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@arofluxstuff
Occasionally I kinda want to have a wedding
have a day where I get to dress fancy and have everyone I like around and they give me kitchen appliances and then I get to have a party afterward but everyone sorta expects me to leave first so i can just go when I'm done and everyone else will take care of clean up
Then I remember that having a wedding means you're married to someone and I just decide to have a graduation party when I finish college instead
having a crush should be in the dsm-5
You know... being in the grey spectrum of attraction, in my case both greyromantic & greysexual, can be very confusing and not bc you don't understand your feelings (which can happen but not in this case) but because everyone around you says you should be a- or allo- . "There's no in between." Which is completely illogical bc for years there's been people who don't fit one definition or the other, who are in that middle, almost but not. We exist for a reason 👏. Everything lies in a spectrum and attraction does too.
ACKNOWLEDGE GREYROMANTICS & GREYSEXUALS 💚💜
What is or isn't a slur can be highly contextual, y'all.
"Jonny Sims bummed a fag off my ma" doesn't contain a slur, but "What are you, some kind of fag?" does.
"Queer studies", "the queer community" and "I'm queer"? Not a slur. Some bigot calling you a "dirty queer"? Slur.
"Be gay, do crimes" and "He's gay" ≠ slur, but "Ew, that's so gay" = slur.
In conclusion, stop buying into this fucking "q slur" bullshit. Queer people talking about the queer community aren't using it as a slur any more than a gay man calling himself gay is using that term as a slur.
Everyone tagging this as "Don't call people 'queer' if they aren't comfortable with it", I don't disagree with you, but I do have one question for you:
Why are you singling out "queer"?
Hi, I'm queer and I don't like being called gay. Why is it always "don't call people 'queer' if they don't like it" but never "don't call people 'gay' if they don't like it"? Or just "don't call people words they are uncomfortable with"?
Why is it only ever "queer" that gets singled out?
And why do you even feel the need to tag that onto this post? All I said was "stop tagging people referring to themselves this way as if it were the same as bigots hurling it as a slur".
Bc 'queer' means 'strange' and I want to be normalized.
And I want people to stop treating any divergence from "normal" as a bad thing. I'm neurodivergent, I'm never gonna be "normal". I don't care about being seen as "normal", I want "normal" to stop mattering and for people to ask "Is this harming anyone?" instead.
You don't want to be strange. Okay, cool. Just don't act like other people being harmlessly different is a bad thing.
Again, this is a post about treating queer people talking about how queer we are like we're the same as bigots trying to hurt people who're different from them. If you don't do that, we're good!
Me, personally? I'm not gay as in happy, I'm queer as in fuck "normal".
The thing that especially gets me about how much people want to say who can use what specific labels is the fact that...
There's probably a total two or three people I know who have anything like a full understanding of the ways I'm queer and what my labels mean to me
Everyone else gets a version of what I am that they'd be able to wrap their heads around without making me give an hour long lecture in an attempt to be understood
Because if I were to even Attempt to give the whole story I would say I'm a nonbinary genderfluid trans man who is asexual but sex neutral and aro-flux and biromantic when the wind is right
...
I mean come on, I couldn't explain even half of that to your average person and while the knowledge I could impart might be good for them I simply do not have the time or energy all the time
So typically to other accepting queer people I say oh I'm gender fluid, and demisexual
To people less versed in this stuff I say I'm a bisexual trans guy
To my parents I'm a bi-curious nonbinary person
To my grandmother I say I'm a lesbian
And to many outsiders I read as either a lesbian or fourteen year old boy depending on my clothes that day
And like... just because some of these aren't right doesn't mean I have to correct these perceptions.
My experience with gender and attraction and interpersonal relationships is simply above most people's knowledge level
And that's like? A Pretty average experience I think
Lots of people identify in some settings as something more likely to be understood or don't correct assumptions made about their identity for safety or convenience
And due to that you're going to have experiences related to how people view you as well as how you identify, we literally cannot presume to know what a person's life is like based on just the labels they use, especially the labels they use online because those may have no bearing on how they're treated day to day
And even Beyond all that, gender and sexuality are infinitely complicated concepts because no two people's experiences are gonna be completely alike. So like maybe if a queer person is using certain terms to describe themself that seem contradictory in some way we don't need to react with an assumption of ill intent
Cuz, y'know its complicated and not really everyone's business
how about instead of endlessly defending the word “queerplatonic,” henceforth when an allo decides to start shitTM we respond by demanding they explain in detail what a “romantic relationship” is and then condescendingly ask them if they’ve ever heard of ““friends””
uhhhhhhhh so how is “romantic attraction” any different than wanting to make a new friend lmao??
“dating?” u ever heard of “hanging out?”get a load of this guy
acqktually,,,,, you CAN do any of that with a friend, yunno. have you ever ackktually had a friend lol
To those asking, out of legitimate curiosity and confusion: "So a qpr is the platonic marriage-equivalent? The aromantic and/or asexual equivalent to a romantic partner?"
I hereby offer this gentle: "no.♡"
This is a common misunderstanding, so allow me to explain:
A friendship, a romance, and a qpr are not "tiers" of relationships. A qpr is not a "leveled up" friendship. Society imposes a hierarchy of relationships that puts romance at the top, and 'mere' friendships below. Relationship anarchy says: "Fuck that. Friendships are no less important. Romantic relationships are not the only form of meaningful connection."
Friendships can come in many flavors of closeness, from the casual peripheral friend, to a lifelong friend who you'd give your life for, to a friend you may share any variety of intimacies with. But the exact nature of a friendship is not obvious just from the word "friend."
Similarly, the exact nature of a given qpr is unique to its participants.
There is no particular element that defines a qpr. The only thing that really defines a qpr is that the participants define their relationship as such. A qpr may involve commitment, or certain kinds of intimacy that are often associated with romantic relationships, but it doesn't strictly have to.
This is because there is no specific 'signifier' of a human relationship that will allow you to immediately determine that said relationship is platonic, romantic, or otherwise.
For example, just because two people have sex, does not mean that they are in a romantic relationship. They may be friends with benefits. They may be in a qpr. They may be strangers having a one-night stand.
The thing that is different about a qpr in contrast to a romance, is that wider society generally has expectations and scripts for romantic relationships. And this can be useful! It can be a convenient shorthand. But there isn't actually a convenient script for how a qpr is "supposed" to look. As such, it's unsurprising that there's confusion over what a qpr is, exactly.
So what should you picture, if someone tells you they are in a qpr?
Picture a relationship that is outside the traditional expectations of romance and friendship. The one thing the word "queerplatonic" does do is signal some kind of deviation from the usual relationship scripts and norms.
Welcome to advanced-level aromantic discussion of relationship anarchy and amatonormativity! ;)
Aros with a complicated relationship to love are like. I love love. I hate love. I am ambivalent towards love. I am full of love. I am at war with love. I don’t love at all. There is joy in the word love. There is pain in the word love. I am reclaiming what love means to me. Love will never feel at home on my lips. What IS love? Baby don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me. No more.
Do I have little romantic interest in Most people I meet because I'm arospec, yeah
However if anyone thinks that's going to stop me from being gay for every fictional character who smiles pretty your dead wrong
A polycule of aromantics, call that a quiver
Arospecs whose arospec identities are influenced by negative experiences, trauma, disability, or neurodivergency are super valid and remarkably strong! I’m talking about acoromantics, caedromantics, requisromantics, adfecturomantics, arovagues, and nebularomantics!! To these arospecs, don’t let exclusionary and ableist people get you down. Your orientation is just as real and valid as anyone else’s, and you deserve to feel loved and accepted! You’re all such awesome people, and I wish you only the best things in this life!
in case anyone's worried, if i ever say anything romantic to you, it is meant platonically. i don't flirt. if i wanted to woo you, you would be wooed.
being ace is actually great considering we're naturally so much funnier than allo people 💕
I’m demisexual do I count? :0
Oh of course, this really goes for everyone who isn't completely allo because we have all this brain space for humor that isn't being wasted on attraction
being ace is actually great considering we're naturally so much funnier than allo people 💕
Some of y’all think that holding hands and sharing a bed is immediately romantic, and this is why people cannot differentiate between romantic, platonic, and familial forms of love.
Nothing is EVER inherently romantic. The meaning of a gesture is determined by the people involved in it, not some random outsider.
The meaning of a gesture is determined by the people involved in it
I fucking hate it when you talk about how there’s a pressure for bisexuals to be monosexual and how bisexuals get their identity erased in a way that gay people just don’t and then gay people go along and go “why do you hate gay people? How dare you talk about struggles unique to bisexuals!”. Obviously #notallgays but some of you are really biphobic and can’t stand the idea of bisexuals discussing uniquely bisexual issues instead of pretending that we’re diet gays. The same thing applies when aros and aces talk about oppression unique to them and a bunch of obnoxious gay people get mad because “how dare you not make this about me and suggest that I have some privilege!”.
Like I’m not trying to say that bis, aros and aces are inherently more oppressed than gay people, gay people do have their own problems that are unique to them, what I’m saying is that we all experience different kinds of oppression and it’s important to recognise that instead of acting like it’s just gay vs straight and gays have all of the oppression and are therefore at the top of some sort of LGBT hierarchy and bis and aros/aces have only some of the oppression (or worse, that aces and aros have no oppression).
Also, if you really want to push the narrative that bisexuals and asexuals are more privileged than gay people, here’s some stats: gay people have higher life satisfaction than bisexuals and asexuals, with asexuals having the lowest out of the three (tied with pansexuals). Out of cis queer people, gay people are the most comfortable being LGBT (in the UK) and asexuals are the least, with bisexuals in between. And, out of the three, gay people are the least likely to be raped and bi people are the most likely [PDF]. But yeah, go off on how bi people are just spicy straights and acephobia doesn’t exist. These stats weren’t hard to find by the way, you have no excuse for your ignorance when Google exists.
Aroace People: I would like a life-partner to love and care for deeply even though I don’t experience attraction. I may or may not wish to live with them permanently, to legally marry them, to adopt a child with them, to put them in my will, to assume major debts like housing and education together, and to overall align our lives to one another so that they occupy a place in my life which no other person does. If I’m not romance/sex-repulsed and feel comfortable doing so, I may even engage in some romantic or sexual behaviors with them to fulfill their desires.
Random Allo Person:
Ace culture is rejecting the nuclear family before you even know why you feel that way, and aspiring toward the fantasy of living with your platonic friends your entire life, renting neighboring apartments, buying a house together, or being neighbors across the street in your 50s, going to the grocery store together with the same 4 other people til the day you die. Ace culture is thinking that sounds just dandy
