I'm not here to entertain straight people

Heyo! I'm Alex, I also respond to Batty. I am 28 and aroace, I'm genderfluid, and I use they/them pronouns. 

[daily-spooky]

[yahooo-official]

reblog if in another life you were a dramatic goth draped gracefully on an overhead luggage rack on some form of public transport

[dankmemeuniversity]

[apathetic-revenant]

demon: YOU HAVE SUMMONED ME, MORTAL. WHAT DEAL DO YOU WISH TO STRIKE WITH THE POWERS OF HELL?

roomba: [is a roomba]

demon:

roomba:

demon:

roomba:

demon: man c’mon you gotta work with me here a little bit

[poppetawoppet]

roomba: *slowly spells on floor* K N I F E

demon: ahhhhh I see. You have heard the legend of Stabby.

roomba: *vibrates excitedly*

[colby-jac-cheese]

demon: *lovingly tapes a knife onto the roomba* no charge

Roomba: >:3

[broadwaytheanimatedseries]

I love it when tumblr posts become so legendary they just get referenced in other tumblr posts

[geocaprican]

It’s not just the jpegs we play with like dolls

[profeminist]

Source

Want more info? Here ya go: 

This Biology Teacher Disproved Transphobia With Science 

ALSO:

Sex redefined

“The idea of two sexes is simplistic. Biologists now think there is a wider spectrum than that.”

More on anti-trans arguments as bad science

[the-awkward-turt]

As a biologist I am reblogging this so hard.

Biological sex is not and has never been a binary. The complexity of the natural world cannot be contained in neat little societal boxes. Stop using science to justify your bigotry.

[arcadialedger]

As an ace fandom elder, I present to you a quick (non comprehensive) guide to some ace literature. Enjoy!

Happy International Asexuality Day! And yes, there is aro rep here as well. We’re not here to exclude non romantic aces. There is POC rep as well!

[my-gender-is]

My gender is the loud sigh I let out every time I see some Bullshit online

[my-gender-is]

My gender is kind of going through a lot right now

[my-gender-is]

My gender is whatever pisses off conservatives worse

[femmefae-deactivated20230807]

when will tumblr users learn to make posts spreading information without guilt tripping people

[mullingar]

[trekcourse]

Fun fact, if you add “you had better not scroll past this” or “everyone has to reblog this” to the end of your post, that’s guaranteeing I’m not touching it, no matter how good the information presented in the post is. 

[butchhatred]

[ID: tweet by moonie @amooniesong:

"unpopular opinion but you can care about international issues without guilting children and teenagers in fandom spaces out of enjoying themselves". End of ID.]

[cosmic-tuna]

Saw a sibling poll and needed to expand it because I fit, like. Mid youngest, youngest in theory only child in practice, and adopted. And I think they all have their own unique parts in the sibling ecosystem.

Which sibling are you?

Youngest Sibling

Young Middle Sibling (IE child 4 of 5)

Middle Sibling

Old Middle Sibling(IE child 2 of 5)

Oldest Sibling

Only Child

Oldest in theory, Only in practice(I am older than my sibs by 10+ yrs)

Youngest in theory, Only in practice(I am younger than my sibs by 10+ yrs)

Adopted Sibling

I'm a twin/triplet/etc

Other(???)

Voting ended onApr 24, 2024

[hiveswap]

man this year is gonna be the year i either die or become someone else i dont know which one maybe both

[hiveswap]

Everytime i think of the future i nearly throw up

[wrecked-cuticles]

hate to say it but the cow is right

[hiveswap]

Oh plush cow we're really in it now

[snazzymolasses]

I don't know why, but I find it even more comforting to look at it this way:

[hiveswap]

[elbiotipo]

[wolfer-aid]

was at a tattoo convention today and i saw a guy with a spider-man tattoo so i walked up and went ‘oh dude is that spider-man? badass! i love spider-man!’ and then looked down and realized i was wearing my shirt that says I LOVE SPIDER-MAN in big black letters. i’m a parody of myself

[wolfer-aid]

stop calling me a cartoon character or an npc or a wojack i am a real boy.

[thealgerian]

Both were filled at the same time with the same water, only one had oysters.

[flagellant]

:/ The next time you think it’s okay to be nonbinary, remember the cost. We are killing our planet 😔

[beannewpage]

Wtf. No, be who you are. This doesn’t define you.

[lindsaysblue]

I offer some context

[solitarelee]

that context was DESPERATELY needed thank you

[tothechaos]

glad that im not popular enough to have an evil shadow version of my blog that exists just to make contradictions on my posts

[totheorder]

:)

[tothechaos]

[tothechaos]

Do Not Do This To Me

[catboybeebop]

[slicedcheesegremlin]

[tothechaos]

if this post hits 200k im printing it out and eating it

[pointless-achievements]

Achievement Unlocked:

Daily Recommended Dose of Fiber

Make an ill-advised promise within earshot of a gimmick blog.

[rotary-supercollider]

Quick someone add a fucked-up car so we can get @identifying-cars-in-posts

[mysteryviolencesideblog3000]

Ok!

[identifying-cars-in-posts]

1976-1977 Oldsmobile Cutlass

[terminusverge]

That car is not messed up enough. Here.

@identifying-cars-in-posts

[identifying-cars-in-posts]

1981-1983 Delorean DMC-12

[cantotallyeven]

I'll write a hauiku as a comment on this post and hope the bot sees

[the-haiku-bot]

I’ll write a hauiku

as a comment on this post

and hope the bot sees

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[absurdly-useful]

@identifying-horses-in-posts

[identifying-horses-in-posts]

Pretty horse!

[therainbowgorilla]

@i-say-ok

[i-say-ok]

ok.

[goosemoosse]

@cat-spotted

[cat-spotted]

CAT SPOTTED!!☆ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

[kittybroker]

Fine kitty appearing during our time of need! This Delightful beast only appears once every 1000 years for the small price of $2.50!

[idontrateyourposts]

/200K

[free-post-store]

$0

[yronnia]

I choose @weirdly-specific-but-ok ! And it's effective!

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

the second i saw someone chose me for something i felt deep irrational fear. what eldritch demon is this site sacrificing me to now?

oh are we eating paper is that a thing because i am down baby

[nastasya--filippovna]

If someone asks what Tumblr is, show them this thread.

@turtleneck-crowley @ivankaramazov07 isn't this magic. :D :D ;D

[ivankaramazov07-deactivated2024]

TUMBLR IS HUMAN CULTURE AT ITS FINEST I TELL YOU THE DOCTOR WOULD BE PROUD TO SEE US IDIOTS. IVE SHENANID-ONCE, ILL SHENAN-AGAIN

to all those who got the ducktales reference, i send my love and kisses

[probablyadhdapparently]

I’m turning this into a picrew chain also guys lots of pressure

Nuggts character maker!

This is a Picrew made by Nuggts @.nuggts on TikTok You can use this Picrew as a profile picture or in a video etc. with credits! Do

Do it or the animatronics fucking get me also no I did not kill anyone what are you talking about

tags: @biscuits-lovely-corner @expresso4thedeppresso @funkingrn @aroacesigma @lastdivantruther @barracuda677 @pengumi12 @sulkystella @misschuchuw @someonebeatmetotheseusernames @blinksager @sav3yee @chuuyasboner @ur-local-remy-kinnie @urazayt @thelittleprinceconfirmed @gherkin-saute @vinylbiohazard @amioddlyart

tag all you moots this is not an option

also prev yes you @ivankaramazov07 I want you to do it as well

[ivankaramazov07-deactivated2024]

@probablyautism thnx for remembering the weirdest tumblrina on the planet. also can u explain to ur local grandma what she has to do(apologies are afoot)

[probablyadhdapparently]

So tap on the link above my character and simply make your own it could be an OC or you or your sona, anything.

[ivankaramazov07-deactivated2024]

ON IT BESTIE!

[0ghostbird0]

im here watching this lmao, funniest shit i seen

[ivankaramazov07-deactivated2024]

NOT THE KILGRAVE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

oh and @probablyautism here u go luv

CMON FOLKS

DO IT

[0ghostbird0]

here you are!!

[ivankaramazov07-deactivated2024]

@mystic-mae IM IN LOVE WITH YOUR PICREW!!!!!! beautiful business.

[falling-raine]

@weirdly-specific-but-ok @styx142 no pressue :)

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Wild how I keep returning to this goddamn post. @queermarzipan ball's in your court babe.

[neil-gaiman]

It may still need help getting to 200,000.

Here's Aziraphale in disguise:

And here's a backstage shot of the Gentlemen in 1941 suits:

[badjokesbyjeff]

@tothechaos will you print and eat the entire post? If so, here is a long joke. Don't choke:

A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people.

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he’s offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him.

The next day, he’s led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

There’s never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free.

Within a week’s time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one.

He doesn’t care that he can’t drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people.

Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train.

His last meal request is a single banana. When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again.

The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it.

His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death.

They ask him what he’d like for his last meal. “A single banana,” he says.

“Oh, no you don’t, you son of a bitch. We’re on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and you’re not escaping this time!”

The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.

The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

“Did you give him the banana?” demands the head guard.

“No, sir! He asked for the banana but we didn’t give it to him, we swear!” says one of the guards.

Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. He was just a really bad conductor.

[violet-the-red-panda-deactivate]

JEFF, CHANGE YOUR FUCKING URL

[forlayina]

@writing-prompt-s

[writing-prompt-s]

Quick! Gordon Ramsey has tasked you to come up with a new recipe with a rather special ingredient: 'this trainwreck of a Tumblr post printed out on paper'. You don't have much time as the exquisite guest will enter the doors of your fancy establishment the moment this post hits 200k notes. Come up with a recipe. Please provide detailed instructions.

[shaevilux]

Chaos Course Set Meal

Bespoke 9 course meal meant to be enjoyed by @tothechaos

Foreword:

As tasked by the prolific Gordan Ramsey, this 9 Course endeavour will feature the post in its entirety segmented into 9 delightfully ornate, unreasonably complex yet delectably unparalleled dishes. In the following, we'll see how to prepare each of these dishes.

Course One

Dish name: 10k notes of Hubris

10k Notes of Hubris is a simple risotto with saffron infusion and forest mushrooms, topped with shavings of the top 9th piece of this post, printed in full colour, regular stock. Due to the nature of a 9 course setting, it is wise to start with a simpler dish.

Ingredients (serves four people):

1 teaspoon of saffron

300g carnaroli rice

50g extra virgin olive oil

20g butter

5g shallots

1l vegetable broth

parsley (to taste)

100g porcini mushrooms

80g portobello mushrooms

100g brown mushrooms

5g truffle oil

5g lemon peel and lemon juice

30g parmesan cheese

thyme (a dash)

5g garlic

A pinch of salt and pepper

The first 9th of this post, printed in full colour with regular stock.

Method:

In a saucepan, pour the oil and the chopped shallot(s), then add the rice and saffron and toast

Pour the broth a little at a time and cook slowly. Allow to cook before adding salt and black pepper. Stir in butter, grated parmesan cheese, chopped parsley, truffle oil, lemon juice and peel.

In a separate saucepan, cook the mushrooms with oil, garlic, thyme, salt and black pepper.

Presentation:

At the base of the dish pour the risotto, complete with forest mushrooms and basil leaves. Shave the printed top 9th of the post and sprinkle on top. Drizzle a dash of olive oil before serving.

The next dish and recipe of this 9 course meal, complete with the next 9th of the post printed and incorporated, will be presented by another chef.

[badjokesbyjeff]

@one-time-i-dreamt @i-am-a-fish @pukicho

[i-am-a-fish]

hi jeff (:

[writing-prompt-s]

I just texted @one-time-i-dreamt

[dominyk9]

i don't what's more wild to me, how much we are all working on giving someone ink poisoning or learning that @writing-prompt-s has @one-time-i-dreamt 's phone number

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I have been summoned many, many times

[whoviankendokaqueenbeewithbooks]

This post is already one of the most epic I have ever seen. Keep going!

[notmikesblog]

The tumblr post equivalent of the fall of ceasar. Well can't miss my turn with the knife.

[slowlyshytheorist]

Everyone on this post is insane

[the-real-skeletor]

The super bowl or whatever I'm not american

[ghost-cassette]

Oh NOBODY'S going to be horny after this

[aquietquixotic]

Amazing tags

[sometimes-i-just-climb-things]

my ankle is so fuckin horny tho

[hybbat]

A victorian

[eldritchdraaks]

Every reply this is is another punch in the gut

[i-am-a-fish]

I keep talking about how gay I am but I don't have any statistics to back it up, I'm just hoping that if I keep talking about how gay I am eventually something will happen, I've been manifesting falling in love for the past 5 years

[the-disemvoweler]

kp tlkng bt hw g m bt dn't hv n sttstcs t bck t p, 'm jst hpng thr f kp tlkng bt hw g m vntll smthng wll hppn, 've bn mnfstng fllng n lv fr th pst 5 yrs

[i-am-a-fish]

I'm laying here crying on the floor and you take away my vowels too

[liarsblade]

Yeah you're right. It WOULD be pretty fucked up if you were a swan but you were raised by ducks and you grew up never seeing another swan or even knowing that such a thing as a swan even existed so you just thought you were a duck with something super wrong with it.

[liarsblade]

[a-potato-of-death]

[jam-d33r]

The triality of man

[slowlyshytheorist]

I feel like this is a great time to point out that the author of this was absolutely bisexual