in this house we love and support

aroace girl who loves the stars (previously acetheticsssss, ay-romantic)

[objectophiliac]

sorry, we just got word that for this valentine’s day you HAVE to be aromantic. yeah, sorry, i dont make the rules :/

[innocuous-gnome]

getting ready for aro awareness week...

(yes they all have different fonts. i'm not good at this.)

[arowitharrows]

tbh I really dislike how aphobia tends to be discussed whenever there's some kind of incident that makes it visible to general society. The most common response seems to be some variation of "why would anyone hate asexual/aromantic people, they aren't even doing anything" and it just always sits wrong with me. It paints such a passive picture of our existence and feels like a comment influenced by the level of invisibility that aspec people have in society. Why would you be annoyed by someone who is practically invisible? Just go back to ignoring their existence, it's easy!

But despite the invisibility, aspec people are actually doing quite a lot of things that will piss off queerphobic, right-wing and religious people (and hell, even left-wing people). And the most obvious point is that we are actively not performing heterosexuality the way they want us to. People who's entire world view is "cis men and women should be in monogamous, heterosexual marriage and have (white) babies" are not going to lean back and say "oh but those asexuals and aromantics are fine". They will also hate our guts, and they will come up with all sorts of reasons, including insinuating we're all secretly into bestiality, or mentally ill, or not human, or attention seeking children. It's just plain old queerphobia, and like all queerphobia, there's no inherent logic to it which you can worm your way out of by "not doing anything".

And like, there's a lot more that aspec people do which people hate. Raising awareness about amatonormativity? People feel attacked, they hate it. Asexual people having sex? Or not having sex? People hate it! Aromantic people being in (seemingly) romantic relationships? People fucking hate it! Aromantic people having sex? Ohh people hate that!!

I guess the existence of aphobia can be confusing when you haven't spent much time thinking about asexuality and aromanticism, but in the end, these are identities that aren't heteronormative and they will be hit with the same or similar bigotry as any other queer identity. I just get tired of this response after seeing it recycled for 10 years without ever seeming to go any further.

[syn4k]

"love is in the air" wrong. oxygen. what are you guys talking about

[doggaro]

happy aro month! abolish relationship hierarchies stay hydrated and be kind to urself and others. most of all be very very aro 🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️

[romancerepulsed]

yes, all aspec people face aphobia. but i think it's very important to remember that this whole new wave started with specifically arophobia. do not forget that. do not make this exclusively an ace issue, because it's not and it never was. do not forget the aroallos. we already face so much erasure even within the aspec community– we need to use this opportunity to uplift aspecs, yes, but especially aroallos. do not forget us. do not exclude us.

[our-aroace-experience]

My mom is approaching 70 and is in what I can only describe as a Queer Platonic Relationship. My whole life my mom has been ambivalent about romance, and I suspect that if she were young today she’d describe herself as aro. She and my dad were happily married before he passed away, but even so, I don’t really have memories of them being over romantic. Their friends and and family didn’t believe them at first when they announced their marriage (when she was 36!) bc they “didn’t act like a couple”. They worked well as partners and both wanted kids, but there was always something different about their relationship compared to the relationships of my friends’ parents. Since my dad’s death she has shown zero interest in getting remarried and has been happily single for more than a decade.

My mom has an incredibly full life. She’s got lots of friends of all ages, fulfilling hobbies, and a shitty little dog that she loves to pieces. I never worry about her being bored and lonely.

She has this neighbor in her apartment building. They help each other out the way couples do with tasks like grocery shopping, attending family events together, and they co parent the shitty little dog, but she swears up and down that there’s nothing romantic between them. They help each other with medication, hospital visits, and navigating the scary changes of getting old together. She and my grandpa used to argue about her getting remarried to this neighbor bc he didn’t want her to be “lonely”. My mom insisted that she’s not lonely and the relationship was not romantic. There’s love and companionship, but it’s “not like that”.

Back when I started to show interest in dating as a teen my mom was so confused. “You actually want to go on dates? My mom used to force me to date and I hated it.” When I came out as gay as an adult she was like “That’s cool. I still don’t get why you wanna date people.”

My dad once told me a story about how early in their marriage, my mom once accidentally “dated” a different man without realizing that he was taking her out on dates. From her perspective she just was having fun outings with a friend. When the guy “came clean” and told my dad “I’m dating your wife” he just laughed because my mom had been excitedly telling him all about their “dates”. She missed every single clue that this guy had been laying down for her that he was interested. “He invited me to have breakfast on his boat! I’m so excited for the birdwatching that time of day!” (My mom also might be a little autistic but that’s neither here nor there). She just is not a romantically inclined thinker.

I love my mom very much and I’m so lucky to have her as a role model. She’s taught me that happiness is extremely versatile. You don’t have to follow a traditional set route for a complete life with meaningful relationships. Romance is a social construct as much as anything, and you are free to engage with it on your own terms. Don’t be afraid to live and love the way you want to. Your life will be fuller and happier for it.

I’m so happy you’ve had a positive experience, and your mum sounds lovely!

[sprnklersplashes]

"we need more unconventional relationships that challenge heteronormativity"

you guys can't even handle queerplatonic partners

[abysslooksaway]

i love you straight aromantics. i love you straight asexuals. i love you straight aroaces. i love you straight aroallos. i love you straight aspecs. i love you straight aspecs who are questioning if they’re aspec or not. i love you ‘straight passing’ aspecs. you are loved and you are included and i see your pain and your struggles. you will always always always be a part of our community.

[kittchuco]

New Coraline design drop

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

This user wants you to unfollow them if you think aro cis men DONT belong in the LGBTQIA+ community

[arokusuo]

i'm having this weird moment of realization that the second i actually acknowledged my gender as something other than cis, i became so much more comfortable in my body.

like before, when i still thought of myself as cis and tried to force myself into that box, i just felt like... horrible existing the way i was, ykwim? like i actively wished i didn't have this body and all that. but now that i've acknowledged to myself that i don't have to call myself cis when i'm actually not, existing just feels... better. like there are always going to be things that i wish didn't exist on my body, but i'm also not cringing out of my skin anymore either. it's nice.

[arokusuo]

i love my friends dearly but sometimes i really hate how romance obsessed they are. like i can’t get them into series i enjoy unless i sell the romance to them, which isn’t a problem initially bc i do enjoy a fictional romance but the problem comes when they’re into it and all they want to talk about is how the romance has developed and i’m over here wanting to talk about the plot but no one else wants to talk plot, only romance. like please for the love of god can we talk about the plot for once i want to know what you thought of this twist !!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[angry-aro-rants]

I've been thinking about the whole "aro people can feel other types of love" thing, and I think that while we should be careful to not disregard loveless aros, establishing that some aro people do feel love is still important. "Aromantic people can feel love" and "love of any kind is not necessary" are two statements that can and should coexist. To many aro people, those other types of love are an important part of their experience, and should be acknowledged as such. This can be done without alienating loveless people. A big part of this is that those other types of love should not be used to justify the existence of aro people. Not only does it imply that loveless people are lesser, but it implies that aromanticism is something that needs to be justified. You can discuss your experiences with love as an aromantic, but you do not need those experiences to justify your existence. Aromanticism does not need to be justified.

[natequarter]

romantic attraction is so hard to conceptualise because it's essentially "emotional closeness but we slapped love hearts over it"

[invisibleoctopus]

honestly its fucked up how a majority of lgbtq+ ppl online (including myself sometimes and im aspec!!) tend to think of ace discourse as "lol wasnt that fucking stupid when we were arguing over whether aro/ace ppl deserve to exist" instead of the systematic campaign to erase asexual and aromantic people from any semblance of queer community (and convert people to radfems) and honestly it fucking worked!!! and ive hardly seen any rebuilding and its really disheartening!!! to see asexuality and aromanticism still get treated like "lesser" queer identities bc of the collective trauma we have as a community

[arokusuo]

idk sometimes i’m really out here struggling with my isolation from allos and from the rest of the aro community. because i like romance, i love the idea of love, i wish i could feel it, you know? i want so badly to have someone who loves me, who wants to spend the rest of their life with me because they really just like me that much, and it hurts that i can’t reciprocate. i wish i could find someone who accepts that part of me too. and of course with that comes all the usual aro feelings of being too broken for society and all that bs, and combined with the fact that i haven’t come across many other aros who aren’t romance-averse, combined with my complete and utter soul-crushing loneliness that never goes away no matter what i do and the utter fear that consumes me every time one of my friends gets into a romantic relationship… idk i’m just lonely and sad and bitter i guess 

[kyanitedragon]

The aro community is small and its hard to find specific aros at times, but we’re definitely out there.

I flux a lot between romance-favorable and romance-repulsed, so I’m not sure if I’m the kind of aro you’re looking for, but I do typically lean towards the romance-favorable side. I love love - I love shipping and romance and all that romantic love and dedication and affection. And I definitely have moments of wishing I was alloromantic - wishing I could feel those romantic butterflies and infatuation, to finally Understand and be able to gossip to my allo friends about how cute so-and-so is. And sometimes, I want a romantic relationship, whether as an alloromantic or an aromantic. A person who loves me (in any way) and respects my boundaries and would be willing to cuddle or kiss when we want to and respect each other when we don’t. I love all the songs I’ve found through @aggressivelyarospec’s aro tunes playlist that sound like aros in relationships. Like “i’m incapable of love, but I’ll give you the next best thing” from Twixter by Make Out Monday. I even put these songs together in my own Cupioromantic / Romance Favorable playlist!

I’ve seen so many aros adorably fawn over their queerplatonic or romantic partners. As well as cupioromantics and romance-favorable aromantics who dream of being in relationships. And countless aros who ship characters romantically and read or write romantic fanfiction.

We’re definitely out there. Unfortunetly there’s not really any set tags we use, so all these posts just get lost in the general aromantic tags.

I try to reblog and tag them as best I can on my sideblog. Maybe scrolling through my cupioromantic and romance favorable tags will help you out. Here on my main, I typically tag those romantic aromantic posts I relate to as #aegoromantic since that’s the microlabel I personally use.

I know it hurts, I know its hard to deal with in so many different ways, but aromanticism and the aro community are so diverse, there will always be other aromantics out there that you can relate to. Sometimes it just takes time and work to find them.

[arokusuo]

oh man, this was definitely something i needed to hear. because like, yes other people like me exist, but... the community is kind of hard to find, you know? like you said, everything’s kind of hidden in the general tags. it’s always nice to hear from people who’ve had my same experience and know that i’m not as alone as i feel. ty for the response, i’ll def take a look through your tags 💚