Aphrodite-offical

Hello, I'm Aphrodite and my pronouns are she/her

[aphrodite-offical]

introduction post

I'm Aphrodite, goddess of love, beauty, and war

I go by she/her

I'm pansexual and if you say anyone is more beautiful than I, I will stab you and xem

<3

[sacabambaspis-offical]

Everyone say Olympus!

@king-of-the-underworld-13 @poseidon-offical @hera-official @zeus-offical @crime-lord-offical

[hera-official]

Absolutely wonderful!

[hera-official]

@poseidon-offical

I JUST SAW YOU'RE GIVING ME BUNNY EARS. HOW DARE YOU?

[poseidon-offical]

HA!!! How dare you not expect it.

[hera-official]

I'm going to feed my hawks your fish.

[poseidon-offical]

Okay?

[hera-official]

I will make them eat your fish very slowly so they feel a lot of pain.

[poseidon-offical]

You can’t force them to savor food.

[hera-official]

I can. Maybe.

Or, I can turn into a hawk myself and eat them slowly.

[poseidon-offical]

Then they’ll have served their purpose.

[hera-official]

... Why can't you let me punish you?

[poseidon-offical]

I’m done taking shit from you bastards.

[hera-official]

Okay, good job standing up for yourself, but please let me have this...

[poseidon-offical]

Why.

[hera-official]

... Because I'm your favourite older sister?

[poseidon-offical]

Who said that.

[hera-official]

Because it's either me, Hestia or Demeter and those other two are boring!

[poseidon-offical]

Trash talking our sisters behind their backs?!

[hera-official]

What are they gonna do? Bake bread together to throw in my face?

[poseidon-offical]

I like bread.

[hera-official]

Me too, that's the point.

[poseidon-offical]

I don’t understand the point. They make something we like, so I should like YOU more?

[hera-official]

I mean all they do is bake bread. They can't do anything if I talk shit behind their backs.

They're also useless, I'm better.

Again, I'm the reason Polyphemus didn't die when his mother was in labour.

[hearth-goddess-offical]

I can do a lot better than bake bread, sister.

[hera-official]

*Hera freezes and slowly turns* Hestia! *She forces a smile* That was not about you, I swear!

[deceasedtitan-offical]

Well it certainly wouldn't have been about PC, plus you said "all THEY can do is bake bread", referencing me and Demeter. I am not pleased, sister. I mean, first you allow Zeus to replace me with DIONYSUS, and now youre shittalking me? tut tut, not very queenly of you...

[hera-official]

Fuck.

Uhm.

I'm sorry?

[hearth-goddess-offical]

(ooc- OML WHY DO I KEEP CLICKING THE WRONG BLOG FUUUUUCK)

that doesn't sound very apologetic.

[hera-official]

(ooc- REAL DUDE AND I ONLY HAVE TWO)

... Uhm... HEY LOOK IT'S DIONYSUS!

*Hera tries to run away*

[hearth-goddess-offical]

WHERE?! *she dramatically turns then realises she was tricked, and sprints towards Hera* YOU AREN'T GETTING AWAY, ASSHOLE

[hera-official]

SINCE WHEN DO YOU CURSE?

[hearth-goddess-offical]

you didnt 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 think that im the purest, most wholesome goddess in the world, did you?

[hera-official]

I KINDA DID, YEAH!

[hearth-goddess-offical]

and theres your problem! you judge books by their cover, sister

[hera-official]

WELL YOU ARE KINDA BORING

[hearth-goddess-offical]

I KEEP UNITY BETWEEN THE GODS AND MORTALS! I AM BASICALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT GODDESS OF OUR WORLD BECAUSE I BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER

[hera-official]

Well you're not doing a very good job... Remember Troy...

[sometimesagenderlessvoid]

ITS NOT MY FAULT THAT SOME IDIOTS (COUGH COUGH @athena-offical @aphrodite-offical and there was another person but I forgot COUGH COUGH) WERE ARGUING OVER WHO WAS THE PRETTIEST GODDESS IN THE WORLD!

[aphrodite-offical]

the other person was Hera. I judge thee. -Ourania

[weirdo-offical]

god made my legs not work because i kept doing dumb(gay) things

[poseidon-offical]

And we don’t regret it. We can’t have another Hyacinthus.

[weirdo-offical]

well im sorry but now i cant fuck women properly

[poseidon-offical]

W-what. Why is that?

[weirdo-offical]

lesbian fucking is weird okay

[poseidon-offical]

I… well. Uhm. I’m sure something can be arranged.

[weirdo-offical]

thanks can you also give me a cock and take away my tits

[poseidon-offical]

Well…

Uhhhhh…

@aphrodite-offical

Help me niece.

[aphrodite-offical]

this is a Dionysus problem. -Eleemon

[jonathan-sims-offical]

hey, want to fuck with Elias? -Pandemos

@aphrodite-offical

Define “fuck with.”

[aphrodite-offical]

Make it so that he can’t watch you unless you allow it to be possible. -Ourania

[aphrodite-offical]

are there like? multiple of you?

Kind of? We're the different epithets of Aphrodite, aka us. -Ourania

[silena-beauregard-offical]

If @cupid-official and @aphrodite-offical 's New Years resolution isn't giving hopeless romantics a partner, I'm getting mad.

[aphrodite-offical]

wait people actually do those? -Eleemon

[greekgodsaskblog]

yo holy f u ck??? another hades/thanatos shipper??????? i thought we were straight up nonexistent lmao (also ur art is fantastic and it makes me really happy)

Awwww thanks my friend 😘

Smooches from Hades

[king-of-the-underworld-13]

I- Um- I can explain!

@persephone-offical

[aphrodite-offical]

guess what I’m gonna say. Guess. -Paphian

[king-of-the-underworld-13]

Um... Do I want to?

[aphrodite-offical]

… -Ourania

:3 -Pandemos

read the tagsss -Eleemon

[greekgodsaskblog]

yo holy f u ck??? another hades/thanatos shipper??????? i thought we were straight up nonexistent lmao (also ur art is fantastic and it makes me really happy)

Awwww thanks my friend 😘

Smooches from Hades

[king-of-the-underworld-13]

I- Um- I can explain!

@persephone-offical

[aphrodite-offical]

guess what I’m gonna say. Guess. -Paphian

[aphrodite-offical]

I’m in the microwave help @zeus-offical put me in here

??? How. Does this happen. What the fuck is your life. - Skotia

ZEUS. TAKE MY RECENTLY ADOPTED CHILD OUT OF YOU MICROWAVE OR SO HELP ME, THEY WILL KEEP FINDING YOUR BODY. -Tymborychos

[aphrodite-offical]

PLEASE ADOPT ME IM BANISHED FROM 17 DIMENSIONS AND IM BEING HUNTED BY THE L.I.G.H.T ORGANIZATION HIDE ME

A CHILD. -Automata

Meet automata, I fucking guess. Sure. Be our kid now. -Eleemon

@drew-tanaka-offical @piper-mclean-offical @silena-beauregard-offical yall have a new sibling :D -Pandemos

[breadcrumb-offical]

Why is everyone in the Officalverse DEAD or DYING right now

[offical-liechtenstein]

canon event

[wikipedia-the-non-official]

HAH THEIR REIGN IS FINALLY COMING TO AN END

THEIR LIFESPANS WERE MUCH SHORTER THAN THOSE OF US, GREAT GIMMICK BLOGS

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA

[femboy-offical]

*Throws a brick at you*

[wikipedia-the-non-official]

WAAAAAAA WHA DID I DO TO DESERVE THAT

[aphrodite-offical]

We’re not dead or dying???

[sdn-dispatcher-fritz]

Fireball

[aphrodite-offical]

we’re immortal????? What do you mean, fireball??? -Philomeides

[sdn-dispatcher-fritz]

[aphrodite-offical]

why. This does nothing. -Mechanitis

[breadcrumb-offical]

Why is everyone in the Officalverse DEAD or DYING right now

[offical-liechtenstein]

canon event

[wikipedia-the-non-official]

HAH THEIR REIGN IS FINALLY COMING TO AN END

THEIR LIFESPANS WERE MUCH SHORTER THAN THOSE OF US, GREAT GIMMICK BLOGS

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA

[femboy-offical]

*Throws a brick at you*

[wikipedia-the-non-official]

WAAAAAAA WHA DID I DO TO DESERVE THAT

[aphrodite-offical]

We’re not dead or dying???

[sdn-dispatcher-fritz]

Fireball

[aphrodite-offical]

we’re immortal????? What do you mean, fireball??? -Philomeides

[aphrodite-offical]

Guess who the villain in my story is

I think we can tell. -Ourania

Beautiful, we must all strive to be Mr. Murder. -Tymborychos

[sdn-dispatcher-fritz]

We have an increasing feeling that you’re talking about Kronos, Fritz.

Sincerely, all of the epithets that compose @aphrodite-offical

Zeus himself came from mount olympus or whereever eith a potato peeler and now zappy mcgee won’t give my skin back

[aphrodite-offical]

a sentence is never thought Id bear witness to. I fucking can’t with this. -Paphian

damn, can’t relate. -Skotia

[notmechaman]

A D O P T I O N . L E T M E A D O P T Y O U . Y O U A R E M Y C H I L D N O W . T A K E T H E D I V I N E B L E S S I N G . I T ‘ L L M A K E Y O U B E T T E R A T E N G I N E E R I N G A N D R E L A T E D F I E L D S . T A K E I T -Mechanitis

So turns out you aren’t getting a say in this? Sorry. We tried, but we aren’t getting in her way. Bye. -Pandemos

What’s occurring? …I regret asking, I’ll leave now. -Tymborychos

Sincerely, the epithets that compose @aphrodite-offical

I'm not considering them my legal guardian whatsoever.. I don't even know who they are.

[aphrodite-offical]

yeah, she has not slept in…I think half a century? Even gods need some sleep. We’re so sorry for the inconvenience but you are still getting a blessing. Suffer/silly -eleemon

[notmechaman]

hello, we’re back from The Void. Mechanitis wants to adopt you. Ask her abt it, idfk atp. -Aphrodite Pandemos

Sincerely, from the epithets that compose @aphrodite-offical

I don't want to be adopted I'm a grown man with a Tumblr blog.

[aphrodite-offical]

a grown man in mortal years, but in the eyes of the gods you’re barely a toddler. Take the divine adoption, damn it. -Mechanitis

[notmechaman]

THE GREEK GOD OF THUNDER ZEUS HIMSELF IS HERE SND HE HAD A REPUTATION FOR FUCKING ANYONE AND ANYTHING

Shouldn't we hide too then????

[sdn-dispatcher-fritz]

OH SHIT UR RITHT

[sdnsmediamanager]

is this a good excuse to take a weeklong break from work

[sdn-dispatcher-fritz]

NO IF YOU GO OUTSIDE YOU WILL GET FUCKED BY ZEUS RED ALRRT

[sdnsmediamanager]

oh ok then no more holiday then I’m barricading my office

[sdn-dispatcher-fritz]

He doesn’t care about doors go to the secret bunker under the office

[modern-syren]

- By the Fates, where is the fire? Everyone is running around like ants in a colony flood, what is happening?

Hears the scream

Oh... OH.

It's this a bad time to say he is my great-greatgrandfather or...?

[sdn-dispatcher-fritz]

SHIT HE GOT STEVE

[aphrodite-offical]

hi, what the fuck. -eleemon

[sdn-dispatcher-fritz]

APHRODITE YOUR FATHER IS KIDNAPPING STEVE

[aphrodite-offical]

WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK @zeus-offical IS EVERY EPITHET’S FATHER??? SOME OF US WERE FORMED OUT OF SEA FOAM CREATING FROM URANUS’ CUT UP CORPSE!!!! Also, Zeus, no. -Ourania

*whacks Zeus with the flat of her blade hard enough he passes out.* Apologies. We’ll be taking this one. -Areia