introduction post
I'm Aphrodite, goddess of love, beauty, and war
I go by she/her
I'm pansexual and if you say anyone is more beautiful than I, I will stab you and xem
<3
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@aphrodite-offical
introduction post
I'm Aphrodite, goddess of love, beauty, and war
I go by she/her
I'm pansexual and if you say anyone is more beautiful than I, I will stab you and xem
<3
Everyone say Olympus!
@king-of-the-underworld-13 @poseidon-offical @hera-official @zeus-offical @crime-lord-offical
Absolutely wonderful!
@poseidon-offical
I JUST SAW YOU'RE GIVING ME BUNNY EARS. HOW DARE YOU?
HA!!! How dare you not expect it.
I'm going to feed my hawks your fish.
Okay?
I will make them eat your fish very slowly so they feel a lot of pain.
You can’t force them to savor food.
I can. Maybe.
Or, I can turn into a hawk myself and eat them slowly.
Then they’ll have served their purpose.
... Why can't you let me punish you?
I’m done taking shit from you bastards.
Okay, good job standing up for yourself, but please let me have this...
Why.
... Because I'm your favourite older sister?
Who said that.
Because it's either me, Hestia or Demeter and those other two are boring!
Trash talking our sisters behind their backs?!
What are they gonna do? Bake bread together to throw in my face?
I like bread.
Me too, that's the point.
I don’t understand the point. They make something we like, so I should like YOU more?
I mean all they do is bake bread. They can't do anything if I talk shit behind their backs.
They're also useless, I'm better.
Again, I'm the reason Polyphemus didn't die when his mother was in labour.
I can do a lot better than bake bread, sister.
*Hera freezes and slowly turns* Hestia! *She forces a smile* That was not about you, I swear!
Well it certainly wouldn't have been about PC, plus you said "all THEY can do is bake bread", referencing me and Demeter. I am not pleased, sister. I mean, first you allow Zeus to replace me with DIONYSUS, and now youre shittalking me? tut tut, not very queenly of you...
Fuck.
Uhm.
I'm sorry?
(ooc- OML WHY DO I KEEP CLICKING THE WRONG BLOG FUUUUUCK)
that doesn't sound very apologetic.
(ooc- REAL DUDE AND I ONLY HAVE TWO)
... Uhm... HEY LOOK IT'S DIONYSUS!
*Hera tries to run away*
WHERE?! *she dramatically turns then realises she was tricked, and sprints towards Hera* YOU AREN'T GETTING AWAY, ASSHOLE
SINCE WHEN DO YOU CURSE?
you didnt 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 think that im the purest, most wholesome goddess in the world, did you?
I KINDA DID, YEAH!
and theres your problem! you judge books by their cover, sister
WELL YOU ARE KINDA BORING
I KEEP UNITY BETWEEN THE GODS AND MORTALS! I AM BASICALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT GODDESS OF OUR WORLD BECAUSE I BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER
Well you're not doing a very good job... Remember Troy...
ITS NOT MY FAULT THAT SOME IDIOTS (COUGH COUGH @athena-offical @aphrodite-offical and there was another person but I forgot COUGH COUGH) WERE ARGUING OVER WHO WAS THE PRETTIEST GODDESS IN THE WORLD!
the other person was Hera. I judge thee. -Ourania
god made my legs not work because i kept doing dumb(gay) things
And we don’t regret it. We can’t have another Hyacinthus.
well im sorry but now i cant fuck women properly
W-what. Why is that?
lesbian fucking is weird okay
I… well. Uhm. I’m sure something can be arranged.
thanks can you also give me a cock and take away my tits
Well…
Uhhhhh…
@aphrodite-offical
Help me niece.
this is a Dionysus problem. -Eleemon
hey, want to fuck with Elias? -Pandemos
@aphrodite-offical
Define “fuck with.”
Make it so that he can’t watch you unless you allow it to be possible. -Ourania
are there like? multiple of you?
Kind of? We're the different epithets of Aphrodite, aka us. -Ourania
If @cupid-official and @aphrodite-offical 's New Years resolution isn't giving hopeless romantics a partner, I'm getting mad.
wait people actually do those? -Eleemon
yo holy f u ck??? another hades/thanatos shipper??????? i thought we were straight up nonexistent lmao (also ur art is fantastic and it makes me really happy)
Awwww thanks my friend 😘
Smooches from Hades
I- Um- I can explain!
@persephone-offical
guess what I’m gonna say. Guess. -Paphian
Um... Do I want to?
… -Ourania
:3 -Pandemos
read the tagsss -Eleemon
yo holy f u ck??? another hades/thanatos shipper??????? i thought we were straight up nonexistent lmao (also ur art is fantastic and it makes me really happy)
Awwww thanks my friend 😘
Smooches from Hades
I- Um- I can explain!
@persephone-offical
guess what I’m gonna say. Guess. -Paphian
I’m in the microwave help @zeus-offical put me in here
??? How. Does this happen. What the fuck is your life. - Skotia
ZEUS. TAKE MY RECENTLY ADOPTED CHILD OUT OF YOU MICROWAVE OR SO HELP ME, THEY WILL KEEP FINDING YOUR BODY. -Tymborychos
PLEASE ADOPT ME IM BANISHED FROM 17 DIMENSIONS AND IM BEING HUNTED BY THE L.I.G.H.T ORGANIZATION HIDE ME
A CHILD. -Automata
Meet automata, I fucking guess. Sure. Be our kid now. -Eleemon
@drew-tanaka-offical @piper-mclean-offical @silena-beauregard-offical yall have a new sibling :D -Pandemos
Why is everyone in the Officalverse DEAD or DYING right now
canon event
HAH THEIR REIGN IS FINALLY COMING TO AN END
THEIR LIFESPANS WERE MUCH SHORTER THAN THOSE OF US, GREAT GIMMICK BLOGS
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
*Throws a brick at you*
WAAAAAAA WHA DID I DO TO DESERVE THAT
We’re not dead or dying???
Fireball
we’re immortal????? What do you mean, fireball??? -Philomeides
why. This does nothing. -Mechanitis
Why is everyone in the Officalverse DEAD or DYING right now
canon event
HAH THEIR REIGN IS FINALLY COMING TO AN END
THEIR LIFESPANS WERE MUCH SHORTER THAN THOSE OF US, GREAT GIMMICK BLOGS
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
*Throws a brick at you*
WAAAAAAA WHA DID I DO TO DESERVE THAT
We’re not dead or dying???
Fireball
we’re immortal????? What do you mean, fireball??? -Philomeides
Guess who the villain in my story is
I think we can tell. -Ourania
Beautiful, we must all strive to be Mr. Murder. -Tymborychos
We have an increasing feeling that you’re talking about Kronos, Fritz.
Sincerely, all of the epithets that compose @aphrodite-offical
Zeus himself came from mount olympus or whereever eith a potato peeler and now zappy mcgee won’t give my skin back
a sentence is never thought Id bear witness to. I fucking can’t with this. -Paphian
damn, can’t relate. -Skotia
A D O P T I O N . L E T M E A D O P T Y O U . Y O U A R E M Y C H I L D N O W . T A K E T H E D I V I N E B L E S S I N G . I T ‘ L L M A K E Y O U B E T T E R A T E N G I N E E R I N G A N D R E L A T E D F I E L D S . T A K E I T -Mechanitis
So turns out you aren’t getting a say in this? Sorry. We tried, but we aren’t getting in her way. Bye. -Pandemos
What’s occurring? …I regret asking, I’ll leave now. -Tymborychos
Sincerely, the epithets that compose @aphrodite-offical
I'm not considering them my legal guardian whatsoever.. I don't even know who they are.
yeah, she has not slept in…I think half a century? Even gods need some sleep. We’re so sorry for the inconvenience but you are still getting a blessing. Suffer/silly -eleemon
hello, we’re back from The Void. Mechanitis wants to adopt you. Ask her abt it, idfk atp. -Aphrodite Pandemos
Sincerely, from the epithets that compose @aphrodite-offical
I don't want to be adopted I'm a grown man with a Tumblr blog.
a grown man in mortal years, but in the eyes of the gods you’re barely a toddler. Take the divine adoption, damn it. -Mechanitis
THE GREEK GOD OF THUNDER ZEUS HIMSELF IS HERE SND HE HAD A REPUTATION FOR FUCKING ANYONE AND ANYTHING
Shouldn't we hide too then????
OH SHIT UR RITHT
is this a good excuse to take a weeklong break from work
NO IF YOU GO OUTSIDE YOU WILL GET FUCKED BY ZEUS RED ALRRT
oh ok then no more holiday then I’m barricading my office
He doesn’t care about doors go to the secret bunker under the office
- By the Fates, where is the fire? Everyone is running around like ants in a colony flood, what is happening?
Hears the scream
Oh... OH.
It's this a bad time to say he is my great-greatgrandfather or...?
SHIT HE GOT STEVE
hi, what the fuck. -eleemon
APHRODITE YOUR FATHER IS KIDNAPPING STEVE
WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK @zeus-offical IS EVERY EPITHET’S FATHER??? SOME OF US WERE FORMED OUT OF SEA FOAM CREATING FROM URANUS’ CUT UP CORPSE!!!! Also, Zeus, no. -Ourania
*whacks Zeus with the flat of her blade hard enough he passes out.* Apologies. We’ll be taking this one. -Areia