April 31st

[april31st]

To save or not to save?

I am processing payroll and everyone is making changes.  The majority of the employees either want to stop or decrease their contributions for the 401K and Roth plans.  I had not considered that, but isn’t the whole point to save for the future? How much would I be helping myself if I stopped my contribution and used the funds now?  Isn’t it worth it to take advantage of the employer match?  IT seems as though I have more questions than answers these days, but I think I'll leave everything ‘as is’ for myself and resist the urge to may any emotional decisions before April 31st.

[april31st]

Back to school?

Some employees that have been laid off informed me that they will go back to school.  The majority are in their late-30′s and 40′s.  Some are considering school to advance them in their current  fields and others are learning a new trade altogether.  I’ve made a list of topics that I wouldn't mind taking the time to learn -- IT is a very short list.  I didn’t like collage the first time I attended and I don’t anticipate that will change anytime in the near future. 

[april31st]

Best wishes

It is now the weekend and all I can think about is work.  How can I get all the outstanding work done that needs to be completed by April 31st? IS it even possible?  It probably sounds odd for someone getting the boot to care so much about a company that views them as expendable.  And yet, it is completely natural for me to want the least amount of headache possible for our parent company.

[april31st]

Writer’s block

I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t finish my resume.  I’ve been trying to finish it over the past 24 hours, but I just can’t figure out what I want to highlight and what I want to leave out.  It’s unbelievable that I just helped over 75 employees with their resume , but when it comes to editing mine--- I’m all out of ideas.  This is slightly comical.  It’s like a sub-conscience mental block.

[april31st]

Looking back

I finally did it! I finally stopped procrastinating and I started working on my resume.  It’s really a bitter sweet experience thinking back over the past three years and seeing how much I have grown in this industry and as a senior manager. I’ve become a better communicator, a better time manager, a better counselor, and I have finally gotten the knack of international business.  There are so many skills you just can’t learn in a classroom.  So many skills that I hope my next employer will appreciate. 

[april31st]

Be your own boss

According to Google, the 8 traits of a successful entrepreneur are: discipline, confidence, having an open mind, being a self starter, competitive mindset, determination, and strong people skills. My father says that I should start my own business.  He says that I’m talented and I should be using my skills to make my own money instead of making these companies rich.  Unfortunately, there is nothing that I can think of that I want to create a company for... nothing that I think will motivate me to wake up on my own every day and do.  Is that such a bad thing that I am okay with working as an Manager for someone else’s company?

[april31st]

Give me a break

I’ve gotten a lot of advise over the past few weeks... Most of it has been unsolicited, but the majority agree that you should take a break between jobs.  Especially if you are a workaholic or have a tendency not to take vacation.  I fit under both of those categories.  I have four weeks of vacation time saved up.  Four weeks that I cannot even use because of the Coronavirus pandemic. Thankfully, that time will be paid out after my last day, but I was really looking forward to sitting on an island somewhere drinking every exotic concoction unknown to mankind until I could feel better about April 31st.

[april31st]

Nothing’s Fair

Feelings of anger have set back in.  I was only allowed to stay longer than other employees because I am helping the company shutdown.  I am unable to dedicate time to looking for another job because I am so busy helping the company shutdown.  It’s pretty annoying as a manager to watch employees come to work and get paid to do nothing or get paid to job hunt when I know that I will not have that same opportunity myself.  I will literally be working right up until April 31st.

[april31st]

Where can I purchase time?

According to Google, the average job search takes just over six weeks, but varies considerably by industry.  [sigh]  This math is not adding up and time is passing too fast.  I only have 25 days before April 31st and it takes twice that time to find a job.  I’ve been so occupied with helping employees that I haven’t given much time or attention to my own job hunt.  I really wish I could buy some more time before April 31st.

[april31st]

To file or not to file?

I keep getting mailings from the Department of Labor for employees that are filing for unemployment. Part of me is upset because l feel like I wasted time and money helping them update their resume, introducing them to local employers that had job openings, and writing letters of recommendation.

What was point if they were planning to sit at home and collect a check?! Is there any benefit to doing this? Does it really afford someone more time to just collect unemployment while searching for the perfect next job? My plan was to accept the first logical offer and keep looking if it was not a great fit.

What if I don't find anything before April 31st?

[april31st]

Where is the silver lining?

The company went from having over 100 employees to now only having 10.

When l talk to other people about what's going on, they say that I should be thankful... That I should find comfort in the fact that I wasn't one of the first ones to be laid off. Is there really a silver lining? Can I really be called "ungrateful" for being disappointed that I am losing my job?

Can April 31st really be a good thing?

[april31st]

What’s Next?

Everyone is asking… “So what are you going to do after you leave the company?” I must be too analytical because this question just pisses me off… I am not “leaving” the company! I am being laid off! I am being kicked out! I am being thrown to the curve.

It’s hard to think about what’s next when I am still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that this is even happening at all.

I am dreading April 31st.

[april31st]

The Countdown Begins...

Today is April 1st and I feel like April's biggest fool.

I thought Alexa was joking with me. Are you kidding me right now? April 31st doesn't exist. No way!

I'm not sure why l can't get the date right. I'm not sure if it's just too difficult for me to process or my subconscious is unwilling to accept the truth. I've known for a few months now what my last date with the company is... but each time someone has asked, l say "April 31st." No one has corrected me this whole time. It wasn't until I looked at the calendar to start my countdown that l realized--April 31st doesn’t exist. Did l know that? I mean, subconsciously?