I don't know much. Sometimes I feel like I don't know anything.
Most days, I'm okay. But some days, I feel like nothing is right. I've done wrong. I haven't done enough. I'm fucking up. And the voices in my head get loud, quickly drowning out the semblance of contentment that laid there.
I'm a fully fledged adult and I still don't know what I'm doing? Isn't that exhausting? I can't be the only one who feels that way, right?
Sometimes I'm okay with that, knowing that we can't always know. Sometimes I beat myself up for allowing myself to get lost, that I should know, that I should be better. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever know. If all life is is monotony — a pattern of mistakes and not-being-enough.
Sometimes I have hope for myself. Today does not appear to be one of those days.
Today, I am suspended in gloom. I am not hopeful. But I'm lucid enough to hold on to the thought that the dark clouds hanging over my head and suffocating me with its fog will pass at some point like they always do.