body… all while dramatically “stopping the time.” Sure. Completely believable.

Anyway, I have to go now. Today is my last graded PE lesson of my life. After that, the torture ends and I will finally escape the devil’s grip.

And just to defend myself here: I’m not particularly unsporty. It’s simply a matter of principle. (I wrote this earlier today, but as my network was breaking down, I'm publishing it now. For the record, I slept for about two hours after my sports lesson, and technically I haven't passed the class – except my teacher might give me a good final grade for my 'positive engagement'. Can't hurt to hope, eh?)

[an1ki3gai]

"He had become much disheartened after losing money."

[an1ki3gai]

The Origin of Longing

Just walk my path

A Dark and Drowning Tide on my desk, and a map of Japan in my mind. In the pages, she hunts for an Origin — a source of power for a king. In reality, I am hunting for the origin of my own wanderlust. I call it a search for freedom, for independence. But let’s be direct, shall we? Every mission has its shadow. In the book, it's the cold dread of an unsolved murder among the crew. For me, it’s the quiet anxiety of the "After." The fear that the plan might fracture, that the funds might dry up, or that the future won’t recognize the person I’ve become. It’s easy to be a dreamer, but I am a doer. And as a doer, the unknown isn't just a mystery — it's a variable I cannot yet solve. We travel to find power, but we often find that the tide is much stronger than we anticipated. Still, I am finishing my school and I am packing my bags. One must face the drowning tide to see what lies beneath.

[perfectfeelings]

“Take the lover who looks at you like you’re some kind of magic.”

— Frida Khalo

[an1ki3gai]

{an1ki3gai} — an archive for the curious soul.

Oh dear, it seems you’ve wandered into my little corner of the world. Welcome, darling. You are a witness to my first creation here.

Here, I shall collect the fragments of my mind: the ink from my book, the steam from my hot drink, and the cold, hard truths of science.

I’m seeking my ikigai among the dust of old classics and the quiet precision of Japanese traditions. Under a never-stopping development — hungry for knowledge like plants for water.

I tend to be quite direct, yet I can’t help but see the world through metaphors. I hope you find something here that feeds your spirit.