arlo cohen alexander

[arlocxander]

ErL

Thank you for being my partner in crime.

Words will never be enough to express how proud I am that you are my person, and what privilege it is to be a part of your life again.

Our growth as individuals and in our partnership has taught me so much about love, trust, and communication. How to be a supportive person, an empathetic person.

Thank you for seeing through me. I dont think this would have been possible with anyone else.

Thank you for your endless patience, even though you somehow simultaneously have so little of it.

Thank you for being the big spoon.

Thank you for being willing to have the tough conversations with me when I need them.

Thank you for being vulnerable with me and expressing your needs. For feeling safe enough in our partnership to do so.

I love you so much.

You are the forever muffin, for as long as my forever may be.

How lucky we were to have this.

[arlocxander]

Thank you for giving me hope when I needed it the most.

I know all of the emotional whiplash I gave myself may seem like it was all for nought (at least not in the way I was expecting things to unfold)...

But sometimes the happy ending is really just a new beginning.

And sometimes your True Love™ is really just a Love Truth, one that you have to discover in time... and the person is just the vessel, a messenger who silently disappears after the grand reveal.

Message Received | Arlo Cohen Alexander

[arlocxander]

My love for you was the kind that felt like it echoed through time. It was like our souls had known each other... like they gravitated to one another, always.

Deeper than my heart, I knew you were the one.

I truly believed we'd get married and live to be old and wrinkled together... bickering about our younger days, like what street so-and-so lived on, or the name of some hotel we stayed in when we went on some trip together. I imagined this whole life with you. I lived and died in it with you.

And I grieve now, because it feels like a long distant memory of us and it never even happened... and likely never will.

Deeper than time, I know I will miss you.

[arlocxander]

Aesthetic.

Sunday brunch with your favorite people and bottomless mimosas.

Awakening to daylight in a King size bed with pure white sheets.

Swaying to old records in the living room, glass of wine in hand.

Curling up in an oversized armchair, with a knit blanket and two good books to read.

Campfire coffee at dawn in your favorite hoodie, overlooking a body of water.

Stargazing on the roof of the car just outside of town.

The smell of burning sage and a hot cup of tea.

That feeling of your hair being stroked while you're sleeping... with soft words, and an even softer kiss.

Believing in magic, because how could it possibly not exist in a world with you in it...?

[arlocxander]

Everyone around me says, be careful not to put all of your eggs in one basket.

But for once I refuse to listen to them.

Take all the eggs!

Because I choose you, and I always will.

And I believe something bigger brought us together.

I believe that fate has us intertwined, whether we come together now and forever are...

Or we are planets constantly entering and exiting each other's orbits.

And I dont give a damn what it looks like.

If the Devil asked, I'd tell him that I would die if it meant that we would be together in our next lifetime.

And that's that on that.

[arlocxander]

A Box, Misplaced During The Move

You probably don't know what you've done with it,

Hell, you probably don't even know you still have it...

And all of this time I've been busy

Stealing hearts

Searching for the perfect one

To fit where mine used to be.

P.S.

You can keep it, it's still yours.

[arlocxander]

I look at our pictures sometimes

And I can honestly say I was the happiest then

Than I have ever been in my life

And then it makes me feel so horrid and guilty

Because it turned out, all along,

That you weren’t happy at all

my nightmare is that my dream was your nightmare (2) | Arlo Cohen Alexander

[arlocxander]

I realized something today

Even though you really hurt me-

injured my ego, disappointed me, and

chose not to see me for who I am

but rather who you thought I should have been-

I never wrote about you.

Not when we met, not during, and not after...

And I pondered why that would be...

I have written about lost love following years spent together,

planning a future that would never be had.

I have written about week-long lovers,

sharing a carnal need for intimacy and escape from loneliness.

I have written about strangers I shared a single glance with,

momentarily reflected in the condensation of a cocktail glass.

But not you.

I think that, perhaps, our love lacked a true passion.

Nothing deep inside us was awoken when we’d see each other.

We didn’t fit a missing space in the other person.

We weren’t head-over-heels infatuated with each other.

We never needed each other.

We sort of just chose to be together.

It was so plain, so matter-of-fact. 

Maybe that’s why it was so easy when you left.

Our love was simply a contract,

bound to expire whenever

either party chose to terminate.

Don’t get me wrong

I loved you, and still do.

I just think, moving forward,

that kind of love really isn’t for me.

Untitled #012120 | Arlo Cohen Alexander

[arlocxander]

The crowd parted and there you were

You looked the same

Better, even

You wrapped your lips around a straw

I knew your diluted drink was a whiskey and ginger

From all of the nights we spent

Drunkenly wandering this town

All those years ago

You weren’t alone

You looked up at him endearingly

Listening intently to his words

Your faces leaned in close

While he whispered something in your ear

And suddenly you laughed

A real, loud kind of laugh that echoed across the room

My heart fluttered at the sound of it

A playful hand rested on his chest

And your head tilted downward

A chunk of hair fell across your face

Over your brow, resting on the bridge of your nose

In one swift motion you brushed it back behind your ear

You were still beaming

And I could see you were genuinely happy

With him.

And then it was ruined

My heart sank just as your face fell

The moment you caught my eye

And I glanced down

Ashamed that you caught me watching you

Ashamed that my presence could end your smile so quickly

Even after all of this time

And when I looked down,

I realized I must have been watching you for some time

Because my pants were covered in ash

From my cigarette, now burned down to the filter

And I felt all the more ashamed

because I had always spoke of quitting

And here I was still disappointing you

And I knew you would be telling him that it was time to go

I couldn’t look up to see you point me out to him

I couldn’t look up to see the urgency that was surely on your face

I couldn’t bear to watch you leave once again

Knowing I was always the reason for you to go

And never to stay

So I turned to the person beside me

And continued pretending to listen to the conversation

Painfully aware that my entire world had just stopped,

And no one else's did.

But I wish that I’d had the courage to look up one last time.

Because it was so good to see you again.

The First Time I Saw You Again (or so I'd Imagine It Going) | Arlo Cohen Alexander

[arlocxander]

I feel it quite often, you know. Your eyes on me... begging to meet mine; begging for returned affection that I cannot bring myself to give.

This game is honestly unbearable. I feel so low for being here with you, knowing that you don't even sense the rug that's about to be ripped from beneath you.

Yet maybe, it’s just one more reason why I’m going to do it.

Please Realize Before It’s Too Late | Arlo Cohen Alexander

[arlocxander]

I started to find myself lately, when I didn't even think I was lost. And I'm sorry that my wandering path lead me right to you. It has become so abundantly clear to me that you were simply a stop, not a destination. And I swear that I'm so sorry... And I didn't mean to lead you on. I didn't know that this wasn't it. I didn't know that the person I really wanted- really needed- was myself.

Teleport A&B, Me to Me | Arlo Cohen Alexander

[arlocxander]

I told you that day when we were sitting on the bench That you would never love me as much as I loved you

And good god, I hate when I'm right.

Prove Me Wrong | Arlo Cohen Alexander

[arlocxander]

I'm really hurt.

And I just want to yell at you, for all of the things you said. I want to cry to you, just so you can see how much I've been hurting. I want to make up, even if it's not the best thing for us. I just want to talk to you again, tell you that I miss you, and tell you that I'm sorry.

But I know you, and I know that you care... but you'd never show it back.

You'd rather be angry and resentful. You'd never set your pride aside to say that you were sorry. You'd never go back on all of those awful things you said about me when it was all over.

Maybe that's the most hurtful part of it all.

That even if I sat there bearing my soul, that it wouldn't even make a difference to you... regardless if you feel the exact same way.

i know i'm just a fool for hoping you'll come around | Arlo Cohen Alexander

[arlocxander]

I realized today I finally... feel you fading from me now.  I don't really flinch at memories of us, nor do I have a sense of longing or want for those days or even for you. And okay, I guess it's a relief.  And yet, it's a little bit sad. I don't know... Maybe I low-key just wanted to feel things about you forever. Even though it was mostly painful. At least I still felt something. Now it's just... nothing...? And, honestly, I don't know what to do with that. Do I still love you? Do I still miss you? What am I supposed to make out of this nothingness?

What comes after getting over you??? | Arlo Cohen Alexander

[arlocxander]

Some say, when I'm heartbroken- That I turn into a giant storm, a hurricane... a war-zone, even, of self-deprecation and self-preservation. Love-bombing every pretty face that passes my way. Gaining momentum with every affectionate gesture. And as long as I keep going, then I won't see the damage left in my wake. As long as I keep going, nothing will catch up to me. And I am untouchable... I am unfeeling... I am invincible.

but you aren’t and I should probably feel sorry for that | Arlo Cohen Alexander

[arlocxander]

All I had left was a tiny, sliver of hope. Hope that you’d finally text me back. Hope that you’d come up to me on the street. Hope that we would find a way to reconnect. Somehow. Someday. Over time, that sliver of hope began to dim… but it never went away. Honestly, it’s all that I have left of us. They say that you have to let love go so that, maybe, someday it’ll come back… but what if it doesn’t??? What if I let go and I never get it back? What if for all the years that I held onto this, suddenly you’ll become… what? Just a memory? Just a flicker of time in my life? A book I picked up, but never finished? I’m sorry, but I just can’t bear to live with that. So I keep checking my phone. And I keep looking for you on the street. And I keep holding on to hoping (no matter if it seems a hopeless endeavor) that someday you’ll come back to me.

Paradox | Arlo Cohen Alexander

[arlocxander]

First choice will forever be occupied by someone who is never coming back. So I’m sorry for not loving you in the fullest. I’m sorry that all I could give you was the rest. I hope you can accept my love for you… even if you are just second best.

Second Best | Arlo Cohen Alexander