Peter Solarz
todays bird
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if i look back, i am lost
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EXPECTATIONS
Xuebing Du
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Keni
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
shark vs the universe
Claire Keane
Not today Justin
macklin celebrini has autism
Kaledo Art
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KIROKAZE
oozey mess
Origami Around
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@anticallouts
Tumblr has very, very black and white views on a lot of things and I also don't like how they call everything they don't like abuse or accuse people they don't like abusive or toxic. False abuse accusations are much heavier than people actually think and it reflects poorly on you if you accuse them of abuse just because they dared have a different opinion than you or they were being mildly abusive
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Callout culture is selfish and abusive in because they don't mind targeting young kids for saying something racist or stupid in general instead of blocking or educating. They'd rather ruin their view of the Internet from a young age and force them to try again even though they apologized.
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If someone doesn't like a properly tagged fanfic, that's okay, but they should move on and just not open it instead of attacking the author. A dead dove: do not read exists for a reason, so if you go and read something you don't like, you shouldn't expect anything else.
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If anyone condones someone being abused on Tumblr or anywhere really for daring to like a morally grey character and still admitting they are a bad person or omg, daring to write a dead dove do not eat fic and properly tagging it, especially if it's for the sake of PROCESSING TRAUMA, you are the worst kind of person, when was the last time you had any kind of human contact?
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Some people like dark topics because it helps them cope and they're struggling with mental illnesses themselves. Some just think dark themes in fiction are neat. Keyword is fiction, there is no way they would support all that in real life, you owe no explanation for why you like this particular thing. If anyone tries to force an explanation, they need to grow up, not you.
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Most of the callout posts these days are just about friendships falling out and relationships falling out. The abusers don't understand it affects people in real life. I just read recent callout and honestly it's a miscommunication that was made into something bigger. People kill themselves over this shit. It's childish. I wish all these people who write callouts could see the face of their victims after they release it to gain some self-awareness. There are real people behind the computer.
Let's call it what it is.
Bullying.
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Some rando: This character should not have the chance to become a better person
Me: Why
Same person: Because they are a bad person!
Me: But what if that character was allowed to become a better person so that they are no longer a bad person?
Same person: You’re an abuse apologist
I would love for every bad person to become a good person. I’d think most humans think that it’d be a cool and great thing if all bad people became good.
A cool and great thing, which we can play pretend with in fiction, knowing it’s not realistic, just to feel a little better about the shitty real world we live in.
tbh, I think the problem is that people confuse “getting a redemption arc” with “being rewarded with what comes after a redemption arc”
like, redeemed villains are generally friends with the heroes. they get to experience love and The Power of Friendship for the first time, if they haven’t already. they generally get to experience forgiveness. if their motives are based off of some kind of trauma or pain (like a lot of redeemed villains) then they will probably have that resolved and get some sense of closure or inner peace from whatever is hurting them.
so when they say that “this character doesn’t deserve a redemption arc” what they mean is “this character doesn’t deserve to be loved. they don’t deserve happiness, peace, or companionship”. the alternatives I have seen are:
“I hope that this character realizes how awful they are and they kill themselves”
“I hope this character is redeemed by a heroic sacrifice” (meaning they would be redeemed but wouldn’t be alive to experience the “reward” afterwards)
“I hope this character begs and pleads for forgiveness over and over again, but is never forgiven”
it’s pretty disturbing tbh, to treat basic things that every human needs (like being loved) as a “reward” that you get for good behavior. or more accurately: never being bad in the first place. that once you fall from grace you’re damned for eternity.
anyway, i’m all out of fucks to give. fuck hiding people’s names anymore, here’s what’s been going on ever since i drew those baby minotaur drawings
content and trigger warnings for screenshots: death threats, pedophilia accusations, casual ageism, harassment, transphobia, a graphic rape and violent threat towards a child, and probably other stuff too
Also what’s with the obsession with your age?? Anyway as a fellow 30+ on tumblr, there’s nothing wrong with just… existing as an older person. I dunno, maybe all these harassers will voluntarily delete all their social media accounts as soon as they turn 30 🤷♀️
Actual quote from an anon in my askbox after accusing me of something they clearly didn’t understand the definition of:
Log off and go back to bringing up your kids like any other self respecting adult
Over thirties are to be cringed at and ridiculed only. The fandom we knew in the past wasn’t perfect, but it was better, because those courtesies we subscribed to have been thrown out in favour of the social media culture of dogpiling for internet points.
I would encourage everyone to click on that imgur link. Yes, it will make you angry, but to have it all laid out like that is validation that it’s not just a few posts, comments, or tags here and there. It’s a whole culture of needing to be seen saying and doing the ‘correct’ thing, not bothering to do one’s own research, and making extreme leaps based on personal biases formed from others also biased opinions.
This is absolutely horrific, and it’s the second time today I’ve seen a similar story.
Mmmmm gotta love the mixture of ageism, harassment, scare-mongering by people claiming OP is a “pedo”, and the complete refusal to learn what words mean or to use any critical thinking skills.
Also for the record, below the cut I’m going to list all the accts I got from the screenshots, for ppl’s ease in blocking if you would like to do so. I know I will be.
For the record, I did include all the names being reblogged from when it was clear the person actually commenting had seen some kind of callout and was responding to it. Which was… p much all of them. Just because they didn’t add to the bullshit by adding tags or comments doesn’t mean their spreading it was harmless.
Keep reading
People should hit the block button if they're so angry that they want to attack people who have actually apologized in a rage. Your feelings are valid and it's okay to be angry and hurt, but you'll feel much better if you block instead of sending them threats.
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you don’t need purity in the material you consume
you have a brain, you are capable of critical thinking, you can sift through the material and keep what is edifying for you and discard what isn’t
flaws don’t necessarily make material worthless
all right i queued this last night because i was already posting a lot and didn’t want to flood anyone’s dash but you guys i need to talk about this more.
like, okay. i grew up REALLY STRICT christian. like. every piece of media i consumed underwent a fine-toothed comb by my parents to be sure there wasn’t anything “sinful” in it. I got into a tearful, screaming fight with my mother over whether I was allowed to watch a piece of educational children’s material on PBS because one of the characters said “damn” once.
(I’m still not sure they did. In retrospect, I think my purity-focused mother misheard something and, having her suspicions confirmed that you couldn’t trust any “secular” source not to be sinful, reacted accordingly.)
(Pay attention, that parenthetical was also relevant.)
Do you know what my teenage rebellion was? Listening to the oldies station in the car when I had my driver’s license and could go places on my own. That was my big fuck-you to my parents: listening to the Beatles and Simon & Garfunkel and the Fifth Dimension when they couldn’t tell me how I shouldn’t be listening to them because the creators of that music were drug-addled, free-loving atheists whose own disregard for God and religion might just infect my impressionable spirit. Like I was gonna listen to “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” and go do LSD and become an atheist. This was my teenage rebellion in the year 1999.
I’m 35 now. And all right so I became agnostic. But I didn’t become a drug addicted prostitute because I loved listening to psychedelic rock music as a teenager. (And you know what? Even if I had become a drug addicted prostitute, I’d still have worth as a human being, so dissect that one.) And it wasn’t even the psychedelic rock music that turned me agnostic: It was Christianity itself. But that’s another story altogether.
My point here is: Y’all are on here acting like my goddamn parents, “don’t watch this” and “don’t listen to that” because this character does XYZ problematic thing and this author said ABC ignorant thing two years ago at a con when they were put on the spot in an interview. If you watch this movie where a teenager falls in love with someone five years older than them, you’re going to become a pedophile! If you read this book by an author who once used an outdated term for someone in the trans community, then you’re a transphobe!
Y’all need to sit the fuck down and stop acting like nobody ever taught you to think for yourself, because I know damn well that you’re capable of critical thought and you don’t need your media chewed up and spit into your mouth like a baby bird. And I’m an adult and I sure the hell don’t, so stop telling me I’m going to choke because I’m consuming something complicated, complex, and not already pre-morally-dissected for me.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
Pals, I’m gonna tell you one of those hard truths, and I hope that you can read this and think about it in the spirit in which it’s intended.
The vast majority of you do not have “triggers”, you have “squicks”. If you learn the difference, I promise you will be happier and healthier, and you will feel much MUCH less as if all media is attempting to personally attack and traumatize you.
It is ABSOLUTELY LEGIT to dislike something in a piece of media, or to feel disgusted and revolted by it, or to have an aversion to it for any reason and to any degree. That’s normal! That’s absolutely normal, and if that has happened to you, then you are normal too.
But… Words matter. Words have power. There is a difference between “disgust” and “trauma response” – if a person without PTSD or other forms of trauma calls something that disgusts them a “trigger”, they are giving that thing undue and dangerous power over them. You do not have to legitimize your disgust, because your feelings are already valid. But saying “this triggers me” if it doesn’t actually trigger you in the clinical definition means that you are voluntarily giving up some of your own power and agency to the thing you dislike. It means that you are allowing the thing to have a disproportionate impact on your life, that you are giving it power to affect you and get under your skin and stay there. You are building it up into something much more terrifying and monstrous and serious than it deserves to be. Calling it a “squick” makes you bigger than the thing that’s grossing you out – it makes the gross thing into something that you can have power over, that you can vanquish and reject and entirely discard from your life according to your own whimsy. (For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term “squick”, it’s something you don’t like which causes that icky squirmy “ew! no thanks!” feeling. Here’s the Fanlore page for more detail.)
We live in a society that wants to take power away from so many of us at all costs. Nobody hands you power or agency or confidence or strength – you have to claim those for yourself. If you have the ability to take control over something that squicks you, do it. Stand up for yourself and your media experience, and use the word that gives you power. You can turn your back on a squick and walk away without more than a lingering “ugh” feeling; it is almost impossible to do that with a trigger. A trigger ruins your whole day (ask me how I know!).
Words have power. Disgust is a normal human emotion. Your feelings are valid even when they’re not severe and catastrophic.
Thanks for the advice, I talked to my friend about it and she admitted that she was really hurt by my actions but didn't say anything because she thought that I had a right to be vengeful and angry and I'm in the process of trying to change my negative actions
I'm glad to hear that, anon! I hope you two get this rough business figured out and move on to a brighter, happier future together. 😊❤️
U: We'll get started on those asks right away!! Also u: disappears
I'M SO SORRY! every time i look at the inbox i start crying in shame. my semester just started. i'm running around with books and loose papers falling out of my arms. do you have an extra pen i could borrow? have you seen my keys? i lost them on campus on my SECOND DAY.
in summary, i am a mess.
Is bringing up old stuff a friend did to hurt them even though they were going through a rough time and has changed since then callout culture? I've done this repeatedly with an old friend out of rage over her past actions and I wanted to pass my hurt onto her because I couldn't see her for anything than her past actions and ended up believing that she was incapable of change.
that's not callout culture, no, but it is being a shitty friend. it's also a red flag for abusive/manipulative tendencies, since many abusive relationships involve that kind of dynamic. (constantly bringing up past mistakes, making the victim feel guilty and obligated to make up for those mistakes to an excessive extent, making the victim feel like no one else would put up with their mistakes except for the abuser, etc.)
i'm definitely not saying you and your friend are in an abusive relationship, those are far more complicated than one single worrying behavior. however, i am saying that that behavior is unhealthy and unproductive and it needs to stop if you two want to remain friends. unfortunately, if you two can't work it out and the friendship has too much emotional baggage to stay stable, it needs to end peacefully rather than fester and become toxic to you both.
allow me an anecdote, if you will.
my best friend/queer-platonic partner and i nearly ended our relationship a couple years ago over something like what you're describing. he became friends with and started hanging out with a group of people who loudly, proudly, and openly bullied me and my other friends. it created a lot of tension as i tried to understand why my best friend was cozying up to antis, and it became harder and harder to defend him to my other friends as we all faced the brunt of the abuse being hurled at us.
now, my qpp had his reasons for doing what he did. as it shook out, he was trying to infiltrate the group so he could be a good influence and try to get some people out of that mindset. but that didn't mean that what he was doing wasn't hurting us. eventually i had to come out and tell him that if he didn't stop hanging out with those people, then he and i would have to part ways. we lived together at the time (and still do) so it wasn't as simple as blocking him on discord and being done with it. i'm actually very glad for that. it forced us to have a heart-to-heart about our feelings and my pain and his motivations, and at the end of it he decided to stop associating with and supporting the bullies because our relationship was more important and he didn't want to keep hurting me.
does that mean he never hurt me? does that mean he didn't willingly pal around with antis who were personally harassing me? no. but he listened to me when i told him what he was doing was hurting me, and he changed his behavior.
now, years later: i don't bring it up anymore except on occasion, in passing, usually as a joke. there's some distance from the incident and it's not as painful anymore. i don't hold it against him. when we argue - which we still do, as every couple does - i don't bring it up to wield as a weapon against him. to do so would force us both to constantly relive that horrible period of time where we almost lost each other.
you don't have to forget what your friend did or said and how it hurt you, but if you can see that she's changed, you need to let it go. if she's never formally apologized, you could ask for one as closure. if she has, accept it and forgive her and move on with your lives.
(you should also apologize for your behavior, even if she hasn't called you on it yet. you fully recognize that what you're doing to her is hurtful and yet you continue to do it, you know that's wrong.)
i wish you both peace and luck.
clicking on ‘callout posts’ here is wild because there’s like, a 90% chance it’ll be something like ‘they once reblogged a post from someone who follows someone who drew amethyst as white’ and a 10% chance that it will be like ‘stole a human being’s kidney in an alleyway’
honestly though there is something very deeply and sincerely odd about making posts or google docs or entire blogs linking screenshots of every slightly questionable thing a person has ever said, sometimes stretching back to their early teenage years, and using this as a sign that they are a Deeply Bad Person and that anyone in their radius is tainted by being in their presence. like. this is abnormal behaviour, folks.
some of you will make post after post about the importance of kindness and community and then suicide bait someone for using a questionable word a decade ago when they were thirteen years old and i need you to understand that you are not the good guy in these interactions
I just realized the reason so many people will call someone “an abuser” when the facts of the matter indicate instead that the person is actually simply “an asshole” is because you can’t just create engaging social media guilt by association drama by demanding people unfollow x or y if they’re simply an asshole, but if you re-reframe banal assholishness as genuine psychological abuse it means you can also start shit with anybody who associates with the asshole in question. That might also explain why people say “this person is a gaslighter” when they instead mean “this person says lies”.
Hey op, I’m trying to read you in the best way possible, but this sounds EXTREMELY insensitive to survivors of abuse.
It goes way past merely “insensitive.” Actually, it sounds pretty abusive in and of itself. It’s victim-blaming at its finest. “You’re not being abused, you’re just trying to create drama” - really? Nope.
See, you’ve actually proved the OPs point. You’ve gone out of your way to call something that absolutely was not abuse ‘abusive language’ (and also ‘victim blaming’, proving that you don’t know what those words mean, either) which does nothing except water down what abuse actually is and make it harder for people who are actually victims of abuse to get help.
At no point did the OP blame victims of abuse for that abuse. Pointing out that not all assholes are abusers and not all asshole behavior is abusive is not telling anyone who has been abused anything at all. At no point did the OP say ‘you weren’t really abused’ to a victim of abuse. What they did say is that a lot of people (especially online) are very quick to label assholish behavior as abuse (and also things like lying as gaslighting) which dilutes the meaning of abuse and, again, makes it harder for victims to get the help they need.
Not all assholes are abusers. Not all toxic relationships are abusive. Two people can simply be bad for each other (whether as friends, romantic partners, family, or anything else) without being abusive. It doesn’t mean that toxicity and assholish behavior are never abusive, but when you call someone ‘an abuser’ when the truth is (born out by whatever ‘evidence’ is provided) that they were just an asshole, you are doing no one any favors, least of all yourself or abuse victims in general. The same can be said of calling someone a gaslighter when the truth is that they’re just a liar, or lied about one thing, or disagreed with you on something trivial. (All of which I’ve seen called gaslighting and abuse in the past lmfao.)
a writer who writes the most fucked up “dead dove: do not eat” problematic pairing and fully tags and warns for the content they create will always be worthy of more respect in my eyes than people who call others weirdos because of who they ship. This is because a writer who writes disturbing things but gives me plenty of warning about them has demonstrated, regardless of what happens in the fic, that they value the consent of real people, and that they value my consent to see such content and will always offer me the option to avoid or withdraw. On the other hand, a purity cultist who demands I explain my trauma and exactly why I might be drawn to dark content, regardless of whether they’re the purest fluff writer to ever write, has demonstrated a lack of respect for my boundaries and the attitude that they are entitled to whatever they want to take from me.
There are a lot of things that bother me about purity culture, but I think the most disturbing is that it clouds the very definition of consent, and then teaches this confusing version (you must consent to deep dives into your trauma and how it affects you for the benefit of strangers who have already decided you’re a bad person, and not consenting to that automatically makes you an abuser, also no one can consent to reading or thinking about disturbing content ever because thinking about it means you want it irl) to young, vulnerable, and often traumatized individuals, thus making it harder to understand their trauma and easier for them to ignore the real warning signs of abuse (like demanding that you agree with the abuser otherwise you’re literally the worst and most harmful person ever) because it teaches that abusers only come in one type, and that all abusers are “nasty shippers”.
This is especially dangerous because real life abusers teach their victims that the abuse is happening because the victim is a bad, evil person. One of the diagnostic criteria for PTSD is literally “Places undue blame on themself or others for what happened”. Teaching traumatized people that consent is a luxury only “good” people are allowed to have is incompatible with support for abuse survivors. tl;dr a writer who tags “dead dove: do not eat” has demonstrated respect for the necessity of consent. A purity cultist who sends anon hate has demonstrated a lack of respect for consent.
Yes, this absolutely does include people who write, read, or ship abusive pairings, explore abuse in their work, include rape or incest in their work, with or without “calling out” that content. This also includes writers who include that type of content in erotic work. Content like that that is tagged properly indicates that, regardless of what happens in the fic, the person writing it understands that their work could impact real people and that those real people deserve the chance to choose wether or not they’d like to see the fic. An author who tags their fic has demonstrated that they understand consent and the fact that everyone gets to consent or not consent to the content they’d like to consume, unlike a purity cultist who sends harassing and threatening messages with the intent to cause emotional or physical harm to the person they’ve decided is “bad”. Furthermore, ANY ideology that allows its followers to harass and attack members of the “out-group” for the crime of “not following the rules”, where the rules are about how you speak or act rather than how you actually do or do not harm others, is dangerous and should be avoided at all costs.
