Male loneliness - facts vs incel garbage.
[PT: Male loneliness - facts vs incel garbage. /End PT]
"Incels have weaponized the idea of male loneliness, blaming women for it" correct. I agree. Women alone are not at fault for men's loneliness - it is an overarching societal issue that men and enben also perpetuate, not a "women are evil" issue.
"This means that male loneliness isn't a real thing" No. This is an ignorant thing to say.
Toxic masculinity teaches boys and men that they cannot talk to anyone. They are taught not to be physically affectionate (and rates of touch starvation are very high in men.) They are taught not to be emotionally intimate with anyone except a romantic partner (and even that is sometimes "too far.")
This is even more intense for BIMOC (ie; black men that are taught not to show vulnerability as to seem "harmless"), disabled men (ie; disabled men who are told their disability makes them "overly vulnerable/emotional"), intersex, trans, gender diverse, & other queer men (who are told they need to overcompensate for their gender, sex, or orientation.)
Men have the highest suicide rate because of the way they are shamed for trying to form support systems. Many men are heteronormatively taught that the only friends they need are the husbands of their wife's friends, and that their existence doesn't really matter outside of being a husband.
Quote from "Male loneliness and isolation: What the data shows [link]":
For both men and women, spouses are a primary source of support (85% and 72%, respectively). Later marriages therefore potentially change the social landscape for everyone. But for men, these shifts can have a sharper impact because they may rely more heavily on romantic relationships for affection, personal support, and to facilitate friendship. This is reflected in the fact that married men and men with children spend more time socializing than single men, that married men are more likely than married women to turn first to their spouse for personal problems, and that single men are far less likely than single women to receive physical affection.
(PT: This is reflected in the fact that married men and men with children spend more time socializing than single men, that married men are more likely than married women to turn first to their spouse for personal problems, and that single men are far less likely than single women to receive physical affection. /End PT)
Because men lean more on their partners for connection, they may have fewer alternative sources of support when they are single. Our analysis of the 2021 American Perspectives Survey shows that men are likely to get support from their parents (56% for men vs 50% for women) and less likely to get it from friends (15% vs 17%). When men do connect, it is often through group activities rather than one-on-one relationships. [PT: When men do connect, it is often through group activities rather than one-on-one relationships. /End PT.] While these differences are modest, men are more likely to connect socially through clubs and organizations and less likely to get together with friends or neighbors.
This doesn't mean that men are that much lonelier than women. Statistics show that 16% of men are lonely, and 15% of women are lonely.
[PT: This doesn't mean that men are that much lonelier than women. Statistics show that 16% of men are lonely, and 15% of women are lonely. /End PT]
However, the studies behind WHY men are lonely are very telling about how boys are not taught how to form and maintain relationships. This is a societal issue.
Another quote from from "Male loneliness and isolation: What the data shows":
While men and women appear similar on high-level measures such as time spent alone, overall loneliness, satisfaction with emotional support, and number of close friends, those broad metrics can gloss over meaningful differences.
The Making Caring Common survey found that while men and women gave similar answers to general loneliness questions, men were more likely to report feelings of disconnection or irrelevance. [PT: Men were more likely to report feelings of disconnect or irrelevance. /End PT.] They were more likely to say that they were “not meaningfully part of any group/community,” for example, or that their “place in the world doesn’t feel relevant,” and that they “don’t feel like a part of the country.” These findings could reflect genuine differences, but they might also arise from how men interpret loneliness questions or from variations in survey wording; further research is needed to test their consistency.
Quotes from "A review of evidence on the link between masculinity, loneliness, and suicide as observed in social media discussions [link]"
Given that gender is socially constructed, with clear stereotypes about how different genders should behave, it is likely that such stereotypes contribute to this stronger relationship among men. For example, stereotypes feed into ideals about how men and women should report on emotions; to some extent, that may make the relationship between loneliness and suicide stronger for men than women.
Suicide affects more men than women, with the suicide rate being 3 times higher than that of women in Australia. That gender difference is globally representative meaning more men than woman die by suicide each year. Furthermore, it is those who identify as masculine (includes cisgender and transgender men) who are similarly disproportionately affected by suicide (PT: Furthermore, it is those who identify as masculine (includes cisgender and transgender men) who are similarly disproportionately affected by suicide. /End PT). Gender also intersects with minority status to predict death by suicide, with suicide causing the third most deaths among black men (PT: with suicide causing the third most deaths among black men /End PT) aged between 18 and 24 years in 2016.
Many of the users regularly shared personal experiences of body image struggles that were met with emotional homosocial support from other male users leading to the formation of more attenuated masculinities. This response is echoed in other studies we have reviewed, perhaps suggesting that, when men are given “permission” to act in non-gendered ways and the tellability of the issues is increased, more inclusive, discursive, and attenuated masculinities are formed. [PT: perhaps suggesting that, when men are given “permission” to act in non-gendered ways and the tellability of the issues is increased, more inclusive, discursive, and attenuated masculinities are formed. /End PT] Moreover, findings suggested that these inclusive attitudes extended towards gay men, trans-masculine men, and men of color as well as contesting misogynistic attitudes.
Quote from "Men's Social Circles are Shrinking [link]":
Men appear to have suffered a far steeper decline than women. Thirty years ago, a majority of men (55 percent) reported having at least six close friends. Today, that number has been cut in half. Slightly more than one in four (27 percent) men have six or more close friends today. Fifteen percent of men have no close friendships at all, a fivefold increase since 1990.
Women have witnessed a friendship decline too, but it has been far less pronounced. In 1990, roughly four in ten (41 percent) women said they had six or more close friends, compared to 24 percent today. Ten percent of women reporting having no close friends.
Quotes from America’s Cultural Crossroads: Enduring Discontent, Rising Disconnection, and an Uncertain Future [link], addressing touch starvation.
To preface, touch starvation is traumatic for those who experience it, and can can have serious health effects, such as depression, anxiety, PTSD (when it is long-term touch starvation), insomnia, fatigue, sensory processing issues, a weakened immune system, muscle tension, and of course, as you may guess from the topic of this post, severe loneliness.
Women are generally more likely than men to receive hugs or some other type of affection. Nearly three-quarters (74 percent) of women and roughly six in 10 (62 percent) men say they were hugged or received another type of physical affection in the past week.
When it comes to receiving regular physical affection, single men fare the worst. Fewer than half (45 percent) of single men report that they received a hug or some other form of physical affection within the past week. In contrast, more than six in 10 (61 percent) single women say the same. Among married men and women, acts of affection are much more common. More than eight in 10 (81 percent) married women and more than seven in 10 (72 percent) married men say they have received some form of physical affection in the past week.
In general, men’s social circumstances—their relationship status, number of friends, and living situation—appear more closely related to their frequency of receiving physical affection than women’s. But that’s not the only way gender relates to physical affection. Frequency of receiving affection may matter more for men’s sense of well-being than for women’s too. More than half (52 percent) of men who received physical affection in the past week report being very or completely satisfied with how things are going in their life. Among men who say it has been more than a month since they had this experience, only 28 percent report feeling very or completely satisfied.
The gap for women is not quite so stark. Women who received physical affection in the past week are not significantly more likely than those who have not received it to say they feel very or completely satisfied with how things are going (46 percent vs. 35 percent).
Fewer than half (48 percent) of men who live by themselves report that they were hugged or received some other type of physical affection in the past week. Nearly two-thirds (64 percent) of women who live alone report receiving a hug or other form of physical affection in the past week.
Quote from "Researching gender and loneliness differently [link]", about loneliness in intersex, trans, & gender diverse individuals (this includes intersex and TGD men!):
One of the routes through which gender nonconformity might increase loneliness is exposure to invalidating views about one's gender. For example, transgender individuals often report that others fail to use their chosen name and pronouns, sometimes deliberately. Intersex individuals often contend with others’ lack of understanding of their sex/gender, which is unintelligible to others precisely because it does not fit simple normative understandings of what gender is—which makes them feel lonely. This lack of identity validation and affirmation can elicit low self‐worth and reduce self‐concept clarity, both of which can increase the likelihood of loneliness. Moreover, lack of gender identity validation can limit identity expression, reducing feelings of authenticity, which plays an important role in intimacy and belonging. In addition, those who do not endorse traditional binary gender identities are often targeted by prejudiced attitudes and behaviors, which can directly reduce their opportunities for satisfying social interactions, as well as lead to communication apprehension and loneliness.
So no, there is not a male loneliness epidemic, as that would imply the rates are significantly higher than women. But male loneliness IS a real issue, and there is a *general* loneliness epidemic, especially amongst the younger generations.
[PT: So no, there is not a male loneliness epidemic, as that would imply the rates are significantly higher than women. But male loneliness IS a real issue, and there is a *general* loneliness epidemic, especially amongst the younger generations. /End PT.]
